Out of sync lately
Mistakes have been
Gravely
Impacting
Exacting
More making us angry
But strangely
As yet
Undeserving as I
Of forgiveness
She still seems to find it
Inside
Amidst dissonance
Distance
Disdain
And decay
But there’s no one
I’d still rather see
Every day
I just have to preempt
And preclude
Provocation
Not merely accept
It as my
Inclination

Wandering
Squandering
When have I not
Failed to reach my potential
And mentally rot
In a caustic
Corrosive
Self-loathing
Moroseness
That worsens
The more
I’ve expended
Resources
Exhausted recourses
And letting her down again
Just reinforces
Alone
I can’t hurt
I can’t harm
I can’t hate
I can’t blame
I can’t claim
I am not the mistake

Like ghosts in the wind
Into formlessness thinned
Having dimmed
What illumined
Implores I rescind
From promissory
Thresholds
Committed to stay
But my history
Written
Retreating away
From conflictual fronts
Confrontation ramparts
And a battlefield
Littered
In withering hearts

Mania’s
Micro dose
Host
Mostly harmless
Hostility felt
But at least I disarm it
Before going public
With my uncouth nature
The truth is
It’s some kind of anxious
I’d wager
And smirking
And lurking
And chuckling with glee
Appears lunacy
When it’s just me
Gloomily
Having full conversations
With shadows
And wind
But externally
Ear to ear
Stretches my grin

All it adds up to
Delusional
Sentiment
Not necessarily
Miracles
Heaven sent
And I’ve spent
Precious
Invaluable
Time
On believing,
Conceiving
It there in my mind
Or somewhere
That contains
God complexity
Brains
But refrains
From more formally
Praying
Its games
Although every
So often
I soften
The skeptic
When signs appear
Crystal clear
Waxing poetic

I think of it
All of it
Last day together
Are there
Any words
That could salvage forever
When all forms
Communicate
Some expiration
And needless to say
I am just
Irritation
Incarnate
Unnerving
Recurring mistakes
As you harden your heart
All the harder mine breaks
And it takes me to places
Too dark to escape
And it numbs me to feeling
Entombed by the weight
Of contrition
Remorse
Utter ruin
Despair
Melancholy
My folly
Beyond all repair

Vengeance or justice
A thinning blue line
They mete it out
Dole it out
Punish the crime
Keep us safe
Keep us facing
The wall
In disgrace
Like we’re already guilty
But make no mistake
They are just the slave-catchers
The shackles and chains
Their immunity
Qualified
By the bloodstains
On the pavement,
The backpacks,
The halls of our homes
And their failure
To serve
And protect us
Arose
From systemically racist
Agendas
And schemes
To be for-profit prison’s
Enforcement machines