Live for the moments
When even unspoken
In love
Can be broken
Wholeheartedly open
And peering deep into
The festering wounds
As you kindly
But blindly
Bind them
And refuse
More immediate
Medical help
Convalescence
Forgive instead
Live for the moment
Transgressions

Older now
Commonplace pain
Doesn’t go away
See no way out
Of reality
Colored gray
Every day
Just a redo
Of the last
Except now
It just costs more
Repeating the past
While insisting
I work
For a future
Precarious
Wary this rigmarole
More multifarious
Than its vicariously
Living god
Has implanted
More various paths
Than the time we’ve been granted
Could possibly tread
In its dread disposition
Just hopes
The one chosen
Leads not to
Remission

No other way
To emphasize
I never asked
To be alive
But now that I’m
Beside you
Strive
To feel you are
The reason why
When at the end of love  
Retakes me
Only yours
Rejuvenates me
Makes me a holistic
Man
Still waits for me
To understand
Awakens some inherent
Calm
Before my storm of longing
Song
For ever long
I’ve serenaded
Visions of
A love
Not faded
Plain and simple
True, sincere
Heartaches
And breaks
When you’re not here
And when I fear you
Losing faith
My hope becomes
A restless wraith

All that you see
Or seem to envision
Could soon be made free
Of your inhibition

But your indecision
Refuses volition
To enter the void and let go of suspicion
The light at the end is your human condition
We aimlessly wander this road to perdition
In search of the signs, to exit these minds

They flicker in red
As the devil lies sleeping
In bed with our head
And the truths we are seeking

Floorboards are creaking
The faucet is leaking
The bumps in the night oh so restlessly creeping
In attics and cellars, in tongues they are speaking
The spiders and bats war with serpents and rats

Yet we still find no peace
Behind doors we then close
To the world we decease
Our open windows

Refracting these woes
On the withering rose
In the darkest of corners of no one else knows
Of the troubles I've seen where no sign of life grows
Counting crows as it dies in a room locked inside

She only exists
In the app
Other world
As of now
Can’t be sure
She is even a girl
But her genuine
Words are heartfelt
And sincere
And each day I look forward
To having her here
On this phone,
On this screen
As of now
Just a dream
In the meantime
Becoming my
Daily routine
To engage
And write letters
A digital age
Sort of courtship
Attempt
To find love far away

My second reflection  
Appears in the mirror
And suddenly I’ve
Never seen myself
Clearer
Begrudgingly
Sigh
I no longer
Endear her
Can’t cheer her up
Fear
That the ending
Draws nearer
That my complete picture
Omits
The mirage
That the photos
Cut deeper
And scar my visage
And you’ll just see
Deformed
Mutilations
At best
An unlovable beast
From his man suit
Undressed

Might of the billions
Igniting the legacy
Flooding your homes
And disowning hegemony
Sleeping
And feasting
Completing the sequence
In all the enrapture
Contraptions
I frequent
Complete with
An arsenal,
Cache of collectives
And weapons of unwieldy
Leftists eclectic
Directives from bottom up
Terraform sound
I will echo through chambers
Eternity-bound
Like a movie star shadow’s
Imploding career
Like the wife and two kid’s guy’s
Addiction to beer
I appear to the proud,
The complacent,
The waste
When disposing of class
They assume that its race
That I run around here
Like some placeholder king
I am but
The sheers severing
Puppets from strings

Look upon you
And see failure
See a scale
Unbalanced
Jailor
Of his own potential
Paler
Than a ghost
Of mostly jokes
To cover up
The drowning hopes
But when you cross the line
The rope’s
Self-deprecation
Is what chokes
You in these notes
Like puffs of smoke
And should you sleight my love again
You’re just another
End I wrote

Knew that I loved you
Soon after arrival
But In love
I found
At the edge of survival
When all my possessions
Could not be disowned
And detached from you
Realized,
Could not be condoned
Nor be made to feel normal
As much as I tried
To propose that the infinite sky
Be my bride
And through distance and time
Learn to serve
The unearthing
Of what I had buried so deep
In rebirthing
The unhappy me
In his tranquility
Still convincing himself
We would never be free
Who the two of us
Needed
Or wanted
The most
Was the world
Now I’m left with its
Without you ghost

Don’t let it settle
The thoughts into place
Lest you linger too long
In contemplative space
And let dwelling
Impel you
To stay in suspension
Remain in a state
Of immense
Apprehension
A tension
That stretches
And pulls you
Apart
Discontentment
Embitters
And sours
Your heart
Until want for not
Need no companion
Engagement
Embrace your relationship
Sinking estrangement

