Struggled to find
My identity
Finally
Had an idea,
An assessment
Decidedly
Knew who I was
So I thought
And proclaimed
Unto others was proud
To be known,
To be named
But ashamed,
Unassured
I too often became
And now every day hence
I am just not the same
Human ego
Or entity
Subject to change
Conscious mind soul
Embodying
Products of influence
Just an ad space
Personhood
Discontinuous

And wandering
Yonder
Beyond
The absconded
The dawn
Carries on
Like a soldier
Respawns
When the coms
Are all jammed
Don’t know who’s
In command,
Someone else
Just got banned,
And rebranding
The magistrate’s
Data
Wasteland
Is no longer
A viable
Pretense to feign
Nor promissory
Platform
On which to campaign
And deranged
In his compromised
Pride
Goes insane
Can’t refrain
From unloading
His madness
In clips
And all this
Still preceding
The day he enlists

Abandon all hope
Ye who enter my domain
For once you go in
There's no leaving my brain
A relic of the darkest age
Gothic bells of Notre Dame
My atheistic serenade
My faithless roaring lion cage
My phantom of the opera stage
Masked and cloaked
In acid soaked
Smoke and mirror soul stockade
No Houdini escapade
Could escape artist my pain
From haunted houses locked away
Museums of natural mystery
Exhibiting my guilt and shame
From buried ancient history
Priceless are these artifacts
Of worthless self-discovery
Yet still displayed for all to see
As a suit of armor
Or a tomb of Tutankhamen
Where I have bested Rama
To be born again as Brahmin
Where you find me now at play
In nightmares of my new dream caste
Alone in every way
One can be stuck inside the past

Reminded her of I
I am just your average guy
I go to work
Am always lurking
In a million reasons
Die
Before the fallen in submission
In its limitless capacity
Has taken from me
Plundered
Cast asunder
What impassions me
Like writing
Soul igniting
Lightning strikes
And nightingales
Be they encaged
Or just engraved
As never fails
To feel my serenade

Just know
I found no
Better place left to go
Where I wander eternally
Restless in woe
Is an arid expanse
Where I reap what I sow
And what grows there
Can never quite seem to appease
The fell hunger
Just miles of salted-earth seas
And the breeze is a fiery
Whirlwind of plague
And about me outstretched
Filthy hands as they beg
Seem to stay my own conscience
From dealings with just
And as fairness and equity
Wither to dust
I look forward to dusk
And tread on to the dawn
Of long gone dreams of lush
Verdant pastures and meadows
And forests enchanted
By paradise shadows
For there lying fallow
Beside a soft stream
Is my long-deceased faith
In this nightmarish dream

Well-rested reveries  
Wrested from respite
For just a few snooze
Button presses
I’m desperate
Exhaustion
More often
Increasing
Fatigue
Enervated
In mid-sentence
Falling asleep
And caffeine
Induced speed
Carries me
Only so
Long and far
As my train of thought’s
Willing to go
There derailed
Momentarily
Wary
Of weary
And barely  
A care
In the multi-world
Theory
Would dare
To ensnare
My mind’s
Trailing-off
Peak
When despair
Brings it down
To the depths
Of nowhere
Where except
For deceptively
Calmness of death
I am scared
Only of
Viral life
In each breath
And I guess
Of its vast
Empty space
Of unrest

Tonight there is quiet
And peace in the solace
Of knowing tomorrow provides
Plentiful harvests of value
To blighted and meaningless lives

Awoken to half-empty purpose
To pour from a cup of concerns
Is like watering gardens with salt of the earth
Empathy blooms only nightshade it seems
If roses know not of their worth

But why do we covet these thorny expressions
Untouchable as they may be
What so possesses the florist's seed sowing
Such colorful flowers, bouquets to be sold
When all of them wither and die without knowing

The answer to why in this vase they grow old

Nights like this
I’m with you
Still I miss you
Far away
The only one
Who lifts me up
And then adorns my days
In gray
And though we stray
Returning solely
To the city lights
Surrounding
All around us
Haven’t found us
Permanence
A place to stay

And just don’t let me get to you
Waiting on me
If I did that
I’m sorry
I felt the whole sea
Being my
Inundated
Half-assed
Part of me
And if I
Don’t just fall asleep
Then you found me
Am I my
Any what
You imagine is free
I am nothing without you
The ultimate me
And with glee
I pronounce
You becoming the me
There was us
And I wasn’t
Too drunk to believe

