I see you still
Right?
As I sit here
And write
Mirror images of
Can I kiss you?
Goodnight

There is racial hate
I just learned it too late
And now unlearning ethno-states  
How we equate
Where we could have
Created  
A sameness
In difference
A listen first
Understand,
Then your opinion
Can freely be given
And your peace of mind,
Be released
From its prison

Soliloquy in reverie
I sentence thee
To center me
When sentience
In absentia
Morphs into
Intelligentsia
And dimensions
Of perception
Warp into
The self-deception
Still convincing me I’m real
With forms of suffering
I feel
And storms of thundering
Appear
From out the blue
And crystal clear

If you think that it’s fated
Just go ‘head and state it
Just say that you stayed
All too long
In awaiting
For me to be
Some kind of man
You’d expect
To be there all the time
Not the mind who’d object
To the social injustice,
The coup d’etat bloodless
The ******* plays
Charlemagne
To the Dulles
Insurgencies crushed
By the hush of corruption
The lush ****** lands  
***** by corporate seduction
The merciless,
Unyielding
****** of production
Duplicitous,
Profligate
Lust of consumption
The numb to the slum
Mum’s the word battle won
And some
Before even
The Russian bear stirred
Others still
Before even
The King Leo purred
When the purge isn’t fiction
I urge the revision
Enlist in the war
Upon carbon emission
And see with the heat-seeker
Serpentine vision
But spit it unwritten,
Unscripted
If needed
Concede not an inch
Of this ethical Eden
And in the endgame
Existential
Checkmate
Is the movement I make
To still you
Captivate

You live on
I keep dying
Beside you
Denying
The peace that I feel
Could be more than
Desiring  
The rest of the world
To be with it
In unity
All of the muses in motion
Subduing me
Just make them stop
Let the frame of mind freeze
Let us lay here in time
And be one with the breeze
Or some other intangible forces
At work
To have brought us together
To watch us revert
To disquieted
Eyelids
Still opened and closed
To each other’s perspectives
On how it all flows
In a cyclical circle
Until it might not
When the half of it
Stuck in this moment
Forgot

Show me more photos,
More smile disguises
I’m glad that your happiness
Isn’t a virus
Don’t know if you’re trying
To hurt me
With guy
Just remember the one
That revealed you
The sky
And the skyline
Was mine and your
Future foretold
But I couldn’t just hold you
And never let go
So if this is the way
That you show me
It’s over
Then friends is just fine
I don’t mind the hangover
And trust me
Deserving of pain
Isn’t saying enough
But to it
Am no stranger
I’ve fallen in love
Just to watch it fall further
And slip through my fingers
As they found your features
And as you still lingers
In me
All around
My cold hole in the ground
Where no image of you
Could bring me further down
Only help me accept
You are better alive  
I am better off dead
Or alone in the darkness
Of permanent dread

I like feeling empty
Not sick to my stomach
Without you
Indulging
My trip to the summit
But with you
Beside me
Electrify
Shy me
Define me
Deny me
I’m dying in fiery
Disasters
In clashing
Reverting to past
As in crashing
Your grasp on me
Holding me fast
In the clutches
Of such is
The way you control
The heartstrings
Out of tune
With my sorrowful soul
Drowning down in emotion
You told me I would
Sounding just as pathetic
As true love’s falsehood
But I couldn’t imagine it
Anyone else
And I couldn’t believe it
Was all mental health
In decay
After so much
Destroying the self
Had to be a bit more
Than the happiness-making
The taking of time
And the faking of smiles
Sometimes
To be kind

Doubting what I thought I knew
It’s true
The sky is not just blue
Sometimes a pink or purple
Hue
Appears to be
What I construe
Perhaps its aging
Seems to make me
Question
Everything I say
And hear
As I just drift away

Not the GOAT
I’m the satyr
The living hell raiser
The wicked witch
Kingdom come’s
Last savior slaver
A treacherous,
Lecherous,
Heathen heart-*****
The stake through
The maker’s
Snake oil dictator
The hiss of death,
Venom-fang
Language translator
Original sin’s
Grin and bare intimater
Serrated edge,
Biting blade,
Weeping-vein razor
The later dude
Crude metal-headed
Crusader
The twisted mind
Victimless crime
Perpetrator
A raider of arks,  
A dark arts educator
A jack of all trades
But a 2 at hard labor
Unsavory aftertastes,
Spider face craters,
And spite, blight and plight
Just for fun
Instigator
From cradle to grave
Misbehavior’s
Disclaimers
Disclosing your soul
To my Faustian waivers
Dispose of your woes
In my incinerator
And from it compose with me
Frozen rose prose  
But be free of its crown of thorns
Horned in shadows