Awaiting my guests to arrive
And inspect
This community
I can not help
But reject
Any customs,
Traditions
So-calling it culture
Just circling above
For next meals
Like a vulture
So hopefully they
Can acknowledge dismay
And disdain
That I can't hide away
Nor refrain
From deriving detesting
This place, denigrating
With subtle sarcasms
And unfettered hating
This nation
Needs nothing
From me
Can't they see
Their posterity
Not worth the time
Or money
To assist and to aid
And to tame
All in vain
They will never change
Archaic ways
Are ingrained
And to train them to choose
Monkey see
Monkey do
And to privatize,
Purchase,
Invest
And consume
Is really in fact
The last thing
This world needs
Just a hundred plus million
More mouths
It can't feed

Don’t ever presume
To the depths
You met me
Don’t assume
I can be
Anything that I see
I am nothing but dust
In the tranquility
I have given up hope
And emotion
And woke
Up upon
Other sides
And beside myself
Spoke
Of the furthest recesses
Of what
I once wrote
As a token
Of broken
Apologies
Choke
Out the words
Say it all to my face
I betrayed you,
Unmade you,
And sought to upgrade you
A waste of time space
But I needed you more
Than I care to embrace
Though the yearning
To turn with you
Catching the glimpse
Singularity
Moments
Like omens
Of bliss

Wandering aimlessly
Never in vain
But this weekend
I couldn’t find
Where the right way
Was directed,
Expected
To be at my car
In a matter of minutes
But ended up far
From its parking space
Downtown and bound
For another night ruined
And in its shame
Crowned

Hard to lose
What you never quite knew
How to use
What you often refused
To accept
Part of you
Could be only
Made wholly
Mine own
To exude
Its ad astra projections
Unto
Solitude’s
Other misshapen faces
Askew in their views
Amiss placing
Its imminent
Preeminence
In an exodus
From what remains
Of its resonant
Dissonance
Nothing explains

We’d all love
To be seen
Little more
Than we clean
Up the messes
Attesting
To low
Self-esteem
And it seems
We’d all hate
To be torn
At the seams
But we love  
To watch others’
Unreachable dreams
And yet hate to feel
Fairness is trampled
Pursuing
The knocks
Of the opportune
Peacemakers
Couping
Who we love to hate
Hate to love
The cartoonish
Banality
Evil
Still mirroring
Munich

Admire not always
Equating desire
I wanted to hear you
Appear to conspire
Against me
Preemptively tempting
Descent
Reinventions
Of tempestuousness
Lament
Unrelentingly
Holding me under,
Asunder,
Inside
In your presence
As placid as thunder
No wonder I stumbled
In humbling hubris
You needed no man,
Little boy,
And you knew this
Exuded it
True to your word
From the horse’s mouth
Thinnin’ the ranks
Of the herd
And that one’s for you
Out there
Without me
Succeeding
Exceedingly
Stick to your guns
Without bleeding
And that’s where the peace became
Nothing remains,
I would bathe
In a river of it
To reclaim
Your attentive
Retention
Of my complete
Sentience
And still even now
Can’t complete a whole sentence

Some old
And some new
Songs remind me of you
And say everything I
Wanted to be as true
For the two of us
Just as conflicted,
Condemned
To be every bit broken as them
Till the end
But depending on when
That would be
Always seemed
The most imminent difference
For you and me

No together forever
Betrayal to sever
No secrets of weakness
We couldn’t make peace with
The love that we had
Was a fad
Clad in sad
And the shade of your blue
Only mixed with my gray
When so far away I
Could then let these songs play

In command of my heart
I was hers from the start
And in parting ways
Rendered
Alone in the dark
Off the mark
A few times
Out of sync
With the spark
That originates
Gravitates
Back to renewal
Like nuance
And novel
Gives pause to refuel
To in retrospect
Reconnect
Severed synapses
And then progress
Prosper
Rebuilding collapses
And tactics
For how we
Attack
And engage
Confrontation
Conflated with
Wars we must wage
Just a sudden deathmatch
To match
Mounting affronts
Like the salting of earth
And the growth that it stunts
We annunciate once
To the victor go spoils
With each escalation
But both of us fighting
Lose communication

It all seems so good
It all feels so great
As I enter the mood
Of this trippy mind state

I am all, I am one
Sitting here on this earth
Reconceived by the sun
Her light, my rebirth

A brand new inception
My old skin is shed
An altered perception
The old me is dead

