But who can see the lies
Or the past
Or the sadness
What reason to be
If it all becomes
Madness
We’ve had this
Condition
To impulse repress
To reject
What no logic
Could ever express
And we deem ourselves
Dignified,
Justified,
Civilized,
Chosen
Audacious,
Complacent
Cesspool
We arose in
Just goes to show
There is no meaning
To us
No financial solution
Equates more than dust
No good deed
Goes unpunished
Just unrecognized
Nor esteemed institution
Can subjugate time
No decision
Brainchild
Conceiving
The mind
Nor command of my heart
Unto practical reins
Given over to lay with
Emotionless chains
Unexplained
Still remains
And unanswered
Abounds
And I still reclaim
All of
Philosophy’s
Crowns

Then I’m back in the lab
Like the ghost
Of Ahab
As the coast
Is consumed
In the gloom
Fog of mad
And out from it emerges
Convergence
In form
Of the soon
Be forgotten
Undying
Reborn
From the torn
More asunder
Than plausibly
Posed
Like the posies
In bloom
Where no sign of life
Grows

The war  
The war
It’s always the war
Determines how the map
Gets redrawn
By the board
So reform it all
Storm the hall
Normalize gore
And procure its
Pervasive
Inflation’s
Reward

Take apart
Of me
And what do you get
Just the heart
Of a recluse
Awaiting regret
An excuse
For why I
On my failures
Rely
Justify
My abhorrent
Transgressions
Deny

No flag
No anthem
No country
Remains
In the aftermath
Rapturous
History stains
We will just be
Statistics
An unfulfilled
Wish list
Accords
And concurrent
Perfidious
Pacts
Like a carbon offset
In the form of an axe
No more acts
We need action
Not actors
And stages
For theaters of war’s
All our avarice
Wages

Every night is cold,
It eats my soul,
It lets me go
And though unknown to you
Embitters
As it withers
Me in woe
A freezing rain,
Unceasing pain,
An endless
Friendless
Winter day
An empty space,
Estranged embrace
Encased
In icy
Psyche
Wastes

As dark as I am
I am still
But a man
Understand
There’s a line
I must draw
In the sand
Of abandonment
Cast
To the castles
Ashore
To the pages
Adorned
In my love Nevermore

Every night since
It’s subliminal
Hints
It’s the criminal
Underworld’s
Underling
Prince
That evinces
His regal
Enfeebled ambition
With pride
His exile
Erstwhile form’s
Normal disguise
Circumscribed
To confined
To confide in himself
For how could they relate
Even less
Could they help

No such oblivion
Be
Without me
Without all of us
Nautilus
Deep in the sea
Elegy
Bury me
Cast my ashes
To winds
And without me
About me
The story begins

Conflict breeds
Catastrophe  
We greet it with
Alacrity
Come back with me
To see
The day
There ever was
A different way
Embedded in the DNA
We simply can’t resist
The urge
To scourge the Earth
And from it purge
The chance to see
Ourselves the same
Ironic how
We place the blame
When all complicity
Relates
To human nature’s
Glacial pace
To change,
Improve,
Evolve
As one
Resolve to cities
Overrun
Undone
Until
The sun is numb
And ghosts of gods
What we become

There without fail
Far from perfectly matched
Nor entirely opposites
We still attract
And attached to her side
Like a shadow
Confide
In her deepest compassion
Embraces I hide
Like a lost little boy
Can return to his cave
To confront any foes for her
Stoic and brave
A tranquility
I haven’t felt
Since the grave
Became my adoration
My withering rose
My decaying eternally
Life-giving prose
Goes to show
I was waiting
What felt
Out of time
Now she occupies
All of it
Masters my mind
And without even trying
Commands me to write it
To gift it to her
And request I recite it

Lurking deep
Therein
The skin
The chapters
Formerly
I’ve been
And hid within
The shadow cast
Your judgments
Now my weapons cache
But only is
Its violence
Wielded
By my stylus
Shades
Of shielded
In a surface
Level
Worthless
No stone left
Unturned
Can hurt this
Novel
Storied
Introduction
Not for best-sale
Mass production
Only copy
Is reflection
1st edition
Sheer expression
Ever in my image
Molding
Meta-narratives
Unfolding

On some other level
Disheveled
And gray
And forlorn
In my mourning
My love led astray
Is the way
I was born
Winter storm
Summer haze
And adorned
In light rays
On my darkest of days
Although torn
From the warning signs
Tempting surrender
I passed all the tests
But I failed to remember
The chapter,
The captured
Enraptured
Most turning
Of pages I’ve wept
In the oceans of yearning
For once again home,
One last from it
To roam
And in all of finality
Finally known

