Why not just leave me
Alone all those years
You could see in me
Something
That seldom appears
Rearing its ugly head
Soon of late
On a date
Yet she even sees peace
In my war
Mental state

Nightling
In the quiet rapture
Soon to take you out
To pasture
Casting shadows
On the wall
As in and out
Of love
I fall
And scrawled a codex
On the floor
Rosetta ******
In Nevermore
Eternally
Nocturnal
Wake
Forsaken son
Of goodness sake
I’ll break into
Your safest space
And bank on black
You’ll never find me
See you at
My not-so timely
Unassuming
Doom and gloom
Just feed me to the void
In bloom

Insecurities
Tear me to shreds
In absentia
Unknown to myself
As I beckon dementia
I’m lost in her afterthoughts
Patiently waiting
Exhaustively studying
How she does dating
So far
From afar
More connection established
Progression is natural
Less force and more habit
Reception is spectral at times
In our minds
And though two different kinds
Do our spirits entwine
But unravel
On what constitutes
The divine
Only long enough to
Coalesce them again
In her messages sent
And his love letters penned

Inwardly introspect
Technical fouls
Still checking myself
Like a courtship of owls
And towering over my head
Ego reigns
I profess it with fiery sermons
Enraged
At an enemy
Memory
Bending me
Mentally
As I awaken
The madness in melody
Never exceed,
Never bleed
Dry of life
Save the need
To see fiends
At the edge of a knife
Let the steeds
In their stampeding tumult
Proceed,
Let the siege
Bring to ruin
Their temples of greed
Let tempestuous tyrants
Command hurricanes
I will summon the depths
To devour their claims
For the nameless one
Gave me a face
And its features
Erased its facade
My visage
Is the reaper
Procurer of withering souls
In the soil
Demurrer to furors
That free me in toil  
For only through struggle
Have we then progressed
May this echo
A Testament
To its unrest

He stomps around
In funny shoes
Maniacal tumults
Bemuse
Presuming his
Illusion’s
Charming
Alter-egos
Not self-harming
Nor alarming
His appearance
Law and order
No adherence
To the standard
Hold your tongue
The venom rhetorician’s
Gun
And still he wields the blade
At play
And shields his pain
So far away
From any castles
Long relinquished
Flames of war
Now long extinguished
Over all extinction
Reigns
Yet microcosmically
Campaigns
To win the favor
Of the haves,
The have-nots
And thee
Anti-class
And still makes time
To show the people
Rags to riches’
Glitchin’ eagle
Free to automate his nation’s
Technological contagion
Watch it promulgate the spaces
Thought once safe  
From other races
Then lay waste
To opposition
Let them live
On one condition
Kingdoms, queens
Must be the means
To mass produce
The God machines

Been away from it
Days
In estranged disgrace
Chasing
Some sleep
But my feet
Still insist in outpacing
The time it requires
To enter the rem
As a kid could be hours,
In seconds, now ten
All it takes
Stay up late
And before dawn awake
Just to do it all over again
Double take
But it’s hard to break habits
Convenience’s sake
If the pay out
Is played out
It’s still making sense
To be teaching my craft
And then drafting laments
Even if I’d prefer
Eulogies
Evergreen
Be they natural,
Pack a bowl
What does it mean?
Or the digital
Black as coal
Money machine

Excluded to me
Only one who sees
Wrong
Ever has our approach been
So flawed all along
So few willing to change
Reevaluate courses
Of action we take
Can’t unmake
The creationist’s stance
Just evolve
To sustain in the acid rain
Storm we dissolve
Or we starve
Carven stone
Of our monument reads
But a testament to
Our insatiable greed

Home was never quite enough
I felt the urge to venture far
Go get lost in a bazaar
And then collapse into oblivion
Just like a dying star

No home was never quite enough
I barely knew my shadow father
Love my mother and his daughter
More than every life itself
Could sooner be
Sheep to the slaughter

