Chase the next high
I just drag out the time
And reply
Perhaps less
Than the next average guy
Mystified
By external
Infernal
Contraptions
Enraptured
The dread in my head
Or the sideline distraction
I’ve mastered
Attractions
But not what the urge
Keeps insisting I do
To distinctly
Diverge
From instinctively
Acting
It out
Or believing
That someday far from it
Again
I’ll be fleeing

I sensed a disturbance
I haven’t felt since
We were younger
But she
Was the same
Seductress
And though welcome advances,
Enchantments,
Romance me
I can’t entrust her
Conjecture  
All I’ve heard
But she’s cute
And she’s cool
When my vision is blurred
And my speeches are slurred
I would guess or assume
I was blacked out before
The mushrooms
We consumed

We just have to perch
And the lurkers
Come searching
They know we’re the guys
That get high
With the earthlings

Let me dwell in darkness knell
On everything I thought was well
And revel in the deepest
Spells
Awaiting what the evening
Sells
And then the end
Excels
And fells
The forest that I cared
Could be
The everything I thought
Was we
The most uncanny mystifying
Calculation
Truth denying
Twisted face
Away erase
Some lesser being
I was whence
From there I disappeared
And gone
I was still journeying
Upon
Some final answers
All must know
The undertow

I got your traumatic
In peace
Wreakin’ havoc
And bring the disorder back
Full automatic
Been trackin’ the fascists
Since smilodon reigned
And still fashionin’ spears
For that ***** paw’s claim
Left’em slain
As a stain
On prehistory’s cave
Where I offered the primitives
Visions ablaze
And made slaves
Of the shadows
They caste
Off their chains
And together we toiled
In disparate ****
Till the spirit of Waqqa
The crescent moon lit
Sickle gripped,
Sinews ripped,  
Chattel whipped and equipped
With the will to subsistence
Existence
Resist
And from such a collective
No lord could evict
Who was with
The community
Even me
Free
From the fossilized,
Privatized,
Posted sign,
Property
Paradise cost
But a Lost World’s
Monopoly

Dodging these job interviews
Like a muse
Who just can’t seem to choose
Between passion and peace
Oh and that silly piece
Of no more the tree speech
Can be heard
Is a factor
I don’t want to teach

Pressure to be
More productive
Make money
Or earn it I guess
So I don’t feel so scummy
Awaiting each checking
Account summary
One a week
And then maybe
At night
With more ease
I could sleep
But of course
She’d be there
Still fomenting
Unrest
And regrets
Would ensure
Drowsy pills
I ingest

Michael
Michael
Archetypal
Archangelic
Vicious cycle
Likening himself
To gods
Yet with himself
Is still at odds
To be so fallible
And flawed
By body image’s
Facade
Yet having ventured
Far abroad
Still gleams and glooms
Inspired awe
And has created
Educated
Darknesses
Illuminated

Keep reading about
How the good life is led
How by telling the truth
I would rather be dead
Than have pled
With the night
Interlocutor’s
Silence
To bring you back to me
And end
The disquiet
From narrowing further
My impudent fervor
The pride in my ideological
Murmur
Some dent in the armor
Of resting assured
Guaranteed is tomorrow
I give you my word

Manifests as this form
I was born
To embody
But not of material,
Tangible,
Godly
Is more so
The Word
I’ve preferred to refrain
From its overuse
Save for
I can not explain

Dismal despair
And decrepit decay
I could wander on
Thinking about you
All day
And reviewing each syllable
Letter intended
To make me
Agreeable
Never offended
And neither you
Tried to do
Anything doomed
I just wanted to see you
And me
On the shrooms

To put it precisely
As drunk as I am
And as high as I’ve been
I just wasn’t the same
Than I was tonight
With my friends
Thinking this never ends
I was just picturing
Who could be hotter
But **** me for thinking
They could’ve been
Smarter
I met some dull drones
So far gone
In unknowns
And I thought of you SOLELY
As they were
Exposed
To my miscreant,
Mischievous
Know what I mean?
It was you and I bringing
This world
To its knees
But preserving the peace
In the order
Before us
But challenging each
Single gap
In its fortress
And figuring out
Institutionally
We could make it all work for us
In harmony
Or until
We could see
Maybe there in between
Us together
Somehow
It just wasn’t
The means

Not the strongest
Not the fastest
Not the smartest
Not the tallest
Not the weakest
Not the slowest
Not the dumbest
Not the shortest
Just a sort of
Pretty boring
Form existing
In distortion
And I morph into
The aether
Somewhat often
To report it

Get productive
Try to write
A little more
Copy all my older pieces
Somewhere safe
That I can store
Them for
A rainy day infinity
Just get you off
My mind
But even shining
In divinity
I can’t leave you behind

