Staring at the same spot makes you miss out on 273 degrees of a viewing radius coming to roughly 74% of life that you're currently missing.

If you do stare at something, make sure it's beautiful enough to be a fair trade for 74% visibility.

Your smile is worth it.  You're worth it.

Stare.

I hope one day we can sit in trees and watch the sunset.  I don't understand how you got so far up the branch.  Your Chuck Taylors hang out of the tree, the sharpie colored star swaying above the Earth.  I look at mine in the same position and think we might be made for each other.  Star crossed lovers.

But just for a second or two.

Tick Tock

The Sun goes down and begins to cool the atmosphere.  The Milky Way is still holding an ambiance.

I'll drive you home.

I wish my headlights were brighter.

I hate small talk.

I love the way you say words.

Talk to me.

You tell me you like to sing.  I turn the radio off.

Your voice is off key and out of rhythm.  Beautiful really.

It's soft, I wish you would sing it closer to my ear.  Is that weird to ask?  Yes it is.  Don't do it.

You could end me.  You know you could and you don't want to hurt me.  You're one of the few people that actually cares.  That's also the main reason I like you.

Counter productive on both sides. We're both going nowhere fast.

Bye, text me when you get home.

The car door shuts.  

Reverse.  

I dolly out, watching you walk through your door.

I miss you already.  Neutral.  Drive.

Looking in the mirror you see from whence you came
Looking back was never meant to be filled with so much pain
I know where I have been and
I know where I plan on going
But by looking in the mirror I see what is really showing
I’m the girl you once knew but never understood
I’m the girl who could do great things but never dreamed she could
I’m the girl who looked in the mirror and saw who she really was
I’m the girl, with broken dreams of roses and of doves
I’m the girl whose heart was broken into two
I’m that girl, don’t you remember?
But who, may I ask, are you?
The broken shards behind me, hide what is really there
The blood and pain of others who pretended to really care
Giving up my love was such an easy thing to do
But I gave it up to early, I gave it all to you
We were young and unafraid of what would soon become
Of us together, apart or us together as one?
It was magic, it seemed to be
The magic of you and the magic of me
But magic doesn’t work for those who refuse to pay
So we paid yesterday, we’re paying now, we pay for it today
I’m the girl who forgot nothing comes without a price
I’m the girl whose great friend was a long and sharp kitchen knife
I’m the girl you loved but then quickly threw away
I’m the girl who looked in the mirror and saw who she is today
I’m the girl whose heart was broken into two
I’m that girl, don’t you remember?
But who, may I ask, are you?

Sitting by the window of an unfriendly room,
baffled voices surround an unquenchable core.
Digging my nails into flesh on my wrist,
I crack both big toes.
All the while, your limbs travel my inner eye lids.
Something simple as a blade of grass,
complex as The Birth of Venus cracking the surface of the sea.
Strings lace the cortex of my mind,
until all that remains are two puppets;
metal spokes force your eyes
to exonerate mine.

I have been eating flowers recently and hoping that one day I will be able to restart the garden in my heart that you tore apart. The light will shine again and roses will bloom to the steady staccato beat of my pulse, daisies and sunflowers rising up from the ground to create their own sunrise. Pale pink buds of tulips and bright blue violets will paint my veins with vivid life, the world beautiful again, the air fresher, my heart better.

The more I consume, the less there is of you and more of nature; earth taking over to heal the hurt in my soul. I tell myself this will work, it will succeed eventually; but inside the core of everything there is the pin ***** of reality that leads me back to the truth.

-

For despite everything, I still love you.

First, last, always.

(A.H.Z)

your energy competes with mine,
a battle just to feel alive.
i know that i can't beat you,
so i only live to please you.
you cast away my sorrows
you numb all of my pain
they say i have everything to lose
but there is nothing for me to gain
you're my only support,
yet they say you tear me down.
i've been told to look forward,
but i like this view from the ground.
i seek you in the shadows,
constant struggle, endless fight.
and every time i find you,
they rush to turn on the light.
i smile at the thought of you
dancing in my veins,
my body is just a vessel,
you are my soul, my heart, my brains.
you let me be myself
though i don't know who that is.
i've lost track of who is using who--
but that is half the bliss.
i lean my head back,
let the world drip, and melt, and shatter.
i can't remember-- what is reality?
i suppose it doesn't matter.
you made me trust that you would join me
in the depths of my despair.
but lately it seems like you dragged me,
like i wasn't already there.