I'm not cut out
From the cloth
Of the beggar
No morally purer
Than drunken bootleggers
Don't claim to be better
Than junkies
And thieves
And in fact
Often share
In their proclivities
When my conscience agrees
To be righteously wrong
For the sake
Of forsaken
Virtues, all along
I have known to be merely
In theory
No more
Than the voice
In the back of my head
I ignore
When imploring me to
Ask it
What would God do?
Perhaps suffer the many
And save but a few
Of the most loyal supplicants
Bowing to none of it
Proving the makers
Who made us
Are done with it

Come weep
Like a willow
Come mourn
As a widow
Come wallow
In hollowed
Out parts of my whole
Come expose
Why I sold
All that’s left
Of my soul
Come beseech
Me to linger
A shadow,
A stain
Come release
Me to bring her
Back home
From the grave

The good and just god
Or the God is just good
Either way
A falsehood
Only mortal minds could
Believe true
Despite proven
We too misconstrue
The conclusion
Illusion
As piety’s cue
To divine its define nature
More than a fruitless
Attempt to uncover
The root of its hubris

Nothing adds up
If equations of us
Not a word I could say or write
Earns me your trust
And there must be two people
Both present
In this
When you’re gone
And I’m gone
Want the other to miss
How it feels to be whisked away
Wistfully with
An intention to mention
The taken for granted
Want you in my arms
By your charms
Am enchanted
Just need you to want
Me more present in flesh
When I get there
Allow our personas  
To mesh
And entangle
Ensnare me
Come bare your whole soul
Have a drink with me
Trip with me
Pack us a bowl

She sits in a room
All alone
All day sobbing
Her brain overheats
In anxiety throbbing
And lobbing grenades
Upon rainy parades
Is the only way she
Can ensure the pain fades
Crossing over again
To succumb and suppress
She still seems
In control
But is a
Complete mess
But her kind
Of frenetic
Magnetic
To me
She stills pulls me
As if
The full moon
To my sea

How much of a failure
I’ve been
I’ve become
Couldn’t stop any wars
I just hide
And I run
I can’t even have fun
Without substance abuse
All attempts to find love
Tie the knot
In a noose
And you think I’d be used to it
Now
After all
Of the times I’ve uplifted
Myself
Just to fall
In a discontent pit
No escaping it
Slip
Further down
More than ever
Before I have dwelled
And despite the implacable
Anger expelled
Can’t dispel the illusion
That things will get better
That I can be happy
Alone in forever

When it really comes down to it
Instinct is key
Solutions you don’t conclude
Rationally
Although naturally yield
An appealing
Fanfare
Popularity contest
To racialize hair
Unaware
That the struggle
Does not even care
When it’s hungry
And pushed to the brink
Of extinction
Detained
In a cage
Like a subhuman species
So why try to train
What does not want to learn
Your new tricks
Why insist
Making it
Your concern?

We’ve been here before
Down the same broken road
Of a vision obscured
By such clearly in love
Deep philosophers learning
How all the worlds turning
Could be in our hands
And still not be enough
To unconquer these lands

How could someone so far
Feel so close
Within reach
Like I’m already next to her
Down on the beach
And each day
Through destabilized life
Disarray
She is my equilibrium
Song that I play
The insightful awareness
Her fairness
Inherent
She sees me in ways
Not so often
Apparent
Unerring
Assessing
The depths of my mind
And repairing
Its faulty
Default
Out of time
For with her
There is more to be spent
In progressing,
Improving,
Correcting
Recursive transgression
A reason to stay
When I’d much rather leave
Broken dreams
She awakens
As yet to achieve
Not aggrieved,
Nor consigned
To no chance to attain
And as long as she’ll have me
With her
I remain

Desperate as ever
To find my way
Back to you
Reconnect,
Synchronize,
See the whole world
Anew
Should even slip
A quick hiccup
Or glitch
In the system presenting itself
Be amiss
Then I may
For a moment
Consider it thusly
But never imagine
You no longer trust me
But just me
Would be
The conclusion
I’d reach
To whatever end
Seemingly
I tried to teach

