Try to write
Something else
Anything different
An inkling appears
And is gone in an instant
With her at the fore
Frontal focus
Fixation
My typical
Ritual
Excogitation
Deflates
Dissipates
And creates instead
This
Then updates the thread
Waiting
The taste of her kiss
My escape from debating
Domestic abyss
Is replaced
And embraced by
It’s her that I’m with

The only road left is
A lonely rogue leftist
Still cast as the shadow,
The villain,
The foil
The salt in the wound
Seeping into
The soil
To render the once arable
An unbearable
Barren wasteland
Sleight of hand-
Written parable
Barely still stand
For a national anthem
Would rather invade
All your mansions
And ransom
The sycophants’
Cancerous
Cancel campaign
Can’t explain
The disdain
For disparity’s reign
And still stained
In its tainted
And vitiated
Lizard brain
Becomes colder
And more calculated  
A numbers game
All I will pay to play
These days
The rest is just
Lack of success
Instant replays

Illogic illusion
Construct it with me
Needn’t be
Any less
All too real
Fantasy
Than two people who care
He is here,
She is there
And no distance could sever
The bond that they share
Never dull
Or diminish
The moment
They hold it
Refuse to let go
Without gripping too tightly
And fall for each other
In writing it
Nightly

And then I’m without her
The nights all about her
And for
Never could
In sincerity
Doubt her
Just write that I found her,
Somehow still astound her
She whirls in my world
Revolution to crown her
Revolving perpetually
All around her
As down as I get with it
In disarray
She’s the order I take
To keep chaos at bay
And in grim disposition
Illuminates gloom
When I ruminate life
Like an unfulfilled tomb
A foresight panoramic
Enamors my manic
My thoughts of her
Peace
On a beach
In a hammock
A breeze
Overseas
Through some kind of connection
The next step along
My pursuit of progression

One single word
Didn’t think
Much of it
But decisive it proved
Nonetheless
Not to split
All too soon
Long before
We could ever be sure
This is what we both want
To desist searching for

Yet to be gainful
If anything painful
The way that it made me
Too smart for my good
Now I can’t seem to do
Anything
Others would
For potential
Ambition
Or just the objective
Rent check
And utilities
Maybe a pension
I’m just apprehensive
Another failed test
I excelled in the class
But forgot all the rest
When the glass sky impressed
Upon me
Other visions
And making a living
Was suddenly
Prisons
Sooner the grave
Than careers in decay
Student debt
And degrees
Dust collecting
Display

But what’s there to be
In this ruinous Union
Delusional dreaming
Condition subhuman
Expected to serve
Undeserving
Indulgence
And deify wealth
In submissive exultance
Repulsed by its decadence
Still can’t resist
The acquisitive urge
To of status consist
When I move into
Home ownership
And foreclose
On the anti-establishment
Questions I pose
For convenience secured
And insured
Is the move
That they want you to take
To consent
And approve
To whoever they put
On the stage’s
Charade
To persuade us
To trust
Fund another crusade

Now we
Can get back to
Discussing
Entrusting
Removing the time wasted
Spent over lusting
It’s just
You I want
Feel you won’t
Run away
Hope I don’t
Make you doubt me
With something I say
Or more often
It’s technically written
In stone
I’ve been too long
Avoiding
Not being alone

And now it comes crashing
Again
It’s like clockwork
A couple months in
And for her
It does not work
A lot left to question
Like why the charade?
Was it all just pretentious
Emotions conveyed
Seemed authentic
Assurances
Future projection
Romanticization
I know it,
I felt it
This time it was different,
She listened,
She cared,
Let me speak
She would seek
To see more of me
Bared
Unaware as it went
By along
Seemingly
To be both what we wanted
Indefinitely
But it’s me
Who can’t seem
To be all she would need
When it’s all said and done
They eventually leave