Normality drifts
From reality lands
As mentality sifts
Through mortality sands

Letting go of my fears
Letting go of my pain
Fog of mind disappears
From my ego-less brain

Detached from desire
Each earthly possession
No more than a liar
My truth is expression

Unbridled elation
Ineffable glad
Heightened sensation
Vanishing sad

A soaring ascension
Kaleidoscope skies
A swirling dimension
Where lows become highs

I’m flowing through dreams
Thought rivers euphoric
My consciousness streams
Wash out the dysphoric

I’m light as a feather
I'm cold but I'm warm
How 'bout this weather?
A gentle brain storm

To exist is my mission
To be is my goal
And all of cognition
Is part of the whole

I see every feature
Each different face
But only one creature
Runs my human race

Universes therein
Worlds coming together
Time and space warped
By the bounds of forever

My spirit uplifted
By but a mere breeze
My paradigm shifted
By voices of trees

Eccentric boy wonder
Bizarre child awe
Wacky word blunder
Silly speech flaw

I want you to share
In this limitless peace
But you have to prepare
To embrace this release

I can help you be free
To see what I mean
But you’ll never be me
You can’t see what I’ve seen

Am I losing my mind?
Take a sec to reflect
Does this seem like the kind
Of trip you’d reject?

Maybe you’ve flirted
With funeral
Widows
Perhaps even mirrored
Their bleak
Weeping willows
But pillows have ways
Of prescribing more pill woes
And roses
Can’t say
Where the amorous
Thrill goes
And those of us
Willing to
Vow to take part
Should take heart
In unduly
How truly
We mark
The occasions
As often
As coffins
And ravens
Engrave them
And to our most
Sordid devices
Enslave them

She dare not speak so much as name me
Her true lover, merely blame me
Try and tame me
Rearrange me
Change me into perfect fits
The only fish across the sea
Her wish is my command is me
And her and I, but mine is we
Together all of us be free

To see her in the flesh would be
A public stoning passion
To express my intellectual capacities to master my desire’s heart of Darkness
Now amassing in the clasp of
Her inquisitive naïveté
And mental-reading glasses
With a smile that could denouement
My ****** as it happens

Though haven’t sung yet
Of finality’s
Salary
I am in debt
To its etch-a-sketch
Malady
Turn a few knobs
And we think ourselves
Free
To redraw the line,
Palestine,
Voter ID
But the ballot’s
A salad,
The word
Is a stake
In the heart of my
Blood-*******
Enemy’s fate

Exuding supernova suns
Through sensory explosions
Otherworldly forms of fun
When the Mother Earth has chosen
Pheonix forces I become
As I'm making moves like Gambit
Checking Bishop's loaded gun

For I am gods and I am mortals
I am everything and nothing
I am trans-dimension portals
Into realms of onto something
More than human paranormals
By detaching from possessions
To an equinox of vernals

I am blissful blossoms blooming
Unabashful beaming brilliance
Blithe brain blasts of bold babooning
Big Bang bomb bursts blowin' billions
Burning bourgeoisies by booming  
Bolshevism boiling blood's
Broke-bank Bane of bat-cave brooding

Jedi masterful mind trips
Skywalkin' Bespin nonchalant
'Cuz no force-choking Vader grips
Can bring me down to Coruscant
And no Death Star apocalypse
Can stop the peace I'm keepin' in
My rogue one rebel leader-ships  

Fearless with my laser sword
And selfless Star Trek Enterprise
To defeat the Klingon horde
The ego of Galactus dies
Upon my Silver Surfer board
Still Samwise to my Frodo quest
To sonicdoom the Mordor Lord

You know not of the loss I speak
You see only the gain you seek
When little there is left to earn
Success is but a thing to burn
A price tag on your self-absorbed
Unhappiness we can't afford
Yet starve ourselves to replicate
And spite our face to imitate
The yacht club, mansion, model life
Is peanut butter's plastic knife

If from some great well of wisdom
There would flow the truth
I’d drink my fill and wonder why
It’s wasted on the youth
Who have no bills to pay or mouths to feed
Or reasons to suppress their greed
For sharing isn’t caring
If what all you need is what you want
A picture book to read

So serene and tranquil thoughts convene
Tomorrowland is alien
To you in all your blissful cares
At home with no one there again
Alone inside your little worlds
The ones outside seem big and small
But nothing matters anymore
Except for growing tall
Before you fall into adulthood
And give in to *after all