We didn’t have much
But made do
With a few
Scattered seeds
Then we hoped,
And we prayed
As they grew
And renewing the earth
Introduced us from birth
How to value
The little
Material worth
Was afforded to us
In surplus
We could trade
Or in selling it for
What we couldn’t have made  
On our own
For such constructs
Unknown
To a people
Whose ties to the land
Ever has been
Its equal

What it takes
To get likes
In this world anymore
Doesn’t seem to compute
Or restore
To my norm
Was of you
Seeming always
To view
Me with as
Disproportionate
Has been
The love you once had
For you must
Have felt something
I know it for sure
For you dragged my dread carcass
Back up off the floor
A few times at least
Known
Other times are now
Gone
And the being without you
Makes death of the dawn

And here is where
What I can’t say
Comes to play
With the matches
Of burn it all down
Everyday
What I hate
And what others
Just can’t tolerate
How I love
Her again
Just too little too late
How the weight
Of the world
Is no longer my burden
To bear
I just share with some strangers
Who probably don’t care

I’m sorry I hurt you
Not worth your forgiveness
And even admitting it’s
Probably superfluous
Just what you wanted to hear
For too long
Was how I tried to sound
Like the loveliest song
But the worst I did wrong
Wasn’t something I said
But the dread overwhelming
My thoughts of you head
Unexpressed to the best
Of its unwritten stammer
Its stuttering,
Fluttering
Must impress manner
So much
So impossibly much more to say
But so little
Could even begin
To convey
What you needed to know
To be seeing
The me
Unmistakably
Who I am
Being
When I
Couldn’t tell you why
Something had changed
And the feelings I had for you
All rearranged
But still present
In each active moment
Despite how I often
Consigned
To postponement
Refined
More precisely defined
The words chosen
When once again drawn
From the depths of lament
What you mean to me
Finally
I represent

Impossible to judge
But it is nonetheless
A smudge upon
The pavement
Like a stain
Of what disdain,
Discrimination
And the slain
Can not explain
In just assuming
One the perpetrator
Well before the act
Even committed
Is to be acquitted
Of the justice lacked
Within a broken system’s
Circumstantial
Evidence’s victim
Or a cause
As probable
As prejudices
On patrol
And like the order it upholds
Can not be known
Or overthrown
Until it’s shown
Above the law
By those abiding on their phone

Tripped in the mirror
And saw looking back
A sly fox
Of the swamp
Red of face,
Clad in black
But felt trapped
In his own
Little cage
And ensnared
By the various demons
Aware he was scared
Of how long in his lair
He had barely prepared
To go where
So few others
Discovered
Or dared
To return
With so little to show,
Teach or learn
But the churning
Internals
He yearns to discern

Knew that I loved you
Soon after arrival
But In love
I found
At the edge of survival
When all my possessions
Could not be disowned
And detached from you
Realized,
Could not be condoned
Nor be made to feel normal
As much as I tried
To propose that the infinite sky
Be my bride
And through distance and time
Learn to serve
The unearthing
Of what I had buried so deep
In rebirthing
The unhappy me
In his tranquility
Still convincing himself
We would never be free
Who the two of us
Needed
Or wanted
The most
Was the world
Now I’m left with its
Without you ghost

These were hardy people
Stern and stolid,
Solemn stoic,
And they’re relatively equal
I can see it
And I know it
And among them
How I struggled
To conform
And integrate
To learn my place
Within a culture
I could not appropriate
Assimilation
Not my strongest suit
Linguistics class
I failed
And as a teacher of my own
I might as well have spoken Braille
And by comparison it paled
In living standards
I was jailed
But wealth disparity
Was fair
And food desertion
We could bare
And trust me
Even at its worst
I was not genuinely
Scared
So with a hindsight
20/20
Only now I see it clear,
Within a country
So much more
Divided
By its fear