Let’s take a few months
Of this getting to know you
The real me,
You feel me
Explicitly told you
Withholding no side
Of the life I’m about,
Yet despite your acceptance
The lingering doubt
Unexpressed,
Just suppressed
Now you choose to address it
Is not what you want
Anymore
So why press it?
At all
Any further
Your choice is made
Done
I’m just sorry
I’m not what you want,
Not the one

What lonely compels us to do
Is confounding
I found you expelled
From my calling
Resounding
Still digging last ditch
Shots at loveless
Rebounding
Again and again
To right back
Where I started
Just build me up,
Tear me down
Lost and discarded
Like yesterday’s trash
Or a plastic-packed
Rapper
My self-esteem feels
Like the sight of a crapper
For useless would be
Understating the I,
Can’t do anything right
Don’t know why even try
Just decry
The society
Blame its elites
For this disparate wealth
World of likes and retweets
And I just can’t participate,
Work to keep paying,
Keep buying,
Keep spending
Keep ethos-betraying
Unless there is reason enough
To submit
But without any logical course
You are it

How could someone so far
Feel so close
Within reach
Like I’m already next to her
Down on the beach
And each day
Through destabilized life
Disarray
She is my equilibrium
Song that I play
The insightful awareness
Her fairness
Inherent
She sees me in ways
Not so often
Apparent
Unerring
Assessing
The depths of my mind
And repairing
Its faulty
Default
Out of time
For with her
There is more to be spent
In progressing,
Improving,
Correcting
Recursive transgression
A reason to stay
When I’d much rather leave
Broken dreams
She awakens
As yet to achieve
Not aggrieved,
Nor consigned
To no chance to attain
And as long as she’ll have me
With her
I remain

Was there in a former life
Mighty,
Exalted
Convictions
Ambitions
To pantheons vaulted
Me up to ascending
Empyrean visions
But lost my place
Somehow
To squalid conditions
Returned to the soil
To toil
And labor
And sharpened my edge
Of depravity’s razor
Sharp intellect
Circumspect
To be applied
For it only would yield
Fallow earth
Deified

Wish this was you
I was texting to
Speaking to
Worst case scenarios
Silently
Seeping through
As the time passes
Between us amasses
A chasm so vast
When you still appear active
On apps we’re not using
For more than each other
Exclusively choosing
To see where it leads
Without squandering options
Though limiting mine
When I’m locked in these clock-ins
A coffin too early
To bury me in
If you go
And I’m left
Devastated again

Don’t settle just yet
For the easy way out
The perfunctory effort’s
Diminished amount
Of concerted
Reverted to
Just getting by
Such a welcoming trap
To succumb to and die
Having never affirmed
Your invalid credentials
To still go unlearned
Your holistic potential
With no differential
To make you unique
Clocking in again
Out again
9-5 sheep

Dynamics are changing
The time zones estranging
Decreased frequency
Of these letters exchanging
But maybe it’s me
All too idle
Anxiety
Fearing the worst
She’ll be saying goodbye to me
Unworthy urchin
In lurches
I try to be
Calm and collected
Composed
And aloof
But to lose what this is
Would be rain with no roof
Would be my
Heavy heart
With no burden of proof
Although not as if there
Ever were
Guarantees
Just a world away girl
And a boy’s
Fantasies

Best to get something out
Jot it down
Make it sound
Pleasantly
Melody
Kept in sequential
With rhymes
Undefined
Undiscovered potential
Is all I intend with this
Penmanship ******
The trend-setting ends
And I never remember
How far from her gone
I became
Me unmade
And in hindsight
Proceed
Onward in
Retrograde

We’ve mastered
Being busy
Being everywhere
But here
For in the now
Is seldom ever
Where we wanted to appear
Just something
Somewhere
We all more or less
Agree is good advice
But when we’re planning for the future
Overlook
The paradise
And present danger
Still contains her
Out of mind
And out of sight
So don’t pretend
To be awareness
Sanctimonious at peace
With every moment
In its passing
Without thinking what to eat
It all comes next,
It’s imminence,
It’s take it all away,
Within an instant
And you dread it
And regret it in dismay
When I emerge from the unsettled
Boiling kettle’s
Piercing shriek
I am the gravest warning
Storming
In your current lack of sleep

