Come closer to courting
Malevolent forces
For some form of
Temporal pleasure
Abortions
Discourses with fewer
Of flesh
By the day
So I turn from the faith
And to faker gods pray
But at least when they lie
I already expect it
And so when I die
At least that’s not regretted
As well
Had enough
Of lament in this lackluster life
To rebuff
Any pious hope pirates
Pretending they save
Anyone,
Any world
From an imminent grave

Lately I find
Being lost
Not so bad
When you have a few friends
With whom bonds ironclad
Can withstand
An onslaught
Of discordant ordeals
With a steely resolve
Then we share how it feels
To be searching still
Looking for love and discovery
Mired in grinding through days
Made of drudgery
Judge me
I dare you
Assume that you know us
And hate us,
Degrade us,
We’ll dance on your graves
And defile the racists
Contagious our sickness
Is wit with a vicious
Charisma ice cold
And the guillotine’s swiftness
Abysses don’t phase us
When muses have made us
Inspired and proud
To share gifts that they gave us
All flawed and imperfect
But kind and sincere
Genuine
To the bitter end’s
Nothing to fear

Can’t be described
But here goes my best try
It’s ineffable gods
It’s the blue in the sky
It’s the human conditioned
To think it at all
It’s the ocean’s enormity
Bask in the thrall
Of its forces of nature,
Its danger,
Its source
It’s emotion,
It’s motion,
It’s timeless of course
It’s the universe
Planting its seeds
As it breeds
As it breathes its life into
The bodies it feeds
It’s a memory’s
Melody,
Pleasure and pain
It’s microbial jungles
And cells in the brain
It’s the energy jolt’s
Inspirational spark
It’s the howling wolf moon’s
Looming gloom in the dark
It is solace’s
Salience,
Silence’s synthesis
Synapses syncing with
External stimulus
Susurrations
Of the wistfulness winds
It’s the smiling sunshine
On the earth as it spins
And continues presenting us
Plentiful gifts
So partake
And reciprocate
Its blissfulness

Throw away forever
In favor of eternal
Lay to rest
The mortal soul
In deathless pages
Of this journal
Join me now
In disembarking
From compassion’s hesitance
Your empathy is not a weakness
But a conduit to this
Commiseration
Correlation
Know you feel me
Just afraid
To ever deign
To stand before me
And confess you feel the same

Moonlight is blue tonight
Luminous glow
Peering out of my window
At go away snow
Melting at a pace
Glacial
Too slow for my liking
I want open spacial
And temperatures hiking
Returning with haste
My impatience insatiable
Time laid to waste
But the portents of thawing
Apparent today
Warming up the inherent
More pleasant landscape
To sanguinity cheer
For the advent of Spring
And its promise
Of weather
Much better
Will bring
And whether or not
Its fecundity blooms
For me too
Or just once again withers
In winters entombed

Someone please tell me
How do you get through?
Do you wake in the morning
And make it come true
The desires compelling you
Onward into
Weeks and months
Then the years
Setting goals,
Playing roles
You envision yourself
In this picturesque pose
Or position
Some service you’ve given
Some function fulfilled
So society’s aegis
Can leave you the bill
And instilling within you
That half empty cup
What to be
When you finally
Like me, grow up

You think you have talent,
Uniqueness,
A gift
An instinctive
Distinct
Perspicacious skill with
What so few have made living
An art form reform
When they couldn’t conform
To the unwritten norm
For you’re born in a system
Demanding you work
But in love with a world
That inspires this quirk
Yet requires you keep it
Concealed and repressed
And you can’t pay for food
By describing depressed
Maybe meet someone special,
Who tries to relate
But however wholeheartedly
Fails to equate
What this practiced,
Precocious,
Essential component
That constitutes genuine you
In the moment
Is saying,
Conveying
With their still delaying
To find the right words
To recite as you’re laying
In rest
For the rest of eternity
Was
Just absurdly,
Assuredly
Lacking because