You’ll never accept me
For what I am
Known
Just a eurocentricity
Cultural throne
But I want you to know
I am more
Than the gods
Want you to
Feel me in you
As Xenu applauds
An ovation
Of oration’s
Mighty decry
I am all of the people
Who lean to my side
Walking in
Like a chimp
With my body guards
Swift
But the lift I will take you down
Is the adrift
And amidst it in bliss
Is the twist
Of my midst
And the armistice drums
To the pigs I resist
And I spit
With the tumult
Of tumbling tomes
And I get with
The weirdly floating
Alien drones
Probing deep in my synapses
Making me weep
I am weak
But I know
How to powerfully speak
As I reap the unsleeping
Too restless to jest
How they think me beneath them
Until I undress
A free press
Of my crime
And I shove it inside
Till she screams and she cries
I would see you alive
Before I ever died
And beyond space and time
She abides as my bride
But beside me is all
I would give
To relive
Younger me
As he flees from
Eternal despair
From the already dead
Kind of kid
He saw there
Was too much
For them both
Ever hoping
Could work
And it ends as they both
In the distances
Lurk
And don’t know one another’s
Performance of smoke
But the he or she being
Is me nonetheless
And I’d burn it all down
Just to look to the sky
See it all with my eye
And beside you just die
I am my
Everything
Could be better
With me
At the helm of my destiny
Sovereignty scheme
And I deem
The beneath me
With patience and just
Equity
In the voices I’ve hushed
And just crushed,
With the chrome
Coated-bone
Of contention I have
With some Rome palindrome
That you think
Is the backwards
Same forwarding me
But I know you want more
Than some guy by the sea
I was sun’s barely risen
And soon setting free
Us back off again,
Once again,
Journeying on
To discover the parts
Of ourselves
We want gone
To return to the other‘s
Uncovered
New lover
And share in its past goodbyes
Lessons
I suffer

Is where the say soothes
In my doom
Indecision  
The gloom in my room
Is a you
Apparition
The ghost of my former
Most self-cynicism
Just looking back inward
Deep into
My innards  
Of brain matter
Scattered
About me in thin words

Either bow or take heel
All revealed
Is secured
Just as soon as you yield to me,
Lay down the sword
And return to your homes
Clear the streets of debris
And go back to consuming  
Your garbage tv
Still inducing my lucid
Hallucinogens
Fall in line
To my virus’
New synthesis
Of the truth from the false
In the form of a pulse
Sending bipolar currencies
Rippling across
The brain waves
Of the mindless one’s
Consenting slaves
And the graves that I dig
Beneath trade-ways are paved
In the wake of my seeking submission
Admission
Now trust in my bank account’s
Human condition
My weapons of peace’s
Coerced mercy mission
My laws to be broken
By only the makers
My bar to be set
By the highest test-takers
Erasing the chaotic
Host of scape GOATs  
I’m the satyr-horned tyrant‘s
Divisive vote’s most
Holy Ghost
Influential,
Convincing,
The quiet is listening
In deep to your sleep-stalking
Dream conversation
Wherein sanctity
Of my unity lurks
In my get back to work’s
Multinational perks
So persist in my
We’re all the same
Different day
And in my spoils revel
Your whole life away

Spoken with the lost out there
Among the stars in creeping gray
Surrendered to the never ending
Time will never be this way
Just wanted you to be
The more
Than I would ever
Let together
Out among the stars
Implore
The life will never be this way
Again
For in there
I was Dead
And never ever thought
Me better
Than the thoughts
Inside your head

Intent is in
The intonation
How I feel you
Hear you say it
How your truth disguise
Displays it
How your lying eyes
Betray it
Once the probing question
Raises
How could I be seen as racist?

Take a look at the sky,
It’s actually blue
Then look at me looking
Right back at you
Through
Peering into your eyes
One last time
I surmise
How to synthesize
All the emotions inside
Synchronizing them in
An intuitive tune
Like a peace and disquiet
I’m leaving too soon

The rusting
Injustice
The worker
The whip
The upgraded
Today
A slave trade
Microchip

I saw
How the world
Felt without her
Beside
The unbridled temptation
To soar through the sky
At the end of the earth
Where I still hear the chirping
Of never come home
And I never knew less
Than an age made of stone
But despite how I roam
Like a satellite phone
And the void beckons sweeter
Than her pheromone’s
Ceremonious coaxing
My psychosis
Host
Into melding together
Its empathy ghost
With her most
Incandescent
Vivaciousness
Spirit
I couldn’t quite overcome
Why I still fear it

Perhaps you’re expecting
A spectacle
Puppet show
Thespians falling in love
With the undertow
Rowing
And rowing
Your boat down a stream
Always merrily,
Merrily
Living the dream