Home was never quite enough
No resting place could lull me in
Like the azure allure amphibian
Seductress songs
Could dull my grin

This home was never quite enough
There had to be totality
And end to this banality
In finding misses pieces out there
Scattered in depravity

My home was never quite enough
Eventually disowned
Only concluding overthrown
The global power order forces
Ever etched upon my stone

No home was never quite enough
And even now it yearns me back
How many times have I begun to pack
Retracted in reluctance
Fear facades replace
My foreign mask

For home was never quite enough
The elsewhere still awaited
As the years go by it sated
Wanderlust within
A gust of sin
And swept me on
Outdated

Home was never quite enough
An overstatement of unwelcome  
Overstay-stained cerebellum
Sooner seemed a silent specter
Often gone
But present, seldom

No more than a writer
A Nevermore
Sword
Can’t afford
To be published
Potential ignored
Lording over my thesis claim
Fame anonymity
Long to envision again
The divinity
Yet to return it
Relinquish its gift
Through the outpouring
Hourglass sands
Do I sift
To recover the note
I once wrote her
In love
After giving the corked-bottle
Vessel a shove

Saw the world
Perfect
This money’s not worth it
I swear it
Existed
Immediately
But beyond
Panoramas
Interminably
Conflict looms
To disturb,
To unbalance,
Perturb
Should we seal ourselves off
And kick fixes to curb
Such delusional
Fantasy
Fallacies
Cannot be
Anything more
Than alternative sanity

Cease your noise polluting
Convoluting
The details
When every utterance
Is substance-less
And tries
To no avails

Could ever forge the weapons
Wielded
Still reveal
That which I’ve shielded
Of the fates in which
I’ve sealed
My noble cause
As yet unyielded

Not in fear
Of fairer maidens
Or more stoic
Obelisks
For with it here
My pen in hand
I ferry all across
The Styx

I am the earth
On which it sits
The puzzle piece
That never fits
The ticks of madness
Of the clock
I am the nothing boy despondent
Watch me crash upon the rock

Then drop my remnants
To abysses
Like a pendant
Slips from hand
And as my memory
Like fish food
Scatters out
About the sand

Abandon not the dream
Of waking
After life
Is after thought
And after sought for
Nevermore  
Shall be
The rest for which it’s wrought

There must still be destiny
Judgment upon us
Not always the enemy
Waiting to bomb us
Not putting my head
To these jobs
Any longer
Deliver me unto
The end of the story
And stronger grown from it
The roots of my glory

If there were once slaves
Tell me how it’s still made
The same way
A news ANCHOR
Can make you afraid
And if I could not speak
Would I live just to eat
Should I not pay the homeless
Asleep in the street
For my vanity
Certainly
Sates itself thusly
My heart is still beating
Just leaky and rusty

Yet empathy still
Spilling out from my wounds
And I don’t just inhabit,
I thrive in these tombs
Can’t control what they think
So conditioned to help
But to care,
Really care
Demands more of oneself
To prepare
For the barely
Still breathing
Of others
Like watching the end
Of the world
Without lovers

I rhymed it once
I rhymed it before
Long before
The first quill and ink
Wept of Lenore
Not comparing
Just sharing
My prowess apart
From the influence
All predecessors
Impart
It was dark when I found it
Was gifted its light
And by night I unbound it
In what I must write
Not for pay,
Recognition,
Nor artistry
Rendered
In ways
I’ve conditioned
Myself
To remember
It’s some more inherent,
Innate primal urge
To from my peace of mind
The disturbances purge

