Don’t harp on the doomsday
News muses
Too often
But lately it seems like
The world is a coffin
And lost in its glossy
Dysphoria coughing
I wish we could save it
From more
Holocausting
From panic pandemics
And fumes we’re exhausting
But shrooms in my mania
Glooms
Are so awesome
And even up on them
You know I’d be there
For what’s ethical, righteous,
And just
To be fair
I would even allow
The good masses to play,
To protest,
To get riotous,
Frolic all day
So long as you sat with me
Out on those steps
And still called them the sheeple
With me to attest

Focused in sheer contemplation
The waves
A cascading
Sedation
My consciousness craves
And I bathe in euphoric
Horizons
At dusk
As the winds are the words
Of the friends I entrust
With my sanctity
Solace
Adept introspection
As all of us delve into deeper
Connection

Stare into this screen
And await your reply
Like anticipating
When you know it’s goodbye
But feels more like what’s up
Once again
Seamlessly
Typing texts
And then sending them when
They read
Sounds more like me
Scrutinizing for errors
In spelling and grammar
And adding some more
Of my lexicon glamor
Since stammering in my head
Spoken words
Stutter
But pausing to sift through
The cognitive clutter
Is how I uncover
The secret encoded
But none to discover
When lovers don’t seem to be
Deeply embedded
In these messages
Or their absence
I’ve dreaded

Still bringing machines
To their knees
With the ease
Of my sentient,
Sentiment
Sensory
Gene
With the band and I
Slam-piecing
Klans
On demand
As we’re pilfering
*****-grab hand’s
Contrabands
And still planning
The getaway
Waste away lands
To the sands
Bring the vibes
And imbibe
The revival
Survival is our
Existential time trial
And its
Human race
We replace
With the state
Of our **** the sys-tem
We’re immune to its hate
And then in its wake
Break
Former orders
And judge
Them to be
History,
On its pages a smudge

I missed you tonight
Tryna’ clean up my act
Take a night off of drinking
And thinking
Backtrack
But I laughed
At the jokes,
And the banter,
And clamor
My band and its lyrically
Stammering
Grammar
But couldn’t bemuse of who
I am enamored
With still
For it isn’t a story
To thrill
Not a glorified conquest
Of some silly girl
But the woman with whom
I would soon
Change the world

Do I read them all back?
Or keep writing you more?
Either way
Doesn’t take me back
To us
Restored
In completion
Replete with
The good and the bad
Memories
And the future
We could’ve still had
But perhaps it allows
Deeper now
Contemplation
Again at the cusp
Of our dusk
Divination
Into
What the dwindling
Of desolate dawn
Still returns to eternity‘s
Gone along song

Creatures abound
In the darkest
Of hours
And from my own shadow
The one in me
Cowers
Too frightened
To even
Speak truth
To empower
The feeble,
Unfeeling
Attempt at confession
When judgment so often
Proceeds the expression

And just don’t let me get to you
Waiting on me
If I did that
I’m sorry
I felt the whole sea
Being my
Inundated
Half-assed
Part of me
And if I
Don’t just fall asleep
Then you found me
Am I my
Any what
You imagine is free
I am nothing without you
The ultimate me
And with glee
I pronounce
You becoming the me
There was us
And I wasn’t
Too drunk to believe

I’ve never seen
Your eyes so red
Just look at me
Tell me
The dread
Is welling now
Remember you
In everything
I thought I knew
Was you
Was me
Just make it bleed
Just make it never
End
In grief
Just don’t reduce
Us to
Deceit
Unless I’m with you
All I knew
And comes to see
The world anew

The moderate
Advocate  
Has a nice
Ring to it
But I don’t **** with it
In the abstract
I’m a backtracking
Can’t find the keys
That I lack
To make open the mind
Far and wide
And retract
Every former assertion
I claimed absolute
But there has to be truth
Or else what defines proof?
I exist
I resist
Suffering
What is real
I subsist
I persist
In still trying to feel

Now it’s your turn
To do the hurting
I suppose
To keep keeping it real
What I feel
And compose
Until all is revealed
And the rest
But shadows  
Of the hold you have over my sol-
ar meadows
And I know
It’s cliché
As I love you’s
Red rose
Or its sentiment’s
Silhouette’s
Withering prose
Even wasn’t quite us
Sappy stuff
Or quite you,
You would say that the bloom
Was the wrong shade of blues
For it cost too much green
And left traces of shoes
And just wasn’t my dripping with
True muses hues
You’d refuse
Such a crimson lust  
Power display
For the impotent gray
Thunderstorms
I convey
But then up to Olympus
Command me to climb
See the world,
Be the gods,
Then return to your side

