once again she has mastered the art of getting stuck in the same empty room
the one in which she ends up in after a rough night
the intoxicated water streaming down her throat
and down the most sincere part of any women
flowing through every blood vessel
he grips her thighs
she accepts the hand shake
the welcome
the greeting
instead he is the one coming in
she serves tea coffee and truffles
around the house she is the tour guide
she opens the door to a room with double locks
as she is putting her clothes back on
he leaves
without a uttering a simple goodbye thank you
or ill never forget this
as she walks back into the room in her mind where he first sat
she notices the dust on the full plates and glasses
coffee untouched
tea untouched
truffles going bad
and she thinks to herself
how could I do such a thing

the color green
floats around in my mind like a pool of death
bottomless in my heart
thick and dark
flowing completely
and
completely
empty

its all there
but its all gone

I am a human
but I lack all the characteristics
of a human mind
Im frigid
metal like
placid
and emotionless
you bring me forth

and I lay in my tomb
next to all my thoughts of you

death

you have annihliated me
brought me to an end
of no return
my words would never be enough

if times cures
I will feel you a millenium from now
flowing through my blood
as if we just met

my eyes they do wonder
more than you will ever know
will they always
tend to find themeselves in thoughts unpredicted
by even myself
who could probe so deep, mingle so lightly
with touches and sighs not meant to come out they way they do
but even more
so much more
then what ill ever draw with my finger
love dipped sand gripped
oh autumn summer fall
gray September
red winter
sepia summer
under leaves and leaves

ocean

the ocean never changed
where I felt touch as a woman
released my first sighs as a woman
doing bad so bad
under things that were so beautiful

that was so beautiful

I mix and walk back
I must be a woman
to walk this way

and to look into all of your eyes
and feel nothing
and then feel everything

alcohol

white fresh and tastes like spring
under the imagination of so many things
I can go on forever

you know
about cups lovers creeps echos and black *******
that helps me flow

and I still bend to weak minds and words
I still bend to eyes fleeting destruction
to eyes who try to lie about everything
make believe they are something
dieing inside from nothing
bleeding tape around mouths with tongues that are too narrow
for proper speech

i still bend to beauty and love for the sake of -- love
or anything of such kind
meanings lost mixed and revealed through each other
with such discreet difference in between
and I feel the difference
and the contrast only makes me fall deeper into things that i don't know

once discovered

I grab my scarf wrap it around my neck with a thin cancer mutation in between my fingers
select my watch drape it around my wrist
put all belongings where they belong
and check out into the next hotel of
malicious life tones

I can tell you what it is, that feeling
but before, I must let you know I have dusty corners that need to be fixed from floor to ceiling

now in this room there is no use in stealing
its not gradual, look in my eyes in one second if i allow it, you will know the meaning

in my hands, beneath my palms there is a pounding
as water embraces the ocean, can you feel yourself drowning

trembling I hold it out of my chest
my hands are dripping in blood, and right now I cannot tell you the rest
here we don't use words, because there is no use for them

once they told me .....
but I refuse to believe that,
although I find trouble convincing myself - no they are lies
a lingering whisper that comes to me occasionally tells me otherwise

that little girl that lingered in the open spaces
with her nerves she traces
symbolic memoirs of something fading
I went downtown just to go downtown, no reason in particular
, days like those I cherish the beauty of solitude and city lights

after I got to the mountains I blushed to myself
when they came to say hi
this isn't were I belong
do I seem like an open book
I am an open book

but only the right eyes can read its invisible words
that were written with the happiness of few things
--
and the pain of many many things

behind my words there is a calling
read between the lines, can you feel yourself falling

slowly now I feel your wounds healing
I can show you what it is, that feeling

but before I must let you know, I have dusty corners that must be fixed from floor to ceiling.

ponder with me as I throw these diaries
filled with tales of ******* and burnt down cities
towards the direction of every ear
that had but a moment to listen to my plea
of how other lands hold the children of my sanity
of how in other lands I see decadent beauty
how I feel the gnawing tearing in me awfully

supernatural were the nights I imbedded in sultry
cringed smiles and listened to the forgein birdies
inhaled the fumes of gasoline and drowned in the glorifying sunny
wet my lips in salty water and enjoyed the stinging in my eyes
graced the cannabis valleys
and the meadows of sustenance and endless possibility

the waterfalls of magnificent hidden deep in the earth
behind the roses of my ancestors

speak to me my land
call on to me louder
hinder me away from this place
and manifest within in me your womanly power

seek me oh mother land
and cast me away from shattered lives
bring me back to you
and beg me todestroy this demise

I am toughly and sickly
at the same time

shower me with your graciousness
and devoutly banish my crime
I will wait for the thunder calling
and make excuses for this ****** place in the meantime

so this is it
crime and punishment
hidden under barries that are too silky for the normal hands to touch
if I tell, I might be saying too much
in this line seeps one
listen to this, the story has just begun
from time to time
suspision raises something more than infiltrating thought
crawling through a master mind of unbeliavble things
the kind of things you see in those dreams
that slipped your mind a few hours later, and you can never seem to grasp what it means
I see those familiar figures laughing in the fog
in murky grass ,blue skies and deep deep courtesy they lay
glass scatterd and this head goes astray
pack up, and leave I may

a melody is playing ever so lightly on those taught strings
it reminds , yes
it reminds me of all those unforgettable things

she wanted to find something that made her passion hang
like a human from a tree somewhere in the late thirties
a silent hand pressed against her sponge mind
making her leak her tongue all over the ill surface

years have passed like a seamless tomb
with eyes that scream please, hold me here for more than just two minutes
I am bored with the 1 hour love meetings and the detours
that lead me to the lions cage
the forbidden conversations and the numbed movements
stone tongues of gargoyles limping on the edge of
Gothic cathedrals in Prague

an animal somewhere in the wild dies slowly
a snake gives its venom to prey

and then you stood timid at the bottom of the mountain
as I struggled to make my way down
I thought of how my mother would be proud
to see me in a wedding dress, letting go of the only daughter she was able to drench out
of her body

surrender I thought never come in the form of bliss
till I realized I would hold out against all odds with no mercy
I'm not going anywhere
I stand right here in the corner
with my poetry spiraling down my thighs
in hopeless patterns

