Sitting here hoping you miss me
Cause things ain't been the same
Since that good for nothing city slicker
Keeps trying to give you his last name

Rolling into town
Like a brand new Cadillac
Well I'm here to tell you mister
I want my baby back

He may take you to far off places
Places we could never go
Like over there in Georgia
Where you could visit the streets of Rome

Or take you to a romantic dinner
With candle light just you and he
Toasting you by the riverside
In Paris, Tennessee

You can drive a world away from here
In his fancy sports car like it weren't nothing
Clinking your bottles of Lone Star beer
High stepping it out in Dublin

I even here tell he's taken you
To the sunny shores of Naples
Way down South in Florida
Something I was never able

But can he take you out frog gigging
Or catch fireflies in a jar
In all your worldly gallivanting
Don't you miss the way we were

Has anything he done for you
Been as sweet as chewing on a piece of Bahia grass
While standing in an open field
Watching the clouds blow past

Or listening to a Whippoorwill
Sing out it's nightly song
On the front porch you and me swinging
To it's rhythm all night long

Don't give a hoot about places he takes ya
That's about all I gotta say about that
After all this highfalutin society traveling
All I want is my baby back

Surfs Up
In distant lands
From Kuwait Bay
To Afghanistan
Arabia
To Pakistan
We all high five
As we hang ten
The ladies there
With burkas on
Will grab their boards
And surf along
The Taliban
With weapons raised
Are now into
The surfing craze
The Saudi king
Is wondering
With his wives
What they're missing
So he goes and buys
Daytona Beach
And has it shipped
To the Middle East
Where there is no more
Need to fight
As they sing Beach Boy tunes
By beach fire light
They're all hanging loose
In the Middle East
Even the Palestinians
And the Israelis
Who knew surfing would
Bring so much peace
To the troubled times
In the Middle East

I decided today when I woke up
To write a poem  for everyone
I'd start off with the very old
And end up with the young

In between I'd have kings and queens
Along with a peasant or two
A genius with a dozen degrees
Even a few without a clue

For the in-laws and the outlaws
Though at times they act the same
If right now they're sitting next to you
No need to mention names

I'd also write it for the Catholics
Protestants and Jews
So as not to leave anyone out
A Methodist marching band with kazoos

What would a poem for everyone be
Without rodeo and circus clowns
The ones that paint happy faces
Over the top of their life's frowns

The tall the short and skinny of course
Those that are tipping the scale
Which these days are most of us
But let's not dip into that well

And of course I can't leave out
All the gays and all the straights
Who never knew that they were straight
Until the gays knew they were gay

I guess we've all been labeled
I really don't mean to offend
Oops...I almost forgot to include
All the mustached women and hairy backed men

If you find you weren't in here
And think that your unmentionable
I'd like you to know my friend
My rudeness was unintentional

You may take this poem for everyone
And do with it what you wish
Perhaps the closest receptacle
Where it may join it's friends...the trash

she thinks ruby red shoes
go with everything
from polka dot blues
to metallic emerald greens
clicking her heals
while fashion traveling
over the rainbow
of wild color schemes

bats her baby blues
in her ruby reds
cutting ties loose
if truth need be said
with folks back home
those down on the farm
holding no candle to
what she now has going on

she's found the future
discovered the fame
that circumstance lent her
in black and white days
now technicolor
with purchases made
where ruby red shoes go with everything
life tosses her way

We all carry a concealed weapon
All have since we've been young
Sharp as a knife, used a lot in life
The weapon is the tongue

It has the power to cut you down
Bring you to your knees
Also strong enough to lift you up
Both it does with ease

Yes, it can lift you up
Or it can cut you down
The latter is done far to often
Stabbing at the slightest sound

The problem with this weapon
Is the lack of self control
It comes out slicing and dicing
As if backed against a wall

We even turn it on ourselves
And carve like we're abstract art
Leaving not a mark upon the flesh
But wounding deep the heart

I've talked of using it as a knife
But it also doubles as a gun
Firing from long distances
Beware the weapon in use...The Tongue

What went through your mind, oh Wondrous Creator
When as baby Jesus you let out your first cry
Did you know at that moment you were the Savior
Of this fallen world and all of mankind

Did you recognize your mother Mary
And see her as Your special child
Only you God at such tender a moment
Could give us your all at such tender a time