It’s like he got back
From the war
In the Peace Corps
Can’t figure out
What is left
To be lived for
Reintegration
Was seamless enough
To be home,
A relief
But he hasn’t done much
Since returning,
Just learning
How little he can
Anymore of this alien world
Understand

Graduated with honors,
Made love like a beast
Earned my place among the muses,
Then championed peace  
The world over
Alone
Far from home
Have I roamed  
And then into my tombstone
I chiseled unknown
But no, never forgotten
A rose from the coffin
My unfinished business
To witness the autumn
From where I was raised
To emblazon its flare
Like the winter fox
Facing
The mighty black bear
Have I tread on undaunted,
By her ever haunted,
Heartbroken
I wrote to her
Lost and exhausted

But never lost sight
Quite completely
Of who
I am proud
Son of Judy
And friend of the few
Coolest dudes on this rock
And imbued with their brotherhood
Seek to unlock
What we’ve yet to learn
Searching
The infinite depths
Even if
All we find
Is an imminent death
We were here
We were real,
Redefined how we feel
Our ideals indomitable,
Adamant steel
And unyielding our strive
To be more than alive
So let this be my testament
Ever in time

Always just had to go
‘Way for a while
The miles I distanced myself
Now compiled
As this abyss lachrymose
Lonely lament
The escape artist
Nowhere to hide
His intent
Anymore
Not to hurt
Or to see us resent
One another
Can’t talk to you now
As a friend,
Nor a lover
Especially not
No, now that ship has sailed
As I passed it right by
Like the life that I failed

Do I still have to say it
It’s mass exploitation
An ******
Free of charge
Pain mitigation
Salvation for all
Gullible
To be told
Just forget
The real suffering world
And behold
The eternal one,
Die to believe
Lies we tell ourselves
Honestly
Offer reprieve
From atrocity’s cost
And the loss
We bereave
But deceive you no longer
The lordly class can
When you take up the hammer and sickle
In hand

Another rejection
I question now
Am I
Who I had assumed
I would be by now
Can I
Do anything right,
Just be given a chance
To afford the refinancing
Lack of romance
Or whatever this
I must have more
Life is for
If I knew
No demurring,
I’d gladly be poor
Even if
Still afraid
To my dying day stay
Relatively unchanged
It would say
On my grave

To talk about history
First you need war
Lot of thinking before
Was the better reform
But beware it is tyrants
And conflict engaging in
Waging warmongers
Encased in the brain again
Buying it,
Selling it,
Seeking its heat
Or its cold
Either way
Always ends in defeat

Don’t worry about me,
Move on
Don’t look back
You were meant for the future,
The past is my path
And I’ve strayed from it often
And even now deviate
Can not alleviate
How much it hurts
To inflict the affliction
Of memory’s curse
On the blur that was her
Still a chapter I cherish
Would rather fixate upon it
As I perish
Remember it perfectly
Not this perversity
Warped mutilation
Instill it within
My despair sequestration
And dwell with it
Lingering,
Haunting
My days
And by night
Write it as
This forgetfulness maze
But escape
Inconceivable
I still believe in you
Thus, the undying impression
You’ve made
Carves its way
Once again
To take shade in the fade

But you wouldn’t **** me
For I am you too
And I know how you think,
All the things that you do
You would seek first to reason
With me,
Make amends
But I am not interested in
Being friends
A reflection
A reckoning with
The self schism,
The guilt in the shadows
Of our dualism
Division
Illusion
Distinction
Discerned
In divergent
Confusion
Conditioned and learned
But the image is spitting
Identical soul
And you can not escape
I’m a part of your
Whole
Other world you keep hidden,
Pretend not to notice
Uncanny resemblance’s
Symbiosis

