Distance is calling again
Journey on
Can’t be home for too long
Without want to be gone
But I cannot escape
Simultaneous waiting
Anticipating
The just meet someone dating
The app happenstance
Serendipitous disconnect
Spent the whole night
Imperfecting the intellect
Improbable as it seems
To improve
My impending doom
Imminent
Maggot food mood

Stumped tonight
Watching this endless debate
Candidates are still rated
On who can berate
Moderators the least
And opponents the most,
When really both still don
The cloak of the ghost

Don’t go despairing
Young man,
Better smile
The grownups can’t have your angst
Turning hostile
So vie for authority
Feigning servile
And one day soon
Someday
Return from exile
Beguiling the voters now
Sowing suspicion
Like seeds
In your third
Underworld
Mercy mission

Tread the fallen leaf trail
Of no avail, my cares disband
And like an unrelenting gale
Exhale
As my adrenal gland
Expands, secretes
A fervent surge
Emergent forward
Motion urge
A dirge of shrieking madness purges
Toxin sweaty streaming sheen
The thin veneer constricts the skin
But cools it to the touch of crisp
And briskly wispy  
Autumn’s kiss
Like whiskey I’m besotted by
The heady high,
The dizzy sky,
The halcyon
Todays gone by

Is there really dark erasure
I the maker
Closing in
Expanding outward
Always going
‘Round in circles
As I spin
Be it the room
And wall enclosure  
Or beholden
To the thralls
Of an enormity
Eternity
Upon me night befalls
And in the nothingness
I thrive
My pride in consciousness
Alive
And with these words
Preserve the cycle
Of the die again revive

But it has to be part of the story
The journey
The squandered and lost minutes
Never returning
Reverting won’t make it
Reverse
Or restore
And the remonstrance
Won’t end
The internal war
So be peace
I’d advise
As an agent of both‘s
Can’t decide
Which demise
I believe in the most

Right now I see
Robotic algorithms
In my head
Become the down to earth
We dead
Don’t talk
Don’t try to look
The bar story’s to inferior
Who?
Let it get to this
Though not alone
Just in ways
You would never
Submit to my throne

Leave it to me
Let me write what you need
I could feed you on barely enough
Left to eat
Or on dollars a day
Make it one way
Or other
Provide for you
Luxury’s
Status wealth lover
But little else I
Could imagine
We’d want
But I bet at least some
Impish trinket
Would taunt
Us to selling out vision
For dead inside living
Be happy,
Be housed
Have a feast on Thanksgiving

Check your ego at the door
Your comfort zone is furthermore
Enclosed, exposed, yet still expands
Encompassing extensive spans
Of new frontier’s unsettled other
Realms you have yet to discover
Fresh perspectives, innovation
To the single mind equation
Questions previously asked
But answered by a silence masked
By you alone to dread exist
Confirming biases persist
The never wrong unchallenged me
So suddenly, thinks differently

Forget who I am
Almost instantly,
Daily
It’s like
I’m still trying to find
Who it made me
This life
And this world
And I guess you could say
All the faces
Appearing in dreams
I replay
Although never can seem
To recall
Much at all
Of how setting hopes high
Can’t deny
The downfall,
The inexorable
Out of time,
Soon forgotten
By sooner or later’s
More favorable coffin
Where even my
Identity  
Can get lost in
The jungles of
Reality
All too often

Each day that I spent
Was with you
A portent,
A momentous occasion
To love
Or lament
But I never meant
For it to turn
Into neither
Expected to yearn
Like a stern disbeliever
Eventually,
Prophecy
Still self-fulfilling
Except now I know
I was not as unwilling
To let you go,
Let it be
As I led on
Couldn’t quite live without you
Yet here you are
Gone

No sun today
Only the rain
And the way
Friends explain themselves
Never more sure I’d refrain
From attempting to delve
Into whomst is the smartest
Aspiring artist
Critiquing creationist
Brilliance
The darkest

Not quite an impediment,
Seldom a detriment
Just a self-conscious
Propensity to
Pensively reconsider
Each word that I choose
Like anomic aphasia
But undiagnosed
When I can’t comprehend
Even thought’s innermost
Best syntactic formation
Dictates fluctuation
And makes me some ramble-on,
Scrambling to find
What I even intended to say
Half the time
And then oh!
There it is
Where I’m going with this
Yes a piece about speech
And the topics it shifts

An infinite formless
Creator created
Some other life forms
When in loneliness, waited
For some mass extinction
Eventful occurrence,
A happening,
Anything,
Purpose in service
To what it had made
Given way
To be free
Though for all its omniscience
Couldn’t foresee
What it would come to be
How apart from the one
Its posterity’s
Prodigal son
Would become

Take a life
Do it
Just try to construe it
Who knew that it would be so difficult
To
See the mutual mind
Staring right back at you
But it isn’t as grave
Unconditional playing
Of gods and redeemers
If they aren’t praying

More time elapses
The moving on fastens
Its buckle up for the ride
Passing back flashes
By in a day blurring
Away in senescence
The youth in decay
Instant joy’s evanescence