Here’s where kindness fails you
When the personal
Ordeal
Becomes too burdensome to bare
When you’re aware
What it reveals
About your character’s
Concealed and obfuscated
Tragic flaw
When insecurity detains you
In its most disordered law
Just look around
And think
How many
Could you benefit
But choose
Instead to isolate yourself
In inner-workings it includes
But yet excluding
Who the closest
Of among you’s
You can trust
For in your back
Sooner or later
The betrayal shall be ******

A reason to make my life
More than a failure
A letter per day
I just don’t have to mail her
Provides for enough time
To gather my thoughts
She’s the light in the dark
When I’m lonely and lost
And like frost
In the presence of heat
She flows through me
Infuses with my
Inner muse
And subdues me
Renews expiration
Of my daily dose
When I’m close to succumbing
To what I dread most
It’s this notion
She’s far more awoken,
Accomplished,
And down by the ocean
I’m drowning in conflict
Could she be
The years that remain
Or in vain
Will my wholehearted efforts
Eventually wane

This was all I wanted
All I hoped could be for me
But you just took it
And removed it
From my every reverie
And never see me
In this place again
Dispose of me like trash
And then you look me in the eye
And lie
With each pretentious slash
Across my face
Erase my stasis
Back to basics
I was making
Only more of
Complications
When you looked at me
Could feel the tension
Churning aggravations
All too late for me
To state my place
Embrace the wasted spaces
I have occupied too long
Belonging
Only to the void
And in the shadow
Of your banishment
My future is destroyed

It’s not what defines me
This box that confines me
Resigned in acceptance
Complacency
Finds me
Remind me this was
What I did
Who I am
Is a kid
Growing up
To be more than a man
What I can do is write
In control of my thoughts
Not sit still for 8 hours
In nevermore sought
From this life that I lead
That I fail
To achieve
That I keep being me
And could anytime leave
But she keeps pulling back
Is the reason I stay
And the ease in which I
Come awake the next day

Don’t circle back
Nor derail off the track
When you come around
Seeking
The answers I lack
For to be
Is to think yourself
Universe-centered
And few could but fathom
The others I’ve entered
Demented
And tempted
By lovers lamented
Extents to which most
Only ghost me
Preventing

I’m thrashing
And moshing
And flailing around
On my blades
Like a stray
Rabid dog in a pound
Like I’m not in control
Of my feet on the ground
And I hammer it down
A clenched fist
Of the left
And deflect
Away bullets
Still visiting death
Upon youth of the nation
Our future,
Our pride,
And I silently roar out
The anger inside
Let the wind in my eyes
Hide the liquidized
Pain
And then bang on the drums
In my
Morning migraine
All the while
My cardiac
Under arrest
I refuse to take rest
Until this is expressed
So let muses
And Titans
And furies
Converge
And confer
Upon me
Metal gods
To secure
Today’s victory,
Triumph,
Prevail over all
For henceforth
And forever
The empires fall

Need something stronger
A little bit longer
To last
When I’m passed
The returning to
Older me versions
I stashed
In a baggy of buggy
Feel creepy and crawly
Bizarre human oddity
God in its folly

Just leave me some other
Lifeline
In decline
I don’t care about money
Just keeping what’s mine
Since I know that I earned it,
I burned it
And spurned it
Rejected inheritance
Merits
And turned it
All into
A big
Ashen pile
Of cash
And then patched it all up
When I needed it back

She only exists
In the app
Other world
As of now
Can’t be sure
She is even a girl
But her genuine
Words are heartfelt
And sincere
And each day I look forward
To having her here
On this phone,
On this screen
As of now
Just a dream
In the meantime
Becoming my
Daily routine
To engage
And write letters
A digital age
Sort of courtship
Attempt
To find love far away