Did your first sight at creation astound you
As you looked through the blur of finite
From the beginning you'd always seen clearly
In the presence of your Fathers light

Did the warmth of God's Spirit surround you
As the December chill settled over the land
Were you holding the hand of the Father
In the transition from Son of God to Son of man

When you heard the first bleat of the lambs
Were your thoughts on being the shepherd of man
That would lead all those gone astray
Did you already know of that day

These are questions that I tend to ponder
On the greatest gift the world's ever known
I will praise you for all of the wonder
The first Christmas that your love, my Savior was born

My neighbors all came out to gander
At the first sign of light
I had just flicked my bic
On what was to be a huge bonfire

The whispers becoming frantic
When they saw my kindling wood
Every piece of technology that I own
Which between me and freedom stood

I had my DVR, my stereo
Even my microwave
Every modern convenience
To which I'd become a slave

My Gameboy, Xbox, Playstation3
Every system known to man
All that played the game of me
I gladly let fly from my hands

I heard someone holler from the crowd
Quick call the authorities
When they saw I went back inside
And brought out my T.V.

Before it was all over
For the coup de la resistance
I tossed in my cell phone while it was ringing
Then did a little dance

As I was standing at my front door
Waving to those who had joined me
I turned off all the lights
And did a long well needed sigh of relief

We no longer need
The Russians and the Chinese
To be our enemies  
When there's you and me

Like water and oil
This mixture will take its toll
On both the young and old
Poured out on our American soil

This spewing of hate
We've had as of late
No progress is made
Nor strong foundation laid

If no purpose other
Than the need to come together
And love one another
Brother to Brother

We know this because
A divided nation will fall
With nothing left after all
Will you heed the call

Boogers are the best
Out of all the tasty treats
I love the way my fingers feel
Digging deep into the meat
Out of all that I stick in my mouth
Boogers are my all time favorite thing
Nothing's more satisfying
Than a good ****** to eat

************

After it is I posted this
I see I should have proof read
As it's staring back at me
I'm more than a bit embarrassed
Burgers "NOT" boogers
Is what it should have said
Once again I have to blame
That with a mind of its own...spell check

Did you seriously just hashtag a hashtag
Is something like that even allowed
People will be tripping over themselves
You really know how to rile up a crowd

You're bringing all that is known to the tipping point
What's left of what's sane to the brink
Turning civilization onto its head
Before you tried this stunt, did you stop to think

That you would be creating a mob of angry villagers
Digging out their pitchforks and their torches
Stirring the posse into a frenzy
Before they've even mounted the horses

Or that this fiasco would upset the apple cart
Spilling its contents all over the floor
Cause an epidemic of heebie jeebies
Perhaps even the war of all wars

I'm not sure when you hashtaged the hashtag
You were aware of what it might do
Is it to late to take it all back
Otherwise I believe we're all *******

#I'mserioushere

I spent my early life
Looking out from behind
The chain link fence on the turkey farm

There they fed me right
Fattened up my thighs
After all, what could be the harm

If it was up to me
I would never leave
It's where I prefer to spend my years

But alas will come the day
When all good turkey's have to say
Arrivederci...I am outta here

          I was born to be a Butter Ball
          Unlike those sloppy pigs that live next door
          To be a tender turkey is my call
          And all you want to do is eat me
          Yes, you wanna eat me

They just took Turkey Jack
To the shed out back
Where we never heard from him again

Just like yesterday
With my friend Turkey Dave
Strange they haven't messed with Turkey Slim

Am I the next in line
Could this here be my time
My head placed on the chopping block

As I say my goodbyes
To all the gals and guys
I gobble to Mary Lou as an after thought

          I was born to be a Butter Ball
          So delicious they're coming back for more
          Tenderized to the very core
          All they want to do is eat me
          
          I was born to be a Butter Ball
          A slap in the face to the Honey Ham
          To be a tinder turkey is my call
          Heavy on the gravy with a side of yams

Now that you know my tale
I hope I told it well
Enjoy this day with your family and your friends

So remember then
Don't leave the stuffing in
And dinner will go the way that it was planned

          I was born to be a Butter Ball
          The highest honor of them all
          Into the open oven I must fall
          Cause all you want to do is eat me
          Yes, all you wanna do is eat me

There's more to this,
This thing we call living.
Everyone's all about the take,
What happened to the giving?

