i've always been afraid of butterflies
since i was a young girl
in my grandmother's backyard
i'd run and scream
from the delicate bug
that got anywhere near my hair
i've always been afraid of butterflies
since i was a young girl
but i'm older now
in my grandmother's backyard
i'm silent and still
letting the delicate bug
flutter in my stomach
while you play with my hair

I miss you a lot
You were the bee's knees my dear
I miss summer too

You're here physically
I see you every day
But I still miss you

I miss our first kiss
I made the first move because
I knew you wouldn't

I miss compliments
And lengthy neighborhood walks
In flip flops and tanks

I miss confessions
2 am meandering
Rain storms happened too

I miss rock jumping
I miss the freefall of jumps
Into the lake's wake

I miss adventures
Roaming around in leisure
We could take our time

I miss how you looked
At me, in the rain that night
The batting cages

I miss the lightening
And the shock that I fell too
I fell hard also

I fell into your
Arms one August night when I
Really needed you

You caught me again
And kissed my forehead at our
At our first concert

We watched a movie
And we left the theater
Entwined, together

You took me to a
Pumpkin patch and let me pick
The perfect pumpkin

You held my hand and
Told me I was beautiful
Your eyes said it all

You held my hand and
Led me out of the second
Concert we went to

You let me rest my
Head on your shoulder on the
Way back to your car

We rode in a truck
You smiled and laughed with me
You looked so lovely

Your arm reached around
My shoulders, and we cuddled
On your couch that night

You waited so long
You're still waiting for me to
Return back to you

I can't remember
Our last kiss, and that's the part
I'm saddest about

Diamond ring from the one I love
Christmas happened early this year
He is my prince, my forever
Happy that we're together
Excited for the future

I don't belong here
and I don't mean this town I mean this earth
I'm not quite made out to be human you know?
if we were all created from a couple chemical reactions and a huge burst of light at some center of the universe I must be going home when I die
and I want to go home
I am homesick
for a place I barely remember
but it is nowhere here
no point on a map I can put my finger on
no road to get me there
and you know
I wouldn't be me without my sadness
it's as a part of my like my arms are
sadness is what makes me interesting
and I think thats why
no one ever notices
how sad I am
my mom didn't check off the box labeled depression when I went to the doctor the other day
and I didn't have the heart to tell her
sometimes I feel so sad
I feel so sick
but I'm laughing
and every breath hurts me and
oh how I want to go home
but it makes me interesting
makes me unique
who I am
not the sadness
just what it makes me do
I talk to people as if it's the last time I will see them a lot
drive a little too fast
I tried to commit suicide once
and I never did
I was pulled off a bridge
screaming really
I wanted to feel whole if only for a second before I hit the water
but I'm not afraid anymore
I think about dying a lot
but
I don't make solid plans
or write letters
and sometimes I still think about throwing myself off a bridge
or in front of a car
sometimes I write sentences, just single sentences
to leave when I am gone
and sometimes I want to write a suicide book
and other times the only suicide note I need is your name
but I don't
because I made a promise to a boy that left me that I would stay
the problem with being homesick
is we are taught that eventually you go home anyway
but

I'm not leaving

Thunder and lightning and glass on the beach
I covered my ears with lace, put shoes on my feet
I walked out into the ocean with my heart in my hand
And cried for a tornado to scoop up the sand

I buried my locket in an old leather case
Hoping that time and water could erase
All of the engraving you chiseled through my veins
And that you can feel the lightening each time it rains

But no one would fear me, no hermit or fish
Came out of hiding to hear my soft wish
So I drowned my sorrows in a green bottle of sin
And cursed out the devil as he laughed at his win.

Almost vividly, could I see your face
Almost surely, did you begin to escape.

With salt and seashells, I lathered my veil
That I found in the tummy of a large ocean whale
Who ate out my innards and spit me back on the ground
So I could be rescued, if I ever was found.

But no help came the night that I died
So I finally threw out the pain and from here, I flied.

I love the way he stares at me without a tease
though I wish he had the ***** to talk to me
he only stares at me from a safe distance
I wish he stared at me face to face
I wish his friend didn't like me so things won't be so awkward if anything were to happen
I like his voice and the way he sneakly stares at me from his peripheral vision and looks away to secretly smile
I wish it wasn't so hard to talk to strangers I guess ill just take the initiative from here and see the possibilities

.                                                        I'm sorry.
                                                         ­                                      Sorry to you first
and sorry to her.
                                                            ­                               Sorry I wasn't able to
                                                              ­                           help you at your worst
but also to her for showing up in a blur.
                                                           ­                                                    I'm sorry,
                                                          ­                                         don't think I just
                                                            ­                                  chose her over you:
                                                            ­                                          It's much more
                                                            ­                                            than that too.
I'm sorry you don't know me yet
and won't know what to expect.
                                                         ­                                         Sorry I won't say
                                                             ­                                                   goodbye
      ­                                                                 ­                              I know too well
                                                            ­                 that you're always at my side
Forgive me if I lose my mind,
if in the end,
I'm not what you'd thought you'd find.
                                           *I promise I will stay strong
                                               No matter what it takes
                                     On my own it may not last for long
                                       But with you I will for your sake.

As light grows brighter and journeys call
Remember the voice that whispered it all
Wisdom of words, reason of voice
Devoted by true love, never by choice

As sun rises, yearning buds bloom
Be patient, her caress will groom
A soul to stand through winds of strife
And bestow to us a better life

As sun sets, shadows loom
Stay keen for darkness soon
Will take by hand, a withered stem
and forever place it in a far away land

At journeys end, night will fall
Only a lingering fragrance to remind us all
Wisdom of words, reason of voice
Devoted by true love, never by choice