Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Mike Hauser Jul 2017
have you ever heard
the sound
of a body bag
being zipped up
from the inside

have you ever seen
the shadows fall
that makes
the spine tingle
that makes
the skin crawl

have you ever felt
you would
suffocate
from the canvas weight
flat on your face

can anyone
of you relate
to the smell
of the fear
with its
bitter taste
Mike Hauser Nov 2016
Fingers...
I count our love on my fingers
On my pointer is where I linger
As I point it straight at you

My toes...
Often I run out don't you know
As my hands can't go higher than 10 so
I count our love out on my toes

And then...
I use my elbows and knees when
I run out of finger and toe skin
Before I head to my nose and begin again

With my hair...
So glad that it is still up there
To count might take me forever
But that's fine with you as my lover
Mike Hauser Jan 2018
I have this brain
With which I sometimes think

A set of eyes
Stuck in sockets to see

Two healthy lungs
That know the key is to breath

To keep my heart pumping
In its perpetual beat

A mouth that too often
Doesn't think when it speaks

A stomach that growls
When it's time too feed

Not too picky
When it comes to its choice of eats

Other body parts involved
In the space between

Some working fine
Others struggling to reach

All miraculously entwined  
From my head to feet

These are just a few parts I've got
That make up part of me
Mike Hauser May 2018
I use my eyes to gaze on beauty
My mouth to say hello
North and South my teeth bring a smile
A wink to let you know

I use my shoulders when I'm shrugging
Both my arms for might
These two hands help me grab
When I need to hold on tight

My ears are here to listen
To other noises people make
A heart that beats forgiveness
Though not as much as I would like

A belly that often grumbles
Until it's satisfied
And if truth be known the same thing goes
For the inner workings of my mind

Then there's my knees that bend with ease
When my backside needs a break
And last but not least here come my feet
As I move along my way...
Mike Hauser Mar 2024
I gaze in the mirror
And wonder at what comes next
What lies will I find, from this no friend of mine
That fill my head

Sticks and stones might break my bones
But words hurt at the sound
Whoever thought to this degree it'd be me
Body Shaming myself

When the glamour mags tell me I have
To look a certain way
Before you know, self-esteem hits a new low
My confidence clearly taking a break

With little left but the thoughts in my head
Being the only thing that seems to count
Here I go again trying to do myself in
Body Shaming myself

All the lies about, what really counts
Have itching ears listening
Eager to cave to the latest craze
A vicious circle with no end

Believing the lies multiple times
Leaving behind little doubt
This mirror I find doesn't see the inside
Body Shaming myself
Mike Hauser Aug 2015
Take a chicken
From out the yard
Wring its neck
Until it's not
Put the carcass
In a ***
Filled with water
Boiling hot
Add some spices
Mainly salt
Plus some celery
By the stalk
Pick the bones
From off the bird
Nice and tender
Is the word
Save the juices
I have heard
Common colds
It is the cure
Pick it up
And say bonjour
Lick your fingers
Afterwards
Mike Hauser Jul 2013
I carry around a Phillips head
To tighten up any loose screws
An empty bag I keep in my hand
To collect all the marbles I lose

The elevator that I am riding in
Doesn't stop at all the floors
Happy with insanity
Who out there could ask for more

The toys that are in my attic
When they come out to play
Take my hand as we skip through Bizarro land
On any given day

Card games are entertaining
But they are always over so fast
When what I'm holding in my hand
Is not quite a full deck

Being four quarters short of a dollar
I will never strike it rich
Nor live in the nicest of places
Having a load that's short a few bricks

So if you come a knocking
And find nobody at home
I'm out on the streets of crazy
But believe me I'm never alone
Mike Hauser Jun 2020
I carry around a Phillips head
To tighten up loose screws
An empty bag I keep in hand
To collect all the marbles that I lose

The elevator I'm riding in
Doesn't stop at all the floors
Happy with insanity
Who out there could ask for more