Don’t mean to hide it
Preferring to write it
By night
And by day
I would rather recite it
To anyone willing to listen,
Amused
Curious to decipher
The rhymes that I choose
As the interview
Then can ensue
And resume
The perpetual ego feedback
Loop-de-loop
Nom de plume
Just the guise I assume
Is the one that they want
Although not necessarily
In the right font
But as daunting
As being
Some other non-poet
Can be
I just try to be free
To if prompted to
Show it

Exhaustion
Not often
My intimate friend
Yet still sleeping on novels
I haven’t yet penned
Too dependent
On preoccupied
Idle mind
With prosaic distractions
I seldom rewind
To reflect back upon
Or retain
The main point
I’m just getting through life
And each night
At this point

Been negligent lately
Of nature’s
Sign’s vital
As I allow devils
To dance in my idle
Mind’s eye’s
Broken hearted
Aberrant nightmare
Can’t repair
What the rest of the world
Doesn’t care to despair
So I work on myself
But it’s such an odd job
And exorbitant wealth
Would just make me a fraud
If I nonetheless
Don’t address
Global crises
Just repress,
And regress
Back to go overseas

Was she there
Or just barely
What’s left of my memory
Filtered fragments
Of forbidden serenity
Speaking to me
Seems to be
Interested
But of course is too taken
By overprivileged
As am I
Don’t deny
What I have
Others don’t
But I’d give it all up
To but say
What she won’t
But she did
Just a bit
Kind of talk to me
Sort of
And was the same girl in 4th grade
That I thought of

And then the impending
Defensive maneuvers
The people I meet on the ground
As intruders
Are suddenly welcoming
Heightened of sense
Intellect, kids I haven’t seen since
I was drenched
In immensities
Too difficult
To control
Then I see her again
And I know
Who I am
Who I was
Isn’t was
Who she now
Didn’t plan

Practice living each day
Like you’re already dying
And maybe by night
Only slight
Suiciding
Ensues for you
Newly embracing the path
Or perhaps
Just forsaking its
Constant backtrack

This grinding through life
Can’t be right or wrong
Might be
A place to belong
A swan song
To entice me,
To beckon me on
To some bittersweet end
With a countless day’s unwritten message  
To send
Me off silently,
Better come quietly,
While she
Never again
In her deep secret files me

Doesn’t have to be
Merely
The misery
Imagery
Maybe
If I didn’t squander
Affection,
Each obvious sign
She was down with depression
I wouldn’t be so
******* sad anymore
And this illness I feel
Wouldn’t mentally bore
Me to tears
In the fabric
Of really sincerely
Too much I regret
Only now seeing clearly

Start a new job
All your problems are solved
Earn a piece of that happiness
Everyone loves
But I’m not even tired
Just mired
In angst
Yet the apathy
Still pulls
Its victimless pranks

My last bastion dead to me
Friends seldom mention me
In the ways we
Formerly
Used to do
But the cosmos submits
To what I deem is true
Just like you
And that helps me get through
The uncouth rendezvous

September skies
My eye belies
As everything seems more alive
When surely this
Capricious season’s
Mild nature’s
Rhyme and reason
Here can be
All far too fleeting
Leaving us
In winter’s thralls
Of sentimental
Deck the halls
As cold and gray
As any day
Of existentialist decay

Just give me a forum
A pen and a pad
And I’ll write you,
Recite you,
The speeches I’ve had
For the audience
Drowning out
Thoughts in my head
Will revolt
Without plentiful
Circus and bread
So the mob
And the masses
The plebeian horde
I appeal to
Revealed through
The edge of the sword

It’s the fact
That I still even laugh
I’m assured
At the end of my rope
I have not yet endured
Unobscured by false hope
And allured by despair
Grown inured to rock bottom’s
Idyllic nowhere
Seen it clear
As I know you still know
That I care
That the soul consciousness
Of the universe
Pales
In comparison to
What the two of us had
For I still read it gladly
As you see me sad
Think me mad do you,
Well,
Maybe unwell at best,
And at worst
Still alive
As the day that she left

Perched on a limb
Like a grim
Aquiline
Carven stone
Chill to bone
Upon passerby dine
By design
I am fearsome,
Revered by the spawn
Of the underworld
Dwelling beneath me
Upon
The withdrawn
Abyss paragon’s  
Gothic hell swan  
Monument to the last
Will and testament’s
Moribund
Moral supremacy’s
Edifice
Orotund
Ancient facade
Of the godless in gray
Overseeing eternity’s
Urban decay

Recalling vaguely
Hazy instants
I was maybe
Making imprints
On some inkling introvert
Some innocence
Who couldn’t hurt
My dearth of mirth
Impervious
To even what her at wits end’s
Most murderous
Intentions penned

They made it seem like
Love was more than enough
Like two people who fall in it
Never rebuff
All the time
Perhaps even
Forever
Believe in
Wholeheartedly that
It just wasn’t a scene in
Another romantic
False narrative
Standard,
The find you,
Consign you
To all questions
Answered

When they meet again
To rejoice in some end
But the real thing
To less happy ones
Often tend
Though I must say
The theme
That they get
Most correct
Is in its nothing left
All you’re left
Is regret
But of course
No one heeds
Universal guidelines
Just continue to wait
For the stars to align