First it must break
Like a heart
Through a stake
Then partake
In the making
Of others relate
To creating,
Rephrasing
Our own contemplate
And pervading us
Phasing through
Matters
Too great
To control,
Or predict
To behold The Great Rift
And then swiftly
Through history’s
Rivers we sift

I am the stranger
Fall around me
Muses soothe
Instill,
Unbound me
Drowned,
Devoured,
Downward
Crowned me
Deity
Abyss surround me
In its heartless
Darkness
Found me
Wraithlike
In a state
Of fear
To glean this gleaming
Lucid
Sphere
Through all the eyes,
A vision
Clear

Older
More mortal
More time on
The portal
Less personal days
Fewer ways
To enjoy
What I used to make write
Not my type
Of employ
Now I work
And work out
If there’s happiness
Doubt
Even with
The girl missing me
More than
My worth
Even if
Underserving
Of her
Is my curse

See not the messages
Lying asunder
Go not to temptation
To beckon my blunder
For under the surface
Observance
Is clear
And my cryptic
Ellipsis
A sickness to fear
But appears
An abstraction
Attraction’s
Blurred vision
And fades
From the page
Like a razed composition
Conveying the grave
Like a bladed
Incision
Still spilling its villainy
Victimization
Of poor little me’s
Permanent
Paid vacation
Upon what is free
Just a fee to exist
And then not just deceased
We will cease to be missed
Like a vanishing wish
Dissipates in the mist
Like a widow
Divorced from reality’s
Kiss

Madness
Serenity
Misplacing
Memory
Never be
Jealousy
Moribund’s
Elegy
No more
Fecundity
Blooms
From the fertile
Just ashen heap
Mountainous
Obstacles
Hurdle
No optional
Off and on
Switch to the shifted
We riff,
And we drift,
And we sift
Through the misfits
And this is  
My gift,
My accursed
Uniqueness
The strength that I draw
From the wellsprings of weakness

Sink
In surrender
She wouldn’t soon
Weather
The storming of you
Misconstrues
Valuation
My life is but dirt
To a withered carnation
Just want you to know
That my love is engraved in
The strongest of stone
Still at home in goodbye
Still acquainted with
Living for
Reason to die

Reconcile,
Make amends
Unite with old
Unending friends
Depends on what
Their loss entails
Laments
The reminisce details
Should they depart
Or disappear
Tomorrow from me
Steering clear
Of left to say
Unfiltered
Unrefined
Authentic
By myself
Sounds schizophrenic
Not exactly going back
To home
How far I veer off track
Intact I’ve tried
To keep contact
Can’t help it if
This trait they lacked
A lot like brothers
Bond inherent
You once
Saw through me
Transparent
Now aberrant,
Silent,
Strained
Unmentioned
Tension
Growing pain

Take my castle
Take my sword
Take from me
The ship of lord
And let it cast
My subjects
Mourning
In forlorn
My soul adorning
Torn from pouring over
Volumes
****** into
Securing communes
Just to see
Equality
And constitute
Its polity
My policy
Priority
Revise the word
Authority
Devising its demise
And when apprising its abuses
So obtuse is my disguise

All I know is
Nothing
Ever changes
Stays the same
We just revert
To we are worth it
We deserve
To own the Earth
And from rebirth
Temptations
Praying
We are thee
Foundation-laying
We aspire to eternity
Empires of modernity
Like spires in the skies
Re-deify
Its vast absurdity
Just blurring
Its distortion
Geospatial
Disproportion
Of its vaster still
Delusions
Of a prophet
Perpetuity,
Annuities
Reboot
And mass produce
Discontinuities
No please!
No please don’t shoot!

See you more frequently
Speaking in person
In total immersion
Within our best
Version
Is all I desire
But patiently wait
To biweekly
Engage you
And impulses sate
It’s so crazy
My lust for you
Can’t be expressed,
Or repressed,
Just addressed
Keep my hands to myself
Is impossible
Not optional
In the slightest
Unless it’s too much
Or my touch
Was of Midas

Longing
Becoming
Inherent
To me
I am yearning
Her turning
Her head back to see
In my imagery
Vividly
Visions of us
In eternally
Wondering
Wandering trust
Reaffirmed in a gesture,
A word
A display
I can’t wait
To embrace you
And next to you lay
Every night if I have to
Be glad to
Awake
To the unruly mess
Of your hair
That we make
To escort you again
To consort with you
Lend
What my pen
Can’t report
In these letters I send