Tonight I write with the pale hands
of the loneliest creatures
Tonight I am explosive with the tales of my defeat
and the short comings of what I have to gain

Tonight I light my cigarette
and watch its smoke make love to the moon in the midnight sky
delicately it wraps around my fingers like a lover
the only thing keeping me company besides language

Tonight I am vulnerable, waiting to be haunted by a captivating
lock of eyes, dark and strong eyebrow expressions
a slight hesitation of enamored cheek bones and hands
that tell stories of kings and queens
stories of war/passion/starvation/survival

Tonight I am wrapped in my sadness
shedding all over me like a semi-transparent cloak
a mistress seen behind a fog of stagnant hope
I breathe in my wine
rub my tongue on my pallet
brush my hair behind my ear
massage my temples
exhale

Tonight I tell my wild eyes and veins to be patient
I ask my trembling soul to bare with me in silence
I beg my vicious feet to remain still, please do not run away
come my lush heart, remember to keep beating
expand by black lungs, keep breathing

Tonight, there is something that has finally broke through
the message pleading for my attention from you
you are a storm, awakening yet filled with rain
how can I love you, mourn you, conceal you in this poem
from so far away

Tonight I have mastered the language of tears, just some more
yes most of the time my life is miserable, but when  laughter sparks a fire in me
I am the happiest white soul under the blazing sun
the warmth that fills me, can make the orchids smile - can make rocks fall in love

Tonight I sleep once more alone
in a small bed that I call my own
in a haven of singular sorts
this place I call home

It is in my conscious stream to speak of restricted words
the kind, that hang off  your two separate lips quietly
that usually hold hands in that scrutinizing silence
the beauty of these two things my eyes find hard to hold

may you come to me on blazed days, and shivered nights
with the wisdom of owls, and teach me all the things life has taught you
and show me your scars from that faint childhood
and tell me about the beautiful lands you wish to immerse your body into


may I be blessed enough, that you - glorious you
sacrifice your time to simply stare at the immense turquoise of the sea with me
the veins in a leaf, the memories written on tomb stones

I hope to figure out the secret paths of your garden labyrinth  
to find your white beaches and leave but a footprint upon the shore of your inner arms

at night, I find the most joy in asking you to look at the stars
for when met with your eyes, they burn brighter and become shy with your beauty
they scatter and hide behind each other. The moon envies me.
She dances in the sky
gloriously.  

your hair unravels like a bush of silk
harmoniously tasseled out in the sun and when you smile
fruits of labor fall off the corners of your comely mouth
all of natures most passionate things are instilled in you
you are every season of the year
every phase of the moon and rotation of the sun
the rain that I stand under
the waterfall I fall asleep too
the immense darkness of the night that inspires me

your eyes taut, like black diamonds - your tears benitoite
even that from you is something to be admired
I wish to be a leafless tree standing somewhere
in the outskirts of your world

I would like if I could, to venture out
into a baroque cave where the walls are translucent
and all that surrounds it are rivers of coherence
and incoherence
where I can scream, and when my echoes
radiate they bounce off on me and touch
the spaces in between my fingers
bizarre and ornate
rococo chimes lift my spirit
progressive, regressive
subliminal rising, into the sea of whispers
and final decisions  
and crazed hands
and melting lips
and bruised knuckles
and fighting wrists...

I subsist to consist
of the fluid that makes me up
lavender barely breathing
flowers/continue/endure

hang tough, low by lakes of conspiracy
and hate/ block eyes/ shed those ill states

I carry this entity/essence/life gentely
in my arms like a ancestor. mother .
press its head against my skin and give it everything
in my blood filled hands, sinful/blessed/ tiered creatures
I feel beautiful in these worlds.

eyes closed in sleep, palms spread forth
oceans cleansing, I feel like an infant
stomach twists and hearts bat burnt wings
and learn to fly

I radiate.full hearted. eminence spoke to me
through her portal of solid grass and dieing trees
in the outskirts of the vagabond, slowly unraveling
like a child speaking
slowly growing like new love
stricken instantly
I am in
between Cleopatra and Mark
between Orpheus and Eurydice
between Odysseus and Penelope
between Elizabeth Bennett and Darcy
between Salim and Anarkali
I shiver in that love
that breathes in determent
and breathes out fragrance  
  

temperate plasma hooked onto
the grind of my woman I beat like
the robins breast/ trembling in awe
like a living leaf blowing in the winter wind
resisting/giving in/ perishing/ breathing
to the sound of this beautiful life

she drenched in the salt lake
her eyes scared by the city of bright lights, the homeless
the rich, faithful, and faithless. There is always a drought.
confined in the Romanesque heart of the men with hard ons,
and the women who just cant seem to get enough.
The white boys with baggy pants who drive by smelling like ****
and listening to some mainstream ******* that makes ordinary minds
even more ordinary.

The extravagant gay men - gorgeous- flamboyant witty and ridiculously critical
but yet have no restraints
The bull ****'s, the stems, the fems and the ones who have a few drinks
and want to touch something forbidden and then wake up
the next morning falling in love and realizing that maybe
they are not who they thought they were,
or leaving some obsessive uhaul with a broken heart

a scene infested with infestation
of a inner circle that screams something,
of noble drama, static eyes, drunken nights and high profile
love affairs, because nothing stays committed
but within the dysphoria breeds toxic secrets
ones that can break the body, like cold war hearts
shifted into a panorama of anorexia and bulimia
because too skinny is just never enough
bones are never enough
it had to go deeper then that.