The toys that are in my attic
When they come out to play
Take my hand as we skip through Bizarro land
On any given day

Card games are entertaining
But always over so fast
When what I'm holding in my hand
Is not quite a full deck

Being four quarters short of a dollar
I will never strike it rich
Nor live in the nicest of places
Having a load that's short a few bricks

So if you come a knocking
And find nobody home
I'm out on the streets of crazy
But believe me I'm never alone
Mike Hauser Apr 2018
Should I ever decide
To sit down and write
What stories would I put
In my book of life

Would I start out the tale
With once upon a time
Make it an easy sell
Before the ink even dries

Could I remember the chapters
And treat them in kind
If I should ever decide
To write a book of my life

If I start at the beginning
With me as a  child
Would it hold tight to the interest
Of those who dare to buy

Would the chapters flow easy
From one to the next
Some being funny
Others filled with suspense

Should I embellish the truth
And try to hide lies
To have people like me
In the book of my life

If they saw me on the street
Would they stop by to ask
For their share of selfies
And my autograph

Would they buy extra copies
To give out as gifts
Would all my old friends
Say I knew him when

Should I ever decide
To take a serious look
At putting my life
Inside of a book
Mike Hauser Dec 2020
I just heard of a store
In Washington D.C. of course
A quaint little nook
Called Books By The Foot

Where you order your volumes
Or whatever you call them
To make you look smart
More than you really are

Never once read a chapter?
Well that doesn't matter
Or even a page?
Don't let that get in your way

From checking them out
Just measure your shelf
Then give them a call
They gladly install

Your colleagues will say, who knew!
As they tune to view you in Zoom
With your shelves filled to the gill
Of unpronounceable books you can't even spell

Remember this if you're here to impress
Late night dates or drunk party guests
Give google a nod and a look
They're rightly called Books By The Foot
I really don't know what to think about today's society
Mike Hauser Jun 2014
The other day my cousin Mabel
She said to me
Mike I ain't never seen
Nothing before like your poetry

Cuz, you need to be famous
We're going to take this on the road
We're going to knock down some doors
We're going to make some heads explode

She said I know this feller
He's going to do good by you
He's one of them there agents of sorts
He'll put you in the news

Right then and there she called up Bubba
Who believe me, didn't come cheap
Wanting all the money up front
If he was to represent me

So I handed over all my doe
And now that's where we are
On a whirlwind of a tour
Of America's Super Wal-Marts

He even had me a bunch
Of my poetry books printed out
I think that they're in English
But I still have my doubts

That's okay cause most here
Prefer not to read
And Bubba had his kid draw in some pictures
Which seems about all they need

They ask if I'm famous
I come back with a lie
Ever hear of Jeff Foxworthy?
Well I know that guy

That's when the book sales took off
Like history in the making
I told Bubba to buy his son more crayons
We're going to need more illustrations

Yes this being a famous poet
Seems to really suit me
Tomorrow we're going to set up a stand
Outside of Denny's

We'll be hitting the breakfast crowd
Right on up through lunch
So move over fame your in my spot
Just call it a hunch
Mike Hauser Dec 2017
My brain is like
a boomerang
I have these thoughts
I can't contain
I toss them out
they come right back
Wack me in the head
with things I've said
With not much thought
to what I say
My brain is like
a boomerang
Mike Hauser Dec 2013
i am getting bored
using the same old words
the same old cords
the same old lines
time after time time time

is it such a crime
to always want to find
in this demented mind of mine
the perfect rhyme of rhymes

i maneuver it
so it all will fit
onto the page i've writ
for the perfect bit
perhaps a major hit

but i still am bored
with the heights i've soared
is someone keeping score
in this poetic realm
white knuckles at the helm

i steer off  course
as my one recourse
to get me through all this
goodbye with a kiss
back to poetic bliss
Mike Hauser Nov 2015
Born to us a child
A world that's lost it's way
All in God's plan brought about
Taking this worlds place