It’s there when I need It
To forge into steel
The impervious tumult
Exultant I feel  
From the bowels of misery
Dregs of despair
From oblivion’s shadow self
Shrieking nightmare
Indomitable nature
Contained in the shred
Then extreme pressure
Pounds it
To unbridled dread
And impending doom
Drums
Like the thunderbolt
Stuns
And for powers that be
Or kids playing with guns
It becomes what awakens
And reaps ever-sleep
And for overlords weeping
Their demons as deep
It shall keep vivifying,
Reviving,
Igniting
Expressing itself
Like the muses alighting
And then
The crescendo,
The denouement drops
And forever the flow
Of its force never stops
Breaking down
The eternal fear’s
Molten blade mold
And it sharpens its bite
On god killers of old
Now embolden the brush
And the pen
And the mic
Then profess its soul stainless
Unto the last night

Up there immersed
In your ego
Imprisoned
Untethered
Yet bound
By the truth
You envisioned
To be nothing more
Than restorative
Justice
But in your wake
Vengeance
When settled
The dust is
Just envy and wrath
Not benevolent grace
No salvation
You’d sooner
Damnation embrace
Adoration you crave
Affirmation you seek
Exaltation eludes you
The hungry and meek
Do not speak of your feats
Nor retain what you feign
Your domain out of reach
Not a firmament palace
Or kingdom of clouds
Just deluded illusions’
Identity shrouds
So come walk down among them
Again
Now and then
Then return to eternity
Lonely to spend

Locked in a cage
Of a loner
A stray
Reaching out for the keys
Just deceives me the further
Like pleas of the psyche
Diseased
Commits ******
For no one else sees
Worst in me
Quite like me
And deliverance from it
More pricey than free
Elegies
I have lachrymosely
Dedicated
To fallen love’s
Cyclical saga
Abated
At last
She is there
Nearer still  
To renewal
Accrual of wasted years
Seeking approval
From whom I know not
Just a place to belong
To be welcome,
Be valid,
Not once again gone

Conscious expanded
I’ve been there
Abandoned
Erstwhile
Constituents
Of the old me
Yet eventually
My default setting
Me free
Just recedes,
Or rescinds,
Or reverts
To it hurts
To go so very far
And delve furthermore still
Into alternate methods
To thrill in the ****
Of the ego,
The love,
Delectation
Indulgence
Replaced by a mere fleeting glimpse
Of effulgence
That beckons,
And cleanses
And lends itself to
Be sensorily sorted
In starting anew
Brighter day,
Better life,
A respite from the plight
And if dare I hope
Someone
To kiss me goodnight

Makeshift machines
Making me
Out of touch
With a touchscreen reality
In my palm’s clutch

Let me run rampant
Across your enchantment
And lambent illumine
Your gloom catacombs
For I lurk
Go berserk
In accursed
Mirth manic
And contradict gods
Just to feel
More titanic
Volcanic at times
So inclined to destroy
Overruled,
Undermined
By these rhymes I enjoy
Thunder mind
Does not rest
Until bolts in the brain
Can explain
What I claim
In a more cryptic way

But none of them knew
Really knew
What I’m into
Went through
All the motions
Emotions
In rear view
In hindsight
Behind us
Was fun while it lasted
Though always outmatched
By the shadows I’ve casted

Get so discouraged,
Demoralized,
Idle
The longer I dwell
On how little is vital
How busy we make ourselves
Fearing reprisal
From any more status
Authority
Idol
Revival,
Restart,
Reevaluate
Where
I could be of most use
Have a reason to care
For a change
Really try
To deserve what I earn
Not just learn to comply
But what more felicitous role
Befits I
A defiant,
Subversive,
Discursive
From birth is
An urchin
Accursed imp
Worthlessness
I am the muse
Once removed
From the nihilist

War becomes normalcy
Fact into fiction
The thought police state
Of surveillance suspicion
Thine neighborly enemies
Love thee no longer
Your best friend
A media mogul
Fear-monger
Outmoded,
Outdated,
Upgrade
Or you fade
To irrelevance,
Loneliness,
Powerless,
BANG!