We take what we can
And still we want for more.
Receive one or two of something
While wanting three or four

There's gotta be another way,
A way to be grateful.
But when we don't get what we want
Everyone acts so hateful

There's a feeling of being owned,
Before we've done anything
A song that needs to be sung
That we can't even sing

Lyrics to write down
To give our thanks and praise.
But instead we wallow,
Depressed for days and days.

*This might just sound like
A difficult way to live,
But wouldn't be great to take what we take
And give all we have to give.

Doing what it is he likes
Rolling his way down 95
Keeping it real, keeping it alive
Talking all that trucker jive

Always has himself a date
With a girl in every state
No excuses does he make
As he pulls in rather late

So many girls have tried their luck
Most of them just giving up
This trucker here is hanging tough
Married to his truck

You can ask Sarah, Betty Lou
Mary, Sally, Jennifer too
They'll all tell you the honest truth
There's not a lot that you can do

As he rides the interstate
Keeping it steady, keeping it straight
Leaving progress in his wake
Riding with his babe

Never are the moments rough
Can not ever get enough
In the lap of his love
Married to his truck

If you ever pass him by
You'll see on him the biggest smile
As they travel mile after mile
Doing life in style

Though the girls he does adore
Always leaving room for more
With the blacktop as his course
Pedal to the metal foot to the floor

**Never will he give it up
Always hanging in there tough
Call it what you will, he calls it the best of luck
Married to his truck

Alright all you pigeon chests
Came the sound of thunder from the open door
As Big Bad Bart replaced the space
Giant mountain man of lore

Making his way into the bar
Sweeping Nancy boys out of his way
Stepping up to the the jukebox
Kicking it till some good ole country boy music played

This mountain man has made it his goal
To grab hold and unsissify
Any Wimpy Wally's
That happen to catch his manly eye

He started off his conquest
Out in the great North wood
First stop The Red Eye Back Door Saloon
Need I explain the name to you

He went in with his moral barrels a blazing
But there wasn't much he could do
Village people the only band on the jukebox
Y.M.C.A. being the only tune

He didn't let that little nitch stop him
Or slow him down by any means
Giving America back to the menly men
And not the mousey men with their girly dreams

Till the day that Bart locked eyes with Stanly
In that San Francisco flower bar
Those two haven't left each others side
Going through life now arm and arm

They spend their time skipping through fields of pansies
Giggling freely hand in hand
The way Bart now feels this was meant to be
Mia Mono, Man to Man

Bart's lumberjack buddies can't believe it
And don't know what to think of their friend
Although they all secretly admit
He does look good in those Hot Pink Hot Pants

The town in which it is I live
Is rightly named Turnaround
Where some folk turn their lives around
While others get turned around and never found

It all depends on which side of the street
You find yourself on at any given time
To how much it is your willing to take
Versus how much your willing to go out and find

So if you ever find yourself in Turnaround
Take this old mans kindly advice
Hold on to good that you have learned
And use what you have learned to turn around your life

Farmer Jones set out to build a barn
A shelter for his bovine
When the wood started disappearing
A little at a time

The cows were taking it to pasture
On the other side of the dell
Little by little in the middle of night
Hoping Jones wouldn't be able to tell

This plans been festering for ages
At least since some of them were veal
But cows aren't very good at telling time
So how long is really hard to tell

Anyways they know they have a plan
That's what matters when it comes down to it
And what it is they've been planing
Is "Bovine One" The Rocket Ship

This time they're going to the moon
They had a cousin who jumped over it once
But that was so many years ago
And cousin Eddie has long been somebody's lunch

They got the plans out of Science Illustrated
When Carl went in to use the can
The day Farmer Jones stepped out of the house
A little secret the cows are keeping from "The Man"

They know nothing about jet propulsion
So the cows broke down and asked the goat
The smartest of all the farm animals
Another little secret nobody knows

In the process of building they used galvanized nails
The goat said in space regular nails would rust
I never would have thought of that
I guess goats are even smarter than us

When "Bovine One" The Rocket Ship was completed
It was on a Wednesday the count down did fall
The day Farmer Jones noticed his wood was missing
And the authorities were called

