Philosophize  
Learning to die
Take your time
Make the most of it
Closer each day
To goodbye
Don’t decide
Based on others’
Approvals
Withheld
Be ourselves
In a solitude
Solely our own
And entrust that within the world
We are at home

Sometimes I don't know what to write
I lie awake
Let fingers type
The words that fall
From head-scratch hair
And words that stall
A new nightmare
Of words that shed
The skin I wear
As words that see
The signal flare
Then know to flee  
From my blank stare
Towards something going on in there

Been staying out late
With this girl
Who refers
To herself as the world,
All its trauma endures
Although sure she was sent
From the stars
She belongs
She just struggles to see
It’s right here in these songs
And if every last note
Is forgotten in time,
If eventually rhyme
Out of sight
Out of mind,
Should the music itself
So lamentably die
There were lives she impacted
Enchanted
And changed
And should see disappear
Mine is one that she claimed

Incomplete piece
For another
Non-lover
That wouldn’t be her
Someone new to discover
I smother compassion,
Affection,
Connection
As soon as it feels
Like attachment
Is present
And end up resenting
Them for
Imperfection
Until it’s been years
Since caresses have tempered me,
Humbled me
Stumbling in darkness,
My future in jeopardy
Vain to have once
Been beholden and held
To and by
The whom with
All the me parts would meld
But I dwelled
In dispelling illusions
Too long
And replaced them
With heartache’s
More comforting song
So familiar to me
Until I finally
Came to see
That the clarity
Ever eluding me,
She

I like feeling empty
Not sick to my stomach
Without you
Indulging
My trip to the summit
But with you
Beside me
Electrify
Shy me
Define me
Deny me
I’m dying in fiery
Disasters
In clashing
Reverting to past
As in crashing
Your grasp on me
Holding me fast
In the clutches
Of such is
The way you control
The heartstrings
Out of tune
With my sorrowful soul
Drowning down in emotion
You told me I would
Sounding just as pathetic
As true love’s falsehood
But I couldn’t imagine it
Anyone else
And I couldn’t believe it
Was all mental health
In decay
After so much
Destroying the self
Had to be a bit more
Than the happiness-making
The taking of time
And the faking of smiles
Sometimes
To be kind

I like learning
  More than teaching
I like searching
  More than planning
I like being
  More than doing
I like thinking
  More than speaking
I like drinking
  More than smoking
I like broken
  More than hoping
I like music
  More than movies
I like winning
  More than losing
I like feeling
  More than judging
I like solving
  More than grudging
I like loving
  More than hating
I like dating
  More than mating
I like sorrow
  More than anger
I like risky
  More than danger
I like stranger
  More than normal
I like human
  More than mortal

Could have never imagined
Nor dare even fathomed
That hell could be found
On the living plane's planet
Yet in its appearance
Belies a deceptive
Visage of contented
Condemned to the
Reckoning fields
They are tending
Which seldom aflame
But to nurture the soil
No infernal blaze
Of eternal pains
Boil
The suffering seems to be lost
On the tenants
Who don't see the land devils'
Levels, the menace
Their sustenance nourishment
Share of the crops
Just enough to ***** out
Where the stockpile rots
If through wandering eyes
One can spy where it lies
And to what reapers' scythes
They owe such a demise
As this gradual,
Downward pull
Into the pits
For the one who has risen
From deaths worse than this
But to them it is home
Pandemonium only
To one who in Heaven itself
Was still lonely

Wretched blood-sucker
You thief in the night
Not a moment of peace
As I’m trying to write
And you land on my skin
To steal my precious life
And of yours is the only form
I would delight
In the taking of
With no remorse
For your plight
You malaria carrying
Pestilent sprite
What in heavens above us
Conceived of your type?
Be it some impish god
Who finds joy in my strife?
As I viciously claw
At the spot of your bite
Tiny irritant buzzing
About me in flight
I would tear off each wing
Out of impassioned spite
Yet am still left to question
What gives me the right?