I can’t live without her
Whispered
In the dark
And perhaps if she heard it
From me
At the start
Then I could be now
Proving it through
Equal parts
Giving gifts
And presenting you with
All the ones that I missed
Immaterial testaments to
What we share
But I simplified it
To about you
I care
Very much,
Deep enough
To imply love is there
But not beyond doubt
That its absence
Could bare
Us together
Into the indefinite,
No more itinerant
One day a year
To be brand newly intimate

Everyone needs someone
Unless you still hunt
I suppose
That it’s possible
Highly unlikely
But there are those
Who still actively
Spite me
Though among friends
Am I journeying ends
And I want nothing more
Than to see her again
With the all of us gathered
So we can be one
You will hear
As I speak
To who’d carry my son
With impressive oration
For her
Adoration
The man she was waiting
To be above boy
To care once
At least for
Something more
Than destroy

So this is how dying feels
Rotting inside
In decay,
Decomposing
You’d think I’m alive,
That I’m perfectly fine
At first glance
Who could think
This goes on in my mind?
Like a bottle of ink

So out of focus
Forgetting what hope is
A million plus thoughts
In the time that I wrote this
Sporadic,
Erratic
Descent into madness
My scatterbrain drained,
Concentration
Don’t have it
The static is torment
A torturous angst
I just want to turn off
Like a ****** to tranqs
And mistakes I keep making
Just making it worse
Everyday is a funeral
Night is the hearse
And by life I mean
Some sort of
Synthezoid cyclical,
Robot repetitive,
Cynical ritual
Such a habitual,
Dismal despair
An implacable dread
Is the burden I bare

Incomplete piece
For another
Non-lover
That wouldn’t be her
Someone new to discover
I smother compassion,
Affection,
Connection
As soon as it feels
Like attachment
Is present
And end up resenting
Them for
Imperfection
Until it’s been years
Since caresses have tempered me,
Humbled me
Stumbling in darkness,
My future in jeopardy
Vain to have once
Been beholden and held
To and by
The whom with
All the me parts would meld
But I dwelled
In dispelling illusions
Too long
And replaced them
With heartache’s
More comforting song
So familiar to me
Until I finally
Came to see
That the clarity
Ever eluding me,
She

If death is just a timeless dream,
Then tomorrow
Make believe
Deceive yourself
Is guaranteed
Rest easy
You’ll see them again
Or maybe not
Beyond the end

The memories
Over-identified with
Become who we are now
A self-evident myth
That we tell ourselves
Better or worse
Still defines
Us as trauma,
Mistakes
Or a moment in time
A goodbye for now
Special someone
Is not I
Just a part of the story
And in it resides
Where it shall
Be remembered,
Preserved and referred
Back to when
You require
Your tale to be heard

Feel like each one of these
Spells it out perfectly,
But I was seldom so down with this,
Living it up
In my basement,
Encased in
The still giving up
We were barely embraced
And yet here I am
Wasted
So spaced in
The depths
And because you
Still searching
Their infinite breadth
For the rhyme
That brings genuine
Heat
To this house
Or the one to clutch closer
Despondent in doubt
I was cold,
Very distant,
A strange
Estranged lover
The same way I am
As a son
And a brother
Alone
You must know
But I want everyone
To be similar, no?

Fellow humans
We don’t like each other,
We aren’t all equal
We aren’t the same
Individual being
Of course,
That’s naive
But we gather,
Amass, and before us
We grieved
Even for
Other creatures
Pretending we leave
For salvation
So nothing to fear
Just as long as you never forget
We are here
We are now
We were there
We are how
It’s remembered,
Preserved
And appears
As the form
We accept
And from henceforth
Revere

Ate too much
Drank too much
But it’s been days
Since I even absorbed
More than morbid malaise
Oh I know
I went there
All alone
Without fear
But I dread
Megan dread
We would ever be here
And her name is still fresh
On my lips
All the same
And my friends are still
Numero
Uno
Unchanged
But it’s different these days
We get weird
But estranged
To the simplest things we
Ever said
Disengage
At the first sign of trouble
We try and explain
How it happened
Elapsed in
Some time we perceive
Although few can still answer
What do you believe?
I’d say us
As it was
But so much is gone
Can not recover
The dawn
Looks enticing
Inviting me on
But I’d rather it end
Before then,
Curtains drawn