Dread the free time
But still can't wait to have it
To seize peace and quiet
By my force of habit
And flee far away
From a central locale
Of a jobless, impoverished
Human garbage pail
Full of wasted potential
Unutilized power
Another kid lost to disease
By the hour
Devoured from inside out,
Parasitic
A malnourished mortality
Fated statistic
Accounting for little more than
A UN
Detrimental development
Index embellishment
IMF, World Bankers swooping in
Heaven-sent
Millions lent
Never spent
Back on the people
Just keep them like sheep
Marching on to the steeple
And reap what they sow
How so little they yield
Until cityscapes swallow up
Forest and field
And behind their most opulent
Optic facades
In their decadence festers
The graces of Gods

Excuses
Excuses
Make me
A reclusive
Reduced to
Expecting the worst
Kind of mutant
Aberrant
Outlander
Unwelcome
Across
The whole globe
Have I strove
To belong
And get lost
Concomitantly
Constantly
Claim contradictory
Opposite views
At least two
Sides are needed
But always the one
Whose mere presence is fleeting
And then there is me
‘Bout to go unresponsive
For by
Dead of night
Silences
I am haunted

The realist idealist
Marxist on acid
Unruliest Julius
Social class bashin'
Hash waxin' Jet Jackson
I'm back in it, packin'
My 9 days of fastin'
And rockin' my Rama
Like Lama of Dalai
To Burma, Malawi
I'm thirsty for Mali
Diwali to light up in spite of the plight
From the right, I'm so left that it's theft
All I own is the night
I been deep in the jungles
Apocalypse Now
Reading little red books
About chairmen named Mao
But like Gandhi's ahimsa I'm teaching them how
We make no man's land peace
From they cash Curacao

Where I see water everywhere
But not a drop to drink
Just hydro-frackin' krakens
They're unleashing on your kitchen sink
And still the rising Apartheid
Brings death before the dioxide
Insecticidal suicide
And herbicidal genocide
Colombia? That's classified
It's why I build my ark from FARC
Embarking on my Narcos kick
A fix fit for a Bolshevik
For now my journey never ends
Until I cure this homesickness

Was there in a former life
Mighty,
Exalted
Convictions
Ambitions
To pantheons vaulted
Me up to ascending
Empyrean visions
But lost my place
Somehow
To squalid conditions
Returned to the soil
To toil
And labor
And sharpened my edge
Of depravity’s razor
Sharp intellect
Circumspect
To be applied
For it only would yield
Fallow earth
Deified

Dearest one
Wasn’t one
Single mistaken
Heart breaking
Before
It was even us
Making
It up as we went along
Somehow connected
Unbound
And unburdened
Affections
Defected
From system schismatics
Too ******-frenetic
Forget it
It’s better off
Dead and regretted

Surface tension
Wearing thin
Emaciated
Bones in skin
The shock sets in
Upon the sight
Of transformations
Into this
Cadaverous
Dehumanist
Adapting to impractical
Apathy practiced
Tactfully
To physically appear to them
Augmented exoskeleton

What does anyone do
At the end of such times
Does it wallow and wilt
In the fading of rhymes
Or admit that it still
Is mistaken
I know
Or still has to face forward
And think of it slow
In the show up as usual
Lost and alone
You look dressed for a party
Political throne
And the worker bees buzz
And the servants condone
Unacceptable rifts
In the peace
I am prone
To embody
And sway
And then never more stray
To the morning
Stay sleeping
Don’t wake to dismay

I am the dementor
Come
Gimme your soul
I’ll unfold
Its undoing
In withers of woe
As the shivers
Proliferate,
Glaciate,
Hold
You in skeletal clutches
My touch is
So cold
And I sow lonely
Floating
Atop blighted fields
As I sap the life out of
Your energy
Feels
Shall it yield
To me screaming
In resonant fear
When before you
My spectral dread
Form
Reappears

Didn’t get
To speak my mind
The rest of life
Left me behind
Forgotten
By its innovation
Adaptation
Conflagration
No more home remains
To thrive
Survival, my last right
Denied,
Captivity’s
No place to hide
My species deemed
Undignified
And all I asked
Was peace and plenty
Not so different
From the many
Extirpated
Population
Biospheric
Degradation
Dust within a vacuum
Void
Of even empathy
Destroyed
Barbarians behaving thus
As civilized
As not enough
Consumption stuff
Could bring them back
In tact
Forever
Gone in fact
And never, ever
Coming back