Making this place a home
Is no easy feat
When I can’t even make
A hot meal I could eat
And in no earthly form
So desire to learn
How from not but a twig
And a stone
Make it burn
Just expecting to introspectively
Endure
This new prison cell in darkness clutches
Emmured
In insanity shrill shrieking silent serenity
Nothing to make me believe
I deserve to be
Anywhere else but this lush green oasis
Draining the life from this shell it encases
Making the most of the least of my problems
And unto the peoples’
Give myself to solve them

Resurgent desire
Still spreading like cancer
I feel its entire
Eternal no answer
To why can’t it be
She responds when I want,
Is my picturesque
In distress
In my dreams haunt
So romantically
Fantasies
More than a memory
There when I need
Her bemusing serenity
Verbally
Lyrically
Muted in mystery
All of it
Mine
Dispossessed
But promissory
Nor to control
Just to pass away time
Before down in a hole
Or some contract to sign

Retention in full
Of each day
In completion
If possible would
Yield us nights
Without reason
To write,
Or reflect,
Or account
For mistakes
And correct
The ones forming
A pattern of late
As it resonates reveries
Whirling about
What we couldn’t accomplish
Or dare live without
In a 24 hour
Fortuitous gift
To take dying for granted
And merely exist
To subsist on laborious
Efforts to wrest
The elusive success
From the jaws
Of unrest
And the self-imposed stress
Just relax,
Easy said
But to find the time
Makes it
A mindfulness dread
Just another chore
Bored
By unlimited freedom
To learn it all,
See it all,
Do it all
Even
If you can’t recall
Who it was
By name spoke
The punchline of the joke
Or the first novel thought
That you had
When you woke

Earth unprepared
To repair
What demand
Leaves its wishing well
Wistfulness
Weeping wastelands

Need I remind you
Your country was stolen
Your freedom is treason
Your family was foreign
Before it was welcomed
By Tammany Halls
Before poor, huddled masses
Were kept behind Walls
On Reserves and on drugs
And on time for their shift
Before searches and seizures
Of first to the fifth
When the terror at home
Is the reason you buy
That your right to choose life
Is another’s to die
From consumer protection
So long as your rich
In a broken-dream system
I’m merely a glitch

There is just too much possible
Human capacity
Shrouded in secrecy
Sealed in mendacity
Boxed away, locked
In a crate
Where it waits
To reveal itself to
Unsuspecting primates
Unprepared to see through
Panicking panoramas
Of primitive man
In his going bananas
Default modern setting
Upon the discoveries
Later regretting
Forgetting mistakes
Of the past
As we make
A genetically-engineered future
At stake
Is the current world order's
Next failed
Nation state
And the fate of a species
Contingent on how
We all lose track of time
Living here
In the now

Am I not just a spritely
Vivacious sun beam
The alacrity’s
Most effervescence
You’ve seen
Oh but no, I’m so sad
Only glad for a minute
Then gone just as fleetingly
All joy diminished
By cannot escape’s
Crushing grasp
Of despair
What is there to be smiling about?
And why care?

I the writer, word is life
I the fighter, pen is knife

Knight of shadows, sword in hand
Shoreline treader, toes in sand
Lion's pride, etched on the rock
Big bad wolf, shepherds the flock

I the schemer, hath no plot
I the dreamer, sleep forgot

Rising suns, ignite the spark
Waning moons, prefer the dark
Leather bound, an open portal
Ancient scrolls, withhold immortal

I the tinker, mastermind
I the thinker, out of time

What you’re eating
Out of season
Like a beast
Devoid of reason
Isn’t needed,
Just desired
Just a craving
Soon expired
Fed the flesh of others’ labor
Global slavers
Have conspired
To consume, convince,
Condition
You to slobber for rewards
That good nutrition is
Consistent with
What gluttony affords

I just want to help
And be so far away
Writing poetry novels
Adrift in the fray
Where the thirst is the worst
And the hunger is filling
And any a passerby
Is penicillin
For staring at living
Cloud shapes in the sky
In the valleys of Neptune
Is my apple pie
My American dream
Is a slice of New Yawk
And an edge of the earth
Talk the walk kind of chalk
In my linguistic lesson
The anti-depressin’
Limelight stealin’ Stalin’s
Best Gandhi impression

Winter's razor seashore kisses
Permeate my skin and bone
Slicing deeper than abysses
Sharpened on rock bottom stone

Now dead men's tales and widows lull
My vessel towards the blue it lacks
She reached inside my beating hull
And shipwrecked me to fill the cracks

With distant memory city lights
A dreadnought captain's ghostly fleet
Of anchors made of empty nights
I drag along this lonely street

