Been days since I last
Read it out loud
And past
By the time
I had put on
And took off the mask
I was lying in sand
To appear at my best
To relax, be at ease
In the peace
I attest
To have witnessed,
Experienced,
Felt moving through
But I lost it,
Misplaced it,
Forgot its face too
I erased her,
Defaced her
Still frame in my mind
Then I tried to replace it
With some other kind
Though it proved to be
Soon
Unappealingly basic
And couldn’t quite infiltrate
My secret bases
Just brace for in fact
This is not gunna’ last
Until I read it out again
To you at last

Beach is beside us
But this is no oasis
A few steps remind us
Of such private places
The palms are outstretching
To skies of cerulean
The shrooms kicking in
Since I’ve had
Quite a few of them
New, unfamiliar
Surroundings
Confound
But adaption
Comes naturally,
Quickly unbound
Am I free to run into
The distance and see it
Was more than we ever could
Truly believe it

Three harpies moved into the mountain
And soon
The excluded among them
When into its room
Glooming in the pale moonlight
And wondered why sense’s
Sincerity setting
Intuits the looming shadow’s
Seven heaven’s
Outlaw renegading
Fade serenade
Blade
The miraculous suicide
Watch it replay
Then another one to tell me how
To simply think about it
Worries flowing,
Undertowing
Show you how
To drink about it
Can’t forget her
Even on my death
Bedraggled
Linen shame
She murdered me
Now makes me **** myself
And sell what’s left of sane
To any tangential
Dimensional
Divulging
In discursive
And immersing my rehearsals
In eternal hearse
Immersive

This game is like life
Build your roads
Conquer lands
Construct homes
And expand
As your city erodes
Into seas of surpluses
Exhausted too quickly
A populous guarded
But hungry and sickly
So play it just like
How you’d really develop
A civilization
As god
Not a zealot

How I loved to enlighten you
In darkness frighten you
Dowse you in torrential rain
Then ignite with you
Write you
Incite
Revolutions abroad
And in first rows of your film premieres
I’d applaud
And play god with you
Meting out justice upon
Persecutors who challenge our place
On the lawn
Like an infant fawn stumble
On best words to say
But with confidence conjure
The ones to convey
All too late what I feel for you
Accurate mark
A precision that only results
Far apart

These are the words
Of one who has broken
With hope
Long ago
I can socialize
Well enough
Leave me alone
But enjoy it sometimes
What the others might say
Every now and then one
Or two
Welcome to stay
If they manage to deftly
Display their intriguing
Intelligence,
Intellect
Make me believing
Keep speaking
You have my permission,
I’ll listen
But bore me,
I’ll make myself scarce
Of opinion
You won’t get a peep out of me
After that
I don’t mean to be rude
Just exclude the chitchat

I just wake up and I write
At night
And in the twilight
I am the owl
In the eye
Of the tornado
Anthracite
I burrow under the ground
And in the crown’s contorted coffers
I’m still lurking around
‘Tryna’ figure it out
It could be China
No doubt
It’s coming down to this
Imperial
Delirium
Bacterium
I claw it and I clash with
Magisterium
Experience
Appear when it’s too real
And when I’m feeling too
Hyperion
Then put it to the pit
And then the wavelengths I emit
Become the vanquished on the pages
Merely smudges I omit
And mark ‘em whether
In the netherworld
Or heavens
It is hosted
I still summon subterranean
Relationships I’ve ghosted

Darkest kid
In a city of light
Saw the radiant prism in bloom
In the night
And I had all these crazy ideas
Influenced
By the ******-trope ghost’s
Lonely constituents
What composes the roses
Compels to despair
And what withers in wilting decay
Without care
See the forest for trees,
Fade away with the breeze
Petals coated in metal
Unsettled unease
How I shied from your touch
With sensation remaining
Vibrations sustained
In the ongoing raining
Was never intended to stretch to the sun
Just recede to the shadows
Of comfortably numb

