Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
1.0k · Dec 2013
My Life's Open Book
Mike Hauser Dec 2013
May my life to you Lord
Be an open book
As you put your pen to paper
And give it a lasting look

Fill it with all the wonders
Of your glory page by page
Let me show a childlike innocence
As it is written day by day

An adventure, not a mystery
When it comes to knowing you
Base on fact, not on fiction
Not on lies but filled with truth

And when the final chapter is written
No matter how long the book may be
Let the title be "Your Glory"
And every chapter my great need
1.0k · Oct 2013
A Beautiful Thing
Mike Hauser Oct 2013
Today I'm happy to say
Is a day like no other
All the haters in life
Turned into life lovers

All the protesters went home
Cause they didn't care anymore
"Oh, what a beautiful thing"

Everyone took time to smile
And wave to their nighbors
They stoped long enough
To do each other favors

It was a sight to behold
The seed of love being sown
"Yes, it was a beautiful thing"

People went out of their way
To go out of their way
If there was anything good
That is what they would say

It caught on so fast
Hate was a thing of the past
"Oh, what a beautiful thing"

It was a finally tuned storm
That took over Americas shores
If one gave their all
The other gave even more

It was a pleasure to see
Love the way it was intended to be
"Yes, it was a beautiful thing"

Yes it was a beautiful thing
But it was all just a dream
I woke up smak dab back
Into lifes reality

I still feel it could come true
It needs to start with a few
How about me and you

"Wouldn't that be a beautiful thing"
1.0k · Feb 2014
~Good Morning~
Mike Hauser Feb 2014
I woke up this morning
With the sun in my window
Beckoning me outside to it all

Who would I be
If I did not take the heed
And answer his bright morning call

Now I'm standing outside
The sun giving a glint to my eyes
Filling my heart with it's warming

What comes to mind
Is to take this precious time
And wish you my friend a good morning
Mike Hauser Oct 2015
You've heard of the children of the corn
This my friend is much scarier than that
Here to make sure you eat all your vegetables
Adults of the Asparagus

Set in a quaint New England town
Could be in any novel by Stephen King
Making sure both the young and the old
Eat their veggies raw, sauteed, or steamed

They'll make you sit by yourself at the table
With the dog behind the door when they lock it
Before you leave the table they'll frisk you
And have you empty out all of your pockets

You will shudder with butter on the side
Salting to taste if you must
Making sure you eat every last bite
Adults of the Asparagus
Eating veggies can be scary!
Scared yet?
1.0k · Jun 2017
heart of stone
Mike Hauser Jun 2017
a heart made of stone
never will know
the freedom love holds

never at rest
the living dead
where a heart is kept

tight in the grip
dark in the chest
thoughts in the head

it must soften up
a heart made of stone
if it's ever to know love
1.0k · Oct 2013
Being a girl sucks! :(
Mike Hauser Oct 2013
Being a girl *****! :(
I'm one big ball of emotion
Being tossed back and forth
On the waves of this female ocean

Just when I say I'm doing okay
Another tsunami comes along
Washing away the sanity I saved
Swept out to sea, it's gone

Being a girl *****! :(
All the makeup that we wear
Who are we trying to impress anyways
And do those jerks out there really care

All they do is treat me like a piece of meat
With desert on the side
Would you like some tears with that
It doesn't take much these days to make me cry

Being a girl *****! :(
With some of the things we have to wear
This over the shoulder boulder holder
Wasn't built for comfort that's for sure

And is it already that time of month again
I've about had it with these cramps
If I hear another man explain my mood to me
I swear I'm going to reach up and pull his tongue out through his...

Being a girl *****! :(**
But one thing that I can say
It sure as heck beats being a guy
Where stupidity always gets in the way
I saw this moniker on a friends "kik" site and being a guy had to wonder just what it is that ***** about being a girl.
This of course is from a "REAL" mans perspective...I could be wrong.
I'll shut up now before I get myself in more trouble...
Oh...did I mention I'm a "REAL man?  I did?  
Just making sure...
Mike Hauser Dec 2013
The days are ***** nilly  now
As we pay the beggars bail
Watching it all go to hell
In a handbag

They leave us with no idea
Of what was in our pockets then
They give a smile,  we nod and grin
In our best gladrags

In this circus atmosphere
They entertain us out of fear
Raise in toast five dollar beers
We guzzle and we swallow