But I’ll hold you again
In this life
Or the last
As we live in the future
The now
And the past
And even
If minutes
Elapsing
Collapse
Into somehow
Much longer
I take to my last
Breath exacting
The time I had squandered
Without our hands clasped

Sometimes the attraction
Was solely cerebral
But in the abstraction
Made love to the peaceful
And though I felt evil
Still using such beauty
For personal ends
There was you and me
Truly
As more than just friends
But to look upon you
Through the mind-bending lens
As the conscious
Apart from emotion
Ascends
With you staring right back
Synchronized
In my eyes
And perhaps even far beyond
What it disguised
Was the moment I thought
Only futures could hold
What the two of us
Here in the now
Had foretold
Growing old
Not appealing
No fantasy lands
Could be made to resemble
It held in our hands
When fingertips
Inches away
Stayed astray
And it faded to everything
I couldn’t say
Though you know I have written it
Infinite
Times
I envision,
Revisit it
Lost in these rhymes
And if I can’t return
To unlearn
Grave mistakes
I will take them into
The last one
I awake

I have fun
I suppose
But I hate that it goes
By too fast,
Moving past
Before anyone
Knows
Or appreciates how
We as people
Together
Could do this forever
Awake the next day
And not even remember

Tried getting back to you
Barely still conscious
But conscience
Had cautioned
Against its more dauntless
Inebriated
State of mind
Degradation
And unfiltered,
Unreserved
Written oration

Rolling in
Overhead
Like a wicked witch
Whirlwind
Tornado force gusts
And soon lightning
Is hurling
Upon the metallic ore
Floor at my feet
As the rains
Only in my head
Woefully weep
And I keep
Sinking deeper
Into the illusion
The dream becomes nightmares
Of us in conclusion

Is it pity
Or sympathy
Guiding your hand
Back to my  
Misery
In its sinking quicksand
Or do you really care
To befriend
A dead-end
Thinking back
To the could be
Alternatives
Penned
When you know
I won’t stop
Reminiscence
In entropy
Subtleties
Dreadfully
Retrospect’s
Revelry
In your serenity
Ne’er more elusive
Until my next inquiry’s
Far more intrusive
And you and I’s
Story
Remains inconclusive

The vaunted you
All that I wanted
For so long
I tried to be
Strong and undaunted
And move on
But ghosts of you haunted
The notes
In each love song
And I was too proud
To admit
That I was wrong
And now you’re correct
I should probably seek help
Before I inflict
Even more harm
On myself
Or the lonely day’s nights
Full of dread’s
Someone else

Strangeness is sameness
We come from
The same place
A rock and sea
Lucid sphere
Green and blue
Space base

Did I want to be rotting
With you in the ground?
Not exactly,
But by your side
Always was down

Been all around the whirled
And saw the force field
In the skeye
And with my finger paint
Unfurled
The secrets sealed
Beyond inside  
But I was dying all the time
And living only in
My mind
Though sensing yours
Had resonated
Implicated in the crime

But don’t think
You ever came after
The acid
The placid
Illusion-master
Mindless practice
Exacted upon
The emotional actress
The balance in psychotic
Brain matters vapid
The happenstance
Captured
In moments unspoken
The everything else
Is the selfless-heart
Broken
A token remembrance
You know that I loved you
And sought to bring down
All the crowns
Up above you
And drugged you eventually
On the same page
And still here I am wasting
Our whole life away
I was you,
I was me,
All the ugliness breed
I was loveliness
Planting
The die for you seed
And believing in just the next step
Takes us out
To the edge of infinity
Dwelling in doubt
It was this in sync with
The anthro-
pologist
The apologist‘s
Human conditional
Bliss