Oh no I just live here
Just try to exist here
Don’t own my own home
Rather roam
Open road
Than be humble
Abode
Welcome guests
Nonetheless
To my house party
Mode
Where I’ll make your acquaintance
Conversing renascence
And cohabitate
With all
Homeostasis

Where is the boy?
Who could all day imagine
When did he become
An old man-minded dragon
Obsessed with his hubris
Caressing his treasure
Distressed by the slightest
Same change
In the weather
Unfettered by suffering
Even his own
Unperturbed by atrocities
Building his throne
Atop bones and tombstones
All alone in his lair
And despairs so instinctively
No longer cares
For affairs of the heart
Former love for the people
Just sheep to the slaughter
All worthlessly equal
No path to salvation
Just sociopathic
Estrangement
Enraged
Disaffection
Defection
Deranged
Can’t contain
The brain drain
Disconnection
From what still remains
But a strand
Of abandoned
The show must go on
Let this script
Be my stand-in

Still finding my medicine
Feasting on sediment
Scratching a living
Off urban development
Much to the detriment
Of my convictions
When my ideals reap
The for-profit afflictions
Infecting my sturdy
Immunity to
The contagion of aging
A dying world view
Stays alive instead not
For more logical ends
But to bend to my will
What the future impends

We had beaches
And cities
And mountains
Ashore
We had more
Then we ever grew up with
In store
And we even had time
Time to talk to each other
And rare as a find
As it is
To discover
A newfound renewal
Of cordless connection
Without the conflicted
Discourse
Disaffection
Divorced from reality
Back to the dream
Temporarily
Merrily
Tasting cuisine
Could all seem
To be needed
Yet that’s what we lacked  
But still shells in the sand
Keep the family intact

This isn’t a gift
Nor a curse
Just a part
Of complete me
Eventually
Making his mark
On a world whose indifference
Too long to his words
Kept him down,
Not a sound
From his speech
Came without
An implacable
Actual
Need to be written
Ambitions
Envision
Imperial Britain
Some urge to preserve
Share what makes me
Exceptional
Soar in my hubris’
Downfall confessional

Lacking that
Lachrymose
Last word
Laconic
Discursive
Verbosity
My gin and tonic
Should it be a topic
That triggers incensed
Or my heart in a locket
Of loveless lament
For the loss
Is too grave to bare
Too dead to care
But more recently
Signs of life
Bloom with her there
And though rare
Are her thorns
As the cause of its drips
Fingertips can’t resist
To spill guts for her lips

Where do they come from
Up out of the drain
In the trash can they swarm
Can not hope to contain
Them in seemingly ceaseless
Invasions each day
If I leave but a speck
Of a crumb
They will stay
Inexplicable ways
They can bite me all over
And scratching
And clawing
Ensues
On my shoulder
I just want them gone
Many thousands I’ve killed
But unyielding formations
Are soon to rebuild
And their armies outnumber
My patience in seconds
As pest control’s number
More audibly beckons
But last thing I need
A homeowner’s expense
When the rent’s too **** high
Write it off
As incensed

Reducing the time
Spent expecting
To earn
Not my usual
Practical
Way to unlearn
Inauspicious
Habitual
Preferences
Render me
Merely a cyborg
With some
Human tendencies
More like dependencies
On the pretending
I know what I’m doing
Convictions defending
What’s left to believe
To stay woken up for
To look forward
To future good things
Still in store

Acknowledge
Confront it
Then bare its hide
Vanquished
Showcase
Its disgrace
And deliver its anguish
Unto
Any would be
Assailants
Make safe
Its estate
With a state
Of surveillance
Invest in its fear
Appears deep
Insincere
And then watch as
Its dissidents  
All disappear
By enabling
Its boastful,
Accomplished
Facade
Like the dread of death
Feels itself
Closer to God