And now
All that’s left
Is to think
And to choose
How we liberal
Idealists
Can ignite the fuse
How we took two together
And made them engage
How we sparked curiosity’s
Discipline blade
How the purist
Of privilege
Could all come together
Discuss it,
Debate it
And make it all better
The logic and reason
Prevails
Over ails
And the ancient philosophy
Still never fails

Don’t ever presume
To the depths
You met me
Don’t assume
I can be
Anything that I see
I am nothing but dust
In the tranquility
I have given up hope
And emotion
And woke
Up upon
Other sides
And beside myself
Spoke
Of the furthest recesses
Of what
I once wrote
As a token
Of broken
Apologies
Choke
Out the words
Say it all to my face
I betrayed you,
Unmade you,
And sought to upgrade you
A waste of time space
But I needed you more
Than I care to embrace
Though the yearning
To turn with you
Catching the glimpse
Singularity
Moments
Like omens
Of bliss

I wanted to tell you
What I really feel
Wanted it to seem truth
Wanted it to seem real
Wanted to
See the sand
All around us
At hand
Wanted you to be more
Than I don’t
Understand
How the everything happens
And here I still am

Still am I
The unconquered
Idyllic peace keeper
The pharaoh’s ascension
Dimension
Mind-sweeper
The sleeper cell
Dwelling in
Shrouds I dispel
In a crowd
More alone
Than a snowflake in hell
I am hubris
Exuded
In ruins
And tombs
Obelisks,
Pyramids
Only timeless exhumes
As I animate
Reincarnations
In bloom
I renew
The infinitude
Energy mood
I am food
Of all being
Ensuring tomorrow
Will still be worth seeing
And fleeing like ants
From my psychlopto-beaming
In gleaming
Infusion blasts
Madness is screaming
In wake of my earth-baking
Heat-waving
Glaive
In its razing
The wandering bodies
I crave
And emblazon
The firmament’s
Haziness maze
In my singeing wing
Signature
Look upon me
And rejoice
Or despair
You are finally free

I’m not playing my games anymore
I want more
For each industry
God
Is a titanic fraud
And not even
The stars in their skies
I applaud
For behind them
In waiting
Is Erebus
Gaping
The state
In its making
The home front  
Abroad

Suppose it comes back  
To us pondering endlessly
Values,
Priorities,
Profligate
Spending sprees
Guess it depends
Where exactly
You are
To have borne
Such a cultural norm
To adorn
What material riches
Could ever surpass
Our empathic
Ability to
Social class

Still licking my accolade gladius
Clean
Of the victories,
Triumphs
And grandiose schemes
Monumental
I thought of them
In adolescence
Seem trifles
Compared
To the slaying senescence
Achieving its
Ego supremacy
Killed
By the millions
Whose blood
By my hand
Isn’t spilled

My failure complete
Now I weep
Intermittently
Throughout the day
I accept
She is through with me
Only internally
Though
The drops flow
On the surface
A face of stone  
Sinking below
Undertows
Still adrift
In the first
I let go
Where to go now
Is now
One more thing
I don’t know
An uncertainty
Future
Futile to resist
All because
By myself
I preferred to desist
My existence
Consistently  
Disappointments
Of disloyalty,
Distance,
Disingenuous
Dissonance
In discordant
Disguises amiss
In its thinking of you
As but showing you bliss
Was in fact for us even
A work in progress
And if nothing more comes of
The timeless expanse
We spent urging
The merging
Us into romance
I am glad to have seen you
As you would see me
I am honored beyond love
That I was once we
And I’ll never forget you
Regrets, mine alone
And still mold in your image
This earth
We call home

Earth unprepared
To repair
What demand
Leaves its wishing well
Wistfulness
Weeping wastelands

Withering on
Like the winds
Carry plague
Melancholic
The strain
Sorrow I can’t explain
And emotion
Is dopamine’s
Poetry name
For what I really feel
Is a figurative pain
Not an ouch
But it hurts
I am worthless
Than dirt
For at least
As the soil
Some sign of life blooms
From its loamy, lugubrious
Funeral tombs

Waiting
And salivating
For salvation
And sooner or later
It’s there
And you hate it
But ate it up
Nonetheless
Soon as the gods
Cared to bless you
With culture supremacy’s
Nest

