Thunder crashes and shakes the sky,
Torrents of rain hide the world.
Lightning flashes and blinds the eye.

Thunder crashes and shakes the sky,
I feel at peace and wonder why.
Sudden release, relief unfurled.

Thunder crashes and shakes the sky,
Torrents of rain hide the world.

Light a candle for the hopeless
let them see the light
soon a fire is roaring
making day of the night
sing a song full of laughter
so they can dry their tears
share with them your joy
so they can shed their fears
share with them your darkness
so they feel less alone
teach them how to live here
to give their hearts a home

I am but a man
a one flawed at that
jealousy rears its head
roaring through me
crashing its way through
reason and rationale
a cacophony of sound
the phantom pounding
of insubstantial waters
like all storms this too
shall pass and calm
will come again

her beauty shines
from behind tortured eyes
secret torments that she hides
despite the way she often feels
with a joyful spirit she is filled
she throws her joy out to the world
it floats about like dandelion seeds
her joy finds fertile ground
and from her joy new joy is found

I love how your clothing
enfolds you, holds you
disguises yet reveals you
swaying curves, seductive
the tempting promise of yes
knowing what sweetness waits
my body responds eager
to the call of your lusciousness
the sultry turn of your lips
the rolling sway of your hips
how you use your finger tips
and when our bodies meet
the explosiveness and heat
for moments so complete
pleasurable pain, so very sweet

I want to take you to the city
and put your name in lights
after spending the day seeing
all the touristy sights
I'll take you to a restaurant
We'll have the finest meal
music will be playing
you'd pick lobster over veal
I'd smile across the table
watching you decide
on cake instead of creme brulee
and of course instead of pie
there'd be women all around us
beauty of all sorts
and still my eyes stay on you
for no other can compare
none has your intense gaze
your lovely sea blue eyes
no lips can match your lusciousness
to me you rise above
We'd leave the restaurant
I'd see it in your eyes
disappointment for you thought it then
I'd saved the real surprise
We'd travel to a busy street
and walking hand in hand
I'd stop and kneel before you
look into your eyes
the lights would flash on behind me
The message beaming bright
I'd read to you a poem
trying to sum up in mere words
the reasons why I love you
and want you in my life
I'd ask you the question
If you would be my wife


I'd take you to the city
together we'd see the sights
we'd have a picnic in a park
we'd find a tree casting shade
and stare into the sky gazing at the clouds
and watch families stroll by
our hands clasped tight together
we'd speak our dreams aloud
the family that'd be ours someday
of a life well lived, the love we'd give
as night fell on the city, day fades away
we'd find a restaurant to eat a meal
and talk about our day
I'd feel the box in my pocket and wait
the moment would be right
I'd thought and planned and knew
tonight would be our night
you ate the cake, instead of pie
I watched you with a smile
the world around us faded out
reaching out to caress your face
to feel your so soft skin
the words I had prepared
seemed so very thin
we paid and leave into the night
the stars shining high above
I take your hand in mine
and we slowly walk
returning to where our day had begun
the lights are out, the park is dark
and then we see the glow, an island of light
we reach the center, there's a fountain
surrounded by a sea of candles
the water burbles happily
I kneel before you in this man made sea
the light it dances on your skin and I know
where to begin, with the love that I feel
and how your love has helped me heal
how I know my life is with you
and with a question I stake it all
be my love, my wife, my all

it comes like a flash flood
washing out all in its path
where moments ago was happy
now all that's left is ash
a bitter desperation hollowed out
emptied to the core
and in those terrible moments
I wonder how much I can endure
and then the sun comes out
the land is green and lush
and I wonder really what
had upset me so very much
that had driven me to thoughts
of crushing self destruction
an uneasy peace breaks out
the path clear of obstruction
I breathe deeply and wait
for the next storm to come

my body feels incomplete
sweeter things are far less sweet
since you last lay against me
in the night when I should sleep
my arms for your lovely form do seek
blurry eyes at first deceive, but
it’s not you lying next to me
and in my dreams where I seek peace
I find you there, waiting it seems
gently, slowly, I caress your face
and pull you into a sweet embrace
run my fingers through your hair
to my senses you are there
then taste the sweetness of your lips
my hands slowly down your sides
slowly down over your hips
I pull you tighter against me
I kiss your cheeks, your chin, your lips
then push you gently to the bed
and in the dream our clothes are shed
your soft body pressed beneath mine
we join as one, moving together in time
connected at our lips and our hips
for a few precious moments we cease to exist
no more you, no more me
instead become a blessed we