Her muses are rather bazaar
From afar
To an Akbar they are
Saraswati’s sitar
For the river is vivid expressions of life
In a culture as distant
As discordant strife
When the songs are of mango trees
Sweet as can be
And her temples of riches
Are fertile and free
But still poverty seen
Inundating the banks
So much so in fact
That the monkey gods pray
Where the rhinos once drank
And I must bear witness to all the existence
Persistence resisting the suffering tone
For mine is so om that unknown is my home
But the homeless who roam like Dalits in the streets, still need places to sleep
And a harvest to reap
From the zamindar’s farm, could feed all of Uttar
Which is still so bazaar from afar to Akbar
That I wander the Thar as I wonder who are, All the bearers of Blue Star and Amritsar scars
Still polluting and looting
And shooting their brothers
And turning the tears of the Mother the Color
Of coal ash despair from unfair lady lovers
Still Partitioning them against one another

Must be like
Wow
How’d he grow up so fast?
As if yesterday
Stood
Beside oceans so vast
How he cast away
No more attached
To my side
In pursuit of a living
For earning my pride
He’d confide in me
Vulnerably
Little boy blues
Knowing fully well I
Sooner die
Than refuse
To make time for my son
Be the solace he needs
Be the home
When he’s sick and alone
And believes
He is nothing,
Unworthy,
Not fit to exist,
Undeserving of love,
In abysses adrift
But I gifted him
Intellect,
Honor,
And hope
And remember
I taught him
Each letter he wrote
How I wept
With each deftly-penned
Suicide note
But when he had to go
I would still see him off
Though it shattered my heart
To imagine him lost
In his absence
Forlorn,
Beyond mourning,
In pain
But endured nonetheless
For the man I had raised
For I give
All I can
Unconditionally
And whatever he makes
Of the world
I agree
To be there for him
Anywhere
Scared
May he be
And take care of him,
Walk with him
Proud
By the sea

Genealogically speaking
We’re seeking
To make a same species
Not separate
The strongest
From the weakling
Yet look to the past
Anthropologist’s view
And at any one time
Humankind
There was two
Different kinds
Coexisting, resisting
The other’s ascendance
To dominant man
So can we really blame
Those who don’t understand
That today the same “science”
Does not apply too
Are they really all racists
Eugenicists who
Feel supreme in their clan’s  
Rights to lines in the sands
That their ancestors drew
When for thousands of years
We looked equal enough
But when hungry and *****
Who cared of that stuff
If the fittest survive
Implies all alive things
Or just beasts in the jungles
Of lions and kings

Drove past where you stay
Several times today
Waiting
Not sure if you’re there
Can’t convince you to care
The one message unrest
Is a waking nightmare
Although revery
Ecstasies
Still concomitantly
Offer some solace
To me
Intermittently
Yes, she’s alive
Maybe crying inside
But I haven’t been
Fatally
Silent
Goodbye’d

Lost inside the silent nights
And deafened days
Spent waiting for the end
Of this journey I set out to find
The way out of this maze

Still wandering the corridors
And hallways in the dark
Nostalgic is each move I make
Then out into the light I step
This place has made its mark

On this vagabond unbound
By the shackles of the past
Though the wanderer remains
I have found the will to lead
Me from these shadows that he casts

Could call it karma
Whatever that is
Could’ve easily lost it
With nothing to give
Left to show
For myself
Just keep playing the game
With the hand I’ve been dealt
But I’m tired of drawing
Unusable cards
And then building my house
Of collapsing glass shards
And graveyards
Are unearthing
The rest of this piece
In my rest in peace
World hunger
Selfishness feast
But I have to come first
On my list of priorities
Tamed and coerced
By the proper authorities
Warring
And *******
And snoring
Like boars
As the gunman just walks through
The school’s open doors

Waiting
And salivating
For salvation
And sooner or later
It’s there
And you hate it
But ate it up
Nonetheless
Soon as the gods
Cared to bless you
With culture supremacy’s
Nest

Crescendos of overloads
Water my brain
And I’m down the same drain
In a whole different way
Grew apart
Closing in
All my memories spin
And within a prismatic
Class bubble
Chagrin
Is my gleeful indifference
Immersed
In mesmeric
Existence
Misshapen
Hallucinogenic
Mistaken so often
For misaligned
Misery
Maladaptations
To malcontent
Miserly
Still none the wiser
To omni-dimensions
Still so much to see
Is believing
Suspensions