Got to be
A better way
I hardly said
A word today
But nothing’s wrong
Just incomplete
Whole part of me
Is missing
Speak
About it
Doesn’t end the issue
Doesn’t stay
How much I miss you
From advancing
To the fore
Front of my mind
And waging war
Upon the never quite
At peace
Entirely
Until released
From manacles
Of memory’s
Mechanical
Sincerity
The artificial verity
I barely could contain
With or without you
Doesn’t matter
Dying all the same

Felt excluded today
From the show vote
Tradition
But lately I’ve been
So estranged from the system
I’ve tried to believe in,
To serve,
Perhaps lead
By example
But all I am answered with
Seems to be greed

The only road left is
A lonely rogue leftist
Still cast as the shadow,
The villain,
The foil
The salt in the wound
Seeping into
The soil
To render the once arable
An unbearable
Barren wasteland
Sleight of hand-
Written parable
Barely still stand
For a national anthem
Would rather invade
All your mansions
And ransom
The sycophants’
Cancerous
Cancel campaign
Can’t explain
The disdain
For disparity’s reign
And still stained
In its tainted
And vitiated
Lizard brain
Becomes colder
And more calculated  
A numbers game
All I will pay to play
These days
The rest is just
Lack of success
Instant replays

Just ask you provide me
The means
To subsist
A sufficient
And dignified
Living
Exist
Not persist in the bill-paying,
Tax-collect
Fraud
Just a scam away,
One bad day
Further from God
Journey on
To convince
It is somewhere out there
Haven’t seen it though
Since
I was all too aware
Of the manic depression
Inherent in bio’s fears
Warping dimension
Mind-bending this lucid sphere
Shaper’s intention
Must be in this state  
Only madness makes sense
I just do it
And write it
With more eloquence

Dispossessed
Disavowed
Distant
Disowned
Have no plot
Crops to rot
Or a place to call home
And so easily stripped
Of a dignified claim
To a decent
Affordable living
Sustained
When an honest mistake
Can outweigh
The successes
And failure gives way
To implacable stresses
Impresses upon me
The titles and deeds,
The smallholders,
The Monsanto millions
Of seeds
The uprooted
And ripped
From their ties
To its yield
The ones blighted
And bound
To its dream-
killing field
Countless casualties
Rendered
Mere renters
And tenants
Dependents
On wars
Of some lord’s
Independence

Now that I’ve lost you
It’s clear
What it cost you
What put you through
Days of unhappiness
Plainly
As clear as it’s been
From the start to me
Mainly
But often
As into the coffin’s
Unmade me
My love still persistent
Albeit,
Ungainly
In ways I could phrase it
Mistakes just erase it
And then no forgiveness,
No hoping
Could save it
If yours disappears
Then we cannot endeavor
To once again
Rest
On the shores
Of forever

My turn for impeaching
Obsequious peaceniks
Are making me sick
Of these linguistic,
Jingoist sentiments
Leeching  
Off coughers  
And coffers closed
Like the schools
Teaching
Their culture supremacy
Remedies preaching
Their outreaching
White-washing,
Black-coded
Bleaching
Intentions
Descending to hell
All contentions  
Are quelled
And if any dissenters
Rebel
It is censured
As well
So extensions
Of interlope errs
On the side
Of the circumspect
State of affairs
Still divided
Itself like a house
That can’t stand
To take planned
Economic
Commands
From the man
And his red-handed
Caught in the act
Band of sycophants
Damning
The evidence
Flagrantly
Blatant
Blank-slating
The bank
Breaking laws
With impunity
Faking
More news about death’s
Final breath away
Pains in the chest
And unrest
Manufactured
As wrested from us
Is the last shred of powerful
Gods in which trust
Is soon crushed
Underneath
The hypocrisy,
Lies
Normalizing
Deceit
Can’t look me
In the eyes

Look at us
Blurring the days
In these picture frames
Going our own
Separate ways
Onto sicker brains
Leaves me
Internally
Wretching
To contemplate
Predicated
On the seedbed of doubt
That what happens between us
Would wither without

I’m not here to lead
Or to show you the way
I’m here to envision a future someday
Where none need
Bow and pray
To an empty tomorrow
And no children play
With the weapons of sorrow
Just merely the agents of change
And prediction
Unbound by the chains
Of mere factual fiction