Confounded by how
As the hours elapse
I could still be attempting
To try and relax
Get a word out or two
So the day seems important  
And talking to none
But myself
So discordant
For mordant
His self-deprecating
Edge stings
As he pushes my buttons
And pulls on my strings
And it brings me no solace
To numerate merits
His tasks
Were just masks
That the now me inherits
And parrots with subtle
Distinctions
Of the instinctive
Prefers as rebuttal
Befuddled again
I know
So am I
Though
Even thinking it so
Would suggest
His shadow

Makes us human
Not machine
Compels us to
Laugh at obscene
Without the instinct
Speciation
Specious,
Merely
Speculation
Artifice intelligence
The origin itself
Distorted
Only intuitions
Sort it
Out
For we are more
Conformed to flout
The mechanistic
Too simplistic
Logic
Carbon  
Organisms
In a rhythmic
River of
Consistent flow
Step in,
Step out
And then you know
This life anew
Not quite
A circle
Its dynamics
Sempiternal

Like ravenous songbirds
Discordantly musing
I try to please ears
What you hear
Is confusing
And locked in this paradox
Box
I assess
What contributes
These attributes’
Lack of success
I’m a mess
Of misgivings,
Misdeeds,
Misconceptions
Mistakes,
Misbegotten
Misjudgments
Enmeshed in
Repressed fantasies
And misplaced former dreams
Like a sentience still trapped inside
Minds of machines

How to make it go away
To wish you’d stay
Out of my head
Last vestige of my solace
Dread
Pervades
Devoid of you
Desert me in
This solitude
Surreal it isn’t still a dream
How much together
Could have seen
And thinking you prefer it more
With someone else
Corrodes my core
Yet peace consoles
Me in the dark
My heart is broken
Not apart
Too long from feeling
What we had
Except that now
It feels like sad

Guess we weren’t worth saving
Or only that once
The pretense of salvation
Was dust into dust
Just to sire creation
Abandoned to fate
But still willing us freedom
To reincarnate
As you did
The deceiver
The charlatan
Prophet
Instilled with your Word
And imbued with your gifts
But like any man
Bows
Before my
Hieroglyphs

We liked to start pyres
And dance with the devil
Conspired to sire
Empires to level
We reveled in vices
Incited deceit
Then delighted in slaughter
Without eating meat
For the sheeple beneath us
Did not understand
How our black magic covenant
Did not demand
Some occult loyal following,
Supplicants bowed
To society’s
Just be a face in the crowd
Looking back
In judgmental
Disdain
For our kind
Liberated
We watched
As the rest of them died
In our most wicked rendezvous
Learning to fly
We devised evil plans
Of dispelling the norms
We divined how to conjure up
Energy storms
But were still good together
Not hurting a soul
Save the two we had long ago
More or less
Sold

You live out there
For awhile
And think about
Everything you left behind
When you get down
Below despair
She’s gone
Get over it
Beware
I’m pathetic
I get it
And really high now
I’m the third wheel
My guys
You know
I get down
I get mad
I get dark
I get all these emotions
You know
All apart
From reality
Barely
In gravity
Loved her so much
That I laughed
At her ghost
For the others
My mother
Can’t talk to her now
Don’t make jokes
Or I’ll watch you die slowly
And revel in pain
And feel nothing
Inside
As I burn in the rain

The unrivaled ego
In all of its vanity
Herald of Nature’s
Impending calamity
Sheer existential
Endurance
Incarnate  
Still armed to the teeth
Is my ethos untarnished
I harness
Indignant
And channel it
Rage
My composure as chill
As a blizzard ablaze
For in balance I strive,
With fluidity glide
I’m the tempest emerging,
Storm surging inside
And I won’t be denied
The landfall
After all
The deniers
Acclimatized
Feel me alive

