Inspired
Beguiled
Amused
And perplexed
By the myriad nature scapes
I have witnessed
In my search for more wandering
Aimlessly pondering
How to make sense
Of such magnificence
And with eloquence
Write how it never relents
In bewildering
Vividly I reminisce
What it felt like to bask
In the thralls
Of sublime
And if only more people
Could see it as I

Could see myself
Running through parks
In Manhattan
By night
Socialite
And conversing in Latin
With fancy elitists
And artists replete with
A repertoire of
The fine-dining wines piquant  
Complete with
The upper class clubs
We would frequent
In decadent bliss
Cosmopolitan vogue
Within inner circles
Of hell we’d collogue

Been good this year?
More like
Just doing my best
Not to be
Such a wretch,
Make a mess of what’s left
Of the life I aspired to
Like the admired few
Heroes who tried
To revise
Askew worldly view
Misers surmising
It must be a matter
Of fact compromising
For lies we can all
Acquiesce
More or less to
Relying upon
How to live in the present tense
Already gone
How to make it
Make sense
How to fill in the emptiness
Gaps in impermanence
Must be a missing link
In what the past
And its class struggle teaches
In order to pass

Something to add?
Do you have
More to say?
Then I welcome you
Out with it
Do not delay
For tomorrow
Not guaranteed
But I’m assured  
That you will not recall it
Down to the right word
And the way that you’d state
To articulate
Properly
Settling now
For just saying it sloppily
That’s why I write it instead
In my head
And preserve it precisely
As what I intend

Clicking send over
And over
Again
Application submission
Position
Depends
On how much
Inexperience
They can accept
From an overly
Educated
Kid inept
In the middle class cubicle
Circle of hell
Or I guess purgatory
Awaiting its knell

Don’t repeat myself often
Dramatic effect
I don’t let
Get the best of me
Seldom upset
At least visibly
Not predisposed
To be vulnerable
But when I do
Often find
It is memorable
Cordial conversing
Divulging
More personal
No more rehearsing
Accepted vernacular
Just speak your mind
But be kind
Be empathic
And make flowing naturally
More force of habit

Admittedly dwell
On that first fateful night
You attracted my metal
With your magnetite
And in hindsight
The last time
The two of us might
Have been more
Than apart
Equal halves of one heart
But then after
Could never go back
To the start
For from there it was all
This is real,
I mean really,
I think that I love you
You have to believe me

But I just consume them
Not sure of the science
Behind it
Just know
That they offer me
Spiritual guidance
Reliance
I can’t say
Upon them depend
I just like how it feels
To my ego
Suspend
And upending
The preconceived notions is fun
My ineptitudes
Most uncouth
Weirdness
Becomes
An invaluable asset
A tingling sensation,
A spree
Of the glee
I am me
Revelation

Warm days receding
This could be the last
One we have
Before winter
Makes gray the sky vast
And it casts such a pall
Of embittered frostbite
Like a knife
The chills spitefully
Razor sharp blight
Vegetation life signs
And what’s left of mine
Frigid
The skin sticks to bone
In unbendingly rigid
Intractable, uncompromising
Position
Opposed to what changes I’m told
I must make
Like the seasons
Defiant
But still in time’s wake
Can’t escape state of nature
The way they were born
Can’t outpace decay rates
In my more human form

Suppose it’s not really
Intended
My life
In suspended
Not meant to be
Rife with such plight
And by night
I think only
Of dreading awaking
I feel only painstaking
Time slowly wasting
But quick is the day
Dismal in its dismay
And I only see color
In colorless gray
And replaying the same
Angry songs
On repeat
As I work myself
Famished
To earn what I eat
Keeping on
Sleeping on
What I’d rather be doing
With you
But that ship has sailed
Leaving me ruing
The few, but still ruinous
Tragic mistakes
I have made
But won’t make
Anymore
For your sake

Something from nothing
Impossible is it?
Then pray tell explain
The response I elicit
From words I have written
Must first be evoked
To convey what the vision
Is meant to denote
Even spoken,
It’s taken
From something else
Making
More sense if you
Don’t overthink
Its immense
Eloquence
Is my genesis
Ours could be
Anything we conceive
It comes that naturally

I’m aware I’m depressed
All too vividly so
Could describe it right now
But I doubt you would know
What it’s like
To be wholly
Consisted of woe
When you deal in the rest of your life
Absolutes
I see only the nevermore earth
It pollutes
When you subtly
Smother me
In my misfortune
I seek more of hunger’s
Diminutive portion
When all my hypocrisy
Leaves me exposed
I still seal it
And send it
In letters enclosed
In enveloping wallowing
In inequality
No justice, just
Guillotines to the policy
Peace
Is my least resist path
To the polity’s
Most extreme dream
Of utopian poverty
Calling me back
To the front once again
Where the trenches of mind
Can inspire the pen
To be brave for you
Soldiering on
For the cause,
For the left,
The young restless,
Eternal outlaws
Like an instinct
A feeling
To be more than man
So I guess, answer’s yes
I’m depressed
That I can