Growing up a man
For such a time as this
All along playing his life song
To the tune of righteousness

As through the day he'd make his way
Showing mercy to the lost
What he had to say and to display
Was straight from the Fathers love

Faithful to the call
Taking on the dirt of sin
Knowing it would take the cross
To reconcile the heart of man

Rising the third day
The day death lost its sting
God and man brought back again
To the place of harmony

When born to us a child
A world that's lost its way
All in Gods plan brought about
Taking this worlds place
Mike Hauser Mar 2013
the borrower of time

does not return that which he's given

he tosses it in the air

to watch it fly off in the wind
Mike Hauser Apr 2015
I'm not talking plagiarism
But if you think about
Don't we all in some slight way
Rip each other off

Another might have an idea
That you take and expand upon
In fact alas I must confess
I've done it more than once

And after all hasn't it all
Already been said before
If not by me, the least of these
Then other's by the score

So I wouldn't exactly call it plagiarism
Just the borrowing of ideas
I'll borrow hers, you borrow mine
And we'll all borrow his
Mike Hauser Mar 2013
Let us take a silent moment

For this thing to pass

There's no need to poot a clue

When the crowds already guessed

The entire room fills with wonder

Hoping above all it won't last

As another one comes out to play

Joining all the other guests
Mike Hauser Apr 2023
We seem to keep on digging
Shovel in both hands
No chatter of bringing a ladder
To climb out, if we could but can't

You'd think we'd have learned us a lesson
With all of these do's and don'ts
No sense in messing with guessing
That this is a bottomless hole

So far down we're drowning in darkness
Nothing bright ever travels this deep
Not sure if they'll ever find us
But if they do, what will they think

Remember, we're in this together
Not a soul will be left alone
From the dense of sense to light as a feather
Digging a bottomless hole

Feel free to bring your own problems
The shovels we will provide
It's a bit labor intense but once you get in
You will be there for life

Digging up dirt for all that we're worth
Never is there a lull
Just so you know, the further you go
This is a bottomless hole
Mike Hauser Feb 2015
Bound and determined where it is at
To be more of this and less of that
To take the miss and bring it back
Less of this and more of that

Bound and determined where I stand
To be more giving and less demand
To build this house on rock not sand
To give it all and also and

Bound and determined to leave the past
Where it belongs is where it's at
With no need to bring it back
In the digging of past regrets

Bound and determined to let it go
Grab the new, let loose the old
To untie the tightened that has a hold
That for so long has held life in choke

Bound and determined is the new me
With the shackles gone I'm feeling free
Free to be who I should be
Bound and determined is the new me
Mike Hauser May 2013
Farmer Jones set out to build a barn
A shelter for his bovine
When the wood started disappearing
A little at a time

The cows were taking it to pasture
On the other side of the dell
Little by little in the middle of night
Hoping Jones wouldn't be able to tell

This plans been festering for ages
At least since some of them were veal
But cows aren't very good at telling time
So how long is really hard to tell

Anyways they know they have a plan
That's what matters when it comes down to it
And what it is they've been planing
Is "Bovine One" The Rocket Ship

This time they're going to the moon
They had a cousin who jumped over it once
But that was so many years ago
And cousin Eddie has long been somebody's lunch

They got the plans out of Science Illustrated
When Carl went in to use the can
The day Farmer Jones stepped out of the house
A little secret the cows are keeping from "The Man"

They know nothing about jet propulsion
So the cows broke down and asked the goat
The smartest of all the farm animals
Another little secret nobody knows

In the process of building they used galvanized nails
The goat said in space regular nails would rust
I never would have thought of that
I guess goats are even smarter than us

When "Bovine One" The Rocket Ship was completed
It was on a Wednesday the count down did fall
The day Farmer Jones noticed his wood was missing
And the authorities were called

As they began to investigate
A bright glow came from over the hill
Still to this day no matter what people say
They don't know what the object was nor ever will