As they began to investigate
A bright glow came from over the hill
Still to this day no matter what people say
They don't know what the object was nor ever will

The Rocket Ship is still up there in orbit
With umpteen cows inside
Next time you hear a cow moo, look up cause you too
Could see "Bovine One" as it passes by

Did they ever make it to the moon?
No one around really seems to know
I bet you could get the answer though
If you were to go and ask the goat

Some very good friends sat around in their basement
I think we've all been here before
The room of course was smokey and wasted
The four buddies were bored right out of their gourds

They all thought they should do something special
So they decided to build a rocket ship
Throwing a bunch of old plywood together
They then sat around, smoked some more, and planed their spacey trip

Jody spoke up first and said let's go to the moon
But they'd heard that had already been done
That's when he came up with the brightest idea
I know what!  We'll go to the sun!

Go to the sun?!  We may be high but we're not crazy!!
They replied, this ships made out of wood
That's when Jody explained his brilliant idea
Nodding like Bobble Head dolls they all understood

As Jody dug deeper into his intricate plan
All the guys seemed to like it a lot
They would go when it's dark in the middle of night
When the suns put out and it isn't so hot

Since Jody's the genius, they put him in charge
He seems to have a grasp on what's left of his brain
There were four of them but only room for two
They drew straws 'cause they were having difficulty remembering their names

The straws turned out to be the same length
Cutting them, somebody forgot
So they picked Jody as their Captain Kirk
And Jason as his sidekick Spock

Out in left field, the excitement was contagious
Jody yelled, 'To infinity and Beyond'
They knew that quote came from some famous movie
But had a memory lapse so they gave him more Bobble Head nods

At that point they realized they had no engine
Being impaired, not a one of them cared
They all went back down into the basement
And took another kind of trip without going anywhere

It just happened to be when you turned 18
At the height of the war, Vietnam
The letter for you from a relative you never knew
By the name of Uncle Sam

Requesting you join him for a party
You and a few of your friends
Ooh La La here comes Paris
Island life you would live to regret

Where they turned your school boy fantasies
Into that of nightmares for men
In the confines of time you never dreamed you would find
The thoughts that now crisscross through your head

Then came the news, they picked you for a cruise
The last time you slept in your warm bed
On the very same day you packed it all away
Including what little sanity you have left

Here you were promised the tropics
There is where reality set in
Instead of the fancy sweet umbrella drink
They placed a cold gun in your hand

It came with a set of instructions
In black & white **** the yellow man
Where democracy rules, communism's for fools
As you share this for your Uncle Sam

You spent all of your time in the jungle
Battling those they told you to hate
Going to sleep at night in hopes that you might
Wake up to at least one more day

When they finally told you it was over
With fewer friends and far less of a man
You'll remember the names as they call from the graves
On the hillside of war, Vietnam

Back home to the sweet taste of freedom
Not quite the same as when you first packed your bags
Now they spit on you for what your Uncle put you through
You have to wonder what is the sense in that

The colorful world in which you once lived
Remains to this day a deep shade of gray
And all of this because you happened to get
That letter on your 18th birthday

she loves to dance in bedlam
to the beat the shadows throw
in a gown of sequin macabre
since her mind left home

where webs of  deceit hang from chandlers
and madness is the party game
blowing the horns of something's wrong
in an eerie game of charades

the cook that's in her kitchen
bakes a don't dare go there souffle
though she dips her fingers in it
through out her darken days

you may take the chance in joining her in dance
on this the razors edge
when all is said and the day has bled
she pulls the sheets of madness up on her bed

In the middle of the night
With sleep still in my eyes
I stepped into my kitchen
And received quite a surprise

As I reached out my hand
And flicked the light on
There were balloons, confetti, party hats
With a banner that read -WELCOME HOME-

I'd caught thousands of roaches
In the middle of song
They all turned and looked at me strange
As if I'd done something wrong

I heard a scream from the crowd
A foreign language to me
The next thing I know
I'm knocked down to my knees

As I'm being dragged
Across the linoleum floor
I see a little red button
That opens up a trap door

I started getting real nervous
The deeper we went
If I was a cat with nine lives
I think eight I just spent

They took me before the king
King Ralph Roach was his name
I only knew that
Cause that's what his name tag displayed

I was assigned a public defender
But that did me no good
He spoke Roach, I spoke Human
Each other we never quite understood