Do I still have to say it
It’s mass exploitation
An ******
Free of charge
Pain mitigation
Salvation for all
Gullible
To be told
Just forget
The real suffering world
And behold
The eternal one,
Die to believe
Lies we tell ourselves
Honestly
Offer reprieve
From atrocity’s cost
And the loss
We bereave
But deceive you no longer
The lordly class can
When you take up the hammer and sickle
In hand

We all wear masks
To hide our face
The ugliness
The self-disgrace
The nothingness
The empty space
The blackest stains
We can't efface
The crippling pains
We can't outpace
How much we loathe
The human race
Concealed within
The darkest place
Yet kept too long
Upon the face
Disguises only seem to prove
There are some masks
We can't remove

Behind my own masks
I have spent
A lifetime clad
in my torment
Adorned in casque
of my lament
A shield against
the world's resent
Yet still my armor
left to rent
Split by smiles
never meant
False personas
I invent
Alternate skins
that I frequent
All these charades
I implement
Mere fallacies
of my descent
Deceiving depths
are imminent
And now the face
of true intent
To my dismay
is not present
Unless my heart
beats pure content
I fear my mask
is permanent

To belong,
To be loved
To believe
In the self
A deceiving
Needs-based
Deviation
From wealth
And the finest
Healthcare
It affords
To the well-
Off already
Born into
This hell
With a silver spoon dangling
From want-for-not lips
And a gold-plated platter
Of ignorant bliss
When in this
Squalid emptiness
Really quite simple
Is staying alive
When survival’s
Hierarchical-structure’s
Contrived
Not of orotund
Blunders
To understand all
But the hunger
That thunders
Without the rainfall

I’m easy to talk to
Or so
They might say
If I spoke
As I wrote
My awoken cliché
List of grievances
Seething with
Fury inveighed
A melodious
Medley
Relentless tirade
But the vehemence
Meaningless
Cannot prevail
Without targeting
Enemies
Too big to fail
So continue to rouse
Rabble ruffians
Huffing
And puffing,
And stuffing,
Their pockets with nothing
But broken home
Hopeless
Promissory notes
And peremptory
Purchasing powerless
Votes
I prefer the immersion
In mobs of unruly
And still punish pigs
With unusual cruelty

Interlocked existence gears
Rusting in their faith and fears
Cogs within the God machine
Life is but a robot dream

What if love
Was just fragments
Mere figments
Imagined
What draws bodies close
To embracing
Impassioned
Would tragic
Just typify
How it concludes
We confuse its temptation  
With swinging of moods
Could illusions
Enamor you
More than a kiss
What possessive delusions
Compel us to this
Missing piece,
Wishing more,
Holding dear,
Longing for
Bore the weight of its loss
Like misplacing one’s mind
And therein
It shall stay
It’s in one
We must find

Can’t keep on entering
Into my life
I don’t want to be vulnerable
Texting goodnight
But she makes it so easy
So seamlessly
Fluent
For once
Conversational sides
Are congruent
Not making each other the whole
Bigger picture
Just speaking their minds
As it adds to the mixture
A confluence
Coming together
The goal
I just have to see her
And the rest will unfold

With you
Without you
My purpose is clear
It is all of it words
And the way they appear
To your eyes on this page
In the meanings they give
To emotions and ethics
And graves that we dig
With so little to live for
No reason to pray
To what only exists
In my maybe someday

Don’t want it depleted
Be better deleted
Entirely
Finally free
Of my need to be miserly
Dollars and cents
No more nickel
And diming me
Anxiety
In numerical form
All the ways I can spend it
Within my brain storm  
I could give it away
Put a dent in my debt
Or regret yet another
Failed self-invest bet
And on that note
It makes me think
All that I am
Is an app
And some digits
Computer program
That I do not control
And at one moment could
All at once
Hypothetically
End livelihood

Waiting around
I converse with myself
Climbed a tree today
Picked some bananas to sell
Or to barter
With shopkeepers
Down at the market
Compartmentalizing
The extra
To part with
Or keep to eat freely
As soon as they ripen
In but a few days
More of boring old life in
My site
Took a hike
To seek quiet,
Imagined these hills
Fulminating
In riot
If I were inciting
Rebellions
Contriving
An artifice to
See the fires
Igniting
But as the day ends
And the sun vanishes
From the scene
My passivity banishes
Any a notion
Of causing commotion
And looking for trouble
Where nothing is broken
Evoking instead
Of promoting bloodshed
In its stoking the furnace
Forged steel in my head