But I do
Still grind stones
Write each other uploads
And still know
In her silence
My mountain erodes
And a normal man
Reincarnated
Could mine
Could return to the dirt
To recover his spine
But the engineers still run the world
Labor force
Executioners these days
Are kids in divorce
From material ******,
Buy their image in stores
And don’t answer for all
The imperial wars
They ignite in the streets
Like the ** Chi Minh sheeeeets
And they bend the reality
Back to beats

If you think
That I’m anything more
Than a ****
You put far too much faith
In what bonds
I made stick
For I know
That you’re thinking of me
Just as much
As I like to admit
The name of
My first crush
How I wanted to taste you
To waste away
Chasing
Your proud
So devotionals
Effulgent glow
You would luminous rooms
Reminiscent of shrooms
But I needn’t indulge
Anymore than you’d groom
Me for what I expect
Was the rest of your life
But all aspects of mine
I would think
More than twice
Upon second-guess
Over and over
Distress
How you were
Not enough
Of what
I could express
And you must have felt
Similar
So I suppose
Or else why
All of this
Currently
I disclose?

Been years
Since the last time
I saw them
And now
To learn they have departed
This world
Brings me down
Even though
I can’t say
Inconsolable, maudlin
Lugubrious moods
Or funereal grief’s
How I mourn
The deceased
Who were known to me
Only as
Cold nursing homes
Just the half of me
Even the kid-me
Disowned
Can’t explain why,
Just know why
I had to get going
Was better off
Lonely as ever
Up-growing
With not but a mother
And sister
To guide me
And not but some
Pen and ink pages
To hide me
That side of my
Ancestry,
History
Dead to me
Lost to me,
Costing me
Nothing but precious
Life seconds
Spent guessing
A second chance
Giving
My father a message
Don’t think me your son
But someone
You rejected,
Abandoned,
Neglected
Yet always expected
To sit silently
In your presence
With presents
Unwrapping to find
Hollow sentiments
Resonant
Still reminiscing
In retrospect,
Love-bereft
Lost holiday
Christmas list
Wishes to forget
Ever naive
My reason to believe
When you’d leave us
You’d leave us
A reason to grieve
Family matters in tatters
Don’t matter to me

There are few things that conquer me
But none more than serenity
Surrender to simplicity
My cup of tea and poetry

There without fail
Far from perfectly matched
Nor entirely opposites
We still attract
And attached to her side
Like a shadow
Confide
In her deepest compassion
Embraces I hide
Like a lost little boy
Can return to his cave
To confront any foes for her
Stoic and brave
A tranquility
I haven’t felt
Since the grave
Became my adoration
My withering rose
My decaying eternally
Life-giving prose
Goes to show
I was waiting
What felt
Out of time
Now she occupies
All of it
Masters my mind
And without even trying
Commands me to write it
To gift it to her
And request I recite it

Never made
Much sense to me
To sit and think
Subconsciously
Allow autonomy
Of mind
To find
The guide it hides
Behind
And reassign it
To the fore
Without a presence
To assure
Its resonance
In sync endures
The onslaught of
Controlled despair
The inundation
Of nightmare
Resurging as it purges
Out
The sounds of peace
With bouts of doubt
Tumultuous,
Unmoored
In a frenetic
Clangor ringing
Desiccating ear canals
With streams of conscious
Sirens singing
Ineluctable refrains
That beckon me
To stray
So far away
Reclaim my brain again
Never again
Let it convey
The end

I see that you’re hurting
So quick to
Deserting
And I am left
Parsing through
Pictures
Perverting
The storybook
Wedding
To dread
I’m reverting
To shame
I can’t say
What dismayed
Me this way
When I try to get closer
I just inflict pain
Disengage,
Disavow
Let the memories drown
Out the sound of
Cold silence
Eternally bound

No more than a writer
A Nevermore
Sword
Can’t afford
To be published
Potential ignored
Lording over my thesis claim
Fame anonymity
Long to envision again
The divinity
Yet to return it
Relinquish its gift
Through the outpouring
Hourglass sands
Do I sift
To recover the note
I once wrote her
In love
After giving the corked-bottle
Vessel a shove