heavy black eye liner, and steel pumps
unravel like skin heads out on the prowl of navy blue nights
looking for pretty new flesh, someone who has yet to be touched
because nobody wants the new girl after she is no longer new
the spotlight hits you, everyone wants to love you
everyone wants to *******, everyone is willing to backstab
the girl you choose every 2 weeks to get your attention
thats just how it works, I have been that girl
with eyes turned away I had to watch someone become that girl.painfully.
there is a segragation within the sub culture. Just when you thought
there was no such thing

converse and button up shirts
the right haircut and strong eye contact can get you any straight girl
at least thats what they would like to think, and for the most part
they are right

a man leans his head over to grunt
as the woman who is doing what she does to pay her rent
gives in like a weak human who just cant keep the lie anymore
who explodes with her barbaric truth and stains those figured
around her with uncaring eyes. There is no more sympathy.
you probably walked by her at the gay club last night.
yeah thats her covering up her sexuality like a vegan
who wears the fur of a polar bear around her neck
and gauts and gushes and purges and numbs herself out
because her selfishness has taken over her pride
because she has lost herself
because she is too broken

this is Miami she thought, why am I here
from sky vision it looks looks like a cess pool
of humans trying to latch on to something that does not exist
of business men who are not getting what they deserve
of kids who are growing up to the sound of lady gaga
and some other ****** up quote on quote artist

and then I found what I never thought I would find here
some kind of starved meaning, leaning on the street corner
like a dieing baby
sitting in the trash can like some left over rice
barely surviving

an energy that is struggaling to keep its eyes open
a community of expolsive minds trying to fight out
these scenes and living in their own worlds

your hair was long
eyes burnt like savage charcoal hanging
off the tunes that follows your voice when you speak
blindess carsses infant bones inside of me
you make me weak

pretty you moved like glitter in summer rain
your words were simple and plain
you sat like a indian sun child
everything around us somehow manipulated into nature
nothing was concrete
nothing was cement

nights and days I repent
the hours minutes seconds spent
on basking in the rain that built up
in front of your hands
drops fall off strands of hair
slowly
on to the ocean under us
purging lips

dive deep into uncharted mansions
somewhere between bones and hips

from your water I would take small sips
as I knew after our cups were empty
you would leave
or maybe I would

I got up to depart
she grabbed my wrist
at my skin she rips
shes slips
and unto her I grip

the yelling snaps like horsewhips
my heart beat skips
the anger settles
the images fill the film strips
my vocbulary slips
as femininity strips
and I think how I can no longer take this

minutes then roll off into bliss

incredibly potent female
who’s face is the shape of my empty heart
your empty eyes, sit beside my collar bone
your rich fingers like black crows along my hip
calmly shaped gestures shriek madness
into the night where black haired women
fall in love with the beasts inside
feverish, bitter alcoholic tongues

stand beside each other like two trees
growing in the same forest
re-living those shooting stars
that were never seen

you played to pursudae
my golden parade
into your midnight blue finger tips--
to hinder me to beg to be a part of the edge of your lips

oh young man why do you throw me in your bed like that
and touch my ribs and sides the way leaves touch the ground in autumn

your palms have left invisable marks along the small of my back

dont make me loose whatever is left inside of my thoughts
the waves of eminent energy that rush down your masculinity
as I simply watch adorning every crevice of anything that ever exsisted inside of you
and everytime I noticed this passion grew
---
and I always seemed to notice

when I felt blindness and artless
your name skipped in my blood
----
and I am no longer heartless

I am the night
casting darkness upon the sky
to cry your tears for you and  
put a death to your demise
I will rinse your hands, when you are lifeless
lay inside of me - close your eyes

I am your sun
giving you life, striving to make your seeds grow
I hold my soft rays out to you, please - come
casting eminence upon your sadness
putting a warmth in your madness
I have so much to give you

Nothing can break me from you
I am your book, your lines are written within me
you are the farmer who pressed the grapes with your bare feet
and I am your wine, the product of your labor
here to ease your senses at the end of your day
forget about that rough past, give it to me to swallow

I am your wolf, black and white
I am your lion
I am your army, rest your tiered hands upon my back
I am your proud slave
I kiss your ankles

you are my knuckles
you are my veins- blue and incoherent
you are the vitality that strikes so viciously in me
keeping me breathing on this vast planet
trembling spirits, I softly place my head beneath yours
calmly like sea **** floating in salt water

you are every faint color, drained and impotent
so filled with death and soft laughter
you filter out streaks of exuberant light
blinding me with its brightness
oh when you smile, the starving are no longer hungry
the revolting become the most beautiful things
you turn a beasts heart into a hero's

you are the wisdom that flows through the natives
light like a feather, you move around hungrily on
these cloud sheets.


my eyes are so filled with your eyes
I am a tree standing in the forest you came from
I am a flower in your field
I am a drop of water in your ocean
I am your armor and your shield

kiss me tightly, hang your soft touches at my door
I will bleed these thoughts
till my hearts dust
and soul
sore

I am no longer rusty
tunic driven like a alabaster skeleton through tongues of wine
hearts of misshaped happiness breathing beneath my tongue
aqua marine
risky
danger zones between close mouths and breath
long locks of dark brown trail against your back
like water paint fluid on your paper like skin
hold me here beautiful forever
I will rest in between your palms
as you open them to gather water from the
river of our sacred dreams
I will lay there like a small fairy
for you
at ease

I understand the viscousness the inexplicable vitality
with a woman next to a woman
I can teach you how to be comfortable with me
we might become black at times

we might burn
reminents built
torn and ashy

but here there is a beauty
a burgundy understanding of similar nature
rich with cause
suitable by death

night bound by the man who believed he was clever
driven insanity
crude hearts gestures
leave that castle
be my vampire
join my tower

touch the sent of the wicker
and dive into this feminine power
I set hot trembling
tender sighs let out
every hour

I will hunt those wild beasts within your breast
hold your hand and kiss your chest
stitch myself to your ivory neck
seek you
until my hearts a wreck

I have hung my self to dry on the lines of a greater theory

I am not me anymore

I feel pity for the woman inside of me

I feel pity for my greater infant that slowly faints in the darkness

and I feel pity for my health

I feel pity for the fact that I feel pity for my very self
I have lost control of mental wealth
completely embedded in the filthy secrets and the stealth

A simple careless whisper will do me well
the years I have disguised them time and time again
but quite honestly its been nothing but hell
time and time again I fell
time and time again put under that ***** spell
time and time again I have let you in after you rang my rusty doorbell
and time and time again I have asked you to leave or dragged you out
and bid you my simple farewell
from you
love
love
I have rebelled
I cant stand the taste of you
or even bare your smell
Im am sealed in this shell
love
love
you have made me unwell

I speak to you, not a person
but the emotion itself
locked with the carved letters of
blood
blood shed by so many men in our history
and a mortal death for the hearts of many

