you see,
I have came across you so many times before
you stricken love

you love that is filled with passion
you love that is filled with detriment
you love that is filled with ocean like conversations
you love that is made of fire- burning
you love that is made of water- flowing
you love that is made to not last forever

the one that understands when it is time to pick up
your ***** feet and leave through the door that is already
waiting open for you
the door where on the other side life feels and looks exactly the same
but a little piece of the sky goes missing somewhere on the painting
a fragment of art in your life has been burnt
by fiery meetings of skin cradled on warmer skin

a love where the water is greater than the fire
where passion becomes extinguished
at any given moment, for a reason that will never
appear in any of your art work

you open your eyes one morning
and you instantly know all that was there
is sleeping now, in some form of energy far away from
the bed you and your ex-lover sleep on
leaving a lingering a permanent whisper behind

saying
I love you, but accept this

I choose to live
so pensive
I am a captive
in my vast proximity
in thoughts that eat each others thoughts
and grow within each other
and then die

the sun rises through the window sill
peaking like infants playing hide and go seek
pretty little eyes between the brown cracks
beams shine on my face
and wake me up to this creature
called a new day
and we praise this new comer
this bringer of different sorts

as I sit here, it rules me in the court
charging me guilty before it comes
it raises its hand before my words are done

my poems fall like invisable somethings
and the air it hunts me down
and my ears drown in the sound
of the wind blowing through my hair
my hands are filthy and Im holding my heart
or more so my despair
save me from this nightmare, I may find sanity
no but not in you new comer
but elsewhere

there is no beauty in the roses bud to me
the scent lasts no longer than the eager second I clip the stem
the colors of the flower have faded between my black and white stamina
and the green of the roots looses its personality

there is no way to explain infinite unattainable desire
stinging like the only beautiful thing in sight
the only thing that understands me in the flowers nature
her beautiful thorns
your beautiful mind

in which I wish to press my frozen fingers upon
even if that means bleeding
in the moment of risking to brake the cold within me

your hands bend like twisted willow
on somber chains
my heart is mute and pale in presence
of your subtle anger
hidden
deeply rooted into
your beautiful eyes

I beg to go deeper

although I know the income
of my words will retalite
I know how they will scar
some crevice
and unknown part of me
yet to discover
dead
until you have awakened it
with that flesh on your face
that monstourus gaze

they will speak about me
say how I differ too much
how I speak to much of broken hearts
and sorrowfull songs
but I know to every real human heart
every one of my poems is but a childhood sing along

you stung me with the vital glare of your black eyes
everytime a tidal wave that recedes
and all my pride hides
somewhere deep inside of you
all my senses have been taken away from me

you to me,
you are like the bones hidden somewhere in the deepest
part of the ocean
men who have died so long ago
their lives are lost
their identities sold

you to me
you are like the water spilled on the ground
by a child 30,000 miles away
and the maid wipes the spill with the kitchen towel


you to me
you are like the violin played by the man
who has no passion for it but does it for show
and the access of warm skin
so meaningless so worthless
but a tool of trickery and deceit


you to me
you are like the sunday on which I tire my hands
and my soul lays restless
while I should be on warm sheets sleeping under the sun


there are so many things you were to me
but I loved you because we shared the same
insanity

you heard the mute whisper
you walked with heavy hot stones on your back
but you still strayed towards me
you held me
I gave so much it hurt I gave more then you would know
but I didnt give my all, I did still have room to grow

as I trembled upon the lake
I enter the subliminal ocean
waters mouth trembling upon my youthful chest
tender sacrifice to mother natures beautiful
releaser of cosmic *******
hidden between the scale of a fish
and the grains of sand beneath my feet
my eye brows crease as the sun kisses my pupils
and scorns my skin with her fiery heat
my cheeks blush and turn pink
for I am shy in the presence of that star
floating above my small body in the sky
twirling like the lotus on the Nile in the calming wind

the rain may come at anytime
cleanse the ***** core of my *****
the remnants of the superficial laughter
and things that hurt the mind and tarnish common behavior
on screens and micro pixels generated by the hands of man
humanity slips through the cracks of hope
lingering down like artificial honey from the plastic container
instead of the sides of my fingers as I grab the comb
and kiss the bee's