The Rocket Ship is still up there in orbit
With umpteen cows inside
Next time you hear a cow moo, look up cause you too
Could see "Bovine One" as it passes by

Did they ever make it to the moon?
No one around really seems to know
I bet you could get the answer though
If you were to go and ask the goat
Mike Hauser Mar 2018
I bought a box of smiles
Now I'm in a perdicament
Since there's only a few
How do I best use them

Do I pull out a smile when I see a child
Or wait for a funny situation
Do I cut one in half to add to a nervous laugh
When I'm clearly caught misbehaving

Do I share one with my neighbor
Whose husband is gone and she's all alone
Use them now or save them for later

Or do I put one on when I see a couple
Hand in hand walking down the street
I know how that feels cause it gives me chills
When my girl and I do the same thing

Should I head to the beach and in the box reach
For a smile on a bright sunny day
Or just sit tight for whatever might
Any day come my way

I never knew there were so many different reasons
For which a smile is meant
So I just took one out, the perfect smile
And wore it everywhere I went

Realizing soon after that
That smiles never really wear down
So I opened the box, took out the whole lot
And passed all the smiles around

Now everyone I see smiles back at me
All they needed was someone to share them
I still have a few so here's one for you
They're so popular now everyone wears them
Mike Hauser Sep 2020
I wrote this poem in braille
So you could touch the words
As they touch you
And you can feel the way I feel
The day I fell
In love with you
Mike Hauser Nov 2013
Have you ever had a major itch
Deep inside your brain
Where your whole face does a Chubby Checkers twist
Driving you erratically down crazy lane

You need to find that special something
To cram far enough up your nose
And if you can't get to it that way
There's that hole just above the earlobe

I search around my place frantically
When I come across a paper clip
Bending it to the perfect size and length
So in my canal of choice it will fit

I slide it in as far as it will go
Which causes a sever twitching of the eye
My left foot starts to tingle
As I lose all feeling down my right side

Clearly that didn't work
So I search around some more
When I come across a #2 pencil
Feeling this is a major score

I use the end with the erasure
Don't want to break the lead off in my head
Everyone knows lead poisoning makes you stupid
And I am way far away from that!

So this time around I try the ear canal
When I wiggle it back and forth over a certain spot
My legs start to prance in a 70's disco dance
As I let out a rapid succession of barks

Any fool can clearly see
I need something long and sharp
Not a knife, I've never been that dumb in life
Now where's that old game of Lawn Darts

I search long and hard in the garage for the game
Then remember my wife threw it away
After the unfortunate incident with the neighbors
I never did care for that dog of theirs anyways

So I'm back to square one of my searching
When the broom handle catches my eye
It's a little wide so I get out my pliers
And stretch my nostrils to twice their normal size

I jam it in as far as I can
Giving it all that I have got
I scratch and scratch and laugh and laugh
I either just gave myself a lobotomy or hit the perfect spot
But what can I say either way it's okay
Just as long as the itching has stopped
Mike Hauser Jan 2019
Brain Scratching 101

Have you ever had a major itch
Deep inside your brain
Where your whole face does a Chubby Checkers twist
Driving you erratically down crazy lane

You need to find that special something
To cram far enough up your nose
And if you can't get to it that way
There's that hole just above the earlobe

I search around my place frantically
When I come across a paper clip
Bending it to the perfect size and length
So in my canal of choice it will fit

I slide it in as far as it will go
Which causes a sever twitching of the eye
My left foot starts to tingle
As I lose all feeling down my right side

Clearly that didn't work
So I search around some more
When I come across a #2 pencil
Feeling this is a major score

I use the end with the erasure
Don't want to break the lead off in my head
Everyone knows lead poisoning makes you stupid
And I am way far away from that!

