sometimes I fear
that the words I say
don't properly convey
the meaning behind them

when I say that
I love you I mean
in my eyes
the sun rises and sets
because of you
the stars glow brighter
in the night sky

when I rise from sleep
it's not the bodies needs
that enter my mind at first
but you, and how I am
so far away

It feels as if
we've been apart
so very very long
after so brief a meeting
and yet how strongly
I long, to
hear your voice
in person, not over
lines digital, or analog

To once more feel
the gentle touch of
your hand on mine
to press my lips
above your heart
and feel it's rhythm

it comes like a flash flood
washing out all in its path
where moments ago was happy
now all that's left is ash
a bitter desperation hollowed out
emptied to the core
and in those terrible moments
I wonder how much I can endure
and then the sun comes out
the land is green and lush
and I wonder really what
had upset me so very much
that had driven me to thoughts
of crushing self destruction
an uneasy peace breaks out
the path clear of obstruction
I breathe deeply and wait
for the next storm to come

lately I've been feeling
I am living half awake
disembodied floating
a feeling I can't shake
I want to run and fly be free
but it's just not meant to be
I tug my chain, fit in the ground
this weight I carry around
no one forced it on me
it started out so small
and now it seems to be crushing me
I want to ask for help now
but what help is there to be
I dug this huge stone out
and it's mine now
it's all I know how to be

I stand next to the river
the roar of the falls echo
drowning out thought
a fine mist covers all
the fury of the water
mercilessly pounds the rock
smoothing the stone
erasing imperfections
creating new ones, endlessly
Until the stone is sand
washed away to the sea
Gazing up the falls I see
countless rainbows dancing
caught in between the ground and sky
its color faded denim and dotted
with far away clouds, birds mere specks
is this peace, or is this a path to it

little pill full of powder
in my gut you go
now I shiver, sweat
the air too hot, too cold
the world it fades
monochrome hued
all I see thus shaded
my limbs feel distant
mind races faster
am I heading for disaster
calm, calm breathe deeply
vision clears, unease remains
this is supposed to be the cure
am I worse, or is this better
lethargic, angsty, is this the real me
or is the pill further deluding me

I'm looking inside now
for the hope to go on
I am looking for reasons
for something inside that
makes it okay
I can't shake this feeling
it's all going to fade
I can't keep on faking, that
I am alright, the light's been fading
it started so bright
I am looking for switches
or fuses or wires
something to lead me
to where it all starts
If I can just find it
the heart or the soul
and see what is broken
duct tape it up or patch it together

her eyes like the sea
her spirit shining brightly
please sit next to me