This ones about her
Never were
Quite together
The girl I could say nothing to
And upset her
No better for it
Left with nothing to show
And now haunted I drown
In her overshadow
But I take away nights
I could write her
Illumined
Exhumed
From her echoing chambers
Entombed in
The trauma,
The drama,
The anger
Consuming
Us both
Without hope
We were just passing through
She was seeking subordinates,
People to use
I romanticized
Her broken heart
As my muse
But still couldn’t add up
All the factors divided
To solve the equation
With secrets confided
Can only sustain
The facade for so long
For we both preferred love
Buried in a sad song

Don’t take it personal
Versed in rejection
It’s like they expect
A Prince Charming
Perfection
A text or two
Too much to ask
I guess, right?
You’re too busy
I get it,
Forget it,
Goodnight
It was so nice to meet
Alter ego you
Screening
Each struggle for power
Has some deeper meaning
We know what we want
Of course
Only one thing
A committed,
Submitted,
Indefinite fling

Edge of depravity
Habits
Are forming
I’m working
In circles
My night
Is the morning
And more
Appeals only
To substance abuse
My ambition
Is solely
Not yet to the noose
For tomorrow
Might see her
Appear on my screen
In some semblance
Of my
Serendipity dream

Remnants of
The overvoid
My life in ruins
Search destroyed
Employed for now
The tide is rising
All the other me’s
Disguising
In benign
Behind the mask
And still with tact
I teach the class
Can’t grasp
The concept
Seems bereft
Of all makes sense
I am the left
Adept in method
Head parades
Returning home
From my crusades
I bade farewell
Expelling daily
Agents of lament
Unmade me
Never saved a soul
At peace
Just wrote it like
The Ancient Greeks

Felt it for you again
Sitting here in the den
When the wolves are most restless
Inside of my head
And I spend,
And I blend,
And I bend
Over lower
Go slower
Stone ronin
Embolden
My woe
Growing older
But know
I wrote vows
To beholder
Some day
In the once
And hence
Firmaments
Battlements
Clad in the metal
Shell hell
To invoke her
No emotions
In my soul
That could
Wholeheartedly
Revoke her
How I wrote her
Broker
Joker
Loopy-looping
Roller coaster
Now she echoes in
The cognizance
Admonishments
To ghost her

Keep training the people
To think we’re the greatest
Indoctrinate,
Inculcate,
Set the trend’s latest
Affirmed validation
Our culture is king
And to every shore corner
We’ll let freedom ring
Long as it’s
In the image
Of Liberty lavish
Adorned in the tragic
Gun massacre
Ravaged
Her body
A temple
To tyrants
And violence
Her rights are stripped bare
In her battle-scarred silence
Still wears
Only finest
Sweat-shopping spree
Charity
Refuse seas rising
Behold her disparity’s
Glaringly obvious
Lack of transparency
Winning forever wars
Losing herself
Till she can’t feed her babies
What’s left on the shelf
When it costs her
Exhausts her
To work just to live
For the rest of the world
Nothing more she can give
Except billions in aid
To sustain
Genocide
Still her beauty prevails
As she’s dying inside

Always something
Missing there
Standing in the way
Affair
She’s gone
And gone
And gone
And gone
They either drag
Or lead me on
Attraction always
Missing piece
Their outlook always
Lacking peace
As I
Have reimagined it  
They’d rather stare
In silence sit
As if I was
Somehow amusing
Like some crass
Class clown
Confusing
What I wanted
Out of this
With someone
I goodnightly
Kiss
But seldom miss
Or long to hold
Together
Never
Growing old

Cadaver on the shoreline
All I’ll ever be
Decaying
All I ever wanted
With you
Was my former love
Betraying
And it’s weighing
Like an anchor
Of the memories
Forgotten
But we’ll always have the pier
And moonlight beach
To tie the knot in
But it’s not in some
Delusion funeral
Where people wed
It shall remain within
The hanging
From the days
For which we bled