But you know when I get Greek
Mythologies
I try to keep
As deep as Erebus and Nyx
Within the darkness
One becomes
Conception silences
We speak
And try to tweak  
A little bit
Because it sounds
Like I am smitten
By the afterlives
I reap
When bringing you
The sisters three
In all supremely forming me
And I am fate
My love
Just end with me
The mortal madness
Nation-state
And lend to me
Your ears
Without the judgment
Of divine
I was the rest to you
The best of who
I could be
All the time
You were my scintillating silhouette
The brightness in the breeze
You were the eons could be passing
And you’d still
Be there with me
Don’t let this little lion cub
Be checking on
Your airy pride
Don’t let this shadow of a man
Convince you
I
Was of the side
To side with anything
But real
And what I still
Struggle to feel
Was what I lost
Running away
And what it cost
To be dismay
I was the gray
And how you brought the blue
Accepting and just listening
The whispering
Of my
Conceited
Endless nightmare
Mystery
Just be with me
Surcease to see
The days we spent
In history
And please tomorrow
Write to me
Another deathless
Eulogy

But I wouldn’t just leave you
And grieve over you
Like some sorceress
Chanting
Her wicked witch brew
I’d return to you
Lost and alone in the world
Like a dog with a mind
To make it
All of yours

I got people everywhere
Mega{n}
Ensuring
You’re safe
And in happiness
Making me wait
For the all
It comes back into
Dreaming of
You
Being destitute  
In dispute
Hang with me now
Come get down
And see all of you
Smiling my frown
Just as clueless as
Fall into love
Could disguise
As the fool on the hill
Comes to spy with his eyes
Like the stupidest kid
Still enriching the ****
And on some lovers
Bid
Better guts he could spill

So seldom invoke
The decider
Of time
When the shears come to sever
The consciousness mind
From the body
Divine
Is a comedy
Crime
When committed
Is smitten
And often is written
By what she
Determines
Of gods
Is unbidden

And I know you work harder
Than I ever have
I just want you to know
Only you would I grab
At the end of the world
All the pieces were falling
And all of my deep inhibitions
Were calling
I’d write to you,
Read to you,
Speak to you
Known
As about me the world
All erodes into stone
And the shown
Is apparent,
Aberrant,
The me within you
Still becoming
The snare in
The trap
When you rapture me close
And I think of you often
Sincerely
My note
Comes to back for you
Doubting you
Even remember
The way that I played with your
Never say never

And I mean
You were still
So estranged from me
Even
At my
Most eccentric
Expression
Just never let me
Break away
From oppression
And destiny fate
All equate to me
Nothing
Without you beneath me
Beside Me
As we grew to
Into and out
Of each other
As who knew
The breaking the bones
Of the order upon us
The power that tried
To tear us up
To dust us
Deep back to the dirt
Where the legacies lurk
And the blood still waters gardens
Of Edens
As we work

The Macedon mastodon
Tramplin’ on
Your Babylon
The upper echelon
Undone
Beneath my
Grandeur pantheon
But all the worlds
I conquer
Gone
Before I’ve even
Red the dawn

I see you still
Right?
As I sit here
And write
Mirror images of
Can I kiss you?
Goodnight

There is racial hate
I just learned it too late
And now unlearning ethno-states  
How we equate
Where we could have
Created  
A sameness
In difference
A listen first
Understand,
Then your opinion
Can freely be given
And your peace of mind,
Be released
From its prison

Soliloquy in reverie
I sentence thee
To center me
When sentience
In absentia
Morphs into
Intelligentsia
And dimensions
Of perception
Warp into
The self-deception
Still convincing me I’m real
With forms of suffering
I feel
And storms of thundering
Appear
From out the blue
And crystal clear

If you think that it’s fated
Just go ‘head and state it
Just say that you stayed
All too long
In awaiting
For me to be
Some kind of man
You’d expect
To be there all the time
Not the mind who’d object
To the social injustice,
The coup d’etat bloodless
The ******* plays
Charlemagne
To the Dulles
Insurgencies crushed
By the hush of corruption
The lush ****** lands  
***** by corporate seduction
The merciless,
Unyielding
****** of production
Duplicitous,
Profligate
Lust of consumption
The numb to the slum
Mum’s the word battle won
And some
Before even
The Russian bear stirred
Others still
Before even
The King Leo purred
When the purge isn’t fiction
I urge the revision
Enlist in the war
Upon carbon emission
And see with the heat-seeker
Serpentine vision
But spit it unwritten,
Unscripted
If needed
Concede not an inch
Of this ethical Eden
And in the endgame
Existential
Checkmate
Is the movement I make
To still you
Captivate