If I can turn you into something I could touch I would suffocate you
and rid of our exsistence, to speak quite bluntly

oh love how you make the skin on my stomach feel the bone in my back
like a starving child caved into emptiness
I feel the impact of your  dread on my body physically
and oh how you eat away at me
and dig me so far into this abyss with your anarchy
how you breathe in me awfully and tend me to be angry

oh but how I yearn for your beauty
in the back of my mind I must admit
for the first time I will release the child confession
of my ample and frigid like weakness
I feel my very marrow deteriorating with thoughts of you
love

love here me when I speak to you
you live in happy homes and in the hearts of few
and have become such a taboo

love tell me what can I do to undo
the witches and warlocks in my souls venue
the black voodoo and the monstrous zoo
that infested my purity and scorned my very tissue
time and time again I have thought this through

but where can I go to repair the damage when love is the answer
when the answer is
*you

you are the toska breeding in me like vicious flowers
cannas perhaps lotus or bleeding hearts
haunting the excruciating longing in my sinking chest
a calming and white haunting

I hear a thud in the middle of my body and it seems
that my heart levels itself in between my dimmed ribs
so that it may nervously burst in my core
to let that beautiful yellow childlike  sun into my body

what am I without you, a weltering raindrop
on top of a dark wooden roof
falling into the rustic mud while nobody is watching
being absorbed into the earth while nobody
cares

when I spoke my voice was hallow
and now you fill my speech and the streaks of tunes from my neck
like a starving man who by the grace of God has been blessed
with the feast of kings and queens

the phantom artist of something like a never ending dream
the gentle spirit
the serene incubus

you
daydreamer of withering beauty
heartless and genuine
I rest my smile upon your spine
I suffocate into your talent
of a deep and barren like litost

your calm ocean
as mine
filled with creatures only our imaginations
can begin to decipher
a tender arena of hearts and fowl play
you have taught me more about myself
I am bathing in beauty
drowning in a glorifying deep silk

I would bring my last weeping words  in a coffin
with  dark and rich embroidery resembling
that of your driven eyes
for a simple brush of your hand
upon my cheek

I want to love you when you are ugly
pretty sirens held in tightly to my ****** regulation
of foreign relations/ and transgressed poverty

yes I do
I scream it at the top of my voice my darling
let me love you when you are ugly
I want to linger in your most empty places
awfully.

let me kiss you when you are angry
shed the ill word tell me everything you think of me
and speak to me bluntly

my ears are sore with the pretty
depict me/ dissect me
get me down to my nitty gritty

let me love you when you are ugly

let me stain you with my eyes and fly you away from this country
wrap my arms around you and tell you that you don't need your family

there was a time when blindness hovered in shades of gray
with wings of dragons
and tongues of Shakespeare
latent driven on the hooks of youth and
almost prosperity

let me love you when you are ugly
I say these words knowing it is almost quite impossible
for in my eyes you are always lovely

you cornered me wicked, mid drift in the high
consumed. bluntly exposed.
you placed your thin fingers upon my lips. staggered. bent.
begged me not to breathe
I call onto you like the ocean in heat
like nature in its furious cause to prove that
man has no power over her, that he does not have her cure
in his superficial thoughts that wake in midnights rising
in between yen hungry rich peasants

you have no remote dignity
you have all your pride buried above your blistering smile
that burns openly to my naked eyes in the honest sun
I see everything that makes you up
I see your nose that bleeds
I see your feeble state
and that God forsaken disease

you moved the core of my woman with the taboo
in the thin yet powerful essence that danced between
our darkest places
so hidden from the light
you turned me exhausted with matrimony
driven you blinded basked in your polygamy
and you do still
even when our eyes do not see each other
even when your hands cook feasts in the morning
for that beautiful woman I met

because of you a part of me has become exile and remote to myself
because of you I have become a foreigner to my most permanent assets
I loose myself simply within the thought of my smile bedded
beside your humble surrounding

I find it hard to sleep at night

thrashing through three predictions
dont let it **** you, you know the suspicion
yesterday I remembered it all, when I was sitting alone drinking half fake orange juice in the kitchen
funny I even began to listen
pausing the old tracks on a cassette player I borrowed from 1973
I warned you never to listen to me
my advice is good
the sky really is beautiful outside today
you know its good when you hear those poor kids laughing in such a light hearted way
remember that line from mr.jones were he says he wants to paint himself blue red black and gray
I picture myself painting the world like that over looking the ocean next to the cherry blossoms on that old bay
when we meet I would like to ask you over a million questions If I may
but then I will realize that I will never do that
cause that just not me
I dont like asking too many questions personally

all black is the calmest gesture
alluring - inviting, kindly asking to stay away
the streets were filled with chest's that explode with art
a woman walks by with her ex-lover
she looks at him when he does not pay attention
she wishes he would rest in peace
upon leaves that fell from the tree they grew together

I stare at my fingers stained with red wine
I stare at lips stained with red wine
I do not want to kiss them

we walked into one gallery, filled with color
lingering too explosive for me at the moment
I wanted something slow
that creeps through the blood like injecting a needle
something subtle, infused with a hiding passion
penetrating and brutal
instilling hope
regaining fear
grieved by reality
stolen by the ethereal

I wanted to experience something that stirred in my chest
moving around my arms and back hungrily
looking for something that was lost, or perhaps never there
wild emotion in the shape of a snake infusing me
with a poison that is too sweet to ******
and too bitter to live through

I walked these streets, passed by these galleries
in a desperate attempt to seek this inspiration
this rage
this entity
this sadness
this satisfaction
this sensitivity
this coldness
this shame
this pride

I left with the feeling of being hallow
and realized perhaps that which I seek
perhaps cannot be found in a painting
or a photograph
cannot be mastered in physical form

that foreign sensation  that starves
that foreign sensation that fills you like a glass of wine
is sleeping in the eyes of another person

some say you must die to know life
and how many times must I die
to what degree shall pain be inflicted upon me
till I can say, here I am
I am saved, and I understand
how long must I write with broken
fingers and broken memories
folding skin, and dried yes
there is no more of that here
no I do not look into you and peel out
those truthful lies
I am a poet blessed with
a curse of knowing too much to soon
of watching the others come and go
and feeling myself back
time and time again
in the same white room
and quite honestly, if you would
like to have the courage to listen
to my smallest truth
I am afraid to let go
of my solitude, I enjoy
wallowing and drifting
in a endless space of nothing
but myself

in where nothing is ever concrete
and everything in life becomes
a big mystery and risk
I don’t want to fall and then land
I want to keep falling into life
and experiencing every medium of it
without having anything to hold me back
and am I selfish for that
at this time I would like
to remember the times when
I almost gave in, and how
each one of those moments
folded into a black darkness
never to be found, after examining
the creases in your forehead
you vanished
and I am washed on shore again
beating alone, and strangely
satisfied and I feel safe
somewhere inside of me
I have learned how to take care of myself
I am my own mother and my own father
I am my sister and my brother
and above all I am my own
lover.