my knees where not made for this time
I fall onto the ground and whirl my body and scream hunger at
the top of my black lungs, give me my freedom

that was years ago, in a time where revelations made their
way only half way through my soul.
asking that brakes like a heart, question yes
and question no
you must take it and rip freedom out from your own core
your hands are not chained
but so many of these minds are torn
I scream
freedom
freedom
for I am re-born

in a breathe that so suddenly escaped
words for you so sincerely I have shaped
poetry time and time again I have *****

she is mine

how leaves belong to the grapevine

she is mine

on the stage me and her
we arise
we emerge

the purge of rotten eyes comes in secret splurge
we wont let them be our fall
I wont let them deafen my ears to your powerful call
it all means nothing to me
at all

seep in the menthol
hands clasped
lips grasped

your eyes shower me like rainfall
your dark eyes weaken me like nightfall
my precious
porcelain
doll

soft ruins play through the hands of your silky palms
whats here now has now gone
nobody can come up with a definition to explain to me how exactly this could be wrong
even though I have actually seen it all along
from time to time I remember the bitter notion,
how you let me dip myself in that bitter potion
and theyre the ones left to deal with all the mingled distoration
poor they for they are the ones who helped antagonize the poor mice
how you let them roll their own dice , and never once did it
land on anything more than 4
left them there all ****** up and high
although they fed them all the plumbs they wanted
never the less they were daunted
mingling monstrosities venture into this cannabis along with the other creeps
and that too isnt even good anymore
audotioning to be the perfect everything we all fail every single time
until it comes to that one audition when that person says she is perfect she is the one
but I'm sorry audtionors judgers and the court but for now I'm done
done for I have weaved my own little special web
I make my own fiery bread
and I dance naked in public in the vast imagination in my head
your words and their cares are the last of the last of my concerns the ones that are meant not to exsist
folding into peice by peice slowly streaming myself down the walls of this euphoric abyss
I met this boy one time who had this little lisp
he sat close to me and explained a lot of things I didnt know
years years and more years later they in a way helped me grow
you might not be able to tell me happy birthday next year

someone told me you have become very thin again
they say your eyes have grown dark
and they find you in homeless caves
starving out your painted adventures with hopeless
remedies of your small id

your human has grown petite and you relate to things
that have no tongues
to things that do not speak
twisted dreams flutter above your head like numb
blue bats

your extended bones and your heartless sensibility
you drag yourself as if you were a corpse
imitating life, or trying to at least

there are no tricks no doomed songs
no childhood memories or sing alongs
dissatisfaction creeps like a permanent cloud
coming and going like nature in its ultimate height above you

it makes you churn like heavy mechanical machines that make
horrid noises at midnight when you are trying to sleep
when you ask yourself
am I really happy

I brokedown forth right into this eloquent state
smiles rub my warmth
and I melt harder
and harder
into breathing easily
easier then anything that ever exsisted
easier than the cool winds that blow
through your hair and then in between my sighs

and I sat down and held my knees together
on top of the wet grass where I use to remember
hearing the sweetest lullabys of childhood
crashing themeselves into my body
and I melt harder
and harder
into breathing more so easily

easier then the time I looked into your eyes and your london left its burning letter
and easier then the time I fully built up the
guts to walk away from the building where only the
floor had been built

and I closed my eyes
as I danced on top of the ruins the wars inside of me left behind
I threw my heart into the sky
forgetting the fear of having it fall on nothing
and then giving into something in that
old old world
of nothing

happiness persecutes everything inside of me
and I melt harder
and harder
into breathing more easily