We just have to perch
And the lurkers
Come searching
They know we’re the guys
That get high
With the earthlings

Out in the rain
Don’t want to go in
I would
Sooner pay
To sleep in
A coffin
Even with
Dripping wet
Muddy clothes
All a mess
Of what I can attest
To being the coldest of nights
Of unrest
When from under a tin awning’s
Flickering light
I look out on this withering
Underworld’s
Plight
And recede to the shadows
Of how I can write
What the first world urbanity
Keeps out of sight
In its wish to forget
The injustice of wealthy
Elite kingdom’s
Debt
To the ones it regrets
To inform
Have no home
Just like me
Among them
In this city
Alone

My vision's extreme
In the dreams I discern
From the truths I have seen
Through my passion to learn
Or the levels I turn up
My mind microwaves
In the money I burn
With a sacrilege fervor
In every concern
For a naturalist order
Where I am the hero
On silver surf boards
And webs that I spin
All amounting to zero
For greedy ring lords
My sting will strike down
Their thrones of excess
With my Leninist unrest
And save the world with methods that
Most leaders would detest
Like finding peace in nothing
But the self-destructive ends
To justify the means
Of the passing words with friends
Though the love you share is real
Your lives will move in flashes
I enjoy it while lasts
And then I burn it all to ashes
For I find my warmth in blizzards
Roastin' grand old dragon wizards
As I slither with the lizards
Running shivers down their crooked spines
And sautéing their livers
With some venom as my glass of wine
Droppin' toxin trips divine
Baptized in a river of the finer-sided knife
While I'm gettin' schizophrenic
In the severed ties to life
To empathize with those
Less fortunate than me
By calling it compassion
When I'm just an empty sea
Because I've felt it all before
And died at least a dozen times
But I still search alone for more
Than coloring the lines
With these radical approaches
To slaughtering the infantile
Crawling, begging roaches
By forcing them to stand against
The real exterminators
I'd Dooku them like Anakin
Did in the tusken raiders
Bringing justice to the galaxy
As I become Darth Vader
Still the chosen Jedi knight
Since my Eden is an orchard
In a poison apple bite
Despite my balanced forces
That are rooted in the trees
Making green the autumn leaves again
To plant my lega-seeds
By shedding skins to sin with Eve
In paradises lost
I'd sell my soul to Satan

*No matter what the cost

There was Africa me
No one wanted to be around
Couldn’t so much
As set foot on the ground
Make a sound
That was welcome
Contentious abounded
Whatever I said
Or I did
Or I didn’t do
Already
Dead
Now there’s back at home me
Land of liberty
Bound
Unemployed
But enjoying
A stroll into town
And a run in the park
Past a people who know me
Don’t throw stones
Or shade
And don’t try to control me
Just let me go
On my way
‘Bout my day
Only slowing to smile
And wave
No delay
But still something is missing
Some sense
Of community
Lost in a country
This virus
Is ruining

And now I get angry
There’s no one to save me
Can’t make me be happy
I might as well stake
My heart through
Love is blue
Each attempt,
A mistake
And you knew
Going into it
Sooner than late
It would break,
Fall apart,
Or deteriorate
As it has
Now diminished
To here we are finished
With you
And with me
All my flaws
Insurmountable
Just a lost cause
For the fallout
Accountable
Doubt permeated
My brain
And unmade it
Created estrangement between us
And bade it
To hating what we couldn’t change
Or rephrase
In a more perfect way
Than just from our lives fade

If fading light
From her sad eyes
Could shine like stars of white
This vast abyss
This chaos mind
This endless wall of night
Would soon ignite
Amidst the glow
Of burning suns so bright
This loveless void
This shadow soul
This darkened veil of sight
Would ne'er benight
My pulse and pen
Nor blacken words I write
Again

I am Death in the flesh
Bereft life’s final breath
I have conquered eternity’s peak
Without rest
As I longed to express
From my emptiness chest
Why I can’t seem to pass this mortality
Test