So this time around I try the ear canal
When I wiggle it back and forth over a certain spot
My legs start to prance in a 70's disco dance
As I let out a rapid succession of barks

Any fool can clearly see
I need something long and sharp
Not a knife, I've never been that dumb in life
Now where's that old game of Lawn Darts

I search long and hard in the garage for the game
Then remember my wife threw it away
After the unfortunate incident with the neighbors
I never did care for that dog of theirs anyways

So I'm back to square one of my searching
When the broom handle catches my eye
It's a little wide so I get out my pliers
And stretch my nostrils to twice their normal size

I jam it in as far as I can
Giving it all that I have got
I scratch and scratch and laugh and laugh
I either just gave myself a lobotomy or hit the perfect spot
But what can I say either way it's okay
Just as long as the itching has stopped
Mike Hauser Jan 2018
in the morning it comes
as no surprise
first thing i do
is open up my eyes
step to the window
throw back the shades
fill the room
with a brand new day

without a word
being said
i clear my throat
which helps clear my head
preparing me
to be on my way
if you haven't yet guessed
it's a brand new day

wave to the neighbors
make some new friends
every day that's how
my day begins
lord bless my soul
do i even need say
you should already know
this is a brand new day
Mike Hauser Mar 2016
how long has it been
since my haiku breathing in
without breathing out
i'm haiku hooked
Mike Hauser Mar 2013
Why Yes, I DO realize...
I'm **** naked in the middle of the road
And NO Officer, I DON'T know how I got here
NOR the whereabouts of my clothes

The last thing I DO remember
I was heading to work and all was fine
Wait a minute...now that I think about it
There was this bright light?!

At the moment I was inserting my key
Into my heap that I sometimes call a ride
My friendly neighbor was waving to me
On the row of hedges from the other side

There was a strange humming sound from above
Both of us looked up in awe
Then I remember bright lights shooting down
That's the very last thing that I saw

NO, I HAVEN'T been drinking!
NO, I'm NOT insane!
It's only 9:30 in the morning!
Of course I have no idea what day?!

WHAT?
You want me to get in the back seat?
And tell the Judge what it is that I saw?
To tell the truth Officer, I'm not sure I can sit down
For some odd reason my butts a tad bit raw...
Dedicated to my friend Higgs... whom I know has missed me!
Mike Hauser Aug 2024
How many folk you meet
are one step from the street
One paycheck away
from nada in the bank
Today's society
could give a hill of beans
Stuck on the same roundabout
with no one to let you out
Broke Down

Families that are forced
to live out of their cars
Can't afford the gasoline
to keep the running heat
In these times of lean
deemed mean on the streets
Too little too late you find this out
you are the faceless face in the crowd
Broke Down

Another day another find
Confronted by a bold-faced sign
Doors padlocked with no one there
Fine print reads, closed beyond repair
Pay no heed
As strong men weep
Beyond a shadow of a doubt
All around a hurtful sound
Broke Down
Mike Hauser Oct 2014
Break me Lord...

So in my brokenness you can put me back together

Take me Lord...

Rearange the pieces that do not fit

Into your mold...

Pour me out for better

Bought and sold...

In Christ Jesus I will live
Mike Hauser Mar 2013
I jog daily through the Broken City
Past the projects and abandoned shopping malls
One thing you can say about the broken city
It plays no favors, it takes every soul

Through the middle runs the ***** river
Filled with smells of late night memories
It's waves slap the shore like it's saying something
Echoing the heartbeat of the city's broken dreams

No use in tuning into the nightly news
It's an endless loop of daily tragedies
With the mothers crying for their babies
And babies daddy's never on the scene

So I continue to run
In hopes it clears my head
From the mess that I see
Of what all is left

As I jog through the Broken City
Past the projects and abandoned shopping malls
One thing you can say about the broken city
It plays no favors, it takes every soul...
Mike Hauser Sep 2017
Broken dreams and empty bottles
To match the promises I've made
Set out as a reminder
Along the tracks that I have laid

If I could dance to the chance
To do it all again
It's with certainty, stupidity
Would again raise the winning hand

Cause when it comes to lessons
Needing to be learned
I'm pretty sure that Scout badge
I have never earned