its by growing through means
living by moderate extremes
anything to pass by that perluded meaning
drafted hung by my neck from the ceiling
intoxicated by your words
things phrases and voices, before you I have never heard

have you ever been inside fire before
scorned even when I open my eyes
to something called a new day
days are just blended into together
like watercolors
overlaping each other
sometime complimenting one another
and sometimes end up in a unorganized mess
yet we call it beautiful
but every painting has its own meaning
those that dont are never painted

the vigor eases like a carcass meeting its soul mate
gently brought down to the home
all the wicked has been put to rest
and smiles flourish like cherry blossoms in japan
breeze brushes on the side of my sweaty neck
strands of hair in swirls along my back
.the incense burns. The smoke becomes an artist.
it has kept my attention more than most people can

somebody gives life
someone is having it taken away
dogs with cold feet, and felines who have too much
courage when entering your world
the present time, and how Sarah Palin is a *****
hopefully that construction on 595 will be done by the time
I get back, and something good will happen to someone

thoughts like that cross your mind when your on the ride
looking out the window focused on all the things you cant touch
humans who have turned into ants while trying to look for your house
thoughts slowly fade as the ex lover comes to mind
we have all tasted that wine. My glass is now empty.
brewed ripe and sweet, with agony for an aftertaste
I lick the sides. My lips are bruised with a charcoal red.
I ask the pretty flight attendant for another glass.

I sustain a mirrored courage of the earth
staggering posed like two humans who saw
the world in each others eyes for only a few seconds
the contagious feeling bleeds throughout my consciousness
and then leaves at the tipping of the hour
grunting and ashamed
we are each others burden
each others disaster

I try to lift my arms in the air with broken shoulders
while a melting metal falls on the sides of my neck
my collar bone twists while I carefully hold my steady breathing
so that my rib cage does not explode
my eyes closed shut
the bones in my fingers holding on for dear life
veins blue like the sea of our dreams
I feel every ounce of blood tremble in my chest
I feel every cell in my body fight for my survival
I feel my immunity perish
A shriek comes up my pit from the core of my small body
it was as if every heart that had ever beat stopped in sequence
as if the world had found its place in nothingness
and was drowning in silence

I fall
onto a house made out of black brick
empty and creative with its own darkness
its striking absence of light
its livid and ebony coal rubbing against me
welcoming me to the safety of the place made for those
who were no longer able to hold on
shadowy and starless with its own language of mute
its strain and and distressed fever

the thick air has become my companion
the hard icy floor, and the raven walls
the windows are mute and let in no salvation
to whatever beauty may be left throbbing on the outside

I have become a slave to my own pain
I begin to rub my body against it
I let the poison drip delicately like art from my tongue
I let it run down my inner arms
wrists
and then slowly off my fingertips
onto my stomach
and then lower
I churn

I am expressionless
the satisfaction of finally spreading my body
of finally learning how to adorn these black waters
to drink the toxins, alone
makes me shiver
a smirk manages to escape my cracked lips
my broken cheeks
my pale and black eyes

In the corner I sit naked and shudder
something dark and slippery falling off the ends of my hair
I rub the fluid and examine it in between my fingers

I bare no protection for it is not needed
I am no longer afraid
those who strangle now fear me
rancid
******
skulls roll off my spine and line themselves perfectly like little school boys

screams echo from my pores
I have no recollection of what was of me before I came here at first
I am only content to have found this haven

but after sometime  I grow feverish
repeatedly I find myself in alabaster boredom
I want to escape

I want to feel warmth other than mine
something light
like the painters brush upon his canvas
like a morning wave upon sand that sinks beneath your feet like flour
like two little girls playing with each others hair
like the petite smile a lover tries to hide
like the innocence I once had

but the windows of my world are shut
and this place is placid and hallow - numbing

I tear my skin open with as little as a flinch
break my bone
and sharpen it against the rough walls surrounding me
my blood seeps into the floor like venom
scattering in thin lines
suddenly my body becomes more connected with this world
with this tyranny

but I refuse to stop

everything engulfs me
there is no whispering
there is no talking
but I hear something telling me that it loves me
begging me not to leave
humming in what feels like a beautiful witches tongue

I stop
and remember the nights I spent here
how delightfully lonely and mysterious they were
how my heart had been injected with their air and finally became paralyzed
how hungry I was for more of the thickness and the monstrosities
how it had taken me so much strength to finally give up
to finally leave, come here and accept that this is my fate
far away from any source of light where my body felt heavy and torpid
remote and listless there had been nothing to worry about because
I had become a dead creature
far from mortal

but then I remember warmth
and continue to file my bone that has been made
as hard as diamond by pain and coldness

I spear into the walls and break them
spread my  bat wings
and fly away from that world

an afterglow behind me
while the universe sings its traditional song of the hearts revival

days like these I wish to fashion the sun into a dress and wear it
tuck my eyes under the water and breathe,
I can pretend to do these things
I hold the trees in my palms and watch my skin turn into leaves
I am the dirt and I am more than clean
I am black
I am white
I am red
I am wise
and I am green

mislead and content
driven, far fetched, and bent
I remember that night when whatever we had left, we spent
but it didn't matter that we didn't have money to go out
because we went out to the woods and we set up our tent
we forgot about our superficial laments and immersed in natures scent

I don't need the buildings or the cement
**** the bills and **** the rent
and **** all that technology that they continuously invent
it makes us forget what we are

I would like to find ears who will listen to me as I vent
about a catastrophic race who has forgotten its blood
who don't let their children go out and play in the mud
who see no beauty in the flowers bud
children who have been completely devoured
by this consuming technological flood