These minimizing labels
There be pirates on these seas
And arming social revolution
Is in love with lunacies
Come in with tyrants,
Preaching violence
And enriching lesser clients
Privateers to privatizing
Water fronts to spread the virus
Be it powder wigs and kegs
Or kids with squids for their sea legs
It all submits before the rising
Of the bottom-feeding plebs
So call me leftist,
Call me liberal
I was born in the imperial
Ethereal imprisonment
The cargo hold’s
Bloodlust for gold’s
Dehumanized
Equivalent
A righty, if you write me
In genetics and supremacy
The strong, the weak
The idolized
And deified
Celebrity
But never on authority’s
Minority report
But indivisible as any individual
At court
And so I see the tribal fighting,
The internecine delighting
In the other side’s
Speechless demise
And stoke the reuniting

Done applying
Myself trying  
Feels a lot more like
I’m lying
To the still aspiring me
Determined not to merely be
Legitimately
Seek employment
Minimize
Reckless enjoyment
All for nothing comes of it  
I’m sick of it,
Just want to quit
Stop kidding,
Still pretending I
Was somehow meant for more
Than die
Another boring, dreary day
Regardless of
How far away
Or how sublime surroundings get
Or how within the wind I’m swept
Rejected just begets regret
And failures I cannot forget
The culmination?
Ruination
Worst case constant
Contemplation
No scenario
Adds up
To what I’ve ever wanted
Stuck
In this sepulcher
Of bad luck

Approaching the threshold
Of drastic life changes
Done hoping,
Expecting
The rest rearranges
To some more commensurate
Level to compensate
My deficit
With a destiny date
If I see her again
It would have to be fate
Since I squandered my chances
To actively seek it,
Pursue it,
Then rue it
How I couldn’t reach it
From summits I’d plummet
Crestfallen nadir
And in valleys of shadow
The fix would appear
Like a kick to the head
To ascend back atop
Ego mountain triumphant
Then never to stop
Glorifying transcendence
Embodying light
Now I just want to know
If it’s still worth the write

Choose not to partake
I forsake
Pleasure-seeking
Deprive my desires
Of decadent sleeping
In speaking
Reserved
Only purposefully
Verbal
Averse to attachment
And suffer eternal
Existence alone
In a godless indifference
Illusions compel me no more
To their influence

Misfortune continues
Befalling me
Just
As soon as I’ve regained
Some semblance of trust
It will all be ok
Maybe finally work out
Without dread apprehensions
To still think about
There is no resting easy
Until it’s resolved
And of my culpability
Hope I’m absolved
In the interim thinking it over
Too long
All the million plus ways
It goes awfully wrong
Soon enough
Like it seems
It is meant to prevent me
From what pleasant dreams
Still remain possibilities
Where will life lead?
I don’t want to find out
Just give up and recede
So at least I’d preemptively
Cease disappointment
Before it eventually
Knows no avoidance

No plan to back up
All you’d lose
Just haven’t yet
Learned to refuse
The risk adrenaline
Incites you,
Tempers you,
And reignites you
So exciting,
Then it’s not
Now failure
Perforates the plot
And disappointment
Disapproves
Embarrassment
Disquietudes
Can’t even watch the morning news
Without your judgment
And disdain
An older form
Of growing pains
Would not dyspeptically
Emerge
In caffeinated stressors
Surge
Convergent point
Of no return

But see that’s why it’s nuts to me
Waiting on you
Since I did it to you
Without thinking it through
To conclusion
Seclusion
Is where I am now
But adapting my senses
Eternally
Bound
To communicate human
And state what my prey is
Conveying the union’s
Peace beast in his cages
Lay waste the creators
With demon exertion
And purge the earth-fakers
With worthy subversion
Befitting the finest
Idealists at play
Our posterity learning
Their brilliant display
Is the way we keep turning
With all it in tune
And that even delusions
Can land on the moon

Recent evaluations
Evolution
All systems in order
Yet still revolution
Solutions ****** me
Reducing intake
Introduce me to ruin
As critics partake
In my processor fails
To retain
What the day’s
Most essential details
At the time
Seem important
But vanish in stress
Nonetheless,
What I make
Or what happens to face my
Circuitous break
With the linear
Rapid progression
Upgrade
As sobriety renders me
Solemn and staid
To refrain
Or indulge
In the dizziness of
Freedom comes to fruition
Within lack of love

A lost thought
Can change
The day
In ways
As manifold
As power plays
Attempt to undo
Neutral ground
The territory
Watered down
Becomes a barren,
Vast expanse
Of merely witnessing romance