I came into this world with nothing
And that's about how much I've kept
And I'll keep holding on to it
Until there's nothing of it left

Broken dreams and empty bottles
To match the promises I've made
Set out as a reminder
Along the tracks that I have laid
Mike Hauser Jun 2018
Laid out on the kitchen linoleum floor
Broken pieces like a clear glass jar
Be careful now you don't cut yourself
On what shards of me are left

I'd always considered myself shatterproof
That is until the day I met you
You picked me up then threw me down
Just to hear my broken sound

Breakng me in a clean sweep
Trying to keep this all so neat
Though it does not change the simple fact
All I am to you is broken glass
Mike Hauser Jul 2017
Broken hearts and handgranades
Are a couple things people toss away
A little fact known
Both can explode
Where the damage that's done
is pretty much the same
Mike Hauser Apr 2019
there's a broken love poem
lays beside my bed
won't leave me alone
dreams of words unsaid

i wake every hour
inside every wakening hour
to its constant whisper
with its need for closure

this broken love poem
will not leave me be
this broken love poem
that whispers in my sleep
Mike Hauser Apr 2015
i wrote this poem on

my broken piano

that's why at times

it's offbeat and slow

which is the perfect take

on the meaning it conveys

of all the brokenness  

that this life permeates
Mike Hauser Apr 2016
if i broke my promise
would it break your heart
the one i made between you
that night and all the stars

the one where i took your hand
and looked into your eyes
the promise i made between you
and the nights open sky

could i use the excuse
that the days have brought a change
when i woke that early morning
and the night no longer remained
Mike Hauser Oct 2015
I promised myself I wouldn't think about you
I promised myself I could live without you
That's a promise I made, only to be
A promise I never intended to keep

I promised I wouldn't let you into my dreams
I promised if I did, I would ask you to leave
I found out last night that my promise is weak
Because it's a promise I couldn't keep

I promised myself I'd no longer love you
A promise I made that never came through
A promise long ago before I could see
That was a promise I never would keep
Mike Hauser Oct 2013
People often ask me
Where it is I'm living
The only thing I have to say is
I'm doing more giving than I'm gettin''
They all just nod their heads
Knowing where this conversations bound
And where it is I now reside

~ Broke Town ~

We have people always moving in
To the city daily
If you'd asked me this years ago
I would of said you're crazy
After all this is America
Where riches can be found
But it doesn't seem that way no more

~ Broke Town ~

With our new formed government
Taking care us
It's no wonder this once mighty nation
Is on the verge of bust
Have to figure that what goes up
Must eventually come crashing down
And wouldn't you know it's just our luck

~ Broke Town ~

One day it is I hope to move
Somewhere far away
But that can be so hard to do
In any town these days
For in the lap of luxury
I have no need to be found
I just wanna be outta

~ Broke Town ~
Mike Hauser May 2016
with this bubblegum brain
i chew on my thoughts
till i get an idea
before the flavor is gone
roll around on my tongue
open my mouth
say what i have to say
with this bubblegum brain
Mike Hauser Jun 2015
Could there be such a thing

As bubblegum poetry

And if there is

When you chew it

Do you read it and savour

The bubblegum flavor

Or is what you just read

Over too fast

Does it blow bubbles of thought

In your head more than not

And does it come sugar free

For no guilt when you read

Close cousin to a bubblegum song

Where you can't help but hum along

I personally think that it would be sweet

If there was such a thing as bubblegum poetry
Mike Hauser Apr 2013
I was flabbergasted when given the chance
To join the renowned Roscoe's Oddity Of Circus
With no actual talent to speak of
I was pretty much dead in the water worthless

But Roscoe in all of his wisdom
Put me in charge of the Bubble machine
Low and behold people
Turns out...Bubbles is "ME"

I started out with simple patterns
Blowing one treasure at a time
As things progressed rather quickly
I soon had Bubbles dancing in Mumba lines