Not the faintest idea
Why I’m here
What is clear
Is I am
Theoretically real
So I hear
But I fear
I would rather
Sometimes disappear
Or just fade
Into ethers pervade
Dematerialize
And again be remade  
Like that time
I transmogrified
Couldn’t decide
Between living
As me
Or he already died

The worsening odds
I will ever attain
What evades
And eludes
To this day
Can’t explain
It was something like
Why even try
To be good
To aspire to more
Than I probably should
When defeat
And let down
In foreboding
Portend
The six feet underground
Can’t come soon enough
End

This could be it
I was already leaning
Out over the edge
Of devoid of all meaning
And hope before merely
A word that was spoken
What once I held dearly
Had long ago broken
A ghost in the most
Morose host
I was lost
Since I drew my first breath
Of fresh air
Has a cost
And tossed out
In a cruel, unforgiving world
Yearned
To return
Just to leave again,
More left to learn
But approaching it now
Tantalizingly close
It recedes like one does
In a drug overdose

Leave it to me to let
You down again
Then pretend that the problems
Don’t come from within
For I’ve been
Out of body
Outside looking in
And I viewed this flesh vessel
Absolved of all sin
So it couldn’t be such
An infallible form
Without agency over
Responsible for
It’s not me,
Must be you
Didn’t choose to be this
Didn’t ask to be born
Barely want to exist
And it only makes sense
When oblivious bliss
Pleads the fifth
When confronted about
All the crimes
I commit

If each one was a masterpiece
Maybe they’d remedy
My lack of lover
And others would envy me
But this inherent
Connection to writing
Is not some poetic
Endeavor I’m trying
To dominate,
Propagate
Sell out and leave
To the plagiarists to
Pretend they
Can conceive

Am I not just a spritely
Vivacious sun beam
The alacrity’s
Most effervescence
You’ve seen
Oh but no, I’m so sad
Only glad for a minute
Then gone just as fleetingly
All joy diminished
By cannot escape’s
Crushing grasp
Of despair
What is there to be smiling about?
And why care?

Consigned to the trash heap
Of history stained
By your vain attempts to
Resurrect its blood shame
Assert claims
Of peremptory
Right to rule
Break
Any law you see fit
Can’t admit
Your mistakes
And I’d stake any shred
Of what dignity’s LEFT
In this laughing stock mockery
Country
By theft
You inherited,
Plundered your tax haven wealth
From the same people
You’re still depriving
Of health
Go to hell
Don’t return
You can burn all you want
With your fire and fury taunt,
Narcissist vaunt
Flaunting as the undaunted
Proud Boy’s commandant
Nonchalantly don cloaks
Of the ghosts
That still haunt
Like Levant false messiah’s  
Disguised as Mein Kampf
But of course it’s just China’s
New World worker’s comp
Weaponizing infectious
Investment detente
That’s the hoax,
That’s all folks,
Merely Putin’s savant
Useful idiot
Still stuffing snakes in the swamp
Hope you rot
Like, a lot
And forgotten in time
We remind ourselves why
You arrived on the scene
To steal one more show
Selfish
American Dream

Have to make it somewhere
Soon
I’m going crazy
In my room
Could do it all the same
Each day
But rather run
So far away
Before what out there
Goes unseen
And I am stuck here
In between
Decaying, old and gray
And youth
Still clutching onto
Half the truth

Try to be better
About being worse
Off alone,
Predisposed
To around the world roam
To be homeless sometimes
To remind me it’s real
The inherent strife
Clinging to life
As I feel
Like succumbing to numbness
To turn it all off
Shut it out
And in doubt
At your faithfulness scoff

Cease to exist
Sounds much better than death
What the hell is left
Even to do
But regret
Or reflect I mean
You know,
Keep thinking
Could be
Or what could have been
Had I been
Internally
Set to leap
Into ready
As I’ll never need
The profession
Successes
The 1st world excesses
Unrest
In the rest of its
Climatic messes
Just nest with me here
For a little bit longer
Just sit with me,
Hear
In my heart
The warmonger