If once upon a time could bring back
Fairy tales I chased outside
Enchanted forests in my mind
I’d write my fabled hero labors
With a hint of her sublime
Confusion, calm and innocence
Her sorrow eyes as elegant
As ballerina dancing leaves
The steps we sat upon and spoke
Of nothings sweeter than the sound
Of incandescent laughter chiming
All around us in the air
The crisp of autumn on her lips
That taste of lust amidst her kiss
Betwixt us coalescing pure
Was love in its imperfect form
Simplistic as the heart is deep
Intricacies as numerous
As any secrets I could keep
Of no day more fortuitous

Embracing tonight
I feel lonely and pensive
I heard from my girl
But my home is so empty
Seems like a lot less
Than three years ago
Entered
Found purpose and cause
In the people I’ve mentored
A living,
A being,
A place to belong
A community
Hidden
Was here all along
And still part of it
Just at a distance
Transition
To next chapters
Elsewhere
Adventures unwritten

Fight as if you really know
What it means to live
Share the love of precious life
For it is yours to give
Don't let the world destroy your world
Or crush your weary shoulders
Bow to no existences
Keep pushing up your boulders
Sail the seas and climb to peaks
Embrace the open road
Release the yesterdays of time
And grow the seeds you've sowed
Step into the light and feel
The perishing of fears
Let your voice be heard by more
Than pairs of prowling ears
Never privatize the skies
Or set your sights below
The levels you have dared to dream
Could be salvation's glow

Cheek to cheek
Ear to ear
Fake this smile
Hide my fear

Behind a mask
Of non-revealing
Lies a tomb
Of buried feeling

Deep within
A rotten core
The good has died
There is no more

All that's left
Is pain remaining
Hidden by
The joy I'm feigning

Empty, hopeless
Gaping hole
Wretched, worthless
Blackened soul

Longing for
Illumination
Falling for
The Dark's temptation

Mitigate
My need to die
Perpetuate
Contention's lie

Forget my face
End this charade
Remove this guise
I have portrayed

I'm trapped in a clock
In the cogs and the gears
And it's ticking its tock
To my cuckooest fears
I am chained to a time
And a place I'm forgetting
Lost in the rhyme
And the tone I am setting
Regretting the days
I knew not how to smile
And masking these plays
In a phantom exile
Where sands turned to trees
And then jungles erupted
In love with the breeze
And the girl who abducted
My heart in the void
Of poetic romance
In a cold front of Freud
And the hypnotic trance
My enchantress exudes
In a potion of sorrow
And pendulum moods
As I swung from tomorrow's
Last Heliotrope
And I shared in the peace
Of her crescent moon hope
Then I offered my hand  
To this mystical muse
And I let her command
Every word that I choose

But what do I know
About love
I just felt
A sensation of chemicals,
Offered myself
Like a writer
Seeks constant
Revision of draft
Like an artist
Peaks new inspiration
Of craft
I committed,
Devoted
A faith to its leap
As I countered a culture
That from me would keep
This phenomenal,
Pheromone
Fatal attraction
Fixated upon
A romantic abstraction
No, it to me
Far less inscrutably
Came
At first sight
And in every day after
In pain

Trusted
Can you be
Not some day
Disgusted
By who me
Is currently
Trying to
**** with
How long before you
Growing old
Place the blame
On the gray
Eats your face away,
Love me the same?
Could you still
Find a pill
That would will it to power,
Coax me from the shell
When I’m tepid and dour
As I become
Who I can’t hide anymore
The two facets,
A *******’s
Pacifist
Casket
Denotes composition
Of journalist dissidence
Thought that was your job
Then how did it get to this?
Lack of communicative
Former kids
In idyllic
Umbilical cords
Severed from
What the last plane attached them to
Back to you come

At least I can think about her
All the time
Predecessors
In retrospect
Still on my mind
All the same
Never changes,
Arrives uninvited
The failed
Ever fallen love
Still unrequited

Take all of my childhood trauma,
Distress
And the rest that I earned
In the vast emptiness
Of a world
We’ve both seen
Diametrically skewed
By the you and I
Have to get back
To renew
This connection,
This bond,
This innate
Journey on
I just took it for granted
And now you are gone
Perhaps even for good
This time, really
You should
Try to help me no more,
You want more
Than I could
Hope to fix,
Ever change,
I’m the same
Sad abyss
That I was when I found you
The sound of you bound
Me to now have to her
Revolving around

