It’s a bit of a
tragedy how
I still think of him
even when I know I’m happy with you.

It’s as if he’s embracing me as I inhale
the very essence of him into
my long worn-out lungs while
you stand there next to me
gripping onto my hand.

and I’m not trying to
say I don’t love you
cause that would be a lie.
I just think of him sometimes
and sometimes those thoughts turn into
wishes which turn into wants.

I’m not saying that I want him,
I’m just confused
(and I’ve always been conflicted),
but I think it’s been amplified ever since I saw him with her
smiling and happy.

I’m not saying I’m not over him
but he used to be my bloodstream
before he walked away to
let me bleed.

I’m not saying that I don’t need you,
just in a different way
than I did him
and the love I have for you won’t scar me the way his did

and I’m not saying I want you
to scar me,
but he’ll always have
a piece of me you won’t.

and I guess I’m trying to say
that I don’t think I’ll ever
feel about you
the way I kind of
still feel about him.
I’m sorry.

I was never good at breakups.