There's a story in your eyes
and written on your skin
of the things that you've seen
and done, battles lost, and won
There's a story in the silence
after you have spoken
words that you leave sleeping
while in your heart hope
and wonder and want wither
There's a story in the footsteps
long ago swept away
the ghost of them linger
whispering, begging you to stay
There's a story in the starlight
and when the moon rides high
of things lost and forgotten
waiting to be found
buried in our hearts and minds
like treasure in the ground

Driving and thinking
pondering possibilities
five days of silence
seems an eternity

wanting and needing
deliberate delusions
unheeding of reality
some things I can't let be

wondering and wandering
feeling foolish
a familiar aching
my heart won't stop dreaming

sleeping and awake
incandescent illusions
drowning in the imaginary
frozen by what is reality

known and unknown
avoiding asking
it's sometimes better
to let it all go

writing and pleading
withering words
some how elusive
unable to capture deeper meaning

I had a dream
it was you
we talked about a game
lines of text

The dream so real
elated by contact, digital
ephemeral emotion
painful self deception

I wake
eyes open
a moment of confusion
left longing for
my digital delusion

I want to tell you
how much I miss you
but those words are
meaningless
they don't bring to mind
a flower uprooted
cast deep into a cave
the once bright sun
a spark in the darkness
the cave of my own creation
how a fear of everything
brought me to self-isolation
how I struggle against it
and sink into it like a bog
how there are moments
of blinding brightness
lightning flashes in the darkness
I'm left with purple tinged after images
ghosts of what is real

my life is ellipses
a series of pauses
periods of time
where nothing is
where I exist
waiting in spaces
void of action
filled by racing thought
suspended waiting
I am ...

the winter moon hangs in the sky
in fierce defiance of the sunlight
does it forget the star filled skies
inky darkness where it shows true
it's ghostly pallor winters wasting
gathering strength for spring perhaps
bravely shining against the sunlight
so lovely ghost moon flies at noon

the winter moon hangs in the sky
does it seek to reach the sunlight
an endless cycle in the heavens
yearly trying to woo the sun
does it remember it's past failures
it's ghostly pallor faintly shimmering
ever chasing the distant sunlight
so lovely ghost moon flies at noon

the winter moon hangs in the sky
pearlescent luster faintly shining
gaze in wonder winter wanderers
its lacy loveliness glows for you
asking nothing high above us
her bitter tears in snow do fall
like a maiden waiting wanting
to hear her loves faithful call
so lovely ghost moon flies at noon

the haloed moon hung in the sky
the woman cried and wondered why
her love had gone, gone far away
would he return, or her love betray
he'd speak to her of her lips so full
her sea green eyes, now shot with red
and now her heart was filled with dread
she dreamed of him, midst restless sleep
she'd given him her heart to keep
she'd never thought he the careless sort
to callously toss aside her love
but now he's gone, so far away
word once sent so often now gone astray
and her lone companion the ghostly moon
haloed in the cloudy sky and she asks
why, my love, oh why

The sky is clear the morn has come
the night is passed, her love still gone
yet still her love for him is strong
though silence has long held sway
she knows he thinks of her night and day
that if he could but find a way, word would come
her heart is heavy but her mind is clear
the man that she holds so dear, she knows
she knows, he would not stray
nor would he throw her heart away
time would pass, as time would do
he would return and their love renew

the seasons changed, summer turned fall
the coldness grew, the leaves tumbled all
she watched the west, where he had gone
and knew that now it would not be long
he wandered far and was long away
but with the snow she knew he'd come to stay
that in the frozen winter cold, she'd have her love
in her arms she would hold, and be held
and as the winter winds would howl she was sure
that he'd be there, to run his fingers through her hair
to press his lips hard against hers, warmth through the
frigid dark cold nights, it'd be worth all the wait