Not sure
What is meant
By initiative
Listlessness
Proving itself
A more gainful
Employ
Like a bone
To a dog
When he’s been a good boy
It just comes to me
Gifted
Rewarded
Endowed
With the secret to reign
From a database cloud

Never forget
There’s an ocean
Around us
Through logic
And reason
Its meaning
Confounds us
Unbound
Although wound up
In threads
And unwoven
Awoken
It speaks in our heads
Yet it tethers
Connects
And continues
To carry
Reminds us
That wisdom
Is simply be wary
Apparent to you
Could to others
Be barren
Yet wearing this
Gallant
Medallion
We earn
Is but shade to the shadow
To which we return

Weary of watching
The funeral
Clocking
The countdown
To meltdown
With no sign of stopping
Just racing
Ourselves
To extinction
Embracing
No clear-cut distinction
Just surfaces
Facing
Annihilation
At the hands of time
Wasting
Too late to make progress
When profit prevails  
And the crimes against nature
Are tipping the scales

Wearily
Wearing thin
Skin
I begin
To default to
Defensive positions
Less frequently
Mishaps,
Mistakes,
And misfortune
Still teaching me
Better than any
Successes
I’ve wrested
From jaws of defeat
My integrity tested
Surrender,
Abandon,
All ethical bent
As incensed
Becomes sorrow’s
Tomorrow lament

Know I will hunt you
Beyond
Where you rest
May your legacy
Wither and wane
Dispossessed
Of the power
You lorded
Unmercifully,
Unrelentingly
Binding
The meaning of free
To conditional terms
And relinquishing rights
So we feel more secure
When all turns to black
Sites

Can do
Almost anything now
For a profit
The older I get
The less likely
I stop it
This urge
To encourage
The remonstrance
Resonance
Counter-intelligence
Twisted
Its gifted
Most fervent
Resistance
Enlisting in
Anthropomorphic
Existence

Panicking
Panicking
Vanishing
Sanity
What would I do if she notices
Manic me
Banding together
With dissociation
Untethered
And severed from
All limitation
Though wandering aimlessly
Fathomless depths
Recollecting the cost
Of my countless regrets
In a frenzy
Frenetic
Warp portal
Distortion
Awoken
And dreaming
Without
Disproportion
Beyond
What this vessel
Could ever contain
Unrestrained,
Scatterbrained,
Cogitation
Unchained

When I still use my brain
Find the waves
At the source of it
Radiates
Respirates
Shapes
The discourse of it
Takes
Its exalted,
Alt-ego
Display
And devises
More challenging roles
To portray
More urgent
Admonishment
To beware speech  
Is remembered
But renders
The colors to bleach
So it’s not what I teach
No the words
Must be written
And through divine muses
Bring you to me
Smitten

Light up my vast abyss please
Let me write it
And only
When lonely
Forlornly
Recite it
I’ve been there before
Where the peace becomes war
And in slumber
Restore
Torn from pages
Of Nevermore
Once again
Almost
As always
It fits
If I keep writing out to its
Ghastly misfits

Yea yea
Can barely feel my hands
Yea
Not feeling so well
But I can’t even
Stand
Yea
Still rolling around
Head in the ground
Nowhere to go
No
Can’t think for myself
I need someone else
For I am the foe
Woah
Don’t want to go there,
Can barely repair,
What I did to myself
Thinking lost and alone
Was the progeny flow
And I learned how to turn it
Up into aglow

Ruin me
Leave me eschewed
From indulgence
Removed from
Illumined,
Enlightened
Effulgence
For brightness no longer
Dispels what the dark
Can so harken me back to
And seamlessly spark
Reminiscence
Insistence
On spectral
Temptation
Forsaken
Intruders
From dreams
Reawaken
Retracing my steps
To misplacing regrets
Just reveals
That I feel
Empty nest
Hollow threats
Either change
Or keep feigning
Your value equates
Unconditional love
In two natural-born apes

How proud I have been
Have my head in the wind
And have silenced the sirens
With whom I have sinned
And though kindling
These days
Fell, deforested jungles
She has my whole soul
And the hubris it humbles
The thunder upon
The awaiting oasis
Keeps secrets
In seeking
My moribund waste pits
Embraces me
Equally
Scared or supreme
And then beckons my wanderlust
Back to redeem
What remains of my
Virtuous,
Purposeless
Quest
And my failure
To care
If I pass the attest
To some legacy
Memory
Somehow its haunting me
Long before I
Hyper-sleep in the pod  
Having never found
Such a more flawed
Human god