When did reality TV
Become the reality we see
And real life become make believe
Who grew this debacle

All join hands, strike up the band
Just don't forget we have no plans
Cuts out a lot on high demand
Leaving nothing to beg, steal, or borrow

So as we take in these ***** nilly days
All grand marshals in our own parade
A stich in time is a stitched that's saved
Back to dragging knuckles
1.0k · Jun 2017
From Cradle To The Grave
Mike Hauser Jun 2017
With broken glass on the floor
Broken promises one and all
If they'd learned to read
They'd have seen the written on the wall

But nothing's here to change
From cradle to the grave

In a worn out trailer park
On a worn out side of town
They thought that things would be different
Than where they are right now

On their planed escape
From cradle to the grave

Crowned High school sweethearts
The righteous King and Queen
With his fist now as his scepter
In her reality

Who's keeping the wolves at bay
From cradle to the grave

Drinks his breakfast, lunch, and dinner
From out a paper cup  
Used to dream for desert
But this town ate that up

Wasting away
From cradle to the grave

The only blessing offered them
Was their Louisiana child
But watching her parents interact
She never learned to smile

Another one on her way
From cradle to the grave

No need for a future
If they even had one at all
So far down in the ditch
It's so hard to recall

With the only thing left to say
From cradle to the grave
1.0k · Nov 2018
Deadman
Mike Hauser Nov 2018
Tickling of the fancy
Tainting of the tongue
They'll have you 100 proof
Before the day is done
Fill your mind with hatred
All in the name of love

Deadman
When will you wake up

Hail for you a taxi
Giving you a ride
Windows black front and back
So you can't see outside
Yes, Virginia, there is a clause
A case of do or die

Deadman
When will you open up your eyes

They have you follow orders
Marching to the beat
Zombiefied look in your eyes
Shuffling of the feet
It's hard to see the truth
When you don't see the need

Deadman
When will you believe
1.0k · Jun 2013
"Dating Poets"
Mike Hauser Jun 2013
I've dated poets most of my life
So I could talk back and forth in rhyme

Sounds a bit  odd to some I know
But it helps with the conversations flow

That is where my mind is at
Poetry in every breath

Speak to me in hyperbole's
Sure fire way to get what you please

Sweet imagery entices me
Otherwise I may not have seen*

It helps to shine a different light
*When you date poets most of your life
1.0k · Apr 2016
~tit for tat~
Mike Hauser Apr 2016
~*** for tat~
this or that
give and take
to the mat
throw away
bring it back
nevermind
hidden facts
make up for
what we lack
this or that
~*** for tat~
1.0k · May 2018
Speaking Your Mind
Mike Hauser May 2018
Where went the time
Where we could speak our minds
And not be afraid
We'd be threatened for our lives

What's good for the goose
Is not the gander the same
How tight or loose is the noose
On which they have us hang

When you say what you want
When you speak your mind
They tell you what to do so you don't
Step out of the line

As long as your point's the same
As their point of view
You're allowed to do and say
What they want you to

Can't have you out on your own
Giving others rays of hope
When they've kept them in the dark this long
On the things that they should know

When you go completely rouge
You'll find they do not like
While trying to tarnish your halo
When speaking your own mind
I find it very disturbing the way people are attacked these days for having their own opinion... This is not going to turn out good.
1.0k · Oct 2013
Convenience Store Love
Mike Hauser Oct 2013
I bought a bag of Love today
From the Jiffy Mart
I did it out of convenience
Which in hindsight wasn't smart

I went straight out to the car
And opened the bag up
What fell out in my lap
Was nothing but fluff

I bought the cheapest version
So of course it didn't last
But at the time of purchase
I was strapped for cash

I should have saved my money up
To where I could afford better stuff
But you don't think of those things
When you want love bad enough

My advice for those in the market
Take your time, never rush
Save up as much as you can
So one day you'll have the best of Love
1.0k · Oct 2013
Star Picking
Mike Hauser Oct 2013
She loves to spend her time

Far off from the light

Where she can clearly see

To pick stars from the sky

Puts them in her basket

Where she takes them home

Pastes them on her ceiling

Making constellations of her own
Mike Hauser Feb 2015
I've got a talking parakeet
That counts loose change in my penny tree
He only makes it up to ten
Before he looses count and has to start again

The cat I have sits below
The penny tree as if to know
One day the parakeet will fall asleep
And fall out of the penny tree

There is a dog ******* nearby
That watches from the corner of his eye
Little do the cat and parakeet know
He untied the rope ages ago

I wonder who will be the first
To get the deal that is the worst
I only know it won't be me
As I own the penny tree
1.0k · Nov 2013
I Killed A Man...
Mike Hauser Nov 2013
I killed a man...