On the last day of fall, so cold no longer rain would drop
she watched the west for her loves return
a single snow flake fell from the sky, a tear matched it
from her eye, her eyes so blue just as the sea
and she wondered had he forgotten me
her heart, she thought would surely crack
frozen in the winters cold, when she heard someone approach
in her heart a spark did flare, was it him, was he there
she spun around, and ran up the path, not caring that
the branches slapped, and clung, she had to know
was her waiting done, was she now free from the loneliness
and would her lips once more know, the tender kiss
the heat that melts the snow, and so she ran, and soon will know

I miss you like the bear
misses the spring wind
lonely and cold in winter
sleeping deep in a cave
dreaming of warm sun
the smell of wet earth
the spring wind carries
new growth and life
flowers and berries
in his slumber he dreams
a phantom spring breeze
teases him to wake
makes restless his slumber
outside of his cave
snow shrouds the earth
the ground cold and frozen
the winter winds biting
his stomach rumbles hunger
his heart aches for the spring
missing the sunlight and wind
wistfully dreaming of winters end

she wears her sexuality
like a badge
proudly, daring you to judge
laughing at your judgement
it stares out at you
through her soulful eyes
her face deceptively innocent
a sultry smile washes innocence away
her body, full and soft, seductive
calls to you, primal yearnings
her head bobs and dips, hips
swaying to her own rhythm
bruised remnants of passion
mark her skin, and make you want
to be the lips, the teeth, the tongue
the one who meets, and matches
in a dimly lit room, an unseen fire
roars, its heat felt, given into
her voice, her moans, her cries
the fire that you feed, that feeds you

In dreams I kiss you
our lips meet
melting into one
fierce, hungry
ravenous with need
two rhythms joining
a symphony of sensation
flesh melding into bliss
this and more
starts with a kiss

my darkness came again today
on silent wings, a bird of prey
razored talons slashed and tore
the pain I felt, I feel no more
another lie I tell myself
the darkness seems to stay inside
the light is gone, I can not hide
they push their pills, and words
words of hope, I sit with people
wounded, injured,
hear their stories and wonder why
I sound like I have such a great life
no *****, no drugs, no hurting others
but these walking wounded
are like my sisters, my brothers
I feel an impostor in their midst
what's been so bad that I'm like this
they send you home
load you up with pills
this is going to cure your ills
so I sit tired and numb and wonder
is this what life is become
devoid of feelings that are real
the blessing of the little pill
hollow and empty just like before
keep on existing, on nothing subsisting
pretend that everything is ok
Wishing you could go away
maybe never even have been
spare the ones you love the pain
instead you walk around the world
push in the pain, the agony
waiting to be set free

day light is fading
the night slowly comes
now you’ve gone away
my heart has stayed with you
and I feel a bit hollow
the stars sparkly brightly
but it’s not the same
and in the darkness
I wander, and whisper your name
for you to walk beside me
making even the night more bright
your hand in mine, by my side
and I wait for the day
when I get to sleep next to you
and wake up that way
and see your eyes sparkle
with the first light of day

I send little messages
out into the world, like
sign posts and markers
messages in bottles
thrown into an ocean
directed toward you
I sit listening to
music or writing
in my mind, there you are
is it the same for you
as for me, hoping
that what ever you're
doing, some of your
thoughts are of me.

the mask is slipping
it's cracked and worn
the mask is slipping
can't take much more
the smile so natural
master crafted deception
hiding behind this facade
fractured and broken
the mask is falling
it shatters on the floor
the secret is revealed
carefully held back emotion
bursts forth like water
from a shattered dam
the mask in pieces
who am I anymore

conversations in my head
words I've spoken
words left unsaid
monologue, dialogue
susurration through my mind

doubt and inaction
curiosity about reactions
if I said, or if I didn't
would your answers
be much different

echoing voices
through my skull
is reality real at all
questioning my motives
if I should fly or fall

voices and music
no quiet moments
silence unwelcome
moments of song
entwined by their voices

thoughts of doing
held back by fear
bickering voices, offering choices
do this thing or that one
still no clear winner

back to the beginning
or is it the middle
life spins around
we all live in riddles

lately I've been feeling
I am living half awake
disembodied floating
a feeling I can't shake
I want to run and fly be free
but it's just not meant to be
I tug my chain, fit in the ground
this weight I carry around
no one forced it on me
it started out so small
and now it seems to be crushing me
I want to ask for help now
but what help is there to be
I dug this huge stone out
and it's mine now
it's all I know how to be