There wasn't a Bubble imagined
In which I could not achieve
But like I said at the very start
Turns out...Bubbles is "ME"

I even perfected what I like to call
The "Fantabulious Bubbles De jour"
In the Bubble circles in which I blow
I've become quite the Bubble Lore

My Bubble forte soon became
Floating Bubbles of Super Stars
I'm not one to "POP" Bubble names
Suffice it to say you know who they are

These days you don't have to go to the Circus
If you'd like my talent to see
I'm the one who does those Bubbles with the tiny words
In the Sunday comics you read

Why I've even been to the U.N.
Where the "Big Cheese" was highly pleased
The way I blew name tags and place mats
For all the visiting Dignitaries

But my favorite pastime after all these years
Even with all the fortune and fame I've found
Is relaxing with my Circus buddies
And blowing Bubbles of "Bubbles the Clown"*

Just think when I joined the Circus
I had no talent in which to show
Who knew all it was that I needed
*Was one good bubble to blow
Mike Hauser Aug 2015
Whenever I have random thoughts
That pop into my head
A little bubble magically appears
Like those in comic strips

Where you can see exactly
What it is that I'm thinking
From the moment of Zen that comes at the end
To the bubbles humble beginnings

As punctuation marks add to my art
If you could call it that
I call it thoughts inside a bubble
Like those in comic stripes
Mike Hauser Feb 2020
I'm not here to hear the facts
They only tend to muddled
The knowledge that I clearly lack
The feelings that I cuddle
...where ignorance is subtle

I don't seem to see the sense
In listening to others
As I am more than hell bent
In hiding neath the covers
...where I can't be bothered

I wonder where the wonder went
But fail to wonder what it meant
Inside life'***** and miss
Is that any way to live
...biting down ******* the bit

I don't hear but here's the facts
I'd rather stay befuddled
In the dark where I am at
I find it far less trouble
...inside my frosty bubble
Mike Hauser Aug 2018
Buckets of tears
Buckets of rain
Funny to me
Both look the same

As the clouds and I
Both give away
Buckets of sorrow
Over years we have saved

Both come with handles
For easy pour
Both look the same
Spilled out on the floor
Mike Hauser Dec 2015
Today I found my long lost Pet Rock
You know, the one from the 70's
I was sure years ago I'd lost him for good
Go ahead, ask if I'm happy

I found him on the side of the road
Just relaxing at doing nothing
I guess without me in his life
He was major bored or something

I picked him up and we both hugged
It was a very emotional moment
I know what your thinking to yourself
Kinda brings a tear to your eye now don't it

After exchanging the usual pleasantries
I placed him in a kerchief of silken lining
If I didn't tell you I skipped all the way home
You know I would be lying

Getting back to the house all tuckered out
We went early to bed
I fluffed a pillow up just enough
So Buddy could lay his weary head

I can't tell you how good it feels right now
To have my Pet Rock back home with me
At last my life can get back into
A mode of normalcy



Wait....You didn't honestly think I would end it here did you?



When we woke up early the next morning
I poured Buddy a bowl Fruity Pebbles
He looked at me rather strangely
As if questioning, what do you think I'm some sort of cannibal?

After that little speed bump in our relationship
To get our friendship back on track
I suggested we go somewhere special
Buddy suggested we take a nap

I'd forgotten after all these years
How much he liked to lay around
Guess nothing much has changed
On this, his side of Gravel town

Buddy and I do everything together
My Love for this rock, can't get out of my head
Where my life was once filled with immeasurable sadness
Now overflows with loads of joy instead

That is until the day we went to the park
And he wanted to skip across the lake
At that point I realize
He and I might have made a grave mistake...
Mike Hauser Nov 2013
This poem was built for comfort
But also built for speed
Gets you to that place real fast
The warm fuzzy feeling that you need

Cuts out all the middle men
Standing in the way
Gently gets down to brass tactics
With just what it wants to say