I know they were wrong
This was not meant to be
No divine order deemed
Such a despondency
Could be all I’ve attained
In my 25 years
Could be all that I’ve lost
To the cost
Of my fears
And the one I dread most
Never seemed could be real
But there had to be choice,
Indecision,
Free will
On the part of us both
In discussing it still
And supposedly
Some pre-determined’s
Of course
Just like
How most marriages
End in divorce

Ceaseless sorrow serenading
One more day
Spent contemplating  
How the greater poets do it
Lose her
And somehow
Get through it
Crafting elegance
Insensate
Any more or less
Dispense with
Manacles of moving on
To find in Nature’s
Mind
The bond
Beyond the realms
Of what dispels
The limitation’s seven hells
Like wedding bells
And knells of death
The faint and dissonant
Regret

The rest of your life you say?
I let you slip away
Now I know tragedy
Isn’t a silly play
Not melodrama
Nor actors in masks
Not mementos and trinkets
And lost artifacts,
Heart attacks,
Broken pacts,
Or the past mistakes made
Can’t compare to the pain
Of how it can pervade
Individual fibers,
Recesses of real  
And then at your core
Rip you apart
To reveal
What you actually feel
To have known along
It was wrong to have doubted
You’d someday be gone

Think i bother with the silly
Piddling triflings of the self?
I’m just the you and I alone
Forgotten anyone
Whose else
I know tomorrow when I run
I’ll move as hard as I can go
And write you stronger
Than I’ve ever
Thought about the undertow
You know I’m thinking of you now
The conscious mind can not contain
And I was thinking of you
Down
Below the rotting in my brain
I was insane to think
Beyond you in the distance
I could sink
And not return to walk the shores
Of all the oceans that I drink

Thought I was meant for more
Than just a being
A parasite
Day by night
Writing,
Retreating
Some look away
Girl affront  
Truly receding
From thinking I’m only
Just slightly
Incapable
Of doing anything I
Could have dreamt above
But I was still tearing up
Just before
Thinking of
How the time wastes
And I haven’t seen
You in love
I was just waiting for you
In replacement
But having found none of her
Left to erase me
In even friends
We were men
Having to end
Laughing, tracking back,
To the past
Still eating discipline
I was discovering
Sickness in history
And resurrecting
My savagest mystery
In its abysses
The lefty swipe
Righty shift
Back to inquisitive
Balance in emptiness
Mark my words stated
The Sisters of Fate  
Bow before me
Created
And haven’t yet sated
My passion for words
Just wish someone else heard them
In lessons I’ve learned

And now my day is done
I write the dumb
Sad song unsung
And hung the rest of my potential
From the gallows
In my lungs

Don’t harp on the doomsday
News muses
Too often
But lately it seems like
The world is a coffin
And lost in its glossy
Dysphoria coughing
I wish we could save it
From more
Holocausting
From panic pandemics
And fumes we’re exhausting
But shrooms in my mania
Glooms
Are so awesome
And even up on them
You know I’d be there
For what’s ethical, righteous,
And just
To be fair
I would even allow
The good masses to play,
To protest,
To get riotous,
Frolic all day
So long as you sat with me
Out on those steps
And still called them the sheeple
With me to attest

Focused in sheer contemplation
The waves
A cascading
Sedation
My consciousness craves
And I bathe in euphoric
Horizons
At dusk
As the winds are the words
Of the friends I entrust
With my sanctity
Solace
Adept introspection
As all of us delve into deeper
Connection

Stare into this screen
And await your reply
Like anticipating
When you know it’s goodbye
But feels more like what’s up
Once again
Seamlessly
Typing texts
And then sending them when
They read
Sounds more like me
Scrutinizing for errors
In spelling and grammar
And adding some more
Of my lexicon glamor
Since stammering in my head
Spoken words
Stutter
But pausing to sift through
The cognitive clutter
Is how I uncover
The secret encoded
But none to discover
When lovers don’t seem to be
Deeply embedded
In these messages
Or their absence
I’ve dreaded

Still bringing machines
To their knees
With the ease
Of my sentient,
Sentiment
Sensory
Gene
With the band and I
Slam-piecing
Klans
On demand
As we’re pilfering
*****-grab hand’s
Contrabands
And still planning
The getaway
Waste away lands
To the sands
Bring the vibes
And imbibe
The revival
Survival is our
Existential time trial
And its
Human race
We replace
With the state
Of our **** the sys-tem
We’re immune to its hate
And then in its wake
Break
Former orders
And judge
Them to be
History,
On its pages a smudge