I want to feel your heat
your body against mine
our lips pressed tight
my fingers in your hair
moaning our need, desire
Run my hands down
marking the edges of you
the curves of your belly
swaying line of your hips
the fullness of your thighs
pressing my lips to your knees
kissing up your thighs
and where they meet
the furnace of our desire
our bodies join we are one

It's like being thirsty
and so I drink
I drink and drink
Each liquid different than
the one before
Still I drink, I drink
still more
I roll the liquid
over my tongue
and find it's not
it's not the right one
I take a sip
a slurp, a deeper draught
it's all for nothing
it's all for naught
I reach again for
what I yearn
but will I ever
ever learn
I long to taste
taste one more time
the blissful richness
to make it mine
again I know
who am I to kid
I'd go back
again, and again
and still again

I'm looking inside now
for the hope to go on
I am looking for reasons
for something inside that
makes it okay
I can't shake this feeling
it's all going to fade
I can't keep on faking, that
I am alright, the light's been fading
it started so bright
I am looking for switches
or fuses or wires
something to lead me
to where it all starts
If I can just find it
the heart or the soul
and see what is broken
duct tape it up or patch it together

little pill full of powder
in my gut you go
now I shiver, sweat
the air too hot, too cold
the world it fades
monochrome hued
all I see thus shaded
my limbs feel distant
mind races faster
am I heading for disaster
calm, calm breathe deeply
vision clears, unease remains
this is supposed to be the cure
am I worse, or is this better
lethargic, angsty, is this the real me
or is the pill further deluding me

Staring at a spot on the floor
I want to stop thinking
but that's always the problem
my head's never empty
What if, what if, perhaps and maybe
endlessly circle, driving me crazy
in my mind I see a door
it's flung wide open, I want
to try and close that passage
its hinges are rusty
its weight defies belief
held by false hope
no stranger to feeling
wanting relief
Hope, always hope
twined all together
A rope made of hope
I find disgust with myself
with the way that I feel
it's all in my head
I'll never be real

I see the shadows
run 'cross the moon
bright glowing orb
climbing the velvet sky

radiant pale beauty
just out of reach
soft graceful curves
leaves me yearning

like the moon as it wanes
and seems to disappear
but remains, though unseen
and in my mind, so too she

We orbit 'round
a celestial dance
by gravity drawn
met by random chance

confusion delusion
driving myself insane
pondering questions
no one to blame

do this thing or that thing
choose quickly, chose right
it's nothing but nothing
the rest of your life

Feel everything, feel nothing
why no in between
madness bubbles up
now choke down the scream

bravado, confidence
run, flee from me
loathing and hatred
self inflicted wounds

I'm funny, I'm kind
a good and nice guy
and still I hate myself
I hate myself why

sometimes I fear
that the words I say
don't properly convey
the meaning behind them

when I say that
I love you I mean
in my eyes
the sun rises and sets
because of you
the stars glow brighter
in the night sky

when I rise from sleep
it's not the bodies needs
that enter my mind at first
but you, and how I am
so far away

It feels as if
we've been apart
so very very long
after so brief a meeting
and yet how strongly
I long, to
hear your voice
in person, not over
lines digital, or analog

To once more feel
the gentle touch of
your hand on mine
to press my lips
above your heart
and feel it's rhythm

love is like a drug
intensity need desire
burning up inside
perpetually consuming
imagination illusion
self inflicted delusion
leading to confusion
lose yourself to the words
find yourself in what you've heard
roads and streets you've never seen
places you so sure you've been
leading to actions that make you question
have you taken the right direction
a maze of streets, of all the choices
listening to all those voices
clamoring echoing a cacophony
who you are or who you were
all these things are like a blur
constant motion never slowing
want to stop but still keep going
in my mind a voice is screaming
can I wake up, am I dreaming
is this real or am I still sleeping
head on a pillow silently weeping

I stand next to the river
the roar of the falls echo
drowning out thought
a fine mist covers all
the fury of the water
mercilessly pounds the rock
smoothing the stone
erasing imperfections
creating new ones, endlessly
Until the stone is sand
washed away to the sea
Gazing up the falls I see
countless rainbows dancing
caught in between the ground and sky
its color faded denim and dotted
with far away clouds, birds mere specks
is this peace, or is this a path to it