"GUILTY!"  Came the verdict
I hollered what was my crime!
"Interrupting a roach in the middle of having a good time"
Came the judges reply

Squishing to be my death
The day after tomorrows last night
I said that doesn't make any sense?!
Hey, we're roaches....we're not known for our timely insight

So here I sit in my cell
Wishing I could take it all back
If I had just not gotten up
For that late midnight snack

Wait....is that a tap, tap, tap
(You didn't think this was the end did you?)
As my hours getting late
A roach we'll call Chester
For anonymity sake

Told me to stop all that blubbering
I've come to break you out of here
I stood and we hugged
Which would be strange if it wasn't so weird

We slipped past room after room
With all kinds of parties inside
One thing you can say about roaches
They know how to have a good time

When we reached the surface
All I saw was blessed heavenly light
I went straight in and packed my bags
And gave the house to my Ex-Wife
(Okay, now it's the end!)

I accidentally stepped into the women's restroom
Turned around to quickly leave
Noticed there was no one there
Then turned back around for a manly peak

What the ladies do in here
Has always been a mystery
So I lurked about and scouted out
To let all the other men know what I've seen

First thing right off the bat I noticed
What appeared to be a sofa against the wall
Thinking it a pretty fancy toilet
Not to be hidden in a stall

As curiosity was killing this cat
I went over to lift the lid
The guys will never believe this
A couch is really what it is

No wonder the women take so long
When they say they'll be right back
They all head together to the restroom
To take themselves a little nap

Then over on the counter
I see bottle after bottle after bottle of perfume
I know that girls like to smell nice
But you have to wonder exactly how good

Just then I decided to crawl under the counter
A little more in depth into the mystery
That's when I heard the voices
Coming down the hallway at me

I can't tell you how many hours
I was stuck in that bathroom stall
But I can tell you it felt like forever
As the women jabbered and talked...

...and this being a holiday weekend
They shut the lights and locked the door
Which I guess is okay since I needed a break
And no one's here to hear me on the couch as I snore

Who do we think we are
God's who'll live forever?
Mere mortals on swinging stars
All birds of a feather

Why do we waste our days of youth
On the very young
Age old wisdom tells the truth
We should have seen it coming

The bite of bitter age
Chewing on the pain
Remembrance of the past
But not the present days

The wringing of the hands
Till they go completely numb
Given half a chance
We should have seen it coming

The rhythm of the train
On top these rusty tracks
The days we gave away
We're never getting back

With the hour growing late
In the setting of our sun
Too late to correct mistakes we made
We should have seen it coming

There's trouble growing in the garden
As the carrots make fun of those that are green
The potatoes are keeping their eyes out
Staring down those bleeding heart beets

Leaves of spinach are flexing their muscles
And of course the corn are all ears
Broccoli is green with envy
With the onions always in tears

The rhubarb has a thing for the strawberries
Can't seem to get along with anyone else
New to the winter garden which has the vegies talking
Not sure this frost will ever melt

The asparagus has been here forever
And the pole beans are always vaulting the fence
The lima's are out searching for the wisdom of the succotash
As the lettuce wonders where its head went

Yes there's trouble growing in the garden
Like we haven't all seen this before
The only time they get along is flash frozen and packaged
Chilling behind the grocer's freezer door

This is a poem
You can digest with ease
Low on the sodium
Less calories
High in the fiber
Plus gluten free
As your mind
On this poem feeds

This diet poem
Won't add extra weight
Or make you regret
Mistakes you have made
While filling your mind
Or stuffing your face
A great midnight snack
This poem will make

This is a poem
That is saccharine sweet
A satisfiing writing
Tasty in treat
You can feel the pounds melt
On your way to lean
As this diet poem
You sit down to read

I think of all the little cowboys
Riding around in toy cars
Learning valuable life lessons
As tiny arrows pierce their hearts

When I think of little cowboys
I think back to yesterdays
When I too was a little cowboy
In all my cowboy ways

And how little cowboys love little cowgirls
That feel at home on the range
How they ride and rope and rustle
All of the live long day

When the little cowboys day is over
They hang their spurs up for the night
Thinking back on the days adventures
As they live out the cowboy life

Soon sleep takes the little cowboys
In their pajamas made of jeans
Riding the range at night by campfire light
As they lasso all their dreams

I've come to the point in my life
at what I thought would be a crossroad turns out to be a cliff.
Not one that I have to climb mind you
but one that I need to step off of.