The gun went off in my hand
I didn't mean to
It was an accident

I killed a man...

He had a family
A loving wife and kids
I wish it had been me

I killed a man...

He served a purpose
His death was worthless
He served a purpose

I killed a man...

I threw the gun away
Into the river
It's still there to this day

I killed a man...

And have been haunted
By the ghost of what I done
It's not what I wanted

I killed a man..

He wants revenge I fear
I see him every night
Inside of my nightmares

I killed a man...

The gun went off in my hand
I didn't mean to
It was an accident, when it was I killed a man
1.0k · Nov 2014
My Green Screen
Mike Hauser Nov 2014
Since I've started carrying a Green Screen
With me everywhere I go
I've started seeing more action
Than I ever could possibly have known

If I find myself in a hurry
I just dawn my cape
Set the screen to the sky and fly
As the Man of Steel no worry unless I Green Screen Kryptonite

Now instead of going to the Office
I set up the Office in back of me
In the corner with a view a hot secretary or two
And a Boss that thinks the world of me

Whenever I need a vacation
I just push on this button right here
Whatever my mood to what spots I include
Could be the Swiss Alps or even The Riviera

And when I go out for a night on the town
In the comfort of my home
I make sure that the screen shows a lot of people with me
So that I never am alone

Yes, since I started carrying this Green Screen
With me everywhere I go
I've started seeing more action
Than I could ever possibly have known
Mike Hauser Feb 2015
They named their youngest
Sarah Sweet
And you would too
if you chanced to meet

There wasn't a thing
she wouldn't do
Well maybe one
to tell the truth

Her parents pleaded, and begged,
rubbed Genie bottles for wishes
But Sarah Sweet
would not do dishes

She could not even
stand to think
Of sticking her hands
down in the sink

From tuna crusted
casseroles
To globs of oatmeal
days past old
Green and what?
watermelon rinds
Banana peels
way past their prime
From brussel sprouts
to pigs pickled feet
Cereal bowls
in what appears to be
Clumps of one time
Shredded Wheat
And don't forget
the mystery meat

So many nasty things
the sink holds within
That it makes poor Sarah's head
want to do a double spin

From something purple
to something pink
Something with
an awful stink
Something swimming
for it's life
Something else
that lost that fight
A little something
that's half chewed
That one time was
passed off as food
A little something else
to heighten the mood
Who put it there
no one knew

So much grossness
In the sink
To turn the stomach
Of Sarah Sweet

Now you see why
Despite her parents wishes
Their Sweet Sarah
WILL NOT DO DISHES!!!
1.0k · Apr 2018
The Bumblebee
Mike Hauser Apr 2018
Woke from a nap
To feel that
A bumblebee
Was in my head

Flipping to
Flying fro
Humming honey tunes
As he goes

I have heard
It echoing
With all the room
Inside my head

Moving this
Tossing that
Rearanging
All the mess

With the hearing of
Funny sounds
From building up
To tearing down

Didn't take him long
To figure out
The exits through
My ears and mouth

Where he went
And told his friends
Brought them back
Took them in

Set up shop
Collected rent
A bumblebee
Condominium

And to think all this
Started with
What I thought
Was a simple nap
1000 · Feb 2017
~Cruise Control~
Mike Hauser Feb 2017
It's like my life is set on cruise control
Push the button and watch it go
Trying my best to keep a steady flow
In this traffic pattern of do's and don'ts  

In my quest to stay ahead
A blur at times of who I am
Moving lane to lane then back again
Trying to avoid the latest traffic jam

By now I know my tank is low
Holding my breath in hope
Not sure how much further I can go
In this life set on cruise control
999 · Jul 2015
Comfort Zone
Mike Hauser Jul 2015
Step out your comfort zone

There's a still small voice
whispers in your ear
You say you like it here
but God wants you there
Here you'd rather stay
where you feel okay
But how can souls be won

Step out your comfort zone

Every day your being nudged
closer to the righteous edge
With that being said
go where your feeling lead
A power manifest
both in your heart and head
With Jesus on the throne