el sol va tocar la lluna i amb els ulls brillants que compartien una
paradoxa amor, es va convertir en el seu conjunt
es va torçar en una essència sota els llençols de les tenebres al
nostre espai infinit
the world whispered the simple phrase into my ample
body, frigid in the sense mentally and physically
I cant get enough of this new comer
I feel the verses in my poetry have became
more real when words are enveloped in
a character of no moral restraints
I am more real now, I feel full
yet my emptiness is there on the side
I need that, and its understood - every human does
wholesome
grateful
the living dead are fully
alive now, and I have let
the deader parts of me fade away
with the turning of time
I have a new sheet of skin upon my body
I have new eyes peering at the world
with the stare of a pale ****** who has
yet to be touched by the sun
just coming out of my mothers womb
you see
I am born again
I breathe for the first time
and I love genuinely
I throw my arms in the sky
and I bathe myself in the wind
of this foreigner whom soon
I will give my body to
and you will grow along me
the clouds move above me like a
euphoric dream of melodies
and I feel the rush of the universe
come down on me like a huge raindrop
and I am cleansed
and I am free
and I am love
the smell of wet wood in the park
suffocates me with its natural joy
and I lay on the grass and peer
into the lakes of life and
the mysteries they hold, I cannot
wait to find out the riddles
and listen to the new rhymes to come
welcome new year

sterile, I lay in bed
the woman that I am burning like endless candles
lit on the night of a great death
I am a great death
I stretch to release my family's history
torn between expectations and love affairs
and a grandfather in prison and my grandmother
drowning in tears and raising a son who did not come out of her womb
that poor woman with that blonde hair and those green eyes
rage breeds along love on her side and she is so taken back by the two
stricken in a consistent dilemma of letting both get the best of her
her bleeding insanity
and her bleeding forgiveness towards a man who did
nothing but annihilation
until her normal mind went to waste
what is it in a mans eyes that lets him dare
brake a woman
a frail,small,feeble, innocent woman
where do these men find the strength to see a woman in a pit
of tears generated through her pupils by his monstrous hand
is the heart not what gives birth to the strongest of emotion
this mental thing, and is that where that selflessness comes from
because it is all much too powerful
you my grandfather, must be some kind of genius
to have found that black and hidden place where you find
the coldness to do such things
you tortured soul who spits on all his children
you tortured man who's actions lead to consequences that befell
your grandchildren, your anger has bred through generations
your anger bred through my father and then to me
you broke men and you broke women
you
you
broke all of your children
all 7 of the souls you made
but you will not brake mine this I vow
I will stop that anger here
I will stop it now.

Im standing at a distance
this balcony feels like it could break
and I just might fall

last night I drove with dead people
Im surrounded by them through out so much of my day
their words flow through air
no, but they dont flow
through life
meaningless
they are so meaningless

but everyone is suppose to have a reason

the dead are everywhere
even when Im alone
parts of me fall
like dead skin
they are rotting on my collar bone
I rub them off


the dead sing to the world
and the world
it listens
and they dance
to the music

the meaningless music of the dead
the bleach blonde
and the brunette

are we written on the lips of that
manipulated venom seeping into your mind
those who see
see the crime


and then love
where does that go
ask the dead
maybe they will know

my heart claws on the inside of my chest. there is no escaping loves drum.
that rhythmic pattern that picks up. like the small things in nature in the morning. the undeniable laughter of the birds. the life coming after 9 months.
the purging after a bottle of whiskey.

I sit alone in my room. my hands are sweaty. I panic.
why is it against me and so out of my hands to deny you.
I stare at my dresses my womanly things that mean nothing.
I walk outside and stare at the immense blue in the sky. how it consumes me.
I watch the clouds sway. changing. growing. disappearing...
why does everything make sense all of the sudden. why do I feel lonelier
than I have ever felt in my entire being. time has never seeped through me
so slowly, every turmoil minute has placed itself like a beast upon
my forehead.  Every smile I see has made me grow emptier inside.

my tears mean nothing anymore. meaningless they are compared to the grief
that screams inside of my gut. it is seen on my face. there is no hiding it anymore.
I can solve every problem. unlock every door. touch every star.
all of it will mean nothing. Maybe I will find it inside of me to walk away
but this time tell you to come

Maybe I will finally accept

there is no escaping loves drum

I see no degradtion
in my broken passion of words
these words I speak from my deepest creases
my secrets hidden in the birds

I let you read me in my peices of peices
and I am called absurd
I let you let me shift you with my magic
now your vision of me is more blurred

Ill let you hunt me down
so lopsided and up and done battered
I open the door hallucinating and tattered
its not not like you never mattered