I close my eyes and I hear nature whisper its calm lines to me
she tells me that she is sad and that more of us should rise to find
a solution to this anarchy
that by the day, lives that live within her are becoming endangered species
the dieing trees next to me nod their heads and agree

she reminds me of the starving children
the dieing men
and the tortured women
my hands feel more empty than before
as I feel helpless

but she said, we can all do one thing
love true life, find its answers and upon finding these answers the
world herself becomes a better place
and  unlike anything else that is ageless
she screams love, accept, and appreciate every race
every religion and try to see the innocence in every face
reach out humankind, hands together tangled in a embrace
smile and throw your hands into your universes infinite space
and remember that it is not a specific country
but the earth itself that is your birthplace

remember that it is not only the offspring of your mother and father
but every human is a brother or a sister
realize the horrible truths of our society, open your minds up
and learn how to accept and be braver
only by accepting these things that seep between government lines
can we manifest energies that will expose them
so that more people believe
so that more people rise
and more people see
I dare you, to not be deceived; life says
cause ignorance sleeps in bliss
and though this truth may make you grieve
my child it is better to be wise
then to be
naive

so come with me, life says; take my hand
don't pack your bags
spread your wings and fly to the true homeland
swim in my oceans naked and dig your body into my sand
feel your heart sing
and your soul expand
now you are truly bathing

time comes slower now when it comes to aging
and here people take pride in their wrinkles and gray hair
in their creases they hold many years of happiness and despair
wisdom, and many moments simply loving the raging air
words and silence become one
remember always that the most beautiful things are wordless
and this life is full of scriptures that you cannot see
but that you can feel with every pore on your body
your third eye has opened and your 6th sense has finally came to be
now intuitive, you see beyond what we knew to be beauty
let go of that hardship I beg you
let go of that worry
let go of the angry
let go of that army
dust off that ashy debris

and come into this world gently and calmly

.

A simple woman, sitting by the window sill
watching the dust glimmering in the beams of sunlight
that peak through her broken curtains.
she catches them with her tongue.
she forgets to put her undergarments on usually when she wears a dress
and alone she loves to be naked.

A simple woman who wakes up in the morning
and washes her face, examines herself in the mirror
one minute convinced she is beautiful and the next pale and daunted
the water slowly runs down her neck

she is electrical with remorse,  fondled by regret
she is enamored by the new day
she wants to lay in her bed forever
she cannot wait to kiss the sun

her mind will make your soul feel -light/cool wind/calm.
her heart .fleshy -copious, and pregnant with deadly bombs

her hands press down like the dictator in his high
her hands press down like the mothers upon a new born

black and white things make their way down
like oil snakes, leaving impressionable trails behind
this mirror that she stares into
behind all the admirable things she has tasted
she examines her mouth
the creature that has pranced upon vicious moments
the one that restrains itself from brutal emotional death

some of her days are a rise above phenomenal planets
she throws her arms in the sky and dances every step she knows soaking wet
enthralled, blistered and covered in the masquerade of her tears
usually she is empty, hallow - engraved with speechless anecdotes of
her most inspiring times,
under the blazed moon
her back glimmers - her skin gives off a light cool
the stare in her eyes, makes every bone in your body
turn to ice, beware of her because sometimes
she is too nice

a simple woman, who will make the black heart turn white
a simple woman who can make ****** fall in love
a simple women who has
died  

she walks into the grocery store
people do not stare correctly, or never stare at all
either way she is discontent ----- rarely people stare with proper eyes
and when they do, things go missing
her memory vanishes- her turmoil falls deeper into the grave yard
she is new

she is a simple woman
she sings after she smokes too much, and does not eat enough sometimes
she enjoys making love to books and giving birth to new ones
she melts at the thought of a good poem
and withers away at the sight of others misfortune

eradicated at age 7, combined by ruckus and 80's music
John Lennon, a blonde grandmother. Greetings
and fingers that almost touched

I have a collection of old birthday cards,
and kept the items that I almost died in
shriveled roses and vintage candles

A simple woman, breaking at dawn with the hour
coolly breathing in the midnight disaster
smiling to absolutely nothing in the world

the broken thunder has shattered our tunes of crazed whispers hidden in the space between your fingers and mine when they never touched. There is a emotion standing like me and you alone, terrible unaware of the pain that is to exhale yet numb and unwavering. you are numb and unwavering. your frailty has departed me into masked regions of normality and consistency. I know how you feel not because I have been there but because I have permanently become a part of you. and if you die apart of me dies too. I stand silently in the blistering sun my hair touches the wind as it sadly sings our old memories of torture and passions defeat, lost time the crimson in your eyes the similarity in mine bring out my age as every day that  passes you cross my mind at least once strangely and I wonder if I still hold a fire somewhere inside of you, even in the smallest. I run out in the waves holding the red holding the black and holding the old book where the edges of its papers are burnt by our naked times when two feminine wrists thrusted upon each other like tsunamis on brittle land. we broke everything beneath us. we perhaps broke ourselves. Our pictures are chaotic slowly moving hallucinogenic barbaric and stricken in my mind.  black is a slow color that lingers down above our heads and covers us with its intensity screaming in a dreadful agony bathing us in its oily sultry, covering our mouths until it became hard to breathe. I wanted to shriek I wanted to blow out a cry and tell you to rescue me from the fate that had driven me back to the alter that I first saw after I kissed you for the first time. Distant vultures stared with crude eyes of something of a disgust. A rush purging into an outlet and a endless amount of lust. forbidden mummification of the slender tale of trust. I lay my head weary about the soft death that plays with my hair and presses its bony finger on my cheek as I am soaking wet in a thin and paper like white dress. Embrace. The skies rained red and when droplets hit the ground a smoke would be born as we walked hand in hand amongst all our past ruins, believing that this was the last time. I failed. life has failed me. We shiver together and my essence frees itself like a flower that has been cut from its stem and my papery pedals strip away one by one on the side of your face. The cities walls felt close, count to 18, 19 open your eyes and speak quietly. kiss me quietly. hold me tightly. Let go of the shame learn to take this love lightly. My chest caved and my back felt heavy.Oh God forgive me. Forgive me. I have sinned and tangled myself into a situation that throws itself  like a nervous child at my knees. You cringed at my sight. You held me highly. You let me go violently. I cried silently.

my mind went white
amongst tiered humans walking like dying elephants.

there are other worlds. other minds. other heart break.
like the needle that sewed my skin when it came apart
there is constant reconstruction below this bewildered place
constantly in a state of shock
in a state of livid chaos
in a state of controlled happiness
held stealthily like the slaves shoulder to iron branding
the screams are loud, but the masters do not hear them
they do not flinch at the sight of this unruly pain

and so we have come to a place this universe has known far too long
the betrayers hand placed so solidly above the heads of those who have become numb
and a shadow above the minds of hope.