You live on
I keep dying
Beside you
Denying
The peace that I feel
Could be more than
Desiring  
The rest of the world
To be with it
In unity
All of the muses in motion
Subduing me
Just make them stop
Let the frame of mind freeze
Let us lay here in time
And be one with the breeze
Or some other intangible forces
At work
To have brought us together
To watch us revert
To disquieted
Eyelids
Still opened and closed
To each other’s perspectives
On how it all flows
In a cyclical circle
Until it might not
When the half of it
Stuck in this moment
Forgot

Show me more photos,
More smile disguises
I’m glad that your happiness
Isn’t a virus
Don’t know if you’re trying
To hurt me
With guy
Just remember the one
That revealed you
The sky
And the skyline
Was mine and your
Future foretold
But I couldn’t just hold you
And never let go
So if this is the way
That you show me
It’s over
Then friends is just fine
I don’t mind the hangover
And trust me
Deserving of pain
Isn’t saying enough
But to it
Am no stranger
I’ve fallen in love
Just to watch it fall further
And slip through my fingers
As they found your features
And as you still lingers
In me
All around
My cold hole in the ground
Where no image of you
Could bring me further down
Only help me accept
You are better alive  
I am better off dead
Or alone in the darkness
Of permanent dread

I like feeling empty
Not sick to my stomach
Without you
Indulging
My trip to the summit
But with you
Beside me
Electrify
Shy me
Define me
Deny me
I’m dying in fiery
Disasters
In clashing
Reverting to past
As in crashing
Your grasp on me
Holding me fast
In the clutches
Of such is
The way you control
The heartstrings
Out of tune
With my sorrowful soul
Drowning down in emotion
You told me I would
Sounding just as pathetic
As true love’s falsehood
But I couldn’t imagine it
Anyone else
And I couldn’t believe it
Was all mental health
In decay
After so much
Destroying the self
Had to be a bit more
Than the happiness-making
The taking of time
And the faking of smiles
Sometimes
To be kind

Doubting what I thought I knew
It’s true
The sky is not just blue
Sometimes a pink or purple
Hue
Appears to be
What I construe
Perhaps its aging
Seems to make me
Question
Everything I say
And hear
As I just drift away

Not the GOAT
I’m the satyr
The living hell raiser
The wicked witch
Kingdom come’s
Last savior slaver
A treacherous,
Lecherous,
Heathen heart-*****
The stake through
The maker’s
Snake oil dictator
The hiss of death,
Venom-fang
Language translator
Original sin’s
Grin and bare intimater
Serrated edge,
Biting blade,
Weeping-vein razor
The later dude
Crude metal-headed
Crusader
The twisted mind
Victimless crime
Perpetrator
A raider of arks,  
A dark arts educator
A jack of all trades
But a 2 at hard labor
Unsavory aftertastes,
Spider face craters,
And spite, blight and plight
Just for fun
Instigator
From cradle to grave
Misbehavior’s
Disclaimers
Disclosing your soul
To my Faustian waivers
Dispose of your woes
In my incinerator
And from it compose with me
Frozen rose prose  
But be free of its crown of thorns
Horned in shadows

We didn’t have much
But made do
With a few
Scattered seeds
Then we hoped,
And we prayed
As they grew
And renewing the earth
Introduced us from birth
How to value
The little
Material worth
Was afforded to us
In surplus
We could trade
Or in selling it for
What we couldn’t have made  
On our own
For such constructs
Unknown
To a people
Whose ties to the land
Ever has been
Its equal

What it takes
To get likes
In this world anymore
Doesn’t seem to compute
Or restore
To my norm
Was of you
Seeming always
To view
Me with as
Disproportionate
Has been
The love you once had
For you must
Have felt something
I know it for sure
For you dragged my dread carcass
Back up off the floor
A few times at least
Known
Other times are now
Gone
And the being without you
Makes death of the dawn

And here is where
What I can’t say
Comes to play
With the matches
Of burn it all down
Everyday
What I hate
And what others
Just can’t tolerate
How I love
Her again
Just too little too late
How the weight
Of the world
Is no longer my burden
To bear
I just share with some strangers
Who probably don’t care