I just have remote in my hands
I have intrusive in my wastelands
now my lungs expand

slow
ly
I lift my eyes and bend my head
without voice I preech muse of the dead
Im yearning for more than lifes bread
and we yell enough
enough
was said
but I get on my knees and I beg
life I say might there be something better that you can
grant
to express myself in ways purer than this
because I feel that I cant

I will carry my mind somewhere further than any foreign land
somehwere to a brutal coma
where little aliens of dripping uphoria exsist
hidden deep in every uncharted abyss
they will come up from the mudd
I will unravel them with the unraveling of this flower bud
I will lift my head up then nudge
in acceptence of all these empty cabinets
they have been emptied out by my wet mouth
to ease the pain and **** the drought
that burries itself like a baby

tinted poetry
poetic in my own utter for trying to
grasp something that is close
to reaching the sun with my shoulders

my heart touched the sun when It encountered
your reluctant fire.
Nights where I felt as if love would suffocate me
with madness that was to good to be true
and you held me with the veins of your mind
and tugged at me with the strings of your eyes

gripping onto you when we would walk
let it be that everyone knew that you belonged to my hands
and my hands ran over you body
just mine
you took my blue stones
blue stones
and set them on fire with your demonic lips
of shamelessness given to you by your manhood
a kind that was all too good to be true

skin full of color that wasn't there when you where born
a body composed of pure art and gesture
permanently scared
your neck sang
and your pelvis cracked against my hip
when the sand dunes went in too deep
the earth eroded
and our universe collapsed
between our two separate places

and after everything was gone
dead
we breathe
in and out so so
slowly

soft laughter sighs
what are you doing tomorrow like questions
float in the heavy air around us
and all I know for certain
is that
this will end

sounds from the neck pollute the air
as I fall between ripples of warm skin
lint grazes me
as you smile to my ear
speak to me in your souls language so my soul can hear
down my chest falls a tear

its overwhelming

everything you are is now mine
in a world that falls like water paint on thin paper we dine

and whats mine is yours
connecting in more ways than one, as does the ground when the sky pours
hours immense into something that should reach darkness outside this earth

Im almost captivated by too much

grant me the company of true energy
I am falling hot in this abyss of your sacred thoughts revealing themselves to me through touch
and silent conversation
an auroa so tender it should be painted
driving me to the end of a feeling, irresistable
speechless breathless and naked

blue star, single handed
with a *** of gold
I reached out and spoke to the old
I went back to the last one and the last
all the places where my heart was almost sold
and I remember
by you, the split one I was told
you spoke so wise so bold
renered your eyes toward me and said
behold

and I
did

watched intently the love you scold
the fires that drenched our
household
with love

but still I was cold

it was the earth I wanted to hold
the shape of it I wanted to remold

but our thoughts are controlled
and us humans we unfold
to that which glitters
all that which is
gold

I am not a diamond
I am merely flesh and bones
filled with gravestones
and broken jawbones
blistered backbones
for reasons
that will maybe forever be
unknown

my hormones burst
in my in my bones
my thoughts release groans
and I love the sound of the tone

I am here,
alive
happy
and alone

the sound of celebration
the light of celebration play around me
the words of others sitting beside me

I remember when you exposed yourself
veins hanging like watered down tissue on burning wood
while I stood under you
you dripped on me
and I cant seem to get the stains to leave

how can you endure me with heart ache
such as yours
as now I am forever burdened by your hormones
and recklessness

and you tell me I am the purpose
for the epidemic
which ruled and overtook your galaxies

how am I so tiny and frail
able to do such things
surely it is not in my stature
for I am small

surely it cant be from my heart
for it is as alive as cobble stone
when it came to you
your were my friend
a partner in crime
taken away from me by means of yourself
and how am I to help that
when it is so out of my hand

cant you see how you drain my days
and make the moments so weary
when I am suppose to be hungry for will
and anticipation for the new minute to come

now I have deaden down
now I have melted on only the surface of the ground
if only I can go deeper
but no I am only on the surface

how do I explain such things as this
when my mind cant comprehend it
and I am already swimming in the ocean of doubt

before I took enough steps to think
before I took enough steps to get to you
before I took enough steps to know who you really are

you defeated me
you let me go
out of your selfish bitterness
how can you blame me