Step out your comfort zone

Don't be afraid to go the way
on the path that has been laid
By way the Spirit leads
comfort in a heart that bleeds
Listen for that still small voice
amid all of life's noise
That is when you'll know

Step out your comfort zone
998 · May 2013
A Slow Day
Mike Hauser May 2013
Today was a slow day on the news wire
Nothing at all going on
The people and things that cause trouble in life
Must have decided to call it quits and stay home

No earthquakes or tornado's to speak of
No mudslides or fires to ravage the land
All the people who bring us the bad news
Stood around just scratching their heads

Not a person was murdered or robbed
No kidnapping or spousal abuse
Nothing much exciting to speak of
That we've grown to expect in our news

No bombs in the Middle East went off
No politicians were caught in a lie
No Hollywood Star said something stupid
No one famous or not even died

Yes today was a slow day on the news wire
Nothing at all going on
Which has the rest of us wondering
If this is the calm before the storm
997 · Mar 2013
"The Greatest Of Poems"
Mike Hauser Mar 2013
I've got this awesome idea
To write the greatest of poems
It'll start out nice and easy
Then with a BANG make some noise

It will be widely read
In every coffeehouse in town
Soon to catch on like a wildfire
Then #1 with a bullet nation bound

Writing so amazing
It'll astound everyone
Why it might even get hired killers
To turn in their guns

It'll make the strong want to weep
And the weak to stand strong
There will be waves of applause
This poem will have it all going on

They'll beg me to let them use it
In a Presidential speech
Afterwards they'll fly it straight to the conflict
Where it'll bring peace to the Middle East

Finally coming to rest at the Smithsonian
Taking up it's rightful place
They may have to move that old Space Shuttle
To give my poem plenty of space

But before any of this can happen
Before it rings true, buckaroo
I suppose I should think up something special
And jot down a line, maybe two...
997 · Sep 2014
About You Girl
Mike Hauser Sep 2014
I've never met a girl like you

The simple pleasure in your smile
A tinder moment in the making
The casual walk of the extra mile
The story line from the beginning
A mystery to be found
The upper hand in the hand of giving
All that heaven will allow

So much about you that holds the truth

The morning after the best of dreams
The game that you can never lose
The slip that's in the stream
The second hand that's on the Rolex
Coffee lightly mixed with cream
The truth and notion about the truth
All that is meant to be

There's something special about you girl

As you bring the early to the late
The blending in of mixed emotions
The icing that's on the cake
The street on the sunny side of forever
The perfect ending to every day
The all in all that really matters
The last word there is to say

Like I said and it's the truth,
I've never met a girl like you
993 · May 2014
Bass ackwards
Mike Hauser May 2014
Everything now is bass ackwards
Nothing is the same
Up is down, in is out
Early is now late

Where we end at the beginning
Right out the starting gate
Tomorrow is the day before
And the day before was yesterday

All that's left in what was right
Is not so clearly seen
What was once considered outside
Is now the in between

What used to pass for happy
Now comes off more than sad
And every day of the week
Is like a Wednesday night gone bad

We could talk about it
But what is there to say
When everything is bass ackwards
And it's sure to stay that way
Mike Hauser Dec 2013
They said that he's a genius
Called him a Wonder kid
Which made the whole town wonder
Why he did the things he did

Why he climbed the water tower
That early morn in June
After all what makes us all
Do the things we do

He took a rifle with him
A back pack full of shells
When he turned the town that day
Into a living hell

His mama always warned him
A soul is never free
That is why he sold it
To the devil that day for cheap

He'd always been the perfect model
From his early days of youth
Teachers thought that he was special
If you must know the truth

There was never any talking back
It was always sir or ma'am
No ones sure why or when he snapped
You'll get no answers from the dead

He packed himself a brown bag lunch
Expecting to be awhile
To quench his thirst a Capri Sun
As he sipped he smiled

His mama always warned him
A soul is never free
That is why he sold it
To the devil that day for cheap

His very first victim
He selected randomly
Never did they find out
What knocked them off their feet

As soon as the shots rang out
It was madness and mayhem
It took the town a little while
To find from where the shots they came

By the time it was that registered
At least fifteen were down
From mothers holding babies
To couples holding hands

From the central park to the school yard
And terror in between
He left a trail of pain and sorrow
Mixed with misery

Was it a curse or a blessing
When he suddenly stopped the way he did
With a back pack still full of ammo
He stood and stepped off of the ledge