In the old market, I walk by a man who's family's hunger is painted on his face
like the gushing of blood red smoke. I had wished to wrap my arms around him for the day/
instead of walking around looking at things he would never dare lay eyes on
for there are mornings when he would give a fragment of his body in return for full stomachs
that sleep in the same room, so small at night/ little reminders that there is a reason behind his
undeniable struggle resting upon his eyes like doormats to homes of the elderly who have been abandoned, peering out the window trying to hold on to one beautiful memory to keep them alive
in there what is to most, the most foreign loneliness.
what will his children be, I ask myself. Why is it me that has been given more and not them.
these thoughts ache in my veins.

I pass by a building, where the rocks are ancient
a small thing it seems left behind by history. vacant .

there is a man selling raspberries that are rich with sweet sap
he stares at them only wishing that his life was as rich
flooding with envy at the sweetness of their nectar
then brakes away in thought to stare at the marvelous ocean
swaying like the beautiful mistress he never met under the arabian sun

droplets of sweat break at the rate of breathe that is taken
on these grunge filled streets, auras coming and going of loss and celebration

I bend my head
the bend of a ******
I lift my eyes and gravel the world
with my schztophrenic eyes
I touch your lips
with the fingers of a ******
then walk by you like a geisha
Im am my own schizophrenia

I palpitate in your breathe
I move in smile
I love in torture
and you are so beautiful to me

brake bonds between thy and your cresent lips
that are edged with the words of the sun
and the laughter it brings to the children
of our days
the youth of our minds
the subtle grandfathers and grandmothers in our
pre pubescent hearts


do you lag when you walk
up to the temple of my gestures
the columns are thick and victorian
a high ceiling
and a low waisted mistress
living in the water under your footsteps
drenched in white
consumed in a black hue
she is the abscence of light
do you understand
yes and proceed foward


I allow you with so much of me
to come into me
and I condem you with little
chase you with haste
and depart on my fruitfull alliances
with that and poverty of dependence
I mutually give my self to the wrectched
creatures of the dark
I print my name with my nails
into my own sarcaphogus
built by the highest of your kind



your bodies eat away at my mental felsh




might I explain
be so selfish to put words into a matter
that was done in complete selflessness
yet I am to be crowned the empress exigency


I stare in the mirror so pretty
so graceful
yes
I am the empress of
exigency

are we okay
will you hold me like you did that one day
speak to me like you did when we sat in the sultry cafe

kiss me like you did on that winter night in the driveway
my love...

are we okay

our cigerrete buds fill the ashtray
as we listen to the soothing beats of reggea
I remember you in the miday

darling...

are we okay

I sit and watch
not the passion
but the connection decay

the burdens outweigh
our clique
feminine
folkway

your fingerprints marked along every hallway
your lips scorn the evening of every friday
your pushing edge on every railway
your uneasiness and the foreplay
your secrets replay in my head like a violin

finally
I have come to realization
of this heavy dismay
with drought I say

lover we are not okay.

I will search for you in my little toy boxes
filled with old ancestors and sayings slipped from tongues, revealing stories of my birthmarks
I will search for you in the light
I will search for you in the dark

I will gentley remove my skin
in my mind you are so royal
so monarch

I will drink my water
all alone
I will light my candles
in the late night and imagine what would be the smell of your cologne
I will stare into the world at night until Im
****** and moonstoned

I will linger wax inbetween thigh bones
flirt tales with wishbones
until all the stars beg me to stop
uttering moans

I am beseeched in interlocking strangle
of submission to my loneliness
and waiting with a white transparent dress
on the bridge of london
hoping to see the dark eyes
that put light in the souls of the peasent in my
disabled heart, mused in desguise

should I sit here and speak the anecdotes
and the lies
of the littler girl inside of me
who everytime thinks of your dies
slower and slower
each time

the goodbyes
and the standbys

I reply
I have ran out of supplies
to fix my sunrise

and now I sit here in the absence of bright skies
life I see takes hold of the wise

but you see my lover
for you I shall be patient
I shall be humble

and I shall be kind.

this poem is only a degradtion
of the scenerio I have manifested on the border line of my sanity
words
that seem to absorb deeper words
when the thought of feeling the flesh
under your mind comes into correct place

yes

movements please and
light sighs
breeze

through the thin air
strong and ambiguous
my lines to
you
I am thrown
sprawled on the floor
and I move through the rooms in your house
I kiss every corner
and press my chest against every celing
I bathe in every shower
down pouring of your technique on my
small body
I walk outside
I take the plunge into your unirverse
and interact with all the evil in it

I let it consume my very core
in the deepest part of my womb
how beautiful,
as we explore
every
downpour
.
.
.

this this
is something that I never understood before
and now I cant ignore

I lay and praise in the mirror
the ****** *****

I feel you now
the winds move fast
I whisper to them
to ease and slow
to caress me completely
and then the waves come again
and I am washed on shore
powerless and wanting more

as I stare into your skies


my hands are trembeling
on top of your child like
eyes

the black crimson of atmospheric and feminine smoke gloriously moves around
like tainted belly dancers in front of the pyramids
luring and incredibly terrifying
singing to me in the tongue of Orpheus, balancing
like dark ballerinas gathered in Arabesque stance
protruding brittle and shaking emotion with grace and
extracting all mind pollution
drenched in a feeble state
lurid/ashen/grim with transcending desire to fulfill itself beyond natural depth
I delicately move my fingers around, I want this to wrap around me
as slow as possible
I nestle my head into my shoulder, and rub my cheek against my warmth
I adorn the fumes
I kiss them  

ghosts and humble gatherings pursue me on this deadly night
of a deep fright and tender delight
crazed anonymous lovers kiss on their balcony somewhere in France
a fog dies out on some highway in mid Arizona
while a young woman smears red lip stick on her tainted mouth
she tries to gather her hair as it blows in the wind in her girlfriends
1975 convertible Chevrolet Caprice classic    
this desert is heavy she thinks to herself
as the thoughts of authority and being thrown into a jail cell
slowly slip away through her hallucinations
she casts the bottle of brandy to her drunken tongue
I am human she thinks, more human than I have ever been
a smile makes its way to her lips adjoined with tears
and childhood memories of lime aide on Saturday mornings
and the smell of chlorine from the old pool in the backyard that her mother
told her to never jump in