Don’t think about her,
Oh look
Now I am
And been living the same day
All over again
I’m approaching a year
Since returning
From where
I expected to find
A more current affair
Fall in love
With a cause
I could actually care
For embracing
But space
Has a way
Of erasing
Connection
And to my dismay
I felt only depression
Regret
I had ever left
Whom I held dear
Now with nothing to show for it
We disappear
From whatever else
Might have been
Better together
Just sever the ties
This goodbye
Is forever

Always the hero
In my own story
I craft greater states
Just to bask in the glory
Of having fed millions
Or starved them the same
I enslave nations just
To preserve my surname
For I came, saw and conquered
Laid claim with a stroke
Of the sword or the pen
Lesser men I have smote
From the history
Victory mine
For all time  
With my sickle, the tithe
I deflower your bride
With my hammer
Devise
Revolutions worldwide

Be they Soviet winters
Or Yankee free trades
Be they fascism cinder’s
Unholy crusades
They all circle back to
Me on top of the graves
To parades in my honor
Yet at your expense
I dispense with fair housing
And build tenements
Whilst enriching my vassals
My castle secured
With a horde of war dogs
At my beck and call
Forge
The steel bent to my will
The wheel spinning the mill
The drill rigging the bill
Becomes law
I instill

In your progeny
Serving me
My private property
Simply livestock market
Panic posterity
Feeding my Titanic
Furnace of industry
Making my products,
My profits, my brand
Stamped upon its collection
Of serfs I command,
Posted signs propagating
Updated newsstand
Bought and sold
By my no more gold standard
Stronghold
Growing old
I suppose
But foreclosing
Still now
So submit to
Depend on me,
Bend the knee,
Bow

Written it
Infinite ways
Through the years
But it’s always the same,
No one cares
No one hears
All the billions
Must feel
Often similar
No?
Then how do we silently
Suffer alone?
Who to tell
And to share it with
Commiserate
As you age
You’d think
Others
Could better relate

Not apathy
But naturally
Defaulting on
Catastrophe
Is possible
And plausible
And thus is just
Unsolvable
Too much exists
To comprehend
Too much resists
Its fate to end
And such attempts
Do not make sense
To rage against
Impermanence
In vehemence
Or fulmination
Air and fire
Conflagration
Made us all
And shall unmake
The urban sprawl
The wilderness
The in-between  
Is nothing but
Internecine
Conflicting clans
In entropy
Will ever be
How it unfolds
And with it my
Life story goes

Everyone prides themselves
Free-spirited
But relies
On the all-seeing eye
Of the pyramid
Can’t live without it
Don’t doubt it has value
Enabled and bound
By what it
Should allow you
To feel you are true
To your word
Liberation
Not waiting on state‘s
For your due compensation  
From laboring
Toiling away
To have more
Of the choice
They supply
To the fully-stocked store
But you have to go back
Or else what would you eat?
Free to starve
In the market
Of cheat or compete

Sick of feeling
Myself wither
Spewed it from
My shriveled liver
Winter takes a heavy toll
And lachrymose
Is my old soul
For I was once
So young with her
But can’t go back
To how we were
In love
It seems
Can disappear
Or was it even
Ever there?
Apparent in
Some kind of sense
To me
Or else
Why these laments?
She mentioned
I might be depressed
Expressing now
The evidence
Presentiments
Of no known cure
But burials
Of premature
Relinquished will
To carry on
Endure no longer
Dead and gone

Beckoned,
Allured
By her tempting enchantments
The goddess of love
So enraptures me
Granting
Her sirens
Commanded
To pleasure,
Untether me
Take me away
To a world
Of forever free
To be immersed
In this curse
Divine feminine
Elegant in
Its resplendent  
Serenity
Though so detached
I soon longed to return
To one in which man
Had hence from me
Once spurned

