Tired
Exhausted
Of being exploited
Of feeling like ****
That you flush down the toilet
Of being ignored
And abandoned
Rejected
Pretend nothing matters
But I am affected
Dissected interminably
Where I left it
Could possibly be
How I better expressed it
And sacrificed rest
To do all that she asked
And in overcast
Bottomless chasms
I grasped
That regardless how much
You could do for this person
They take
And they take
And your heartache will worsen
Immersed in them
Hurt
Irreversibly
Curse you
To sorrow and rage
Interchangeably
Draining
This physical
Cynical
Carcass containing
Ineffable pain
A new form every day
All my cope mechanisms
Are rusting away
For increasingly gray
Has the canvas become
I no longer feel one with the world
I am numb
For the someone eludes me
From circles excludes me
Yet still set in stone
Die alone
What concludes me

Just need a few minutes
Reiterate interest
Respond to my text
And then shut up and listen
To anything
You have to say
When we meet
When we see how we look
As we talk and we eat
But I can’t help but wonder
Between now and then
How much day can transpire
Before hitting send

When she laughs
I collapse
When she takes off my mask
I can’t ask any questions
Just in her muse bask
Hope it lasts
A next day
Though aware we are doomed
To be rock bottom bottles
In trauma entombed
Slip away with her
Maybe
To save me
Tonight
She inspires
These heartfelt emotions
I write
And induces a terror
Of never forever
Like no one I’ve ever
Yet met
And then severs
All ties from attachment
Like none of it mattered
Without even trying
She renders me shattered

What could be keeping her
Fingers from texting
A few simple words
It’s absurd
And most vexing
To know she does nothing
But sulk and consume
In her room
But entombs me
In silence and gloom
Then accompanies others
Who don’t really care
Who don’t hurt with her
Worthless
In death and despair
Just impairing her judgment
In mindless libations
Her self-delude,
Self-destruct,
Numbing sensations
Pretending it’s magic
And mystic
Depression
She is an addiction
A vice
An obsession
I can
Live without
Just afraid of her gone
Was it all
Really meaningless
Fiends all along
Just regretting
Embedding
Their secrets in song

Crazy girl
You’re so appealing
Hidden parts of me
Revealing
Stealing
Made to feel like dating
Kissing made
To feel like mating
Taking
Always taking more
You sound like peace
But speak like war
And contradict each word you say
Forget the day
And claim you’re gay
Or celibate
Embittered
Sick
Your honesty’s
Still full of ****
With or
Without you
I survive
And carry on
As dead inside
As sadly you will still
Remain
Without a home,
A heart,
A name

Becoming the madness incarnate
Unvarnished
I harness
The darkness
Undaunted
Still haunted
By tremors
Of traumas and dramas
Depicting my manifold
Soul-crushing ache
And I do
Like you feel it
And feel it
And break
Momentarily
Sorrow devours
Empowers my muse
Then depravity’s
Desolate desert
Ensues
And too long has its wanderlust
Rendered me
Barren
Refined and enriched
As a crude oil baron
No care in the world
My compassion is spent
Because every last love
Soon enough
Is lament
To extents only writing
Can offer reprieve
And with this
Elegy
Dead to me
Her I grieve

You doubt me
Forget
I am foremost
A writer
I struggle to speech
As you reach for the lighter
And right here contained
In this page
Is my rage
Is my pain,
Is my stage,
Is my rat in a cage
And I made this for you
When I can’t see your face
When you run
When you hide
And deny my embrace
Only pulling you closer
Not pulling you down
We both see rising seas
But your preference is drown
Where instead I would float
Though albeit, adrift
Even if
My last breath
Was bereft
Of your kiss