His mama always warned him
A soul is never free
That is why he sold it
*To the devil that day for cheap
Inspired by the song "Ticking"
Written by Elton John & Bernie Taupin
992 · Nov 2016
The Measure
Mike Hauser Nov 2016
How do you measure
What can't be seen
The heart of a man
The in of between
The conscience that follows
When something's done wrong
How do you measure
The depth of a poem

How do you measure
The day you must face
If it's taken for granted
If it's given in grace
Or measure a seed
That has yet to show growth
How do you measure
What you do not know

How do you measure
The hour before late
The width of a shoulder
Where a tear is laid
The inkling of an idea
The moment it's made
How do you measure
Love before it's given away

How do you measure
The chill of the wind
The guilt of the pleasure
That comes from within
The sliver of light
Before the sun has it's say
How do you measure
The end of the day
988 · Jun 2016
When I Grow Up
Mike Hauser Jun 2016
Seems from the moment I was born
At least far back as I was young
People always asked of me
When I grew up what I wanted to be  

My mind changed throughout the years
Like wind blows from here to there
And all points in-between
How fickle at the time my mind would be

From every job I dreamed I could
There wasn't one I wouldn't love
As the shadows of youth grew long
So did the list I was working on

Until the day that I met you
And all that changed what I wanted to do
When you helped me to find
What I wanted to be when I grew up in life

Now there's no need to search any more
Because what I want to be in life is yours
988 · Jan 2014
*Magic Act*
Mike Hauser Jan 2014
Our relationship is smoke and mirrors
It looks good but doesn't feel right
It's perfect for a magic act
But doesn't work well in real life

You can pull a rabbit out of your hat
But you can't pull out our love
You roll up your sleeves for your very next trick
When rolling up your sleeves isn't enough

It's become a fact that this magic act
Is sawing our relationship in two
Please put away your wand so we can move on
From where I sit, fooled without a clue

I really don't care how it is you do your tricks
There's no need for you to revel
If you'll just take off your cape before our love escapes
And perhaps that love will magically heal
988 · Feb 2016
60's tribute
Mike Hauser Feb 2016
is it true that the way she moves
is a tribute to the 60's groove

flower power out of pure delight
body paint underneath black light

on most days you will find
she's with Jefferson on an Airplane flight

following a rabbit down a hole
saying Grace as she Slickly goes

she's mellow in a yellow sense
hippie in her happenstance

psychedelic in a Asbury breeze
parking it where'er she please

yes i think that it's all true
that she's a tribute to the 60's groove
987 · May 2014
Central Park Dream Cart
Mike Hauser May 2014
There is this man in Central Park
Has the most extraordinary cart
Doesn't sell hot dogs or magazines
What he sells are the best of homemade dreams

He makes them right there on the spot
Handle with care cause they come out hot
Has a magical toaster he drops them in
Before he sets them in the cooling bin

He has dreams that dream of traveling
Either by land or calming sea
Buy any dream that you desire
His most popular is the dream to fly

He has dreams of fixing past mistakes
The dreams he makes are not too late
He even has dreams of being rich
But those cost too much happiness

There are dreams where you can fall in love
That's on his dessert menu if you care to look
It's one of his sweetest treats
Love dreams even comes in sugar free

He takes very seriously the dreams he's sold
Nothing artificial it's all a-la-natural
Next time you're in Central Park stop by and see
Let him make up for you, the perfect dream
Mike Hauser May 2013
This may sound a tad bit strange
But I can promise you it's true
It all took place in the fishing town
Of Pleasant Valley one sunny afternoon

All of the sudden fishing line started popping
Out of the lake onto the shore
Not one or two lines, expect as you might
But lines tossed out by the score

Each and everyone had items attached
Some candy bars while others had cans of beer
There were even a few diamond rings
The kind the ladies love to wear

People in surrounding towns soon heard about
All the hub bub down at Pleasant Valley Lake
They all jumped in their cars and like shooting stars
Shot out across the state

They arrived there in time to each grab a line
And give that line a slight tug
Realizing to late, dragged into the lake
Rub a Dub Dub straight into the tub

Just as quick as this whale of a tale got started
All the fishing lines were drawn away
The only ones left were the few who got tossed back
Because the fish had reached their limit that day
Mike Hauser Jul 2013
First come up with a catchy title
One that will draw the crowds
Throw in a bit of Mojo
A little pizzazz, a lot of Wow

Give it a twinge of what people want
A slight tweak of what people need
That can stand on it's on, slap them square in the face
How about you call it FREE MONEY!