In my darkened room
the moonlight filters through
the ***** window
the purity of it’s light untainted
I look up at that glowing orb
and whisper secrets
It’s distant flight, splashing
pure light upon the pillow
across the bed, and then
when I lay down, across
my sleeping face
I know it’s foolish
to ask the moon
so distant and cold
yet so vibrantly bright
to be my messenger
even still, I speak low
reverently, that it bring words
as she lay sleeping so far away

it feels like forever
since I've touched your face
our lips pressed together
making my heart race
bodies pressed tightly
our fingers wrapped together
legs tangled, entwined
forehead to forehead
I'm lost in your eyes
our breathing gets rougher
my hands roam your curves
bringing, moans and sighs
my hands on your knees now
run slowly up your thighs
my lips follow, kissing
your creamy soft skin
I raise my eyes to yours
before I begin
you look at me eager
your lips curve into a grin
our eyes locked together
I hold your gaze and I begin
tasting your sweetness
hearing you moan
your fingers twined through my hair
my excitement increases, my passion grows
your pleasure mounting, does my own
cries of ecstasy filling my ears
hips bucking, grinding against my face
breathlessly, gasping moaning you cry
"I want you inside me"
with my body, I reply
words are beyond me
I'm lost in my passion for you
control is yours now
my body knows what to do

I close my eyes, I'm thinking
wondering and waiting
desiring to be desired
tired of it being one sided
Feeling foolish for speaking
thinking, wishing and dreaming
***, lust, love, desire, passion
is it too much to ask for
On my knees showing devotion
tasting you teasing you
using my tongue, lips and fingers
knowing finally that I am desired
for who I am rather than in spite of
being accepted for all that makes me
giving the same in return
answering for what you yearn
filling your needs as you fill mine
join me in my foolish dream

I sit on the floor
sobbing, weeping
against the garbage can
it's right that I end here
Thoughts of an end
thoughts of the end
finality, stopping the noise
my head is an echo chamber
a cacophony assaults me
a sinuous voice winds through
telling me it's right to do this

I sit on the floor
breaking every promise
making lies of my words
driven by shame
she comes and finds me there
the edge to end it in my hand
my incoherent pleas brushed aside
the things I start and never finish
in the moment it seemed so clear
to succeed at last at something, anything

a week has gone and still
my mind travels along that edge
how did I get here when
I had long ago put this aside
in a moment it surged out
surrounding me, from somewhere
deep, deep inside
I feel like that child again
made wrong and ***** in the closet
made bruised and battered by
hands that were to guide me
fleeing from the anger into shame

I find brief moments of peace
a tenuous hold that is so fleeting
I grasp for meaning, for purpose
I look again for hope, to continue
to end this fear of myself
to see myself through eyes untainted
by the loathing and hate that I see
through the eyes that are mine

I want to write about your face
the roundness of your cheeks
the lovely color of your eyes
how they seem to hypnotize me
I wonder if you'd laugh to hear
I love the shape of your nose
I fantasize about your lips
what it'd be like to kiss
and I know I'd not stop there
I'd run my fingers through your hair
how much I love that fiery flair
trail kisses down along your face
breathing in your lovely scent
gentle kisses on your nape
I know these thoughts I shouldn't share
I can't help, can't hide what's there

under the city lights
the stars shine dimly
yet in your eyes so bright
a twinkle, a glow
my hand in yours feels
so very perfect, so right
the chill night air surrounds us
I pull you close to me
your back against my front
the cold fades and warmth
glows, lingers and grows
your hand in mine
my lips on the nape of your neck
heat blooms into fire
my hands slide down your hips
holding you tightly to me
in the cold night
our embrace lingers
your scent intoxicating
no drink has touched my lips
and yet I stand drunken
by your presence
time has flown once more
and we must part again
I will wait for you

I'm stupid and selfish
I'm crude and crass
I'm dreaming and hopeful
Please pass on by
don't waste your time
What you see is illusion
I'm good with a lie
Writing stories poems
all trash, please pass on by
I'll waste your time
your effort your care
I'm not even real
I'm only half way there
Illusion, delusion, confusion
I'll bring you despair
Words of kindness
or even words of hope
Tainted and ruined
Twisted and sour
Continue on past me
It's all for the best
I'd beg your forgiveness
I'm merely a pest.