We don’t know
What makes it
Gives way
To its presence
What manifests
Consciousness
Anyone’s guesses
But please rest assured
Inconclusive is bliss
I suspect
And expect
That the answer to this
Would be nigh on
Inscrutable,
Vexing,
Immutable
Mystery boxes
Whose contents
Unusable
Lose your mind trying,
Go mad with despair,
Clawing frenziedly,
Frantically
Rip out your hair
But your scalp
And your skull
And the null void within
Won’t reveal
Either still
How it makes the head spin
So give in
To the severance
From its
Malevolence
Join me apart
From its self-indulge
Edifice

Now so enamored
I just couldn’t leave
If you left me to die
The loss I still bereave
Furthermore would the memories
Cease to be made
I would give up,
Give in,
Nor again
Try to save
What remains
Of my wayward
Outcast
Unaccomplishment
Mask
Having worn it so long
While pretending to try
I would never again
Let these causes belie
Without her
Just a blur
Between then
And the end
Nothing new though
Oblivion
My oldest friend

But for her
I am lust
And libido
Entrust
Every ******
Of my blade
To the page
And combust
Like a wayward inferno,
A magnified ant,
A Promethean seedling,
A nuclear plant
And my rant
Slash and burn
Still unearthing
Unerring
From Gaia rebirthing
‘Til deathless
Despairing
And wear her depression
Expression
Unvarnished
Full force of her nature
Have I learned to harness
And won’t soon submit
To her profligate
Enemies
Taking her vengeance
To weather extremities
When their atrocities
Go unrepentant
All in
Her empyrean
I am transcendent

Insist I must join
Then cajole me to coin
The new terms
Of my sanctity
Yours to purloin
To purportedly
Read
What goes on in my mind
Is for me to decide
Not derided by others
For even among
Trusted friends
I discover
The silence is tension
Is failure to mention
My unwelcome thoughts
Of complete apprehension

You’d think
I’d run out of ideas
To keep writing
Exhaust the last fume
Of creative igniting
But come gloom and doom
Through the roles
I’m reprising
The constant
Invariable
Is revising
Disguising no longer
What made me this way
It’s as natural to me
As a child at play
Its intricacy
Formed
By simplicity’s
Hand
And it’s guided along
By emotion’s command
Yet unplanned
Like a pregnancy
In love conceived
And reflected upon
Like a widow bereaved
When I once again leave,
Venture on,
Bid adieu
To the words overdue
For the few I write you

Still writing
The sorrow incarnate
Foremost
I’ve been dead to the world
For so long
I’m a ghost
And forlorn
Only shores
Of serenity
Mourn  
Though reborn
In the storm
Of asunder
Am torn
Into equal parts
Heartened
And darkened
By day
So alive
But inside
I’m comprised of decay
Not astray
Anymore
Not afraid
To endure
But the horror
Of losing her
My Nevermore

Seek me
When at your most broken
Dismayed
When you’re lost and alone,
Can’t go home,
Feel afraid
Of revisiting
Past-induced trauma
Familial
When no interlocutors
Ever so willful
A partner
To listen,
Advise,
Recognize
When the silence
Is best
What you choose to confide

Performance anxiety
In the description
The job entails
Failing
The best self depiction
And multiple takes
Multitudinous breaks
From reality
Raising
The trust-falling stakes
For the part to be played
Can be made from organic
Emotions
Inspired
But sync
In Titanic
Romantic delusions
Dramatic displays
And cliff-hanging conclusions
Assuming the love
On a true story based
What its face value
Close up
Maintains when embraced
In its shadowy,
Naked,
Most vulnerable form
Just the same
As in costumes
And make-up
Adorned

I am the dungeon-est
Crab
Random bag
That you grab
When indifference
To existence
Is a hit,
A pull,
A drag
We can’t be all
Devoid of meaning
Surely reason
In believing
Am I wrong?
But what is right?
Who is to say?
I merely write

Look upon you
And see failure
See a scale
Unbalanced
Jailor
Of his own potential
Paler
Than a ghost
Of mostly jokes
To cover up
The drowning hopes
But when you cross the line
The rope’s
Self-deprecation
Is what chokes
You in these notes
Like puffs of smoke
And should you sleight my love again
You’re just another
End I wrote

We need conditions
We need decisions
We need delusions
We need tall tales we tell ourselves
When we walk
So much aimless
Conversing in brief
A line here
A word there
Let’s just go back to sleep

Not much else to it
Just have to undo it
The former conception
Of what defines good
Reservation’s reluctance
Prevents what it could
In some ultimate form
Really mean to another
Or better still
Even you
Yet to uncover