What to be grateful for,
Thankful for
Oh, I don’t know
I guess life’s not so bad,
Not so drab,
I suppose
There is much to appreciate
Right,
Happy place
With a sumptuous feast,
Elite eastern coast waste
Guess I could’ve been born
To the Neo-World colonies,
Roanoke winters,
Or scorching earth policies
Donner parties,
Autocratic regimes,
Or some lesser known creature’s
Inferior genes
In extremes of extinguished
Existence exposed
To the homelessness
Hope itself
Henceforth foreclosed
To the could’ve been sired
By mired in dire
Straights shot
By the cops
In the ceaseless crossfire
Conspiring to topple
The evil empire
With nothing else left to lose
Her most of all
So I guess I give thanks
It is not that awful

Thought when I finally wrote
Thousands of these
Maybe one
Would become
More than sad elegies
Just exigencies
Urging the reader to grieve
To relieve me of my
Wish to die
Peacefully
Or to take them with me
Like a suicide cult
Then in next level
Reincarnations
Exult

Learned of the legend
Himself,
He was flawed
Hateful slurs had occured
But his words
I’d applaud
And in many ways
Seemed to be eerily
Similar
Sinister, twisted mind rhymes
Were his signature
Like me obsessed
With macabre morbidity,
Likely depressed,
Powerless
In frigidity  
Night terrors
Haunted him into
Infinity
Even though he
More voraciously wrote
Of Cthulhu calamities
Ending all hope
I think I’ve gotten closer
To suicide note

Got drunk and I wandered home
Aimlessly aiming
To full speed ahead
Into oncoming training
Myself to be better
Than more walk of shaming
Then blaming my lack of refraining
On some
Inability to
Feel again
More than numb

Bereavement
Without even
Reason to grieve
You’re still there,
Or somewhere
But now you get to leave
When you want
And I need
The lifeline
To the other side
Love is just greed
Soon enough
You’re with me
Then you’re my
Property
What I’d fight to retain with
In security  
So align with some other landlord
And be claimed
Just remember above it all’s
Where we once reigned

It depends
Do you see me
Was I even there
Did I stare in your eyes
Was the us
Self-aware
She was barely yet
Part of my history when
In your presence
My prescience was breaking even
In lucidity
Clarity,
Humanist
Parity
Hope for the future
The some day ideal
But like it
In the now
Had to doubt
I was real

I felt solace with you
Not some happiness lie
It’s when old friends return
I’m reminded of why
I am smart,
A good person
You seemed to agree
Hold my own in contempt
But still think we were free
To be anything
More than just
Pre-destiny
Or enamored with ego
Attachment compels
Us to think ourselves more
Than a pile of cells

There’s people right?
They eat a lot
Consumer culture
Juggernaut
Robotic in
Its can’t be stopped
Until the systems that have propped
Up profit’s
Propaganda plot
Are toppled on the chopping block
And left to rot,
The numbers drop
Like cold steel blight’s
Unyielding crop
And forged within the melting ***
An apex adaptation-wrought
Existence species
Dispossessed
Suppressed no more,
The hungriest

Just saying my friends and I
Were the first virus
Still plaguing empires
And toppling tyrants,
You don’t want us here
We don’t care
We’re the highest
First contact-race
Social contract rippin’ state
Nature acculturated
To status update
And we bring the fierce left
Intellect
And checkmate
With the room spinning,
Keep winning
Any debate
Acclimate to invasive species
And evolve
To make us more diverse
And complex
Problems solve
Or just ponder
And wonder
How it could be better
Together
And weather the storm
Surging pressure
Unfettered

All it cost was the solace
I thought that it would
Have brought, sought out the flawless
One’s good personhood
When you asked me decisions I make,
My mistakes
Were to do this alone
Before both of us breaks
The idea of it
More than enough
But it lacked
The surreal admit
It must be love
To impact
Two phenomenon lives
Out of nowhere
Collides
As if muses and fates
Meant them to
Harmonize
For I still hear your voice
In the back of my head
But then why was my choice
To be better off dead?
Only logic
Conclusive deduction
I reach
You were strong,
I was weak
Insecurity freak
And from peaks of my mind
To the depths of my soul
In totality finalized
Just let her go

This isn’t so bad
When we hear what we read
But I still want to speak to you
Love you and leave
You know me
Always running
Away from the conflict
But seeking it out
Like a wannabe convict
I’m on to the next
Best political tact
To be one with the people,
Methodically act  
Like I own the place
Homeless
Or housed in a hopeless
Rich fortress of decadence
My magnum opus
Is penned either way
And each night to you gifted
A piece of the me that day
Puzzle unscripted

Edit another flawed paper
Assignment
Resigned to the might as well
Profit from my
Acute eye for revising
Young writers’ hands guiding  
Surprising what some
Often feel like confiding

Obsess over stressing less
Under duress
Like necrosis relentlessly
Rotting my flesh
When appearances
Have to impress
And express
The exact opposite
Of the unhappiness
Ugliness
Beast within
An abomination
Imperfection abounds
On his blemishing skin
Seldom seen
But still beauty  
Bemoans self-esteem
Low beholding
Its movie’s
Illusory dream

