Can’t rely on a like
And a message
To smile
This find a wife life
Will get old
In a while
And already starting
To bore me
In normalcy
Promising prospects
Condemn me
Remorselessly
Playing the field
With my feelings
Exposed
Vulnerabilities
Shared
Should’ve kept them
Enclosed
In these letters to no one
Specifically reading
Intentions and purpose
To keep them from leaving

How much of a failure
I’ve been
I’ve become
Couldn’t stop any wars
I just hide
And I run
I can’t even have fun
Without substance abuse
All attempts to find love
Tie the knot
In a noose
And you think I’d be used to it
Now
After all
Of the times I’ve uplifted
Myself
Just to fall
In a discontent pit
No escaping it
Slip
Further down
More than ever
Before I have dwelled
And despite the implacable
Anger expelled
Can’t dispel the illusion
That things will get better
That I can be happy
Alone in forever

Slice through the fog
Like a moody
Intruder
My wandering mind
Cannot seem
To elude her
Can’t flood it in tumult
Metallic cacophony
Often epiphany
Specters are stalking me
Once revelations
Divine exaltations
Have morphed into clockwork
Berserk
Demonstrations
Against the machines
And their dream simulations
As much as I feel the peace
Pulsing prevail
I still fail to sale happy
And in it regale
In the love
I have dovetailed
In audio only
So like the Tin Man
I am rusting
And lonely

Try to be
The attentive
Responsive
Be honest
But not this
Duplicitous
Liar
You temptress
Relentlessly
Lifting me higher
But merely
To drop me
From dizzying heights
Hit the ground
Watch me drown
In my loneliest nights
And I thought I was done
Entertaining your kind
In your intricate snares
Bare my soul
Intertwined
With your faithless
Facade
Twist of fate
Ain’t your god
It is simply
Just pleasure
And somebody better
Than me and you
First dating
Under the Weather

If I could keep writing
Indefinitely
I would go on denying
This not meant to be
Normalcy
By default
To a fault
I’ve resisted
Opposed it
Repudiated
Its existence
Since that implies
Sort of
Intent to control
The unfolding of life
From the afterbirth hole
To the hole in the ground
Have I ever been bound
To creation’s design?
And if so
Is there really no thought in my mind
That is mine
Of my choosing
My ego volition
Or merely the maker’s
Deliberate decision

Now
You can wait
Find someone to relate
All my letters
And poems
Just incinerate
It’s too late
Been too long
I’ve accepted you’re gone
And wherever you are
I still hear you in song
And for once
Since I met you
I write it for me
Not for you
Not for us
Just for personally
I don’t hate you
I miss you
But tired of trying
And when you don’t answer
I’m tired of dying
So cry me a river
And never respond
We were all but unbreakable
Painstaking bond

Maybe a day
Or two tops
But at three
That you hadn’t a free moment
I fail to see
So just tell me
It’s not what you want
Or expected
Directly ignored
I can’t take
But rejected
Inured to
For years
I’ve been no ones
Priority
Intimate friends
Always end
In obscurity