Can’t leave her side
Always on her
Rely
When without her
You cry
When she’s gone?
Can’t survive
Why belie
You are anything more
Than a child?
So eager to seek out
A care-taking lover
Replacing  
The lost embrace
Arms of the mother

I like learning
  More than teaching
I like searching
  More than planning
I like being
  More than doing
I like thinking
  More than speaking
I like drinking
  More than smoking
I like broken
  More than hoping
I like music
  More than movies
I like winning
  More than losing
I like feeling
  More than judging
I like solving
  More than grudging
I like loving
  More than hating
I like dating
  More than mating
I like sorrow
  More than anger
I like risky
  More than danger
I like stranger
  More than normal
I like human
  More than mortal

Never forget
It is we make the gods
Out of fear
At the end
They were merely facades
Fabricated
Created
Innate inclination
To justify,
Deify
Civilization
To coincide with
Our attempts to destroy
The void lurking
When searching
For peace to enjoy
But deprived of it
Sell ourselves short
And submit
To the will of some greater force
Must be the cause of it
Moving, unmoved
Influencing, unchanged
The timeless space
Formless
Encased
In the brain

Philosophize  
Learning to die
Take your time
Make the most of it
Closer each day
To goodbye
Don’t decide
Based on others’
Approvals
Withheld
Be ourselves
In a solitude
Solely our own
And entrust that within the world
We are at home

Count them up
Equate success
Obsess over
A calculus
Fixate upon
Their digitized
Measure the size
Of atomized
Itemization
Stuff we buy
To keep the ticking
Clock goodbye
From timing out
Before its hands
Have through the cracks
Allowed the sands
To pour against the grain
Just one
Between them
Infinitely
None

I saw what we could be
And yet
What we are
What we were
All at once
Just the kids of a star

But what have you accomplished?
Have you gained?
Have you changed?
By its very definition
Revolution
Is the same
At the end,
From the beginning
Circles back to where it stays
The power reigns
Just in the form
Of what the order’s law
Betrays
The best intentions
Left eventually
To hell the roads are paved

I have to accept that she’s gone
The left fading
Yet growing in strength
When we talk of pervading
We protected animals
Not even human
In ruins
We let them all grave
And got through it
Together
I tell you
United
Undaunted
Two kids in it breeding
Unheeding
In e
And trust me
I want all the revolutionaries
There
Reunion
Seeing splattered frames
Depicting
In excessive art
The drunken trip
I told my best friend
You were death
From the start
And still here we are dead
The left politics club
And we are from all ranks
Of all classes
And my family still honors me
Never without me
And when you seek
Educating yourself
To the end
It just happens
To happen
Before you are ready
The easiest living
Soon as I can remember
Myself to forgiving

Was there with the simple folk
Brokering peace
Liberal hubris incarnate
From Hellenic Greece
I was sent
To sow discord
And sword out the weak,
Like a lord over wheat
Grew inured to privation,
In filth I would eat
Not the least bit perturbed
By the state of police
For I stated my nature
With wraiths in my speech,
Cultivated my culture
Like vultures in heat
Infiltrated the ranks
Of the skanks there to tempt me
A sentry, preemptively,
Of feelings emptied

Before compromising,
Devising the next
Annexation prospects
And subjecting the rest
To exalt the apex
Because love is a war,
Just a game of conquest
And my argument formed
Of the West’s architects
In the bastion of sophistry
History’s greatest
Imperial city,
Glossary glossing me as
A Romantic
But no sense disputing
The paltry semantics,
Was just serving what
Time itself can’t resist,
The interest
Of my people’s

Utopian bliss

No industrious,
Sedulous
Worker ant slaving
I just deride hive-minded
Throngs and mobs
Paving
The way
For a more supreme order
Since discontent rules
And the truth’s
A reporter’s
Opinion
Dominion
Still supersedes fact
What is that?
But I know
What you don’t,
And that’s that