The gangs are the left
I’m the master suspicion
She’s not coming back
Not a star
To be wishin’
Upon
So go fish
For a dish in the kitchen
Soups on
And the homeless
Are worlds away
Hoping
Soon all be revealed
As the kid
Interloping
Some empath,
A scribe,
Messenger
In his stride
Impish his
Disposition
The Pacific
In his glide
And his mind
Is awhirl
Wind divining
Declining
Empire
Design
For the architect’s
Shape-scaping
Wasteland of mine
But the tribe
Is his center
His entryway to
Centuries
Of rich heritage,
Culture,
And food

Sort of driving me crazy
How much
Lament heavies
It weighs
On my subconsciousness  
Consciences
As it levies
All odds
Stacked against me
It knows what I want
More than I ever could
How it knows
It wants you
Even if
It’s not good
And it wants
To apologize
See you sometimes
But still wants
To be so far alone
In demises
Comprising
The see you again
But why would
You want to
Ever
Letters resend
It was clear
It was over
The moment I saw
You were eons apart
From me
Breaking the law
Just to face you again
In my tiny lie shame
Just to feel me
Inside you
Exhaling your name

If you think
That I’m anything more
Than a ****
You put far too much faith
In what bonds
I made stick
For I know
That you’re thinking of me
Just as much
As I like to admit
The name of
My first crush
How I wanted to taste you
To waste away
Chasing
Your proud
So devotionals
Effulgent glow
You would luminous rooms
Reminiscent of shrooms
But I needn’t indulge
Anymore than you’d groom
Me for what I expect
Was the rest of your life
But all aspects of mine
I would think
More than twice
Upon second-guess
Over and over
Distress
How you were
Not enough
Of what
I could express
And you must have felt
Similar
So I suppose
Or else why
All of this
Currently
I disclose?

Desperate as ever
To find my way
Back to you
Reconnect,
Synchronize,
See the whole world
Anew
Should even slip
A quick hiccup
Or glitch
In the system presenting itself
Be amiss
Then I may
For a moment
Consider it thusly
But never imagine
You no longer trust me
But just me
Would be
The conclusion
I’d reach
To whatever end
Seemingly
I tried to teach

So many climbing
To mountain tops
Striving
To look out
And see something,
Anything
Flying
That feeling you get
Some sensational
Vertigo
Edge of the world
Not a care
In its worries though
Clouds in the sky
Rolling by
With the sun aglow
Show of force
Nature’s subliminal
Reinforced
Message
Be here
In the now
And in all things
Be present

Writing some
Petty indifference
Aside
I could be anywhere
And not care
To abide
By the rules
I’m with you
All of you
Here in time
I just want it to end
Want it to
All subside
But I knew you
I felt that I really
Grew to you
Just couldn’t quite see
What it took
To see through you
Nor ever did grasp
What you rooted to
Truly

Reverting the introvert
Outward upon you
The world doesn’t know me
And isn’t the only
One I have seen
Gleaming
Its translucent dream
But I couldn’t explain
What it possibly means
From within
My domain
The confines
That contain
I guess brain’s
Single mind
Is the accurate phrase?

You had to go your way
I had to go mine  
Had to let you go grow
In your own place and time
Had to let you be you
Had to let me be me
Had to let myself
Ponder
The great mystery
Had to see what the world
Had to offer
To us
Had to come back,
Regret it,
And regain your trust
Had to question
Why it
And love
Wasn’t enough
Had to answer it with
Miscellaneous stuff  
Had to do with
Two humans
In union
Together
Had to
Misconstrue it
As always
Forever

Hard to lose
What you never quite knew
How to use
What you often refused
To accept
Part of you
Could be only
Made wholly
Mine own
To exude
Its ad astra projections
Unto
Solitude’s
Other misshapen faces
Askew in their views
Amiss placing
Its imminent
Preeminence
In an exodus
From what remains
Of its resonant
Dissonance
Nothing explains

I told you all this
Was for you
An eon
Ago
Never quite knew
You would truly
Beyond me though
Even in hindsight
I write for you now
Not the slightest idea
Of its fall apart
How
Could it come to this
Missing you more
Than I care to express
Or would even think
Possible
Under duress
If you pressed me
With that kind of warmth again
Gladly
Embrace you
Retracing  
My steps into madness
When I was incapable
Of showing love
Was no more to me
Than
Merely you
Dreaming of
Some edenic utopian
Light shining through
The shroom windows
Perception
With you in my room
So attuned to your frequency
Seeking me
Weak  
At my most
Vulnerable
State of mental
Mystique