Getting closer
Wasn’t sober
Nor was she
Just eerily,
Intuitively
Reading me
Like energies
And aura stuff
Enough deduced  
To call my bluff
Before I even made it
Stating
Might as well
Depart this place
And maybe see
Where all this leads
But so convinced was she
To sleep

But stay with me
A moment longer
We just met
Please don’t dishonor
Me,
I left her leaving free
Not even love alone
Could be
Eternity
She knew its loss
Was more than we
Prepared to cost
The world was not prepared
To fall
Down from the sky
Renew it all
The selfishness that would have bade
Us back into the former grave
I told you I was meant
To leave
Without you
Then without you
Grieve

Imagine that
Warmth drawing near
Another person
Left to fear
Perhaps in understanding them
We could be friends
But so it ends
In just do you
Forgotten who
Could even speak
This language true

The good and just god
Or the God is just good
Either way
A falsehood
Only mortal minds could
Believe true
Despite proven
We too misconstrue
The conclusion
Illusion
As piety’s cue
To divine its define nature
More than a fruitless
Attempt to uncover
The root of its hubris

Finally options
Some odd jobs to do
Just a few
But they’re pulling me in
More than two
New directions
To take one would be
Some more waiting around
Yet another would see
Me take off of the ground
And the third doesn’t sound
As exciting,
Enticing,
But stable, secure
If I am
To live life here

Dilemma
Conundrum  
Becomes the undoing
Of preconceived notion’s
Position renewing
Its self-assured
Reaffirmed
You interviewing
With demoralizing
In question
Belying
The answer must be
Part of me
Compromising
Components of my
Perfect worldview
Is skewed
So surrender to madness is
True rectitude

Do I get better
With age,
Or just worse?
All it takes
Is a look through
My past
In reverse
And the verses
Of greater
Creators unbound
And unlimited by  
How the senses
Must sound

Kind of funny
How one day
This person you’re with
Could be there
And the next
Doesn’t seem to exist
Reminiscing
On each second since
We first kissed
And revisiting it
Is futile
To resist
But I try nonetheless
To make memories fond
Not deny
That we did possess
Some form of bond
But the what-if remains,
The mistakes go unmade
And I punish myself
In oblivion’s fade

Like lovers I’ve never met
Nothing left
Left to fret
So I just stay at home
Write of
How dead I get
As to avoid
The ensuing regret I guess
Lessen the chance
Of romances
I make a mess
Couldn’t express
In a billion lifetimes
To this intimate stranger
The depths of my mind
At the first sign of feeling,
Imagining things
Fall apart
From the heartache
Catharsis
She clings
Onto its intense darkness
Salvation lost cause
One more fool’s errand to
Rectify tragic flaws

Of course you can stay with me
Make an impression
Remain at the fore
Of my morbid confession

Just promise to haunt me

Beyond the grave
Daily
I gave you my word
To not ask you to save me

Mere seconds asleep
But was deep
In the rem
When upon me befell
A malicious demon
And what happened then
Still haunts
My waking night’s pen
At the edge of my bed
It is there once again
Not of form
Nor of feature
A shadowy creature,
Insidious wisp
Wickedness
Its demeanor
Don’t know what it wants,
What it thinks,
What it seeks
I can only grip tighter
The covers and sheets
And replete with paralysis
Fear
Cognizance
I can only succumb to its
Malevolence

Another downtrodden
Despondent
Disclaimer
Apologies for
Imminent
Misbehavior
In vain I’ve attempted
To temper
My anger
To try to be tame
But am made
Out of rancor
But thankfully
For those
Still reading
Alone
I’m no threat to your precious
Pretensions
At home

What more could I want
Than a living for this
Repressed gift,
Sustenance,
And a place to exist
In consistently nearing
A writer’s potential
But limited by
What it lacks in essential
Deprived of what I
Need to buy,
Stay alive’s
Are like locks on the chains
Binding me to these rhymes

Steeped in my stupor
About to tip over
A graveyard of beer cans
Is at my disposal
It flows though
The vocals
And so it goes
Global
The locals and I  
Keep it chill as Chernobyl
For there in their midst
Still exists
A slight rift
And with each sip approaches
The paradigm shift

How many times do I have to say it
Your very first breath
Was a form
Of enslavement  
Not to me
Certainly
Who would do that?
You of course
Don’t submit
To some other guy’s
Chat
Just my splat
Not again
It was sooner
Dependent
On any first girl
In the clime
Who was willing
To aid
In the world order crime
And unto has bade
The injustice of mine

And I’ll go to sleep hungry
This life
Is a challenge
Even with friends
I am never
Imbalance
Just down
With whatever vibe
Brings them alive
And as I
Dead inside
Think of you
All the time

But I couldn’t have
Killed for you
Died for you
Hurt you
Put you through
Distance
And disconnect
Silence
Imagine my voice
Wasn’t writing you
Try this
Immediate fix
For the broken
Recognizance
She was the thoughts in my head
You were there
But one night she appeared
As a temptress
Ensnared
The I love you both
Specially
You would still question me
Ask me the truth
And then let me be
Memory