I missed you tonight
Tryna’ clean up my act
Take a night off of drinking
And thinking
Backtrack
But I laughed
At the jokes,
And the banter,
And clamor
My band and its lyrically
Stammering
Grammar
But couldn’t bemuse of who
I am enamored
With still
For it isn’t a story
To thrill
Not a glorified conquest
Of some silly girl
But the woman with whom
I would soon
Change the world

Do I read them all back?
Or keep writing you more?
Either way
Doesn’t take me back
To us
Restored
In completion
Replete with
The good and the bad
Memories
And the future
We could’ve still had
But perhaps it allows
Deeper now
Contemplation
Again at the cusp
Of our dusk
Divination
Into
What the dwindling
Of desolate dawn
Still returns to eternity‘s
Gone along song

Creatures abound
In the darkest
Of hours
And from my own shadow
The one in me
Cowers
Too frightened
To even
Speak truth
To empower
The feeble,
Unfeeling
Attempt at confession
When judgment so often
Proceeds the expression

And just don’t let me get to you
Waiting on me
If I did that
I’m sorry
I felt the whole sea
Being my
Inundated
Half-assed
Part of me
And if I
Don’t just fall asleep
Then you found me
Am I my
Any what
You imagine is free
I am nothing without you
The ultimate me
And with glee
I pronounce
You becoming the me
There was us
And I wasn’t
Too drunk to believe

I’ve never seen
Your eyes so red
Just look at me
Tell me
The dread
Is welling now
Remember you
In everything
I thought I knew
Was you
Was me
Just make it bleed
Just make it never
End
In grief
Just don’t reduce
Us to
Deceit
Unless I’m with you
All I knew
And comes to see
The world anew

The moderate
Advocate  
Has a nice
Ring to it
But I don’t **** with it
In the abstract
I’m a backtracking
Can’t find the keys
That I lack
To make open the mind
Far and wide
And retract
Every former assertion
I claimed absolute
But there has to be truth
Or else what defines proof?
I exist
I resist
Suffering
What is real
I subsist
I persist
In still trying to feel

Now it’s your turn
To do the hurting
I suppose
To keep keeping it real
What I feel
And compose
Until all is revealed
And the rest
But shadows  
Of the hold you have over my sol-
ar meadows
And I know
It’s cliché
As I love you’s
Red rose
Or its sentiment’s
Silhouette’s
Withering prose
Even wasn’t quite us
Sappy stuff
Or quite you,
You would say that the bloom
Was the wrong shade of blues
For it cost too much green
And left traces of shoes
And just wasn’t my dripping with
True muses hues
You’d refuse
Such a crimson lust  
Power display
For the impotent gray
Thunderstorms
I convey
But then up to Olympus
Command me to climb
See the world,
Be the gods,
Then return to your side

But I’ll hold you again
In this life
Or the last
As we live in the future
The now
And the past
And even
If minutes
Elapsing
Collapse
Into somehow
Much longer
I take to my last
Breath exacting
The time I had squandered
Without our hands clasped

Sometimes the attraction
Was solely cerebral
But in the abstraction
Made love to the peaceful
And though I felt evil
Still using such beauty
For personal ends
There was you and me
Truly
As more than just friends
But to look upon you
Through the mind-bending lens
As the conscious
Apart from emotion
Ascends
With you staring right back
Synchronized
In my eyes
And perhaps even far beyond
What it disguised
Was the moment I thought
Only futures could hold
What the two of us
Here in the now
Had foretold
Growing old
Not appealing
No fantasy lands
Could be made to resemble
It held in our hands
When fingertips
Inches away
Stayed astray
And it faded to everything
I couldn’t say
Though you know I have written it
Infinite
Times
I envision,
Revisit it
Lost in these rhymes
And if I can’t return
To unlearn
Grave mistakes
I will take them into
The last one
I awake

I have fun
I suppose
But I hate that it goes
By too fast,
Moving past
Before anyone
Knows
Or appreciates how
We as people
Together
Could do this forever
Awake the next day
And not even remember

Tried getting back to you
Barely still conscious
But conscience
Had cautioned
Against its more dauntless
Inebriated
State of mind
Degradation
And unfiltered,
Unreserved
Written oration

Rolling in
Overhead
Like a wicked witch
Whirlwind
Tornado force gusts
And soon lightning
Is hurling
Upon the metallic ore
Floor at my feet
As the rains
Only in my head
Woefully weep
And I keep
Sinking deeper
Into the illusion
The dream becomes nightmares
Of us in conclusion

Is it pity
Or sympathy
Guiding your hand
Back to my  
Misery
In its sinking quicksand
Or do you really care
To befriend
A dead-end
Thinking back
To the could be
Alternatives
Penned
When you know
I won’t stop
Reminiscence
In entropy
Subtleties
Dreadfully
Retrospect’s
Revelry
In your serenity
Ne’er more elusive
Until my next inquiry’s
Far more intrusive
And you and I’s
Story
Remains inconclusive