But don’t think
You ever came after
The acid
The placid
Illusion-master
Mindless practice
Exacted upon
The emotional actress
The balance in psychotic
Brain matters vapid
The happenstance
Captured
In moments unspoken
The everything else
Is the selfless-heart
Broken
A token remembrance
You know that I loved you
And sought to bring down
All the crowns
Up above you
And drugged you eventually
On the same page
And still here I am wasting
Our whole life away
I was you,
I was me,
All the ugliness breed
I was loveliness
Planting
The die for you seed
And believing in just the next step
Takes us out
To the edge of infinity
Dwelling in doubt
It was this in sync with
The anthro-
pologist
The apologist‘s
Human conditional
Bliss

You think I do anything else
But remember
The way that it felt
When we would
Speak together
I don’t
Just in case
You were wondering
Won’t
Even waste
Precious time
To begrudgingly vote
When to hope
It gets better
Would be a pretense
Disingenuous
Lie to myself
Vain attempts
To still try to impress
You with what you do
Best
Because yes
To transgression
I still acquiesce

This much is true
I suppose
I conclude
I could live anywhere
I just want my own room
Little space
Private place
That I rest assured
Waits
Upon me getting home
And by night its embrace
Covers me in secured
And I wake to each day in bed
Feeling restored
When I’m bored
It preoccupies me,
Lets me hide
And in solitude
Into its shadows
Confide

I rhymed it once
I rhymed it before
Long before
The first quill and ink
Wept of Lenore
Not comparing
Just sharing
My prowess apart
From the influence
All predecessors
Impart
It was dark when I found it
Was gifted its light
And by night I unbound it
In what I must write
Not for pay,
Recognition,
Nor artistry
Rendered
In ways
I’ve conditioned
Myself
To remember
It’s some more inherent,
Innate primal urge
To from my peace of mind
The disturbances purge

Reminisce
In it
Reflect upon pieces
And fragmented memory’s
Ironed-out creases
Reach deep to unfold
Those I can not keep secret
And keep with
Traditional
Be me
Replete with
Occasional fantasies
Some day
To meet with
To sleep with it
Passionate love with it
Make
And unto it
Break
With convention
Hearts take

Still so much without you
Not so much as doubt you
Could ever be there
When I wasn’t awake
Looking on as we’ve had ourselves
Lost in the quake
But await me no further
I’m bound to beside
You can hide.
You can bide.
All your time
In my mind
I’ll be there when you realize
At the end tides
There is no other rising up
Save our demise
Let me hear it be sung
Into walls of night shrieked
Let me watch
As it ruins
The siege In retreat
For no storming advance
Of tempestuous furies
Could stray from the favor
I wager on juries
On people
The equal
No more
And no less
But to me
She is everything
This can’t express

My pen is a paintbrush
   My pain is the colors
The void is my wedding
   The stars are my lovers
My vow is unfaithful
   My *** is undead
The rain is my offspring
  The clouds are my bed
My breath is a dragon
  My pulse is a viper
The ledge is an eagle
  The bullet, a spider
My drink is a nightmare
  My drug is a dream
The drought is an ocean
  The flood is a stream
My wit is a dagger
  My grin is a cloak
The story is tragic
  The end is a joke

Reach out
Through the screen
Not so naive
To think I save them
Bade them all
A fond farewell
Within the hour
Then I rate them
On a scale of one to five
The session
As a whole
Describe
And should they need me
Come tomorrow
I’ll be back
At anytime

There when I’m going
Through worsening days
When I need your
Companionship’s
Various ways
Understanding this
Bond that we share
Only strengthens
How far we would go
Just consistently
Lengthens
The depths we uncover
The vulnerable sides
The internal unrest
Now at peace in your eyes
No disguise
Need apply
Anymore
I found you
And my vows remain true
From I do
To its tomb

To think
I would humor
Amuse
Your advances
Or even grant them
Satisfactory glances
Back in your direction
Unwanted attention
Just goes to show you
Don't deserve to be
Sentient
When time you have spent
I ignore, goes to waste
One day I'll be gone
You'll be stuck in this place
And still nothing to no one
Of any income
Insolent peasant *******
Impudent ****

Keep pushing the poison
To public consumption
Keep profiting off of
Disabling function
Of bodies succumbing
To numb effervescences
Wrapped in a blanket
Of bliss evanescences
Upping the dosages
Potencies hitting
Prescribed by the bought and sold
Doctors submitting
To fraudulent Pharma
Cartels cashin’ in
On the overdose ghosts
Of a future stolen
But why stop
When revival
Is one call away
And survival
Is free
For those willing to pay
For the privatized antidote
Prices arise
Just as quick as they fall
For the sweet street surprise