I want you to understand
every strand of hair on my body is in pain
my blood is a knife
flowing through me
secretly whispering your name to my skin
and my skin burns and falls like ash

my sheets are stained with the deader parts of me
my body lays on the bed
and in the dark hallway
I am peering into the room
watching the love rot away
and decay

the moon burries itself into the sun
and I bury myself into everything I cant reach
and I sink so
so
deep

will you create those little things
when you look back and think of all the memories
like a picture
old snap shot
tattered edges


wearing all white I hold my breathe
next to the massive body of water
Im made out of salt
and I melt on the lips of the winds
the humidity is staining my fingertips
and Im closing my eyes immersing in the
dysphoria of all of this

finally
posture comes to my bended bones
when I realize I am a waterfall
stuck in the drawer of an old mahogany vinaty set
laying somewhere in a abandoned house years
and ages away
miles and miles far remote from this place
I stare in haste


I collaborate with the atoms around me
the molecules that form my wasted id
Im a child, my hands are still small
but they are rough

Im at the park, its the closest I can get to my seed
the dirt that I am made out of
cause nothing here is natural anymore
take me away please
somewhere where I can walk on history
not in a land were the worst genocide took place
an annihlation that was dressed in a costume
oh no it was a cleansing

I rather walk on gravel
broken roads
then on fresh paved streets

I rather live in the forest
than in this so called democracy

I cry my heart dry to the thought of you

my eyes they feel as though---

I dont want to think about you
because if I do
I will have a drought within my body

for years

I have dreamt of you so many times
I have thought of how it would be
to simply stand next to you

I remember your parents porch
and I remember you
on bright sunny days
you couldnt be more beautiful---

you were----
so beautiful

and no matter how anyone sees you from that angle
you will never be more beautiful
than to me at that second
when I walked up
and introduced drinking wine

I will never forget that day
when nothing could have been more simple
than me laying down next to you
I remember everything
down to your awkward smile
nothing
nothing was more beautiful
than your smile

thinking of any gesture that you might make
noone will ever be more impassioned by you
than me
hate that truth
or grasp it
no one will
but me
because we come from the same place
that has a thick air of loneliness

makes my blood cringe
and I feel inconsistent knowing that any of you
was ever really
real

I hurt knowing and remebering that you were real
your beauty
hurts me

Im wounded by who you are

in a complete sense and completely
I am everything
in everything that you are
and if you cease to exsist

then I am dust.

and nothing matters anymore
although you never mattered

because I am nothing but dust

to tattered eyes
in hopeless glimpses
in everything without you.

I should come in a locked incubus,
slammed with a appropriate warning label,
past figments of tender kisses and crazed lunatics
.

come here I point at you with my dramatic finger
you.come/ Eye contact becomes a form of survival.
Technique to **** the idle, melt your deepest fire.
Now I want you to listen to me carefully you much older.
you no more wiser than I/soul.
expand those ears that I'm sure have been deafened due
to all the screams that echo through them. The ghosts of
the ebony past. Drastic lights and mad art.
Thrusted naked upon my wall. You have been brought down.

I would like to give the benefit. But for the sake of this poem.
I will not. I'll taper with the thought of it. The slight burn that
disappeared before I noticed it was there. For the sake of a pretty
little write at the end of my night. by tomorrow morning I will not care.

listen to me intently

you who loved Esmeralda in Spain, Gypsy of dark colors
drenched in things I know nothing of. Curiosity that hummed
like a tempest. Challenging me like she always does. Has died out
in front of me as she always seems to do. prancing around at the right
moments bringing me back to my stone alter
I have ran out of words, I cant speak for things I did not receive.

listen to me closely
I wait for no none.

