i read to you six chapters of
my favorite book and i looked at
you at chapter seven to find you
asleep

mama, i'm sorry for no grandchildren

papa, i didn't want this either

grandpa, i'm sorry i'm no granddaughter

grandma, i wish you loved Me.

sister, you accept me, i think

brother, please try to somehow understand

i know i'm a disappointing kid.

my mind moves so quickly
i can't seemtorest
FOCUS!
but what about that thing?
the big quizworktest
FOCUS!
i know i know just let me get settled
where's my phonepencilnotebook
FOCUS!
now i go upstairs and wait
what's that sound ihavetogolook
FOCUS!
i sit at my desk, pick up my pencil and
drop it damnwherediditgo
FOCUS!
found it there by my foot
maybe i can getitwithmytoe
FOCUS!
okay. i'm ready now.
all i have to do is sitdownand
FOCUS!

but wait.
when did it get so late?

everytime i look up
i see your eyes on me
and they're beautiful.

i have discovered who i am
i am not the product of my
          parents beliefs
                trauma
                    tribulations
i am my own person
with my own
           life
             beliefs
                 aspirations
my heart is
        lighter
            fuller
                free
i haven't written poetry because i've had no need for it.
it was an outlet for
               sadness
                    pain
                       desperation
and although i still feel all of that,
i have found
        people
             friends
                  lovers
who help me handle it.
i am happier than i've ever been
and so eternally
          grateful
               proud
                   overjoyed
that i lived. even when it was
             painful
                  useless
                       impossible
i fought to live. i fought to love.
              and
                  i
                  did