No sense proclaiming
Assurances
Certain
Of any facets
Of this world
I’m alert in
Alive in
Just trying
To see and survive
And prepare for the day
I eventually die

This much is true
I suppose
I conclude
I could live anywhere
I just want my own room
Little space
Private place
That I rest assured
Waits
Upon me getting home
And by night its embrace
Covers me in secured
And I wake to each day in bed
Feeling restored
When I’m bored
It preoccupies me,
Lets me hide
And in solitude
Into its shadows
Confide

We all like to think ourselves
Somewhat enlightened
That answers abound
And that nothing
Is frightening
Delight in at least
Moderation
Elation
But how long before
The excessive temptation
Becomes decadence
Abrogation of morals
And tireless virtue
Can’t rest on its laurels
In good conscience
Faith
An abnormal distortion
Forsaken
Replaced
By debased disproportion

Old ways with old friends
Perched upon
The earth’s top
Wildlife,
Wilderness,
Politics
Are some topics
How goes it so far
Is the story’s synopsis
Arriving at this
Commencement
In harmonic
Convergence with culmination
Of causation
Lament and euphoria’s
Balanced equation
Decisions amounting
Combined
To the sum
Of our fears
That the world
To our suffering
Numb

Out here is few worries,
Perhaps none at all
Just appalling gas prices
And no one to call
A week in I refrain
Prematurely
From claims
It is some kind of paradise
Golden domain
When of course
Dread can lurk
Around any road bend
Be it snaking these hills
Or the ones in my head

Ask me two years ago
Where would I be
I could never predict
It’d be close to the sea
I’d have never projected
The future in store
Would be one in which I
Didn’t have any more
Terse objections,
Complaints
Detestations to feint
That I actually care
Still concern myself with
Goings-on in the universe
Dare to commit
To a cause of nobility,
Selfless servility
Not solely self-indulge bliss
Instability
But, maybe its
Ignorance is unfounded
And by its abyss
I’m not always surrounded
Unbound and I’m often astounded
How free
It seems I really am
To choose my
Destiny

Finding my form again
Feel I fit in here
It’s clear
I might finally,
Even belong
Unbeknownst to new neighbors
Who don’t get me wrong
Are as friendly as anywhere
But unaware
Of what brought me this far
Across country and crisis
Identity all too indulgent
In vices
Distressed
By the lack of success
In life’s prices
And though cost of living
Outweighs the last state
An invaluable solace
I feel in this place

Shrooms in simplicity
Shared synchronicity
Spectrum sensations
Of sol serendipity
Closing my eyes
I see myriad skies
And the waves serenade me
With past me goodbyes
And by setting on shorelines
Beheld its disguise
Whilst immersed in a party
Of similar minds

Forget me
Just let me
Fade into oblivion
I know a million
Plus times
I’ve been living in
Such a concurrent
Divergent
Disgrace
Can’t escape
Inundated
By this dreaded state
It’s the kind
New beginnings
Can’t even suspend
Like a sickness of mind
I cannot comprehend
Only go on pretending
I staunchly still strive
To convince myself otherwise
Try to survive

Out of touch,
Out of tune,
Out of step with the times
Yet among a bit younger
Still often reminds
Me respect
Is upbringing
Integrity walks
And when court is in session
The leadership talks
Orchestrates the defense
Sets the pace of attack
And with sportsmanship
Runs any losses right back

Avoid designating
Refrain from disclaiming
Them all as unwanted
Inimical maiming
Of mental health
In the abstract
What is that?
Except failure to separate
Me from the act
Of what finds its way
Slithering
Into my head
As it coils and hisses
What I like to dread

After hundreds of these
Sordid entries
Into
Privacy,
Unreservedly
Sharing with you
You might think
I get tired
Exhausted all options
But even now clueless
I write it as often
As coffins compile,
Uplifting inspires,
Attraction beguiles,
Or nature makes fires
And only attempt
To divest it from her
When the last several
Still sit in silence
And were
Insufficient,
Haphazard,
Or not yet complete
There will always be more ways to say
Or repeat it