I left the good ones in the bag that I packed
and left with a long time ago
blinded by expressionism and confessionalism
a portrait hung on my wall for so long
I dream in blue and earthy scents
of that little space between hinder and breath
society placed a big burden upon my chest
it whispers so many funny and true things
dire to my belief of originality
and being specific in the things I do
mind like thin lines overlapping in many different hues
I have grown ill in thought of the ordinary people
you see me as flawed hurt and stupid
and I see you as plain boring and mediorce
eyes trail downwards about my sincere actions
and sometimes I must hold my tongue
being that envious eyes would like to eat a lung
my manner gentle and discreet
Im am nothing near the definition of obsolete
and I accept it as I accept that nothing will ever
with misuse be complete
and in a heartbeat I retreat to that creature
who beside me is petite

as I am

feathers of beauty brush against the
slowly moving winds on my shore
and I go back and wonder why everything
so quickly turns into nothing
descending tons of gore
and then fragility comes back to its place
sits on the front of my hands
like a serene masterpeice
reminding me who I am
and leaves me permanently marked
smile

walking down a trail that has laughter and purge embedded
I stagger with a crooked smile and a insane mind
I limp like I am in my hundreds
I tatter justifying your ignorance

your pupils are sewn into my wrists...
your darkness drowns itself in me
oh no
I cannot
take
this.

music of mushroom decent play in forbidden tunes
and I welcome them
a stagnant whisper, someone is passing their soul
and there she is that little girl born in early June
I lay on the piano and melt into its strings
I become a theater, making our play
composing its music
remembering those days
I could have loved you
in
so
so
many different
ways


I watch the end of my cigarette burn, and the smoke unfolds
I fill my ashtray
with the memories of the old

all I truly care about at the moment
is curling up in your arms
speaking of my resentment and admiration
torwards your careless character
Im so abundant with nourishment and hatred
so filled with the emptiness of me and you

If I can so raise my voice
to were every soul would listen in praise
I would speak of nothing but my loneliness
hurl out and send words into the universe
of my collasal seclusion

my hair grows and with it months of solitude
I almost feel like I cant write anymore
like my words are meaningless
because you will never read them
I will never bare arms
I will never look in your direction
where will inspiartion come from

when your sitting in the park alone
the grass nestles and makes noises
damp from the rain earlier that day

the bench is dark brown
and I sit on it anyways
my pants get wet

I dont care

I stare at the sun
it stings my eyes
and I become further annoyed with myself
further annoyed with my day
and further annoyed with my life

the light makes me feel lonlier than ever
the sounds of the birds singing in harmony
make me feel hallow inside

the sounds of cars driving by

I hope you remember the days
I hope you remember the non exsistent apology you gave me

I will remember everything

Its almost like thread
this
me and you
weaving
Im strolling
down a park
and I come across my thoughts laying down retreating on the side walk
I see the trees, and they are all so green and brown
and there you are
behind every tree
and every single thought

bent, these people
these thoughts are holding their knees together
and each ones strays and blushes to the other
and then ignore each other
as if they dont belong to the same mind
they run around and hold hanfds
and then they run away from each other

like thinking a thousand times of the letters that make up your name
and a thousand times of the skin that makes your body
and a thousand times of trying to forget what they both do to me

my thoughts run around like infants
with no mothers
and no understanding
completely barbaric and sad

I need you to come down to me
to have my restlessness come to death
and I need you to never look in my direction again
it wounds me
and I simply cant live without you

my blood has fallen asleep and at ease to your beauty
your eyes

I beg
to breathe in the skin of your thighs

you move faster
and I move further away-
with you
from everything you represent
your prose and the most you disobey

leave you I may
beautiful woman
leave you I will
meager minds and griefs hearts to you I dispell everything
you may not see brown eyed,
I for now
have given all my insides to you

I walk away against my will

for you to display ---
life
sprung into things you must discover
and below you I hover
hoping that the feeling will not absorb me
like water into a sponge
like blood into a lung