As long as you know
Everything’s an illusion
You’ll never need happy
You’ll never be losin’
Just cruising along at a
Know-nothing speed
Just never revealing
The terror you read
Where we sit on a throne
Made of ice and unknown
As it melts in the everywhere
Atom bomb drop zone

We can bask in our hedonist excess at will
We can ****
Any life
We deem lesser
With skill
And yet still
We are capable of
Inner peace
I know all of you’ve
Felt it
As happy at least
To be not so
Materially
Predisposed
Or to claim to have
Earned it some way
Undisclosed

Not so
With the passing
Of seasons
Unchanged
Here they all seem the same
What I feel for you stays,
Still remains
Just misplaced
As I lose myself
Wasting
Away
On my honor
Disgracing
A duty I have
To serve people
Mistaking
My presence
Intentions
With peasants’
Dissensions
Privations
My privacy
Seems to belie
To their prying eyes’
Envious,
Penniless
Pride

And now we write
The day away
Concluding it
Where it shall stay
Remain as but a fragment
Of what recollections
Happen
To be worthy of remembrance
In my preservation habit
Of a life no one
Need ever know
Yet still compelled
To something show
The glow of my lucid shadow
And even if
The only one
Who sees it is
What I've become
At least I find some solace
In believing it is found
By the erstwhile selves
Whom in which dwells
These letters
Leather-bound

Withering on
Like the winds
Carry plague
Melancholic
The strain
Sorrow I can’t explain
And emotion
Is dopamine’s
Poetry name
For what I really feel
Is a figurative pain
Not an ouch
But it hurts
I am worthless
Than dirt
For at least
As the soil
Some sign of life blooms
From its loamy, lugubrious
Funeral tombs

Level of lonely
No cause
For alarm
I’ve been long a familiar
Of **** myself
Harm
By exhaustion
Most often
Eventually sleep
Buries it in a dream
To remain in safe keep
Of what difference
Do subconscious
Conjurings make
To these mental health
Human conditions
We fake

Just give me a cause
Something worth fighting for
Something worth living for
Something worth dying for
For I would even settle
For worth trying for
Because none of it
Up to this point
Offered more
Than a daily distraction
To help me looked passed it
Neglect, disregard, and forget
How it happens
To pass before we even realize
It's gone
As it flashes before our sleeping eyes
See the dawn
And how many expire
And fade away lost
Without barely a scratch
On the surface of meaning
Will never cease to make me
Disbelieving
In whether this dreaming
Ephemeral state
Is bestowed upon us
To teach us how to wait
Patiently for salvation
Or flames in the furnace
Of Hell's conflagration
With only two options
Instilled upon birth
AN eternity spent
In some alternate Earth
What is anything worth?
Then again I must ask it
Just to find the answers
Are sealed in a casket

I’m Mike
And this is my vanity project
The biggest bad bully
This playground
Conceived
A disquiet
Pariah
Orator
Aggrieved
Making ravens of crows
They’ve examined my brain
And yet still no one knows
Quite this kind of insane
Can’t explain
How the wolf
So avails his ambition
On lions
And tigers
And bears
In submission
How impossible precision
Of my mark
Is but a spark
And when you whisper
Wistfully
I am the echo in the dark
Harken back
To the exact
Unambiguous
Conclusion
And if my heart was still intact
I could depart from its
Illusion

Rolling in
Overhead
Like a wicked witch
Whirlwind
Tornado force gusts
And soon lightning
Is hurling
Upon the metallic ore
Floor at my feet
As the rains
Only in my head
Woefully weep
And I keep
Sinking deeper
Into the illusion
The dream becomes nightmares
Of us in conclusion

Mixing the signals
Conflating attraction
With courtesy’s
Chemical
Overreaction
Unwanted attention,
Unflattering flex,
The presumptuous
Ego-dystonic
Wants ***
Nothing less,
Nothing more
Than to finish before
Recollections
Of dignity
Up off the floor
Or reflections
On mirrors
Preparing to split
Personalities
Rift,
We’re just not
Intuit