Now that you have the hardest of parts
Tightly locked in place
It's time to spin the ultimate rhyme
One that will blow them all away

Throw in a little love for all the ladies
One or two car chases for Dad
So as not to leave anyone out
Dinosaur's and bunny rabbits for the kids

Now take it and mix it together
Slightly shaken but never stirred
Till you have them eating out of your hands
Devouring your every word

This will keep them coming back for more
They will always be waiting in line
For your next junket through
The world of mysterious rhyme

I hope that this has been helpful
And in a way has enlightened you
Now go out there Mr.and Miz Poet
There's a line outside waiting for you
984 · Jul 2013
Diets...
Mike Hauser Jul 2013
Can you imagine my surprise
When I woke up with thunder thighs

I looked in my mirror and
It gave me back a knowing grin

Hard and heavy the diet days
And all of my sweet tooth chocolate craves

Knowing what's  in front of me
Makes this fat boy wanna scream

So I check out the internet
To find the perfect diet yet

        Lets see......

***** injections from a pregnant babe
That seems to be the latest craze

How about this bubble wrap
I just might be down with that

Who is there to really say
Which pill and how many I should take

One that sympathizes with the way I feel
While feeding me pint size starvation meals

Here's one guaranteed to clean my clock
While the next ten days I'm on the toilet docked

This is funny...try and eat more sensibly
That's like a foreign language to me

Get your daily exercise
Obviously written by some wise guy

Goes to prove just what I've heard
On the internet don't believe every word

How about the Himalayan soft cheese wrap
The secrets in the cheese to squeeze off the fat

Or I could go the Hollywood way
Have it ****** out and back to eating in one day

There are so many options here
It's hard to know which way to steer

As my options all expand
Think I'll just go buy elastic waist band pants

And learn to enjoy in my own eyes
The fact that I have thunder thighs
984 · Jun 2014
Wait Your Turn
Mike Hauser Jun 2014
Wait your turn...
Everybody has to wait their turn

Whether standing in line to leap off the ledge
Spending your dime calling up death
Excusing your life as you clean up the mess

We all have to wait our turn

Wait your turn...
Take a number and wait your turn

Whether trying your patience at the grocery store
Back up for seconds cause your wanting more
Continually knocking at opportunities door

We all have to wait our turn

Wait your turn...
Please have a seat and wait your turn

Whether your dining in or your eating out
North of the city or South of downtown
Gazing in wonder or living in doubt

We all have to wait our turn
982 · Aug 2021
The Time has Come
Mike Hauser Aug 2021
The time has come
To right the wrongs
To apologize
For all we've done

For the ones we've hurt
To make amends
As time draws nearer
To the end

The time has come
For humbleness
Responsibility
For this mess

For those we've hurt
Lacking tenderness
And ask no less
For forgiveness

The time has come
Where what must be done
Must be done
By everyone

Harmonize, apologize
Not placing or taking blame
Just saying we are sorry
For all we do and say
982 · Jul 2013
~Bonkers~
Mike Hauser Jul 2013
I carry around a Phillips head
To tighten up any loose screws
An empty bag I keep in my hand
To collect all the marbles I lose

The elevator that I am riding in
Doesn't stop at all the floors
Happy with insanity
Who out there could ask for more

The toys that are in my attic
When they come out to play
Take my hand as we skip through Bizarro land
On any given day

Card games are entertaining
But they are always over so fast
When what I'm holding in my hand
Is not quite a full deck

Being four quarters short of a dollar
I will never strike it rich
Nor live in the nicest of places
Having a load that's short a few bricks

So if you come a knocking
And find nobody at home
I'm out on the streets of crazy
But believe me I'm never alone
981 · Apr 2013
*Time Saving Tips*
Mike Hauser Apr 2013
My life it is so busy these days
I need to save time where I can
So to shave off a few minutes here and there
I've come up with a master plan

Astronaut underwear
That's just a given
How much time that's going to save
I need not even mention

I'm going to wear my glasses below my nose
That way my nose for itself can see
Whether it needs picking or not
That's going to save my finger and me a lot of grief

Soap on a rope will go around my neck
I'll bathe in sinks as I get ripe
To save on minutes and energy
I'll do one pit at a time