It’s like time just elapses
I’m there in its passage
But absent
Somewhere unbeknownst
Is detachment
From make this a memory
Cherish serenity
Let it define
Reassign your identity
To the Book Facing
Erased
Interpersonal
Words left unsaid
Ever dread
Irreversible
Say your goodbyes
To the moment
And look
To the future
As if
You are now off the hook
For recalling
What made it
Indelible,
Sellable
Some crowning moment
Achievement
More credible

This is my home now
You taught me to seek it
To keep it
To teach it
And need be
To reap it
Of every last drop
Of its lessons refined
And its ocean’s
Emotions’
Unstable
Reminds
This is not paradise
40 million confined
This is not a utopian
Grandeur’s design
This is not an oasis
Of free-flowing rhyme
This is Wild West crime
Within Rome in decline
This is prices will rise
In the flames of the tides
And from not but a gleam
In the stream
Came the dream
And conceived
In its nightmarish traffic
I scheme

I’ve wandered more wastelands
Than care to admit
For to her
Omnipresence
I couldn’t commit
Just submit
To mirages
A hajj
Without faith
In messianic
Guidance
I can’t imitate
Like a wraith
Neither living
Nor dead
I remain
But a remnant
A mendicant
Staking his claim

Reputation precedes me
Proceeding to please
With perfunctory effort
And optimal ease
I relieve you of duty
And duly note when
You assign me a task
And a time to hit send
And my record yet
Still undefeated
But benched
Temporarily
Permanent role
Method acting entrenched
Yet I’d sit here all day
Representing my squad
Though my cause
All works out
I’m still tragically flawed

Let it elapse
Watch it flashing right past
Before eyes
Mystified
At the days gone
Aghast
At how so much has changed
Even more
Stays the same
And I’m older than
Ever before
I became
Mortal man
In his fallible
Fallacy
Folly
He thinks himself tall
Falls for her
Out in Bali
Enthralled
By he finally found
What he sought
Although not even
Actively looking
He taught
All he could
Still remember
Not quite a contender
For any awards
Except bested surrender
With fervor
Befitting
A fiery sermon
And still retrofitting
The Fates
I determine
With what I envision
Revision,
Rewrite
And reclaim every page
Like a thief in the night

Maybe not yet
Couldn’t be the right time
If we haven’t quite met
Is it safe to define
This romantic
Semantically
Not ascertained
As rhetorically
Verbally
Just unexplained
Inundation
Of all too forgotten
Emotion
Feels more like a promise,
A vow,
But unspoken
For now
There is day in
Day out
Demonstration
You give me a reason to live
Ideation

Who fathoms
Such fell
Otherworldly
Monstrosities
Pray tell the master
Of cosmic
Hypotheses
Inter-dimensional
Overlords  
Reigning
Unyielding,
Unbound
By these pages containing
The secret to death
And its infinite ominous
Dominance
Bottomless
Is the oblivion
Marking my provenance
Summon calamity gods
In my godlessness
Vaunted to prominence
In the abstract
Science-fiction
Addiction
Dark matters
Of fact

Undoubtedly real
Just can’t make it here
And ending up
Back on the streets
Is my fear
Weary-wandering
Squandered
My last tachyon
Of potential
Resentment incarnate
To her
Detrimental
Eventually
Anchored to love’s
Codependency
Pulling the petals of lust
Incrementally
Just a few thoughts
Inescapably
Lingering
Confidence slain where it stands
And I’m hindering
Any constructive
Deduction
Mistaken
Like prodigal sons
Of the oneness
Forsaken

A wrathful
Shameful
Sordid soul
My sole objective
Lose control
No goal I haven’t yet
Achieved
Except forget her face
Aggrieved
When my temptation
Can’t resist
Alluring me into the midst
Of dissolution’s
Weather vane
I wither in
The acid rain
And can’t contain
The desert thirsting
Don’t come closer
Bubble bursting
Worst of all
My uses few
Eschew from trying
Something new
If all it costs
Is gainful time
Another daily
Nickel
Dime