The vaunted you
All that I wanted
For so long
I tried to be
Strong and undaunted
And move on
But ghosts of you haunted
The notes
In each love song
And I was too proud
To admit
That I was wrong
And now you’re correct
I should probably seek help
Before I inflict
Even more harm
On myself
Or the lonely day’s nights
Full of dread’s
Someone else

Strangeness is sameness
We come from
The same place
A rock and sea
Lucid sphere
Green and blue
Space base

Did I want to be rotting
With you in the ground?
Not exactly,
But by your side
Always was down

Been all around the whirled
And saw the force field
In the skeye
And with my finger paint
Unfurled
The secrets sealed
Beyond inside  
But I was dying all the time
And living only in
My mind
Though sensing yours
Had resonated
Implicated in the crime

But don’t think
You ever came after
The acid
The placid
Illusion-master
Mindless practice
Exacted upon
The emotional actress
The balance in psychotic
Brain matters vapid
The happenstance
Captured
In moments unspoken
The everything else
Is the selfless-heart
Broken
A token remembrance
You know that I loved you
And sought to bring down
All the crowns
Up above you
And drugged you eventually
On the same page
And still here I am wasting
Our whole life away
I was you,
I was me,
All the ugliness breed
I was loveliness
Planting
The die for you seed
And believing in just the next step
Takes us out
To the edge of infinity
Dwelling in doubt
It was this in sync with
The anthro-
pologist
The apologist‘s
Human conditional
Bliss

But you know when I get Greek
Mythologies
I try to keep
As deep as Erebus and Nyx
Within the darkness
One becomes
Conception silences
We speak
And try to tweak  
A little bit
Because it sounds
Like I am smitten
By the afterlives
I reap
When bringing you
The sisters three
In all supremely forming me
And I am fate
My love
Just end with me
The mortal madness
Nation-state
And lend to me
Your ears
Without the judgment
Of divine
I was the rest to you
The best of who
I could be
All the time
You were my scintillating silhouette
The brightness in the breeze
You were the eons could be passing
And you’d still
Be there with me
Don’t let this little lion cub
Be checking on
Your airy pride
Don’t let this shadow of a man
Convince you
I
Was of the side
To side with anything
But real
And what I still
Struggle to feel
Was what I lost
Running away
And what it cost
To be dismay
I was the gray
And how you brought the blue
Accepting and just listening
The whispering
Of my
Conceited
Endless nightmare
Mystery
Just be with me
Surcease to see
The days we spent
In history
And please tomorrow
Write to me
Another deathless
Eulogy

But I wouldn’t just leave you
And grieve over you
Like some sorceress
Chanting
Her wicked witch brew
I’d return to you
Lost and alone in the world
Like a dog with a mind
To make it
All of yours

I got people everywhere
Mega{n}
Ensuring
You’re safe
And in happiness
Making me wait
For the all
It comes back into
Dreaming of
You
Being destitute  
In dispute
Hang with me now
Come get down
And see all of you
Smiling my frown
Just as clueless as
Fall into love
Could disguise
As the fool on the hill
Comes to spy with his eyes
Like the stupidest kid
Still enriching the ****
And on some lovers
Bid
Better guts he could spill

So seldom invoke
The decider
Of time
When the shears come to sever
The consciousness mind
From the body
Divine
Is a comedy
Crime
When committed
Is smitten
And often is written
By what she
Determines
Of gods
Is unbidden

And I know you work harder
Than I ever have
I just want you to know
Only you would I grab
At the end of the world
All the pieces were falling
And all of my deep inhibitions
Were calling
I’d write to you,
Read to you,
Speak to you
Known
As about me the world
All erodes into stone
And the shown
Is apparent,
Aberrant,
The me within you
Still becoming
The snare in
The trap
When you rapture me close
And I think of you often
Sincerely
My note
Comes to back for you
Doubting you
Even remember
The way that I played with your
Never say never

And I mean
You were still
So estranged from me
Even
At my
Most eccentric
Expression
Just never let me
Break away
From oppression
And destiny fate
All equate to me
Nothing
Without you beneath me
Beside Me
As we grew to
Into and out
Of each other
As who knew
The breaking the bones
Of the order upon us
The power that tried
To tear us up
To dust us
Deep back to the dirt
Where the legacies lurk
And the blood still waters gardens
Of Edens
As we work

The Macedon mastodon
Tramplin’ on
Your Babylon
The upper echelon
Undone
Beneath my
Grandeur pantheon
But all the worlds
I conquer
Gone
Before I’ve even
Red the dawn