Relief is a rare
All too scarce
Food source here
When it’s clear
I can simply say no
And refrain
From more deigning
To bend over
Backwards
In vain
All I gain
Is a thankless
And bankless crusade
And as much as it shames me,
Still going unpaid
Is becoming each zero sum
Dollar a day
An astray-
Course diverting
Me back to the grave
Like a masterless slave,
An unbidden submissive,
An outspoken critic
With no one to listen
To facts and statistics
Concise explications
Disowning the system
Excoriations
I can’t wait
To be free of this place
And be rid
Of the service
I still think
I owe to these kids
Who don’t give
Half a shred
Of the ****
That they live in
If I live or die
Or reply to the piddling
Remarks as I try
To remember alive
Not just how to survive
On this sustenance pittance
Somehow they can thrive
I just work
At this no-purpose
Circus deprived
Of a ring leader,
Just a few teachers
And creatures
All acting like
Shows must go on
When the bleachers
Devoid
Of a care or concern
Like the clown
Who can’t seem
To turn frowns
Upside down,
Is in town

Fallback in my arms
Baby, you don’t want a war
You don’t want to drink and run
You just want to help the poor
Without becoming one yourself
Inside the portal gilded shore
To take you closer to forever
To a tune of Nevermore

You were my fleeting moment in eternity girl
Here today, gone tomorrow
You made me forget to remember the sorrow
No need when the breeze was the ease in our speech
In the wooded glade discoursing consciousness streams we’d converse
As I wallowed in self-pity prisms of loss
Yet to bridge such a void you’d this universe cross

Chlorophyll day dreams
In evergreen scenes
The resplendence of life
Is of light summer leaves
In the park as I circle
Tranquility lake
In anxiety mind
Racing heart is painstakingly
Pounding

The sweat of my brow
Wiping hands
As the echo resounding
The public park lands
Privacies are confounding
But could it be shared?
I prefer it alone
All of earth my domain
You should all just go home

Quite simple
Really
You miss me
Is all you need say
Could just kiss you,
Admit to
What you stole away
And surrendered
As recompense
For such a crime
Against my
Constant warring
At ease
Peace of mind
Since it certainly
Wasn’t
The heart
I misplaced
Long ago,
Long before
In the cold
Wastes of space
Searching for
The sun’s warmth
Melting in
Your embrace
What I felt
Couldn’t possibly be
Here on earth,
Near to me
Dearly worth
All the worthless existences
Birthed in the dirt
And the dearth
Of the instances
Glimpsing
Forever
And every together
Tether
I must sever

Keep to myself
No one else
Understands
What goes on in my head
And the thought it demands
To maintain equanimity
Synergy with
The divisive,
Conflictual  
Other me rift
Still adrift
Doesn’t want to be found
Or befriended,
Coerced into making his family
Extended
Would rather end such
A delusional journey
With no lessons learned
Except I was unworthy
Of love,
Happiness,
A career,
And a home
Just abandoned all hope
And embraced die alone

Could be finding her
Out there
A writer
But even
Can’t reach an agreement
On what it’s like seeing
Each other as lovers
Not like that for me
I just like to pick brains
Share ideas novelty
And can do so
Apart from
Attraction
The same
As I could
If I wanted you
Simple and plain

I unlocked more of love
All alone in a cave
Than you ever have
Chained
As some heartbreaker’s slave
But I still think of you
All alone in the gloom
And I crave of your flesh
As it makes me protrude
Like an unaccept
Ogre
Awaiting regret
And the nothing
I want to do
Full of regret

Still apart from you
Down
All apart from me
Frowning
All I need
You is now
All I‘ve known you
Is how
She could ever submit
To me down on me quitting
My leave time is now
And I know
She’d just frown
To imagine me drowning
Believing the now

Was just demons
Of doubting

Night class
By solar lamp
Far more sustainable
Genuine-lightenment
No more attainable
Yet to disciples
Is worth
The investment
Impression I get
Is they haven’t
Been tested
On subject materials
Of eruditions
Transcending ethereal’s
Words of God’s
Spreading diseases
Venereal
Fruitfully-multiplied
Rampant
Infanticide
Pride in an anti-abortion
Demise
In alive
More condemned
To impending
Expenses
Portents
Of a fist
Rising in
The air clenched
For its pittance
Last cent
Has been spent
On the rent
And the debts
And the names
It forgets
Of its very own
Progeny seed
History
Effaced from the slate
State’s
Illiteracy free
To the public
But sold
Privately