I am beaten down

hurt

and I understand that breathing comes in hand
when in place of a human
who does not yet understand

taunt has been breathing latent
satisfying, tumbling, ringing
next to the sounds of the waves
that crash tenderly into my woman breast
intrinsic/immature
burnt black songs spread across the wall of hearts
ashen into the palms of souls
driven by the harmony of new days
I am a new day, smiling as I dig
my teeth into natures gatherings
given for sustenance and relief
virtues have been born above me
a white sea has come to be
I marvel at all these new found beauties

an exchange of a few words
turning like sirens racing to save a dieing moon
in the fury of the morning
when birds sing and hearts align
like glorious mummies in the grave
decomposed
and awaiting the words of the curse to be uttered
by some love stricken woman carrying the burden
of the perfect day that withered away like
the snow in the summer underneath
tarnished melodies sung by the greatest of our time
my jawline contracts with the wind
the secrets of the invisibility rushes like the night
there is no stopping this truth from unraveling in front
of me like the baby coming out of the mothers womb
there is not stopping this fight
I hardened underneath the pale sun
like clay
turned
molded pottery
crafted by the music that rested upon me and
tough family nights where my father would bang on the door
I became stone

chosen
enduring like flowers who break to open
and reveal the most female of their colors
brushing chastity upon my charred heart
I become soft again
cradled in the arms of nature and her tragedy
that has grown far worse than any I have ever seen
her beauty
magnificent
and how she endures the blood shed of men
the tyranny of women
the tears of children
the atomic warfare
the bombs
the anguish

I learn from her that all things are equal
in the sense of the willow that covers her flowers in 40 feet of shade
roots clung to the heart of the soil beneath
he is equal to the twig

Dear Lover,

you are my first
I followed you with fragile feet
I touched you with innocent hands of  infants
finally able to control my own muscles
everything has lead to you
breathing has lead to you
seeing color has lead me to you
I remember your dark hair
and something inside of me sinks
like a ship with a thousand souls
awaiting their death
somewhere in that bottomless pit of beauty and destruction
somewhere deep in those waters awaits my last sign of hope
something of a tragedy and meanings lost as to why I want
nothing more than to be with you
and something inside me now wishes nothing more
but to be swallowed by this dark and endless ocean
of your reluctant love and dimmed fire
something inside of me begs to be in that darkness
so that I may not know another day of suffering
I walk throughout my day invisibly bleeding
gushing red on every sidewalk
I am ashamed to walk into places where people
are happy, and stain their surroundings with my
invisible affliction
only those who know can see it
but I cant see them
I cant see anything because I am subdued completely
immersed in my catastrophic realm of a deep agony
your heart is a vast desert
and I am completely lost within it
and this famine and drought is killing me
I am starving
my skin sags, I can barely open my eyes
and I am growing into something far beyond emotionally weak
in one second if you tell me to go
I will exit this world that I have thrown myself into by will
and will never twitch at the thought of you again
I will exile myself from here never leaving a trace of my soul
behind

sincerely , Lover 1







Dear, Lover

I understand that you are tiered with me
and I am sorry that I make you bleed
but keep in mind that your invisible red
showers like a waterfall unto me
remember that I warned you about my senseless ways
about my chained spirit flying free
about my deranged childhood and my broken hands
I warned you about my shattered eyes and my wasted lands
I cant help but wither away like pedals falling off a rose
in the height of spring
when you bring yourself close to me
when you smile that simple smile
I can die in your simplicity
I can die in your beauty
I can live in your eyes
and Im sure you know that more than once
it is plenty of times because of the portraits of you hung in my head
I fall apart like an ancient wind and cry
Im sure you know many times I asked myself why
why life must I be in this displaced manner
of a starved love and barren core
for there would be nothing more satisfying
then enjoying the ocean and things like autumn and the red leaves with you
do you not that think I am hurting too
you saw how my skin grew bright when you were next to me
you felt me from the inside of me
I let you hold me like a mother would hold her child
even if it was for a second I let you give that love to me
and it hurt more than anything I can ever bring myself to write about
or put into words
I was not meant for this life
as much as I want to be
I was simply not made for this love
my heart shatters and blows like glass
only things of nature can burn how I burn
we have been through this before, I try to stay away from you
but when something sits in front of you, so undeniable it is hard to learn
it has taken me quite sometime to say this
but apart of me has refused to stay with me
and will forever stay with you
a part of me has loved you more than it loved me
and I cant take that back, it is out of my hands
you say my heart is a desert
if I could generate a spring for you to enter naked
simple and at ease I would
but the only spring I have are those which
flow through my eyes and upon my chest
Im sorry
Goodbye

