The gravity of grief is
raw and mighty
and we're often caught
standing like mountains;
broken heels pressed
into pebbles,
waiting to be forged
into something solid.
Trapped in
this long exposure -
a muted stillness
from the world,
it tells us we're
accountable for our absence
like it doesn't know
it was the one that held us
paralyzed;
a hostage to the void
and without light

Yet still we rise,
we fight to capture
maybe a glimpse of light
beaming from the sky,
giving life to our
eternal suffering,
giving warmth and
drying our futile tears.
We stand taller,
than these peaks,
having been taken down
into treacherous valleys,
bleeding into the soil
our ravished skin
will eventually heal,
and on our knees
we lift our eyes
in search of the
most divine truth.

Through what fire and revelation,
what loves have scorched us so,
what vines have wrapped themselves
so sure around our feet,
what webs have we untangled,
left hanging in dusty cellars,
been left hanging on
bare walls.

What love have we longed for,
with what truth we have sought,
and seeds we have sown within
for the times which passed by
without a glimpse in our direction,
unrequited and bereft
of the dust which so dutifully
held us in place for too long.

For what is the matter
of such strife and martyrdom
in comparison to the love in which you have given,
and to what end have these things manifested
to become such stepping stones as
the things that
led me to
you.

Anxiety is hurting my sister right now she worries about everything even worries about worrying :) She is still undergoing treatment for her cancer and is just very emotional right now. I will let you in on a little secret.... I have bad anxiety too!!!  I have somehow been able to keep it in check though. We took a weekend trip just recently to see some family and it was very draining and very good all at the same time.  Keeping my sister's anxiety in check left me needing to see a chiropractor when we got back.  I am not complaining though because I think that is what helps me.

Focusing on my sister and other people hurting helps take the focus off of me.  This time of year is very ******* a lot of people. We worry about not having enough money.  We worry about all the activities and hustle and bustle.  Also we are so deeply saddened by the loss of loved ones and why there is an empty seat at the holiday table.  We are preoccupied this time of year and I just want to say STOP for just a moment and remember to breathe.  Try and take the focus off yourself by saying a little prayer for another person hurting. Even try to do something for another person if you can. It has helped me with my anxiety and perhaps it can help you too!! Everyone wants to be remembered and loved especially this time of year! ❤️ Merry Christmas to all my friends here at HP!!

I think of a soul
consisting of many fragments,
all bursting to be released
and letting millions of thoughts
shine vibrantly.
They don't all have to make sense,
they don't all have to be original,
they just have to be true to me,
the me I chose to be,
the better one, the best one
out of all of them.
I have grown in many ways
and found amusement
in things I once shunned or thought against,
for instance, lying to myself
that everything is okay
but it's alright to do that because
if you make yourself believe
hard enough, then everything is,
and sometimes,
that's all that you really need,
having faith in a dreary, bustling,
forgetful world,
full of people who leave you behind
and people who pick you up
and take you to their
warm homes.
Bit by bit,
I've learned that change
isn't always a bad thing,
that some things are meant to happen
no matter how hard
you will them not to,
because it's your way of growing,
a forceful action wrenching open
clenched hands and
eyes squeezed shut, head afloat
ears trapping out all sounds,
then I realize
it was me all along
dragging myself down to lay on
a blanket of self-pity and isolation,
and change was
the only factor
with the ability to wrench open
closed doors.
Now I hear sounds that in turn
make me see, and seeing,
makes all the difference,
not just in black and white,
but also in vintage, sepia,
color.