I’m sorry I hurt you
Not worth your forgiveness
And even admitting it’s
Probably superfluous
Just what you wanted to hear
For too long
Was how I tried to sound
Like the loveliest song
But the worst I did wrong
Wasn’t something I said
But the dread overwhelming
My thoughts of you head
Unexpressed to the best
Of its unwritten stammer
Its stuttering,
Fluttering
Must impress manner
So much
So impossibly much more to say
But so little
Could even begin
To convey
What you needed to know
To be seeing
The me
Unmistakably
Who I am
Being
When I
Couldn’t tell you why
Something had changed
And the feelings I had for you
All rearranged
But still present
In each active moment
Despite how I often
Consigned
To postponement
Refined
More precisely defined
The words chosen
When once again drawn
From the depths of lament
What you mean to me
Finally
I represent

Impossible to judge
But it is nonetheless
A smudge upon
The pavement
Like a stain
Of what disdain,
Discrimination
And the slain
Can not explain
In just assuming
One the perpetrator
Well before the act
Even committed
Is to be acquitted
Of the justice lacked
Within a broken system’s
Circumstantial
Evidence’s victim
Or a cause
As probable
As prejudices
On patrol
And like the order it upholds
Can not be known
Or overthrown
Until it’s shown
Above the law
By those abiding on their phone

Tripped in the mirror
And saw looking back
A sly fox
Of the swamp
Red of face,
Clad in black
But felt trapped
In his own
Little cage
And ensnared
By the various demons
Aware he was scared
Of how long in his lair
He had barely prepared
To go where
So few others
Discovered
Or dared
To return
With so little to show,
Teach or learn
But the churning
Internals
He yearns to discern

Knew that I loved you
Soon after arrival
But In love
I found
At the edge of survival
When all my possessions
Could not be disowned
And detached from you
Realized,
Could not be condoned
Nor be made to feel normal
As much as I tried
To propose that the infinite sky
Be my bride
And through distance and time
Learn to serve
The unearthing
Of what I had buried so deep
In rebirthing
The unhappy me
In his tranquility
Still convincing himself
We would never be free
Who the two of us
Needed
Or wanted
The most
Was the world
Now I’m left with its
Without you ghost

These were hardy people
Stern and stolid,
Solemn stoic,
And they’re relatively equal
I can see it
And I know it
And among them
How I struggled
To conform
And integrate
To learn my place
Within a culture
I could not appropriate
Assimilation
Not my strongest suit
Linguistics class
I failed
And as a teacher of my own
I might as well have spoken Braille
And by comparison it paled
In living standards
I was jailed
But wealth disparity
Was fair
And food desertion
We could bare
And trust me
Even at its worst
I was not genuinely
Scared
So with a hindsight
20/20
Only now I see it clear,
Within a country
So much more
Divided
By its fear

You’ll never accept me
For what I am
Known
Just a eurocentricity
Cultural throne
But I want you to know
I am more
Than the gods
Want you to
Feel me in you
As Xenu applauds
An ovation
Of oration’s
Mighty decry
I am all of the people
Who lean to my side
Walking in
Like a chimp
With my body guards
Swift
But the lift I will take you down
Is the adrift
And amidst it in bliss
Is the twist
Of my midst
And the armistice drums
To the pigs I resist
And I spit
With the tumult
Of tumbling tomes
And I get with
The weirdly floating
Alien drones
Probing deep in my synapses
Making me weep
I am weak
But I know
How to powerfully speak
As I reap the unsleeping
Too restless to jest
How they think me beneath them
Until I undress
A free press
Of my crime
And I shove it inside
Till she screams and she cries
I would see you alive
Before I ever died
And beyond space and time
She abides as my bride
But beside me is all
I would give
To relive
Younger me
As he flees from
Eternal despair
From the already dead
Kind of kid
He saw there
Was too much
For them both
Ever hoping
Could work
And it ends as they both
In the distances
Lurk
And don’t know one another’s
Performance of smoke
But the he or she being
Is me nonetheless
And I’d burn it all down
Just to look to the sky
See it all with my eye
And beside you just die
I am my
Everything
Could be better
With me
At the helm of my destiny
Sovereignty scheme
And I deem
The beneath me
With patience and just
Equity
In the voices I’ve hushed
And just crushed,
With the chrome
Coated-bone
Of contention I have
With some Rome palindrome
That you think
Is the backwards
Same forwarding me
But I know you want more
Than some guy by the sea
I was sun’s barely risen
And soon setting free
Us back off again,
Once again,
Journeying on
To discover the parts
Of ourselves
We want gone
To return to the other‘s
Uncovered
New lover
And share in its past goodbyes
Lessons
I suffer