As I sit here waiting
Inside my head debating
My self worth
Or lack there of

Questioning and hating
The reasons I am patient
Turmoil and self doubt
I am good enough
or am I

These thoughts I have
Racing, chasing through
Wanting, needing
Seeking the truth
Is it love that I feel
or just a self delusion

Dreaming and creating
Words of truth and of lies
losing sight of what is real
what I've felt or what I feel

Restless sleep and lucid dreams
screaming things I'll never say
self imposed silence
it's better this way

Her lips were red
as blood or berries
I wanted to taste
the sweetness there
Her eyes were grey
and blue like the sea
I wanted to be all
she wanted to look at
all that she wanted to see
Her hair was like fire
framing her pale face
lovely lips, enchanting eyes
softly curved cheeks
sensual full lips unpainted
so lovely and red
parted inviting
and in my dreams
inside my mind
she was mine
yes, she was mine

I don't tell the world
about my feelings
or hopes or dreams
what does the world care

I don't tell the stars
my wants and worries
most are dead
before their light gets here

I don't cry my tears into a river
thinking it will make it into the sea
and if I did it wouldn't matter
it wouldn't remember me

Instead I have this bottle
buried deep inside my chest
I stuff it full of pain and anger
push it all away from me

and as this bottle grows in size
I feel a hole in me
I'll find a way to stuff it up
pretend perhaps it isn't there
and like the world I won't care

the darkness came
for me today
I could no longer
hold it at bay
it came into my
ears and eyes
my nose, my mouth
could not deny it
I tried to remind myself
of all who cared
the darkness was bitter
it laughed and whispered
it uttered nothing matters
there is nothing you can do
give up, give in, let it out
you've let me in
i heard and listened
and then i obeyed

I don't know where I am going
I hardly remember where I've been
Mistakes that I've been making
I'll try not to make again
this heart beating inside of me
now it beats for you
but there's a shadow on me
that whispers I'm no good for you

I don't know where I am going
the ground seems shaky and thin
I am far too heavy now
when will the ground give in
this soul of mine is lighter
than I can ever remember
but there's a shadow on me
that whispers I'm no good for you

I don't know where I'm going
though I try to make a plan
to find somewhere solid to start again
build myself up once more, to be a better man
there's a shadow that's on me
that's laughing as I plan
that whispers what's the use

I picture where I'd like to be
a place not far from here
time or distance matter not
it's mostly in my mind
and the thing I'd like to escape
is the shadow haunting me
the voice inside that whispers
and will not let me be

Darkness and heat
our bodies meet
lips blindly seeking
hands do our seeing
soft planes and angles
muted gasps and laughter
our lips meet, brushing
mouths hungry seeking
sustenance for the soul
tongues dance together
pressing against teeth
lips, tongue, passionate
in the darkness we are one
no color no form two parts
seeking to be joined
our bodies find unity
two souls connected primal
passion and heat, living fire
harsh joyous music of moans
grunts groans the symphony
of our release sounds
we collapse in the darkness
two forms made one
darkness and heat

I feel as though
I am cursed
The words they come
they do their worst

I speak my mind
I speak my heart
I should know better
Than to start

I should just accept
the way things are
I have no feathers
to fly so far

To reach for
the sun or moon
I am a fool
the hope is doomed

I'll never realize
or accept
To reach for the light
Is asking to burn

Try and Try
over and again
It's who I am
I play the fool

Outside its raining
the music plays on
outside its dreary
the rain slowly falls
watching the clock
it's ticking and tocking
the time draws near
when we will be talking
in the pit of my stomach
I feel a ball of dread
for you I am waiting
should you not appear
I will sit and wait and wonder
and where has it gone
the lightning and the thunder
outside its raining
the music plays on

there goes a heart I’m breaking
tears that are shed when I’m not around
but I’m not unaware, I can hear the sound
am I some sort of monster, uncaring
do I ignore the sound of her heart tearing
though I sometimes feel I should be clad
in fur, claws and fangs, monstrous things
I am human, just a mortal man
as she cries, heart aching, breaking
I’d take that pain if I could, spare her
but I can’t, that’s not how it works
feelings change, people grow
sometimes together sometimes not
I was young when we met
then I changed and grew
just as I was made to do
I loved her then, and love her still
the love has changed, as it sometimes will