...and yet I hesitate

I know that what awaits me over the edge
is the loving Father
and all the blessings and adventure I could ever imagine.

But could something also be waiting for me
beyond my imagination?
Could God ask something of me I'm not willing to give
or give up?

That's what frightens me.

I look behind me and see my comfortable life
with it's share of joy and heartaches and I do want more.

But do I want more of this

or more of

God

Will God ask me to move to Somalia or
just move off my couch.

I don't know what tomorrow might bring
but I do know that if God brings it...

It's all good!

and so here I am at the edge...

and...
            I...
                  step...

Down along the coast of Carolina
Together where the green blends with blue
Land slides into the ocean
My life slid into you

That's a day I'll never forget
A lifetime I will never regret
The tears that flowed when we both met
As I fell head over heals over you

That day we made a promise that would stand the test of time
A promise formed deep down in our hearts
In that promise, forever bound is your love to mine
From which we will never depart

With the alluring sound of surf meeting shore
Introducing itself time and again
In your gentle touch I have found something more
In the love we share I have found a true friend

Down along the coast of Carolina
Together where the green blends with blue
Land slides into the ocean
My life slid into you...

I do believe the time has arrived
For me to tap into my serious side
It's been fun and games in this poets life
Deeper meaningful pieces I feel I must write

I'll start off by writing of the experience
Of those in the throes of life's masterful dance
Of a child's do's and don'ts, cans and can'ts
Catching an orphan's tears if given the chance

I'll weave rhyming tales on the mountain tops
Of a silence so thick, you can hear a pin drop
Filling a wish the lost never had, never got
A profound idea the moment it's caught

I'll pull the thoughts out of the clouds and the mind of the wind
Of a perfect lines ever beginning and end
I'll open the lonely hearts up of all women and men
Then I'll write it all over again

But this time I'll add all the sorrow I see
The loss of a child and a family down on their knees
Of the heartache that will and will never be
The pain that we feel but prefer not to see

Yes, I do believe the time has arrived
For me to tap into my serious side

Sometimes I sit and wonder
At the joy and plunder in this life
While some are dragged down under
Others are lifted to new heights

It's not like we're even given a choice
The powers that be have their own voice
On the verge of life and death
As time runs out its course

It's hard for you to grasp a clue
When you're being thrown for a loop
Out of nothing that you say
And certainly, nothing that you do

Sometimes it gets hard to count
The reasons aren't important now
On the verge of life and death
There's no way to figure out

Who's to say the time we make
Won't change today from yesterday
Is it circumstance or is it fate
That some stay while others fade away

I've seen them come I've seen them go
Whose next I guess soon enough we'll know
On the verge of life and death
With no way to know who will or won't

If everything was perfect
And life was but a breeze
I'm not sure exactly
How that would feel to me

If life was but a song
That we all could hum along
I'm not sure how right that'd feel
If something was not wrong

If everything was right side up
And not a thing was upside down
Would we ever really know
When the good times roll around

Can we take this opportunity
To realize what we should know
How things would not feel right
If something was not wrong

If you're late coming to this party
In the perfection that you seek
How on earth can you be happy
If you never have a need

I believe they both go hand in hand
Never travel far alone
Because right would not feel right
If something was not wrong

If I could just Mustard up
the energy
Then I might Ketchup
with what's expected of me

I'm Hot and Dog tired
with what life throws my way
There's a Chip on my shoulder
still to this day

In this group of Ants
running this way and that
Finding only the Crumbs
are all that is left

Drink it all in
always wanting for more
Life is no picnic
or so I am told

Hello Mom, I'm lost here in IKEA
It's been fun but I may never see you again
They say the arrows point the way
but they've been pointing the way for days
Swedish Meatballs, the only saving grace there is

In the linen section, I've been circling for hours
Waiting for landing instructions from the tower
As big as this place there has to be a runway
In a fog, quickly running  out of power

At a later date, I finally make my way
At the seventh gate, I see Dante wave
As he's pouring over plans assembling a pair of white nightstands
I'll come back and check on him in a few days