I trail my finger against the heat that has made its way to my shower door
and print some lewd drawing that brings a tiny bit of laughter to my gut

I remember the way you would analyze your face in the mirror
judging yourself so harshly, when orchids in spring would never compare to you

remember the feeling of having a butterfly rarely land on your hand as a child
nothing could have been more magical at that moment
when your heart explodes with mystical wonder
and then before you know it its set free again
things so ethereal are not meant for captivity
human hearts should learn how to relate
live freely

that is how I feel sometimes
when life brushes on my skin like  6 billion beating hearts
when I find ways to connect with those poor women in Kenya,
and tap into the rarity of their happiness
when I find ways to breathe in that same toxic air of the unfortunate civilians
of the city Chernobyl in Ukraine
when every child that has ever been given life breathes in my heart
when I connect and feel
alive.

I left the good ones in the bag that I packed
and left with a long time ago
blinded by expressionism and confessionalism
a portrait hung on my wall for so long
I dream in blue and earthy scents
of that little space between hinder and breath
society placed a big burden upon my chest
it whispers so many funny and true things
dire to my belief of originality
and being specific in the things I do
mind like thin lines overlapping in many different hues
I have grown ill in thought of the ordinary people
you see me as flawed hurt and stupid
and I see you as plain boring and mediorce
eyes trail downwards about my sincere actions
and sometimes I must hold my tongue
being that envious eyes would like to eat a lung
my manner gentle and discreet
Im am nothing near the definition of obsolete
and I accept it as I accept that nothing will ever
with misuse be complete
and in a heartbeat I retreat to that creature
who beside me is petite
as I am
feathers of beauty brush against the
slowly moving winds on my shore
and I go back and wonder why everything
so quickly turns into nothing
descending tons of gore
and then fragility comes back to its place
sits on the front of my hands
like a serence masterpeice
reminding me who I am
and leaves me permanently marked
with a gray smile

I pressed my prancing ear upon the chest of the thin melancholic paper
the words dripped like purluded dreams of infants
I beckon to trace my invisible whispers deeper into the parchment
the pen touched the edge of tatter
and my veins pump the bluest blood through my fingers
Im bound by the seduction of the black art
mused by its very exsistence
Im in a constant dilemma of letting it persecute my very movements
hurl my insides to make them distorted
it is what allows me to walk straight
emotions spit darkness into the light
and I am basking in the harmonious sun
leaving splinters on every pore
and I beg for
more

be so kind to speak harshly
too lovely to think smoothly
and open your skin so I can peer inside everything you
believe in

waters thrusting without a sound
in my playful obstacles of the notes that bound my lips together
and I am purging thoughtful gazes in every direction
or so to speak

I stand and hear snaps applause for my devotion
admiration and unforgiving blunteness
into my perception on the side walk the brim of homelessness sits on
and I hum as I walk away from shaken lands
the happiest tune I ever learned

the findings are premorse
and the abstract facts are not enough
you see

when I speak, forgive me but I always try to transgress
logically
fame in the writing of words are a bore
and there is no cure in them
speech is in the pit of the abdomen
words are poetry spat out from the core of any woman

maybe this is what you want
goodmorning to a smile
goodnight to a smile
humming in the heart of someone unfathomable
light hearted and untainted
maybe but only slightly
but just not enough
to feel the rigid edges
to know that they are always there
I dont deserve this
maybe thats it

your light heartedness
my soul merely corrupt and haunted
stained and discolored over and over
the same spots
by my life

my lovely life
that I accept and appreciate
for showing me what I know

a painful world that you never exsisted in is
where I spent my nights as a child

I need you to set palms together
entangle generosity like raindrops connecting
branch out and cling your roots into the soil
blossom like cherry trees in japan
quiver like the heart of a 10 year old girl
who just witnessed love for the first time

melt, like the man who was raised with
hatred in his heart and has melted for the
first time on top of his wifes grave

scream, the screams of the native americans
upon the burning of their villages and
the rotting of their tribe, the tyranny of their land
my tongue hurts to say
this is my land
I feel it was never ours
it was theirs

laugh, like the children
and remember there are children in remote places
that have a pain in their eyes that we thought can only exsist within elderly
who know not the sound of a tender smile
remember that youth, when your children give out that glorious sound
and do anything to make that melody even louder
let your children laugh for those who dont know how
and raise them to seek them and teach them
even if it is through tears of thanks
that is the most beautiful laughter
the deepest happiness is that which comes with rain
the kind that extracts pain and cleanses the soul
washes the face and kisses the cheeks


dream and have hope like the small child sitting at the window at midnight way past
bedtime with bruised legs
promising themeselves that everything will be okay
with no shoulder to lean on
staring at the stars and having a clear image of the better
days to come, away from abuse and neglect
yes there are children like that
and there are also children
who scream into their pillow at night
remember to cradle the youth
they are the future
you are the future, living through your young



feel every intensity within your body
hold it there for just some time
cradle it
laugh with it
sing with it
dance with it
cry with it
bleed with it
and mourn it when it is not there

remember that, that intensity
is your humanity

I left the good ones in the bag that I packed
and left with a long time ago
blinded by expressionism and confessionalism
a portrait hung on my wall for so long
I dream in blue and earthy scents
of that little space between hinder and breath
society placed a big burden upon my chest
it whispers so many funny and true things
dire to my belief of originality
and being specific in the things I do
mind like thin lines overlapping in many different hues
I have grown ill in thought of the ordinary people
you see me as flawed hurt and stupid
and I see you as plain boring and mediorce
eyes trail downwards about my sincere actions
and sometimes I must hold my tongue
being that envious eyes would like to eat a lung
my manner gentle and discreet
Im am nothing near the definition of obsolete
and I accept it as I accept that nothing will ever
with misuse be complete
and in a heartbeat I retreat to that creature
who beside me is petite

as I am

feathers of beauty brush against the
slowly moving winds on my shore
and I go back and wonder why everything
so quickly turns into nothing
descending tons of gore
and then fragility comes back to its place
sits on the front of my hands
like a serene masterpeice
reminding me who I am
and leaves me permanently marked
smile