The one and only
Eye beholden
To a work of art’s
Emotion
Is induced,
Mass reproduced
This day in age
How disengaged
We have become
How inauthentic
Pixels dumb
Us down and numb us
To the sun
Last time I saw it through a lens
Of not on Instagram depends
To deem its gleam
Value aesthetic
More synthetic
Than cosmetic

Given away
I was so close to seeing you
Stuck in debating
Extraneous being true
Wasted all semblance
Of once we were there’d
And instead favored wavering
How much I cared
How I shared it was worse
More infrequent,
Distorted
Equivocated,
Obfuscated
Contorted
In all sorts of warped
Bending mind
Out of shapes
Anything but the form
Of the time that it takes
From us aging, decaying,
And drifting apart
From diminished roles playing
Their part in the heart

What you’re eating
Out of season
Like a beast
Devoid of reason
Isn’t needed,
Just desired
Just a craving
Soon expired
Fed the flesh of others’ labor
Global slavers
Have conspired
To consume, convince,
Condition
You to slobber for rewards
That good nutrition is
Consistent with
What gluttony affords

It’s in fearing I would lose you
So ironically
I did
Although presuming that I “had” you
Was a claim
We’d both forbid
And so refraining
From what makes you
Say you’re happy
And me not
The never certainty
Perversity
Poked holes into the plot  
And the conclusion
Was the usual
Disaster tragedy
But you remain
The most endearing,
Most enduring
Casualty

I can do more
I just choose not to
Watched it sink
Like Vanuatu
Never claimed
To frame perfection,
Can not blame me
For oppression
I just did
The best I could
A little evil
Greater good
Is how I justify
My silence,
Tolerate  
A little violence
Now and then,
Determine when
The free will leads you
To the end
So judge me,
Criticize,
Deny
Resent me,
Curse me,
Question why
Some wants and needs
Remain unmet
How loving
Is my epithet
If all I give and take
Is kept
Within the mortal me mindset
And swept away
Someday decay
Without a second thought’s
Delay

Young and aware
Of what’s going on here
And you don’t want me telling
The world
I see clear
Through conspiracy theory
To blatant infringements,
Hear populist speech
As elitist enrichment
We get
That this globalized
Laundering scheme
Still comes at the expense
Of a kid’s right to dream
And with dignity,
Eat, play and love
Their identity
Willfully
Deem what their destiny
Ought to be
Sovereignty
Owed an apology
Long overdue
From the old leadership
Still afraid of the new

Incorporeal
Spiritual
Entity
A million points of light
Single unit
Of reality
Reduced in half
To ad in-finite
Then I wonder
Who designed it?

Stats and factions,
Facts and fictions
Good intention’s
Contradictions
Lying dead
For promised land,
The losses gaining
Upper hand
Though seldom from it
Passes grasp
Of power into
Lower class
The apparatus acclimates
Itself
And then recalibrates
The plan
Then weatherman’s ad hoc
Projects its stocks
And locks the vox
Within a box,
An echo chamber,
Feedback loop
Of fueling anger
Just to get
One click away
From censoring
Each word you say
For pre-determined
Points for talking
Social credit score
Is stalking
Hawking eyes
Are everywhere,
Don’t blink,
Don’t think,
You wouldn’t dare

Pick a cause,
Any cause
Then traduce it
Down to flaws
Not justified
To drive its message
Sloganeering
Its progressive
True intention
Buried in
The factory wreckage
Manufactured
Discontent,
Last vestige of
The dissident

Talk about what?
At the end of such times
Like the world’s almost over
Awaiting to die
Always me
What I say
To the other’s dismay
Then alone, contemplate
What was left to convey
Put it all on the table
Unstable
And shaking
So scared I would hurt you
And lust in the taking
Of hearts again
Never mend
Once in the breaking
Of winters,
And razors,
To roses in bloom
Spilling deep in its dissonance
Lighten the mood
Wanted to
Be renewing you
There when you fell
When you laughed,
When you cried,
When you reveled in hell
I would dwell in your spelling
And check every line
For a rhyme out of place
In your orderly mind
With its elegant, urbane,
Eclectic design
Like an image instilled
In a frozen tomorrow,
A bundle of sticks
And elixirs of sorrow
A twist in the system,
A matrix glitch dude
And you knew that I was
Always in such a mood