sincerely, Lover 2

I pressed my prancing ear upon the chest of the thin melancholic paper
the words dripped like purluded dreams of infants
I beckon to trace my invisible whispers deeper into the parchment
the pen touched the edge of tatter
and my veins pump the bluest blood through my fingers
Im bound by the seduction of the black art
mused by its very exsistence
Im in a constant dilemma of letting it persecute my very movements
hurl my insides to make them distorted
it is what allows me to walk straight
emotions spit darkness into the light
and I am basking in the harmonious sun
leaving splinters on every pore
and I beg for
more

be so kind to speak harshly
to lovely to think smoothly
and open your skin so I can peer inside everything you
believe in

waters thrusting without a sound
in my playful obstacles of the notes that bound my lips together
and I am purging thoughtful gazes in every direction
or so to speak

I stand and hear snaps applause for my devotion
admiration and unforgiving blunteness
into my perception on the side walk the brim of homelessness sits on
and I hum as I walk away from shaken lands
the happiest tune I ever learned

the findings are premorse
and the abstract facts are not enough
you see

when I speak, forgive me but I always try to transgress
logically
fame in the writing of words are a bore
and there is no cure in them
speech is in the pit of the abdomen
words are poetry spat out from the core of any woman

I remember you

you are painful to remember

your face a muse in my deepest beliefs
on what the real meaning of love is
or mAYbe something else

Im so bound by my memories of you
they fall in my mind like the roots of dandylions
but with wishes that never came true

sometimes I feel
that I wish I could have lived with you in some remote world
far from the one we met
far from the one that any who have felt this way will ever go
Im engrossed in my simplicity towards you
towards your remarkable face

you brought joy
you brought anguish
you brought fear
and deliverance
to the furthest place away from you that my feet could possibly take me

why is it that my mind always goes back to you
at times
when Im almost on the edge of relief
you take my sanity away from me

and Im left in the same place once more
I feel like a failure everytime
who is left with nothing
not even the joy in my commitment of straying myself away
from the very core of you
for it is imbedded in my core
you are the seed and Im the outer layer of the fruit
that will never ripen with time
or with age
Im stuck in a pandominoum
in a world
where the sun does not shine
and I do not move foward

I assume that the only thing that will bring me refuge
is your voice
which is the only thing that terrorizes me most

you are a monster caged in the very depths of my thoughts
I have lost the key to let you go
to free you from my restless mind
I hear your echoes every night beaming in my head
agony mixed with revelations of something I was so unfamiliar with
until your frail and young exsistence came into my life

I did not want to be the one to show you
the one to bring you into that world
it was so painful for me
will you ever now
how weak I felt holding that responsibilty in my small hands
I have never felt so small before

the sin
the relaxtion
the realse
the pain

you let me be the barrer of these
and now Im left with all except relaxtion
and without you

our story falls on the thorns of beautiful roses
Im stuck on the needles
while I stare at the pedals in rememberance
of all the things that I can no longer touch
with my veins
I end this poem like I ended me and you
without wanting to

I remember yesterday in the apartment covered in murals
of beautiful eyes and psychedelic mushrooms
I see you sitting next to the ac right under the window
your sweating because its a hot day in the winter
my heart is trembling beaneath this pale skin
as I watch how your eyes lift themselves
heavily to stare out the window, because
you do not want to look in my direction, there is
no chair for you to sit on, because I am sitting
on the only one, the carpet is stained
and you sit legs crossed like a child
and again my heart is trembling beneath
my pale skin
where does your mind come from
I assume from years of a malicious father
who would come to you and love you deeply
after he has hurt you so many times
I assume that child that breathes through
your adulthood comes from the mother
who carried you with her veins
who struggled with her husbands pain
how could I walk away from you
you are a baby in my hands, and how
can I abandon that
beautiful
beautiful
scared face
lips meet in a place of peace
and content understanding
beneath trees and all living things
our faces touch lightly
how can you still be so innocent
how does purity flood your hands in such a way
that the mere definition of chastity is evolving
in my mind
I understand nothing anymore
I feel guiltless
I feel flooded in shame
I focus on the lines in your
pupils and I am elated with foreign
I am in a different land
we must go back to our separate
homes