I'll pull out my agua blue polyester leisure suit
That I've saved from the 70's
I'll wear it all the time, even to bed at night
Those suckers stay wrinkle free

My toothbrush I'll paste up and place in my mouth
When I hop into bed for a good nights sleep
In the morning I'll be all freshened and brushed
From a night of grinding my teeth

I even got the brilliant idea
One night while watching my dog
A device on his rear so he can mop
While he scratches his **** across the floor

These are just a few good ideas
I'm sure I'll think of more
Once I have all this spare time
Sitting around bored outta my gourd
977 · Jun 2014
No Words Exist
Mike Hauser Jun 2014
I'd like to tell you
How I feel about you
But no words in this language exist

To tell you the truth
If I could just hold you
Then I'd say it all with a kiss

I want you to see
How much you mean to me
Without you I could not survive

Hope springs from your beauty
I feel it's my duty
To love you the rest of my life
Mike Hauser May 2017
If I could ever count the cost
If ever I was at a Croc loss
Oh the inhumanity
If there were no Crocs upon my feet

No comfort for them to saddle in
No soft rubber sponge in which to grin
Whether Chinese made or Mexican
If you have not Crocked you have not lived

At the sight of Crocs it brings to mind
Who is the king of the foot line
When the rubber hits the hardened road
It is the Croc that's in the know

So take a ride and slip and slide
Inside the Croc you'll feel you died
And landed straight at heaven's gate
Where angels have Crocs on their feet

Do you still feel the need to ask
If Crocs are just a passing fad
You can ask my feet and my ten toes
They're the ones that are in the know

But their reply will be a muffled sound
As they're both inside my Crocs right now
976 · Mar 2014
The Last Battle
Mike Hauser Mar 2014
They were down to less than a hundred
When they met on the battle front
That's when they beat their weapons back into plowshares
As each of them headed home

What it was that made the difference
Is they finally took the time
To really see the enemy
And themselves in each others eyes

All the peoples in the villages
Cheered their hero's back
Who brought with them sweet freedom
And in town center hung its flag

On the pole they wrote down the names
Of those who never would return
And all made a vow that day
That their lesson had been learned
975 · Sep 2013
Plaids Or Stripes
Mike Hauser Sep 2013
I throw my covers back
Place my feet upon the floor
Get my bearings of just where I'm at
Head for the bathroom door

I brush away the night
From my hair, my eyes, my teeth
I look back in the mirror with delight
There you go...now I recognize me

My closets filled with plaids and stripes
What's this Wednesday...then plaid it is
There's a lump in the bed I think it's my wife
Either or, I give the lump a kiss

Down the stairs straight for the door
But not before I grab my shades
Same as yesterday and the day before
We all know practice perfection makes

At my desk for one long eight hour yawn
Can't remember even taking a break
My boss stops by to ask what's going on
I tell the truth which might have been a mistake

Back at home I walk through the front
Keys in hand I reach for the light
Last thought I have as I again kiss the lump
Is tomorrow plaids or stripes
Mike Hauser Jun 2014
To me there is no better night
Than the dimming of the lights
And tuning into American Idol on my T.V.

Tonight's no different to tell the truth
As they give another loser the boot
When I noticed something strange in how Ryan Seacrest blinked

Mr. Pretty Boy was blinking in Morris code
Right underneath America's nose
He was passing off top governmental secrets

So his front has all along been a lie
Ryan Seacrest, international spy
Don't know why before I didn't see this

He uses that cute little baby face
And day old beard to hide his disgrace
As he obviously communicates with the underworld

From one side of the globe to another
Talking in code with his Rooski brothers
Why this just gets my patriotic ******* in a curl

Just when you think you know someone
They go and pull this traitor stunt
I suppose now your going to tell me Mom doesn't bake her own apple pies

Then I find out it's some imposter named Mrs. Smith
I'm not sure I can take much more of this
Who next will I catch living a lie

Then I see Ryan run off stage
With the strangest of looks on his face
Seems all along there was stardust in his eyes

Funny it wasn't Morris code
Who's embarrassed now...me I suppose
Ryan Seacrest international spy?
Uh...nevermind
All proceeds from this poem will be generously donated to the Ryan Seacrest School of International Spydom.
973 · Jun 2014
~Bazaroland~
Mike Hauser Jun 2014
Please sit back and relax
With ticket in your hand
Have passport at the ready
As we enter into Bazaroland