Wanted you
To be happiness
Be my way out of this
Indolence
Give me a reason to try
Be the song that I sing
Be the tears that I cry
When you’re gone
Hold you close
Keep you sheltered inside
In the nights I can’t see you
Or see you replied
I would strive
To keep strengthening you
Building me
To the man that I always knew
I’d proudly be
But this image
Contingent on you
For too long
And contentment
Dependent
On nothing is wrong
Never once
Not a moment
Of discord or strife
Not an ounce of the pain
We’ve been chained to in life
All too soon
Comes to be
Nothing more
Than illusion
In shambles,
In ruins,
In shattered conclusions
For perfect girl
Was the most damaged he’d met
And with worthless boy
They only drank to forget

Cease your dream
Wandering
Stagnant
Despondency
Go and forget her
Again in disharmony
Build yourself up
Expectation’s
Gradations
Diminished to ashes
Like self-immolations
And hatred invades
Mental illness pervades
And we wade through
The witch of us
Got the best grades
There’s still slaves
At these raves
And you’re trying to change me
Still people in chains
But you’re trying to save me
Reframe me in some
More idyllic potential
But I only bend
If this ****’s elemental
A level I’ve weathered
Like severed headstone
In empyrean storms
Never further from home
So prescribe,
Analyze,
Rectify
What is flawed
I’m a human conditioned
To be the outlawed
For my presence alone
Lingers on like a clue
And my resonance
Revenants
Still plot the coup

Valiant effort
Best attempt
Most often
Only yields
Lament
So I write again
Why try
To make some sense
Before we die
Regardless of how monumental
Were our triumphs
Or potential
All in time
Inconsequential
All will fade
Forgotten
Lost
No impact made
Equates the cost
Or justifies
A moment’s sorrow
Nor invigorates
Tomorrow  
Even if I wake
Begrudging
Walking dead
Dreadful curmudgeon  
Is what I’ll appear to be
Embrace the all-encompassed me

Decline the sky,
Embrace abysses
Where the squids
And whales
Do business
All the riches,
Plunder,
Spoils
Hell beneath us
Cracks and boils
Shores erode
Before my eyes
And deeper still
My shipwreck dives
Alive, but cold
I shiver in
The maelstrom’s
Unrelenting spin
It’s been so hard
To find the one
To bask beside
Beneath the sun
But kingdom comes
For me
No queen
Save for
My consort
Seven seas

She remains
But an image
Unreachable
Distance
The once again
Just the pen’s
Favorite for instants
Insistence on trying
Just seemingly fails
Every time
Love eludes
And unbalances scales
So confusing
How one day
Your path and hers cross
And the next
Couldn’t care less,
But I grieve the loss
And bereave the departed,
The fallen
Once fond
The no longer beside me,
The physically gone
Still remind me
Interminably
In eternity
I am the drifter
Through rifts in absurdity

Not getting younger
Insatiable hunger
I feel in my bones now
The calm before thunder
Increasing
Insouciance
Elusive girl still
Unattainable
Pain
I sustain
Like a skill
And she will
Appear often
Go silent for days
Lead me on
Like a guide
But I’m trapped in a maze
And the turns that I’m taking
Make two rights a wrong
But parochial focus
Is narrow and long
And exceedingly dim
Down the walls closing in
As my love-maker rusts
Like a man made of tin
Any win
Is a loss
More misfortunate
Cost
And upon my tombstone
The word “Nothing” embossed

Can’t make her
My only good reason
For waking
For finding some semblance
Of meaning
In taking
Too much of the earth
For illusion self-worth
And this lackluster prose
Devoid even of mirth
But she makes my day
Feel
More complete
And fulfilled
And with each message sent
Overjoyed
I am thrilled
To respond then await
Formulate a response
As I anticipate
The next ghosting
It haunts