He said go forth and multiply
To all the silly rabbits
Then he sold  
His tricks to other
Kids with ***** habits
Except the ones
Who only buy
The rotten truth from maggots
Then join them in
The dirt to share
Salvation's feast of caskets

Though arduous, the journey
Now has come unto its end
My team, my guys, my family ties
Until we meet again
I will bear the weight of world's  
In every step I take
In every rebel yell I roar
In every day I wake
But as you have stood beside me
So you now provide me strength
To move these mountains
Yet to cross
And span these seas at length
For we have seen them rise and fall
And disappear behind us
Serving something more than self
These obstacles remind us
None too tall and vast and grim
Withstood the rolling tide
Through highs and lows
We found the beach
No storm could have denied
Now again I charge headlong
Into the great unknown
The blue and grey still looming
Though I'm never quite alone
For I have led you on my own
A drifting captain torn apart
Before I found a team that could
Command my wild heart

Failure to mention
Contractually bound
To a person I met,
Enjoyed having around
Even just for a moment
To show you around
Didn’t doubt
For a second
We’d welcome you in
Now I’m living the day
It all comes to an end
And within it
Each day
That I’m living it
Thinking
You couldn’t be gone
In the time
My eye’s blinking
And ever it was
So indifferently blind
Never grateful
Enough
For your presence
Was I
But another goodbye
I survive
Unperturbed
As the last words we said  
Were both
Honest
And heard

This dot kami’s ‘Nam when I see you’re all neutral
To futile lords still passin’ Acts of Removal
Pretentious performers as if upon stages
Of casting call characters caught up in cages
Like ****** who off-shore **** the poor on vacations
I’m diggin’ up dirt on the founders’ plantations
When bail-outs are ballots and bullets are mallets
Why not be a rabbit hole in Hefner’s palace?
And dare call it talent, a gift or a passion
Just model behavior for slaves to a fashion
Show running the breadlines when crimes are a dime
In the dozens of ***** Weinsteins on your minds

Instead of the felons when court is in Sessions
Instead of the under-oath treason confessions
In rapid succession they feed you the buzz
Until nobody cares what the debt ceiling was
When the roof has been raised for the privatize party
The right wants us dead and the left shows up tardy
I’m sorry “you people” are making me sick
Guess I’ll just pop a pill from the cabinet pick
Like has-been Michael Flynn’s and these Ex-Tillersons
Resource hogs cloggin’ bogs up with smogs of odd jobs
They’re the slEASIEST Slytherins still seemin’ Jesus
Pro-life until *** aid is the fetus
Egregious excesses of who the **** needs this
Huge 2nd place trophy wife ivory tower
Big guns for a stickless diplomacy coward

Here’s my ******* tricklin’ down your faces
You blatantly ****** repeal and replacists
You war-profiteering, grand **** of old Racists and fakers, uranium cakers
Still stuffing the stockings of doomsday clock-makers
With melting North Pole lumps of coal-hearted cash
‘Till every last Christmas trees nothing but ash
As the fascist machine builds its pyramid scheme
On the dreams of the themes of your Disney World screen
But the credits will roll as the talking heads stroll in
The shoe bombs of Terrorist’s livelihoods stolen
But I leave ‘em spinnin’ like Christopher Nolan

Wish I wasn’t so
Taken aback
In disgust
At how many
Grotesquely obese  
People just
Can’t control
Their consumption,
Their glutton hole,
Loneliness
Self-destruct
Button
Oppressing their
Easily addict
Dysfunction
Still eating beyond
Belly-full
Up until
Unfulfilling day’s
Outweigh
The heart-beating
Still

I know they were wrong
This was not meant to be
No divine order deemed
Such a despondency
Could be all I’ve attained
In my 25 years
Could be all that I’ve lost
To the cost
Of my fears
And the one I dread most
Never seemed could be real
But there had to be choice,
Indecision,
Free will
On the part of us both
In discussing it still
And supposedly
Some pre-determined’s
Of course
Just like
How most marriages
End in divorce

Don’t follow me there
Where you know I can’t lead
Your unruly world peace
With my Nietzschean greed
It would just start a war
And revolt us against
The immaculate vision
You’ve yet to express