In housewares, there are too many cooks in the kitchen
I look around and see something here is missing
The main ingredient, food...still waiting for those meatballs dude
In that special sauce that does more for a man than just glisten

I should have known the way the front door ****** me in
I'd never see my family and friends again
As I wander through the halls of prefab furniture at low cost
My days of sanity are quickly drawing to an end
And even with IKEA's plans, I'll never be put back together again

That's it I've had it
Tired of being ignored with a wink on the side
I'm tired of being told what old men should do
Going to start taking life on the flea..or is that the fly

I'm going to hit the streets of the city
And be known as that cool guy that raps
After I add a tad bit more Poligrip
So my dentures can get down with that

I'll get me a ball cap and turn it sideways
My pants already hang down past my crack
I'll even learn the latest catch phrase
Like, Hey dude..what's up wit dat?!

Think I'll even rhinestone my walker
For that little extra bling, bling
They'll say check out that crazy rapper daddy-o
Man that cat can really swing

I'll keep the lyrics clean like I do my diaper
That's why I bring my nursie with me
After all she's a wonderful wiper
Don't worry I pay the extra wiping fee

I'll also get her to hold up the cue cards
Since my memory over the years has waned
No longer to be known as that old white *******
Beating JZ at his own game

I'll get jiggy with it every chance I get
As I fizizzile my way to the top
I'll be bigger than that guy with the candy name
That young whipper snapper will melt in the hands of this rapping GrandPop

Her soft tenderness
Can be ******* a man
When he's used to bricks
Mortar and sand

It'll shake the foundation
Built with his hands
Leave a man aching
For all that she has

She can tear down the walls
Erecting his years
Where he once had a cause
Now tossing his cares

Knows that it's true
Without a word being said
Her soft tenderness
Can be ******* a man

She can catch him mid-stream
Have him change his mind
Make him want to leave
All he's built behind

Pulls him to shore
Beached in her warm sand
Her soft tenderness
Can be ******* a man

I want to live on Sugar Mountain
Where life is syrupy sweet
With Candy cane trees and Chocolate fountains
All the sweet treats you care to eat

I'll hike the trails of Candy buttons
Supporting myself with a Pixie stick
Being careful of the sugar muffins
So that I don't stumble over and trip

I'll fish the day away in Vanilla lake
Throwing back all that I catch
So that it keeps the lake churning and sweet
Swimming free the Swedish Fish

I'll slide down Lemon drop hill
With my friends the Gummy bears
Later we'll try our luck on Licorice Stilts
All sporting wigs of Cotton candy hair

As the sky grows a Dark Chocolate evening
We'll lay our heads down on soft bubble gum
All the while asleep and dreaming
Of the sweet days that are yet to come

Living a life on Sugar Mountain
Where all is syrupy sweet
With Candy cane trees and Chocolate fountains
And all the sweet treats you care to eat

I'm tired of this atmosphere
I'm tired of its people
I'm tired of the traps
And stones being thrown

I'm tired of non bending
I'm tired of the breaking
I'm tired of the liars
Too many to count

I'm tired of the fascists
I'm tired of the Nazis
I'm tired of the racists
With fingers that point

I'm tired of the guilt
That comes with the pleasure
I'm tired of them telling me
They will but they don't

I'm tired of the powers
I'm tired of excuses
I'm tired of the pressure
Being under their thumb

I'm tired of the yelling
I'm tired of impatience
I'm tired of the hate
In the name of love

I'm tired of those sitting
I'm tired of not standing
And those being silent
I'm tired of it all

I'm wearing dead man's underwear
I ask what's wrong with that
Something you see they no longer need
Where they now are at

From Jockey's whitey tighties
To boxers by the score
Don't much matter to me
What this dead man wore

With the right amount of detergent
The proper amount of bleach
Like I said four lines back
Don't matter much to me

Now please don't rush to judgement
Or my life preconceive
We all have our different ways
Of carrying on their memories

Me...I just do it in dead man's briefs

Jacob dear you are still here
Living in my heart
With every beat, the memory
Of you held in my arms

The day we met although short lived
It's you I still adore
But who am I to question why
God needed you more

As surly as I live we'll meet again
On the other side
But until then I will keep you in
Both my heart and mind

Is the grass greener
On the other side of life
Or more of a dream

And do the people
On the other side of life
Dream about this side