Who would indulge me
A read through
Tonight
Much like everyone
I wish
You’d like what I write
To feel socially valid
Compose you a ballad
Appeal to your tastes
Satiate
Picky palates
Just need
You to tell me
It’s not even good
So I know that you care
Or if I
Even should

This is weird no?
I take it,
You don’t want to fake it
But have better things
To be doing
Than making
Me try to feel less
So alone
For so many
Days home
I was solely
Without you already
And though we’ve been further apart
In the past
There was just let you go
Or we’ll grow up too fast
At least once before
Can’t lead you on anymore,
Can’t eventually bore you,
We’re born to explore
And I knew one of your
Adventure
Caliber
Couldn’t wait idly by
And be my
Passenger
Like ambassadors
We represented conventions
Too grand in their narrative scale
Comprehensions
To ever let ours
So submissively sit,
Ponder it,
Then commit
To the lack of Movement

You think I do anything else
But remember
The way that it felt
When we would
Speak together
I don’t
Just in case
You were wondering
Won’t
Even waste
Precious time
To begrudgingly vote
When to hope
It gets better
Would be a pretense
Disingenuous
Lie to myself
Vain attempts
To still try to impress
You with what you do
Best
Because yes
To transgression
I still acquiesce

But you must see the signs,
Kindly just take a look
All semantics aside
Lines inside of this book
That you don’t necessarily
Read in between
To define nonetheless
What it actually means

Felt excluded today
From the show vote
Tradition
But lately I’ve been
So estranged from the system
I’ve tried to believe in,
To serve,
Perhaps lead
By example
But all I am answered with
Seems to be greed

Demons and drudgery
Goblin skullduggery
Monday curmudgeonly
Wake to dismay
Have to wait
For another weekend
To complain
To carouse
And impart
What I can not explain
In a text
To the me
Reading back
In the future
When I loop it back
Like a needle thread suture
To mend open wounds
And remind me of times
I was still bleeding out
These palliative rhymes

Might write something wicked
Right now
On the verge
Of collapsing,
Amassing within
Irrepressible urge
To emerge from this
Self-imposed sinking
Submission
The give up, give in
Not worth living
When missing
The hope that provided
A reason to wake
To still strive
For the next
Everlasting heartbreak

Need some kind of change soon
Of scene or of pace
Can’t erase her
Each day
Spent without her
A waste
But I doubt that she cares
Anymore
Though once did
A few lifetimes ago
I was uh,
Different kid

Unruly young dragon,
Recalcitrant, sneers
Disobeys,
Breathing flames
In sheer rage perseveres
On outstretched wings displays
His magnificence,
Marvelous, mighty
Indifference
Impudence
Not so incredulous when
Still untamed he has tempered
His vain fire spin
In ascendency
Soars,
Striking fear when he roars
Indomitable
Kanto kid’s king
Dinosaur

Almost got started
Priority-setting
But much more preferred
The spontaneous dreading
Each second it isn’t
According to plan
By how much I have learned
But still don’t understand
Everyone is so happy
In same day stagnation
Don’t dare deviate from the path
To salvation
Just wait
It gets better
Before ever worse
We can think and feel pain
It’s a gift not a curse
To be lonely
The only known creature
Aware
It is solely  
The lowliest
Medium rare

Pathetic without you,
Whole part of me’s missing
Its multiple others
Not there to begin with
Consuming me
From the inside
And then out
I project insecure,
Retrospectively doubt
I was ever assured
Hurting you could feel good
When I knew all along
Only freeing you would
From my radical chains
To your practical change
Make my narcissist
Two-faceless ego
Estranged  
From you there in the meadow
My shadow outcast
In its final act’s
Spinal trap
Last goodbye
Flash

Possibly real
Only makes it uncertain
But go to your graves
So convinced it is worth it
To offer the answer
Without questions posed
To phenomenon
Miracles
Nobody knows
Is humility’s
Most devout
Discipline mission
To see all belief
Not an act of submission
But rather
What matters  
Is just superstition
So listen to voices of gods  
Not religions

Out in the woods
No one knows
Where the road goes,
Go any further
To find
You don’t either,
Just sit and stare
Mesmerized
By the fire
The other side
Crawling with mischievous nymphs
Seductress
In the silence
I court the abyss

Distance is calling again
Journey on
Can’t be home for too long
Without want to be gone
But I cannot escape
Simultaneous waiting
Anticipating
The just meet someone dating
The app happenstance
Serendipitous disconnect
Spent the whole night
Imperfecting the intellect
Improbable as it seems
To improve
My impending doom
Imminent
Maggot food mood