So please sit back and relax
As these verses strap you in
For that high speed marshmallowie feeling
From beginning to the end

0-60 in less seconds
Than you can blink an eye
But still has the softest shoulder
On which a man can cry

Runs on pure adrenaline
No need for gasoline
This poem that's built for comfort
But also built for speed
I know marshmallowie is not a word, but hey it's my poem and I'll make up words if I want to!
Anyways making up your own words is fantasticulanifacant fun! You should try it sometime....Whoop! Whoop!
Mike Hauser Sep 2024
This world's full of Bullies
All in on the take
Giving them power
A mistake we all made
Now rule over us
In power and pride
This world full of Bullies
Hard pressed to deny

Every sandbox, a Bully
The world, their playground
Don't dare get unruly
They'll take you down
Into the pit
Where they themselves belong
This world full of Bullies
Tell me I'm wrong

This world full of Bullies
Would have us believe
They hold the power
We hold the need
To rule over us
Kick sand in our face
With so many Bullies
Being today's commonplace

Makes one tend to wonder
If we all stood our ground
Would there no longer
Be Bullies around
Mike Hauser May 2024
Although this may sound odd
As they're packing down the sod
Make sure you're buried alive
In the name of Jesus Christ

None of us rightfully know
Where we'll be, the day we go
Or the exact time
We'll up and spend our last dime

Just make sure your soul's not dead
When they place the silk beneath your head
Please take my advice
Make sure you're buried alive

Yes, it may sound strange
Packed away inside your crate
But those that lived for Christ
Will be buried alive

Where true life begins
Free from death, free from sin
Eternity on golden streets
Free from all our worldly needs

The present suffering that we have
Does not compare to what's ahead
Take this Godly advice
Make sure you're buried alive

Those of us in the know
Don't go through life without this hope
Living unafraid
Of what's to come beyond the grave

We're confident and sure
This shell will hold our soul no more
At last satisfied
Being buried alive

Don't let them bury you dead in sin
Which is no way for man to live
Make sure you're buried alive
In the Name and Spirit of Jesus Christ
Mike Hauser Feb 2015
I'm taking this feeling that I've found
And burying it deep in the ground
I'm doing this just
In case I fall in love

I'm marking the spot with an  "X"
I'm drawing myself out a map
This feeling I'd hate to lose
For when I run into you

I'm running out now to buy the place
Where my buried feeling is safe
I would hate to one day find out
Someone beat me to it and built over it a beautiful house

So on the day that we both meet
I'll uncover this feeling and set it free
I can't wait for the day that I do
Hand over this feeling to you
Mike Hauser Jun 2014
Button up your pants and tighten your shoes
I'm fixing to let this story loose
One that years ago, set this place on fire
And if that ain't the truth, you can call me a liar

It involves Willie Scruggs and sweet Ida May
On the day they both gave their souls away
A man was killed and buried forever deep
Down along the edge of Gooseberry creek

They'd both gotten themselves in the worst of binds
Trying to live on the high side of life
But that's like trying to chase down a runaway train
On a poor mans track in a rich mans game

That's when High Roller Johnny the Ace rolled into town
The day sweet Ida May laid her convictions down
Against Johnny the Ace the deck was stacked
To take away the cards he was playing and not give them back

Ida May took to Johnny and poured on the charm
Till Johnny was ready to saddle the horse plus buy the farm
Ready to spend the remainder of all of his days
Doing whatever he could to please Ida May

Johnny fell head over heels for that beauty queen
Right about the time Willie came on the scene
Pulled out his gun for the statement he wanted to make
Death smiled big was the statement he made that day

They buried the body, buried it deep
Just like I said on the edge of Gooseberry creek
Our young lovers are out there still on the run
Ida May, Johnny Ace, and Willie Scruggs gun

Where they are gambling whats left of their lives
Ever since the day that Willie Scruggs died
The day that they set this whole town on fire
And if that ain't the truth you can call me a liar
Next page