Wandering
Squandering
When have I not
Failed to reach my potential
And mentally rot
In a caustic
Corrosive
Self-loathing
Moroseness
That worsens
The more
I’ve expended
Resources
Exhausted recourses
And letting her down again
Just reinforces
Alone
I can’t hurt
I can’t harm
I can’t hate
I can’t blame
I can’t claim
I am not the mistake

Let me return you to childhood trauma
To monsters and terrors that crept in the shadows  
To growing so old all alone in this homeless
Expanse wilderness of a withering world
To the waking eye comas of numb nevermore
And the bumps in the nightmares you’ve dreamt of before
To the distancing shore where your hope is uncharted
In long, buried chests of cathartic departed
Delusions of love and emotional anything
Silenced and blinded and deafened by everything
Crashing and burning in dead expectations
And gun blasts of nuclear war trepidations
Relinquished to those who command me with skill
As they sow my dominion’s tyrannical will

I devour potential
The pop to your pill
I will **** and grow fat
On your deepest desires
Your secrets are mine
And I know a few buyers
The cold in your spine
Is my warm insulation
Where you see a failed state
I see a great nation
And now in the pensive impermanent pulse
Of your final days fading, do I now reveal
That my true name is fear
And I wish I was real

Friends lost forever
And families estranged
Does it go?
Does it turn?
Can it not stay the same?
I see holidays
More like malaise
And I hate it
Accustomed to work
When I once celebrated
Just stuck in my ways
Out of place
Aggravated
I never thought changes
Around me
Unwelcome
A pop culture reference
Exceedingly seldom
Confirmed understood
But I couldn’t care less
Retrospectively
Forward progress
Calculus

Chop, hack,
  fell, sever
Greedy, vicious
  clawed endeavor

Rip, tear,
  bite, shred
Snarling metal
  teeth I dread

Mother Nature
  my employer
Human nature
  my destroyer

Synthesizing
  life until
They bleed my veins
  of chlorophyll

Grant me breath
  with each exhale
Seal my fate
   with coffin nail

Solar goddess
  lifts me higher
Devils light
  my funeral pyre

To closed minds
  I have no voice
To closed hearts
  I have no choice

But roots grow deep
  into this earth
Hold firm my trunk's
  enduring girth

For I have seen
  all creatures rise
And fall
  before my sleeping eyes

And I will grow
  for eons more
Make green this rock
  you can be sure

I am this world
  this world is me
I am everything
  that's free

So buy and sell
  your plots of land
You'll never own
  what I command

Ancient wisdom
  long renewed
Silent sentry
  solitude

A testament
  to self's release
A symbol of
  organic peace

I've tried to share
  our home in vain
You showed me sawmills
  of disdain
  
So let it fall
  your acid rain
Watch me wither
  in my shame

This cash and burn
  you can't sustain
Your deathbed is
  all you obtain  

A smoggy blanket
  of methane
Global warming  
   your domain

Pollute the skies
  with coal mind stain
You'll suffocate
  on toxic bane

And then you'll lose
  this excess game
And on this day
  you'll feel my pain

Don't run from the darkness
Or hide from the light
Feel the wind in your hair
Like an eagle in flight
Hear the streams serenade you
With rivers of force
Go get lost in the jungle
Then chart a new course
Through the pages of time
Through the infinite void
A celestial God
In the shell of a droid
As you anthropomorph
Into going bananas
Embark on safaris
Of conscious savannas
So give us a roar
Young lion, with pride
Your spirit is taking
A wildebeest ride
A stampede in each stride
You step into unknowns
Of intelligent life forms
At home in their zones
Stoking firestorm surges
And blastin' the tunes
An explosion of colors
And sweet sonic blooms
To share in the moments
Of one with the earth
The umbilical cord
That was severed at birth
And now reconnecting
With wireless friends
To sentient shut down
Micro-processing trends
With a macro perspective
On worlds of deception
To scale heaven's size
To the peak of perfection

I am hunger
Lost without her
Silent thunder
Growing louder
In the storm surges
I shower
Absolution's lust for power
In a lustrous
Gloom necropolis
A living dead
Metropolis
The coming, going
Never slowing
Profit motive
Doom foreboding
Driven by ambition
To free all the world from prison
Through a clarity of vision
By the muses I am smitten
And have given up
Enough to claim
Dominion over
My insane
Empire state of mind decay
Betray all virtues
Gone astray
And seize it all
For me someday