He gazed upon the ugliest
Visage he ever saw
Examined long the grim complexion
Counting each and every flaw
Of imperfection staring back
Confronting him to face his fear
A shattered ego in the mirror
Mind exterior appearance
No epiphany yet clearer
So exemplified his weirdness
Recognizing who he was
Again, yet honored in its presence
Just a beastly man’s identity
For all the world to witness
And resistance to his charm
Was all together a futile trial
Goddesses of loveliness
Would beg to taste his smile
And his mastery of how to be
His he himself alone
And all the muses in their vanity
Henceforth set him in stone

Innate
In your state
Of anxiety
Mired
In someone to save us,
To lead us
Required
But how can the few
Or but one
Serve the many
If only the strongest
Procuring us
Plenty
Survive on conniving,
Contriving
The tribe
And by infinite finance
Campaign laws
Abide

Urban sprawling anaconda veins
Pump through concrete jungle rivers
Into civilization's heart of darkness
Metropolis excess electric existence

It is man who has fallen enamored with suffering
Heartbreakingly aching yet hoping the pain won’t end
Then would it mean that his lover is gone again
Leaving him in a perpetual neutralness
Indifference in the face of his last abyss

Been really off
Deep-ending
Out late pretending
Offending my closest friends
Seldom expending
More energy
Even less money
Although
I can’t stop buying into
The drunk undertow
And don’t care about much
That I used to think so
And with nowhere to go
Or to do
I am mute
In the presence of others
I want to rebuke
But the truth is
The working class man
Knows his place
And then there’s me
Floating
In thought’s
Outer space

Of course you can stay with me
Make an impression
Remain at the fore
Of my morbid confession

Just promise to haunt me

Beyond the grave
Daily
I gave you my word
To not ask you to save me

Avoid designating
Refrain from disclaiming
Them all as unwanted
Inimical maiming
Of mental health
In the abstract
What is that?
Except failure to separate
Me from the act
Of what finds its way
Slithering
Into my head
As it coils and hisses
What I like to dread

My compendium penned
With impending doom sentiment
Write as I speak
Just a whole lot more
Eloquent
Never meant much to me
Life as a whole
Because even in death
There’s unrest in my soul
For the bold are the favored
By fortune’s extortion
Eventually profit
Blows out of proportion
The what you can gain
From the you that remains
Before adding it all up
To zero sum games

At least now
I get back to this
Mired in meaningless
Never the writer
I thought I would be
Just the one
Who gets by
On emotionally
Unapproachably
Truculent
Daily dose supplement
Of my deficient
Self-worth
Ego shattering
Into a million persona
Brains splattering
All across
Can’t carry on
Not the same
But my noose is indifference
The rope is existence
Resistance again
My futility pen
Proudly pressing its muses
To paper
To savor
Unfortunate cycles
Of bliss turned to anger
Whenever I fail
To maintain
The “my” concept
Own up to the tragic flaw
There from the onset

Am I just bitterness
Unfulfilled
Discontentedness
Restless
And anxious
Just want to escape this
Perpetual do-over day
None to blame
But myself
For this dismal, morose,
Woe is me
Soul decay
Which I know to say sounds
Like a lousy clichè
Not the writer’s expressive
Quintessence
Expected
From one such as I
Am by others rejected
Insect among tachyons
God among atom bombs
Nothing else left
Except left-leaning martyrdom
And whom I long
To behold at least once
More before
I return
To this ongoing war with
What keeps me from her

Finding my form again
Feel I fit in here
It’s clear
I might finally,
Even belong
Unbeknownst to new neighbors
Who don’t get me wrong
Are as friendly as anywhere
But unaware
Of what brought me this far
Across country and crisis
Identity all too indulgent
In vices
Distressed
By the lack of success
In life’s prices
And though cost of living
Outweighs the last state
An invaluable solace
I feel in this place

Playing phone games
For a living
Just giving
Up trying
To be
A professional villain
Or willing to power
Mad-driven ambition
Spend all day alone
Or unconsciously wishing
To not wake again
And go peacefully
Deep in some dream
In the end
I was never intended
To make it through
This
Don’t exist
Don’t belong
Dismalest
Nothingness