Beginning anew
Passing through
The old haunt
Where I’d go for 8 hours
Of status to flaunt
But all based
On white collar
Delusions of class
Signaling that my virtue
Could for purpose pass
Though the truth was
My uses were few
And far cries
From the life that I wanted
To lead
In disguise

Could call it karma
Whatever that is
Could’ve easily lost it
With nothing to give
Left to show
For myself
Just keep playing the game
With the hand I’ve been dealt
But I’m tired of drawing
Unusable cards
And then building my house
Of collapsing glass shards
And graveyards
Are unearthing
The rest of this piece
In my rest in peace
World hunger
Selfishness feast
But I have to come first
On my list of priorities
Tamed and coerced
By the proper authorities
Warring
And *******
And snoring
Like boars
As the gunman just walks through
The school’s open doors

Aggravation
A waste of a day
I’m irate
Had to pay
For a test
That I failed
To equate
To necessity
Prerequisite
Need to know
How to drive this car safely
To stop
And then go
Now I go even slower
More cautious
Each turn
When approaching
The limit
No rubber to burn

And there through the balcony window
Appeared
Such a beast
As the devil himself
Could revere
And it said unto me
A most cryptic refrain
In increasing vexation
I scared it away
But the next
Lonely night
It returned
To its menace
All perched
In the lurch
Echoing
Of my penance
And as I paced
Pensively
Gleaned its
Propensity
To follow me
With its eyes’
Dark immensity
Piercing
Most fiercely
My hollowed out core
Its now resident
Resonant
Cry
Nevermore

See all their faces
They all disappear
Then I’m here
Retrospectively
Counting the years
Where they went
Where they go
Never know
Grow apart
For however ephemerally
Had my heart
In their clutches
Caresses
Embraces
Misplaced
What we felt for each other
Like markings erased
But it makes
Perfect sense
Every time
Looking back
Couldn’t perfectly
Change
For each other
Exact

Getting the hang of this
Loosening noose
Of this not worth my salt
By default
My excuse
No more use
It’s defunct
A debunked
Absolute
To be what I aspire
An alternate route
Is available
Offered
Contained
In her text
And I anticipate
And await
What comes next

We get up
We work
We in darknesses
Lurk
We of earth
We forget
We were stars
Before birth
We revert to
Desert
One another
In peril
We civilized people
Prefer to be feral
And where all the wild things go
We reload
And we bode
Of extinction
Instinctively
Sown
We are harvesters
Harbingers
Of the undoing
Pollutants,
Intoxicants,
Blood debts accruing
Our own bitter end
Our untimely demise
We are all
That the known universe
Can surmise
And perhaps we are fallen,
Condemned,
Walking dead
But in fight for our life
We are thee
Watershed

Put all these languages
Into my own
Yet still can’t seem to find
The right words
That have shown
What she means to me
Meant to be
Not ascertained
But intuited
Nonetheless
Just unexplained
How it falls into place
How for thirty plus years
Unaware of her face
Now I see it in waking
In dreaming
Embracing
Perhaps the remainder
Of no more retracing
My steps
When the next
Foot in front of me
Guides me
To her course correct

World is imploding
I’m stuck in it droning
Unknown to it still
In this quest
Of disowning  
So long ago
Left
Dispossessed
Was my message
Until homelessness
Was my lonely
Last vestige
Of clinging to
Abnormally
Non-conformity  
Lost in the scale, scope and skies
Of enormity
Mourning my
Torn in two
Unification
The love that once lived
To rue days of forsaken
Awakening
Sum of my fear
Contemplation
And dwelling no further
In its ruination

Try to write
Something else
Anything different
An inkling appears
And is gone in an instant
With her at the fore
Frontal focus
Fixation
My typical
Ritual
Excogitation
Deflates
Dissipates
And creates instead
This
Then updates the thread
Waiting
The taste of her kiss
My escape from debating
Domestic abyss
Is replaced
And embraced by
It’s her that I’m with