But stay with me
A moment longer
We just met
Please don’t dishonor
Me,
I left her leaving free
Not even love alone
Could be
Eternity
She knew its loss
Was more than we
Prepared to cost
The world was not prepared
To fall
Down from the sky
Renew it all
The selfishness that would have bade
Us back into the former grave
I told you I was meant
To leave
Without you
Then without you
Grieve

Yea yea
Can barely feel my hands
Yea
Not feeling so well
But I can’t even
Stand
Yea
Still rolling around
Head in the ground
Nowhere to go
No
Can’t think for myself
I need someone else
For I am the foe
Woah
Don’t want to go there,
Can barely repair,
What I did to myself
Thinking lost and alone
Was the progeny flow
And I learned how to turn it
Up into aglow

Count them up
Equate success
Obsess over
A calculus
Fixate upon
Their digitized
Measure the size
Of atomized
Itemization
Stuff we buy
To keep the ticking
Clock goodbye
From timing out
Before its hands
Have through the cracks
Allowed the sands
To pour against the grain
Just one
Between them
Infinitely
None

I wonder like thunder
Storms in the night sky
How it all came to form
Above mountaintops high
How the jungle has lungs
And with each breath it thrives
Teeming life in its infinite
Strive to survive
And as I pass it by
And it passes me by
I think only of what
A sublime place to die
Despite how much I try
To describe my goodbye
And believe there are gods
Who would ever reply
To my doubtful decries
Only to be shown why
I am here, I’m alive!
At least...
Most of the time

There is no void
Of space and time
More empty than
This soul of mine

Once filled with stars
And galaxies
A universe
Of energies

Supernova
Solar fusions
Nebulous  
Gas cloud delusions

Streaking comet
Paths revealed
Burned out in
An asteroid field

With no escape
From gravity
This planet of
Depravity

On which no sign
Of life exists
A barren rock
Where death persists

As hunger reigns
With thirsty storms
And plagues infect
In global swarms

A stranger to
This ravaged home
An alien
To all I've known  

My milky ways
Of cosmic bliss
Devoured by
My truth's abyss

A changing climate
Heart imploding
In my blackest
Hole foreboding

Go on
Not noticing
Stare
Out of focusing
Dare
To be barely
Apparently
There
Just remain
In your head
In your zone
Unaware

It’s ok
We are only
Mere humans
Behaving
We can’t always care
What the others
Are saying
Or doing
What they
Must prioritize
Paying
For who they present
To the world

On displaying

What secrets lie deeper
Than sleeping abysses
Than tombs of Ulysses
Or fixed moon-eclipses
Of frequencies seeping
Like squeaky transmissions
Then frequently keeping
Timeless prejudices
Like credence’s ignorance
Bliss crucifixes
And Uighur believerless
Prison submissions
Than reaping,
Heat-seeking,
Drone missiles
Peace-weeping
Crone mothers
Of martyrs
Whose weakness is meek
Wikileak
Double-speak
Delete button deceit
Pressing prescient unrest
From the jaws of the defeat
In its seething,
Bereaving
Surfeit of aggrieving
The victims
Of systems
Resistant to change
Still insisting the rest
Of the chess-pieces
Play
In its zero-sum,
Urban slum,
Loaded gun
Game
Disengage
Them from business of war
For monopoly,
Peremptory
Is its claim
To displaced, defaced property
Sold to the grave
To the slave master’s tract
Of false facts
And half-truths
Like removal axe
Chopping down
Forbidden fruits
As in rueful despair
Helplessness
I prepare
For the end of a world
No incentive to care
That I still seem to bare
Upon shoulders
A flare
With the sun-burning heights
Pushing boulders
Up there
To upon the landholders
Below
Let it go
To at least
Level fields
And let stakeholders know
I have something to show
For this perilous,
Pitiless
Peregrination
A fool’s errand,
Grandeur trip
Globalization

Could have these ideas
But no one to believe
They could come to fruition
As what I achieve
Though I see it in others,
Past lovers,
A few
There’s no knowing
For certain
They’d hashtag metoo  
As the unchanging image
Perfected, instilled
Within life passes by,
Daily labor unskilled
Willing it to be more
Doesn’t make it so
Though,
Doesn’t make the plants grow,
Doesn’t reap what I sow,
Foes will ever abound
Around corners
And bends
In the mind
Of no matter
How all of this ends