Feels like there’s almost
No road left to go
But much further along it
She’s out there, I know
And though doubtful
Convinced
That persisting at this
Will eventually see me
Back there in her midst
Or at best
Wishing wistfully
Wilting will cease
And some semblance of blooming
Vitality peace
Will release me,
Return me
Into the empyrean
Fearing no more
Like a free at last Syrian

If only retention
Had no imperfection
If hindsight was really
A hundred percent
And if memory served
With unswerving fidelity
I’d interact with linguistic celerity
Articulate
With impeccable eloquence
Confidence in what I say
With intelligence
Read back a book
In verbatim synopsis
I got this
Before
Any public speech topics
And not just
To ego boost
Boast of my genius
I’d merely make strengths
Of my know nothing weakness

Don’t want it depleted
Be better deleted
Entirely
Finally free
Of my need to be miserly
Dollars and cents
No more nickel
And diming me
Anxiety
In numerical form
All the ways I can spend it
Within my brain storm  
I could give it away
Put a dent in my debt
Or regret yet another
Failed self-invest bet
And on that note
It makes me think
All that I am
Is an app
And some digits
Computer program
That I do not control
And at one moment could
All at once
Hypothetically
End livelihood

Not looking
To hit it big
Get rich quick scheme
Or to chase
Unattainable,
Puerile dreams
I’m not prospecting gold
Or a silicon monger
I just want my own
Little slice
Of less hunger
Plucked from paradise
An adventure or two
If it’s not too much trouble
Determine my place
And embrace what the struggle
Assuredly takes
Me off in the direction
That leads me to former lives
Formal defection

Excited
Expecting
To be on my way soon
Move into a place
With my friends,
A new commune
To seek opportunity
Knocks at the door
When I answer
Can greet it with
Change in decor
Anything that I want
To no longer feel home
Is consistently roaming
And go it alone

But what do I know
About love
I just felt
A sensation of chemicals,
Offered myself
Like a writer
Seeks constant
Revision of draft
Like an artist
Peaks new inspiration
Of craft
I committed,
Devoted
A faith to its leap
As I countered a culture
That from me would keep
This phenomenal,
Pheromone
Fatal attraction
Fixated upon
A romantic abstraction
No, it to me
Far less inscrutably
Came
At first sight
And in every day after
In pain

Might make
A big move in my life soon
It’s something I’d tell you
If you were still there
At the other end,
Other side
Of this cell box
Sending signals
Replied
In our ongoing talks
Or just text,
Put it best
When it was a contest  
To see who was more loyal
To finding themself
This should spell it out,
I clearly lost
The heartfelt
And only regained it
When it was too late
Now just stalemates result
In this chess game with fate
And sometimes I still think
It was all in my head
That you didn’t exist
I was already dead
Or however explains
What this other autonomy
More or less said
Both to me,
And of me,
From your world to mine
So much more going on
In two lives intertwined

Becoming the writer
I dreamt I could be
I just never imagined
It’d be poetry
Not some novelty
Story
Compelling me on
To renown and acclaim
And conclusions foregone
No delusions of fame
Just a roof for the rain
And enough sustenance
To existence maintain
And if it’s supplemented
In wages or pages
I pledge to persist
To rephrase it in phases
Develop my craft
Indigent
Or affluent
And offer the movement
Consistent improvement

But dependence on senses
Can leave you deceived
And bewildered
In questioning
What you believe
To be true,
To be real
Is a desert of formerly
Forms that could feel
Now subsumed
And bemused
By the master technician
Encoding,
Uploading
Inhuman condition
Omission of any impulse
Organism
Yet even illumined
In stark opposition
Its iron fist
Surgically seizes
Submission
Securing its future
Is equally metal
And in its advent
Have we played instrumental
Components collectively
Bound to its reign
The mainframe
A control center
Artifice brain
In a vat
Of pre-programmed
Demanded supply
Of what choice you have left
To conform
And comply

Contained in this limited
Me apparatus
Inhibited by
Wires of
Systematic
Meticulous matrices
Making these mazes
Can only be certain
I’ve occupied spaces
Within scope of sight
And affirming my form
Are these words that I write
Only glean
What is seen
Only know
What is shown
Or revealed
In a dream
But deprive me of sense
And I’m just a routine
An empirically
Learning,
Computing
Machine