Where nothing is now as it was
Nor ever will it be
This crazy stuff you can't make up
Even in your wildest dreams

Where fingers do the talking
And kidneys are sold for iPad's
Blood sold for upgrades
Welcome to the new trade

Where women take women for husbands
And men take men as wives
Where morals have flown out the window
And normalcy runs for its life

Hypocrisy of a nation
Wanting homeless spikes removed
So we can continue to be ignorant
Walk past without a glance

Endless secrets and deep set lies
Unimaginable trials
Kids being corrupted in their on home
Under the disguise of technology

Where those that help to fill a need
Fill the need of their own greed
Holding the hopeless under the thumb
Pressing down hard until they succumb

Where mothers sell their babies
All for a piece of the rock
Necessity in the making
Without a passing thought

Nothing is now as it seems
Nor ever will it be
This crazy stuff you can't make up
Even in your wildest dreams

So please sit back and try to relax
This ride is gonna be rough
Have passport at the ready
It's Bazaroland or bust
Another wonderful time writing with Simpleton!
Always a pleasure my friend!
969 · Dec 2018
~Ocean Dancing~
Mike Hauser Dec 2018
She makes her way
to the edge of the ocean
She likes to dance
to the sound of the waves
Bringing to mind
summer emotions
Keeping her on
this side of sane

The stage is set
with surf and sand
Her curtain call
the rising sun
No better day
this side of heaven
Than when she dances
by the ocean
968 · Sep 2016
The Art of Listening
Mike Hauser Sep 2016
How many of us

Have people in our lives

Short breathed on concern

Long winded on advice

Who would rather flap the tongue

Than take the time to find

That the art of listening

Is painted with open mind
968 · Feb 2015
Ring a ling a ding dong
Mike Hauser Feb 2015
Have you ever felt the sting

Of the ring a ling a ding ****

Or heard a sound so chilling

As a wag a lag a wig wam

As it stopped you in your tracks

With its ding a ling a bing ****

Knowing you'll never make it back

From the slap a jack a sing song

Still you try with all your might

With a rack a lack a ching chong

And that is when you find

Your back attack is long gone
967 · Jan 2014
~18 Inches~
Mike Hauser Jan 2014
Sunday's find you sitting in the pew
Listening to the words being said
Catching a few as they're thrown at you
But most blowing over your head

It's not like you haven't heard them before
After all you've been here for years
You know most of the hymns as you hum along
Even a couple might bring a slight tear

Back in the car, Bible back on the dash
On the go as your running late
You'll dust it off next time in the Church lot
It's not like during the week you share your faith

Cause it's all in your head but not in your heart
Just a few short 18 inches away
Don't be the one to miss out on the love
Between those 18 inches today

Next time your in Church, take in the word
Breath in deep the truth being shared
For it's inside the heart that God does his best work
A soft heart's more pliable than a hard head

God speaks something new to you daily
It's your job to listen with a wanting soul
Though it's easier to say than be done I'm afraid
But listen closely cause God wants you to know

Don't give dust a chance to settle on your Bible
And the wear it gets shouldn't be from the sun
But with you turning the page as you study each day
Able to share the Good News with everyone

Cause it shouldn't be all in your head but also your heart
Which is just 18 inches away
Please don't be the one to miss out on the love
*Of those 18 inches today
967 · Apr 2015
i dream in blue
Mike Hauser Apr 2015
i dream in colors

that i find

laying beside

my bed at night

from greens to pinks

to bright chartreuse

but most of all

i dream in blue

with blue horizons

that give way

over to

blue landscapes

beside the bluest

of blue seas

the color blue

is what i mostly dream
966 · Dec 2013
have you seen me...
Mike Hauser Dec 2013
I see you stand and gaze around the room
Looking for Mr. Who Knows Who
I wonder when you stare who is it you see
and have you seen me...

the one over in the corner
the one always out of sight
the one that's barely mentioned
the one hardly given the time

You walk along the ocean, enjoying the surf and sand
The shells are secondary as you search for the perfect man
I wonder as you walk by the sea
have you seen me...

the one on the single blanket
the one who averts his eyes
the one that tastes the ocean
in the salty tears he cries

As you sit at your computer browsing through the dating sites
Filling out the questionnaire of your does and do not likes
Looking for that true companion on the newest dating scene
have you seen me...

the one that's also on the computer
the one that's anti-socialized
the one the goes unnoticed
even in his own eyes

have you seen me...
Next page