Just give me the ocean
My only last bastion
My massive
Enormity
Thralldom
Comes crashing
To swallow me whole
Then unfold
My serenity
Visions of boundless
Effulgent
Prosperity
Stretching and spanning
Horizon tomorrows
To bottle me up
In a vial of sorrows
I’ve written to her
Ever faithfully true
And submerged in her mysteries
I am deep blue

She is just wow
One I’m thinking ‘bout now
And in subsequent moments
I know she’s around
Won’t forget what she sounds like
Tenacity sweet
And I can’t even speak
Save for when our eyes meet
I’m replete with
A million dumb things I could say
But I don’t overthink it
Just let her hit play
And convey with precision
Her smile,
Her laugh,
Is my only sole mission,
My finalized draft

What comes after
Departure
From my life beyond
Overwhelms me with dread
But she will not be gone
From my head
From my heart
Mark my words
She lives on
And I cherish her memory
Dearest along

The despondent,
Impending,
Oblivion
Vast
That ensues
In her passing,
Impels me to grasp
Desperately
At her fading,
Pervading
My wavelength
I’ll still be here waiting
Delighted,
Enamored,
Ignited
I’ve stammered

To pair with her,
Share with her,
How hard I fell
As if Icarus plummeting
Under her spell
Like an elven enchantress
Divines how my mind
Will respond to the message
And mirror the vibe
Redefines what attraction
Exaction
Could be
In totality
Even the world
Less than she
Means to me

When she doesn’t answer
Romance is a cancer
No chance to convey it,
Impart it,
Display it,
Articulate,
Codify
How it’s created
So plainly
It drains me
Restrains me
Held down
By a weight
Heavy deeper,
It’s dragging me down
Always found
At least one
To do things to my mind
And fixation upon her
Within it confined

Not expectant,
Dependent,
Nor think she can mend this
Dysfunction
Defunct
Beating hunk of junk
Heart
She’s not looking for love
But still jumpstarts its parts,
Its ignition
Conditioned
To running on E
And then pumps it with
Once upon
Sincerity
Real with me,
Not a dream,
Not a fantasy
Fallacy
Balancing my
At war peace
Of mentality

Weekend away
Weakened in this new state
I feel aging
Contagion
My veins permeate
Permanent
Mental illness
Sequestered aside
For it goes undefined
But still no where to hide
The whole time
I’ve exhausted
My options
Are toxins
For fun
Has become
An impossible topic
Discussion
Just leave me alone
I’m not talking
Except to
The me’s that I’m prone
To prepare
To pretend
To prevent hitting send
Doesn’t get any sadder
Just happily end

Can’t keep on entering
Into my life
I don’t want to be vulnerable
Texting goodnight
But she makes it so easy
So seamlessly
Fluent
For once
Conversational sides
Are congruent
Not making each other the whole
Bigger picture
Just speaking their minds
As it adds to the mixture
A confluence
Coming together
The goal
I just have to see her
And the rest will unfold

This digitized age
In a monetized cage
An embarrassing stain
On my Meta verse page  
Disengage from it all
I’m ashamed to be human
If all we aspire to be
Techno Union
In ruins though still
Cities sink in the sea
And the forests consumed
By the me industry
What to gain
And possess
What to have
And to hold
As skyrocketing prices
Become a black hole
Of black gold
In demand
But supply lines
Are drawn by
Invisible hand
And command economics
Still branding the tyrants
In stoking this broken
Woke culture war
Virus
This token protest
When it ought to be
RIOTOUS
Spare me your fair-weather
Advocate piousness
Bias confirmed
Now submit to your highness
And stick to your screens,
Salivate to the violence,
Relinquish your voice
As they thrive in the silence

Willingly
Wasting it
Your time and mine
The audacity
Making it
Harder to find
Someone real
Wants to feel
Not conceal their intentions
Or rather, unsure of them
Raise apprehensions
Just stay at home,
Be alone,
Drop the phone
For I’m not just some free trial period
Loaning
My heart out to harpies
Who really don’t care
Just aware that I’m their
Favorite game
Truth or dare