Well, it's the 20th
Which means our 12 days of freedom together will finally happen
You're off work
I'm finishing my summer
Hopefully you don't act like a ****
Sometimes you do that and it's a ******

You always have my undivided attention
When you're around
There is always some sort of tension
Especially with those stare downs

It's because you like me
And I like you
But you're stubborn, you see
Because you know it's true

You avoid reality
All because you worry about him
But in actuality
He is quite grim

So I'm waiting for you call
To see what will happen
Even though you won't, I know I will fall
With that, it is me you will sadden

She told me you're a cheater
But I already knew
I see through all your lies
And that's something you can't undo

You say you're with someone
Then you say you're not
It's always a different story
That really can't be bought

I'm a fool because I'm well aware
Yet I give in because I'm weak for you
I try to forget and maybe believe
That you could perhaps love me too

Your actions speak much louder than your words
Even if you say all the right things
But proving them is what matters
Proving them is what true love brings

You never prove it

I miss you
When you're asleep
Alone in your bed
I wish you could rest
In my arms
I'd hold you so close
Right near my heart
Where you belong
With me
We can be
Eternally happy
You light up my life
Now let me light up yours
You're the fire
Ignited in my soul
We're just getting started
We have a lot more to go
On this adventure together
We'll always feel in love
No matter what the weather

I sit around wanting you all day
Even when I'm sitting next to you
I feel like it's not enough
I want my hands on you
I want to be kissing you
All the time
But I ruin us
Why do I always feel so uneasy?
Why do I let my mind get the best of me?
I overthink every second of every day
And it destroys me
Along with everything around me
I dig my relationships
Into the ground
With all of my thoughts
They don't hold any truth
Yet I still find myself believing them
Why can't I just accept reality as it is
Accept that someone loves me
Accept that someone wants me
Accept myself as I am
But I cannot
I am full of self loathing
And I fear it'll never go away
I've come to terms with the fact
That alone I'll always stay

We had a good run
Thought you were my only one
But when things had to end
You still remained my closest friend
Now that it's been a while
Rarely do we ever smile
Something has come between us
Now we lack in trust
I wish I could erase
This feeling of disgrace
I have so much guilt
Over destroying what we've built
I fear the loss of you
Even though we've been through
Everything and anything
Now you are missing
From my every day
I'm hoping for a way
To somehow reconnect
And change this defect
I want us to be strong
Where nothing can go wrong
That is how we used to be
And you still mean that much to me
My love and care will never fleet
Because without it I am incomplete

Things that are the most precious
Are worth waiting for
And I'd wait a thousand years
For you

Of course you ignore me
I don't know why I expected any different
You're so back and forth, like a flea
It's as if your silence is deliberate

I have spent years wasting my time
Over thinking and worrying about you
Hoping one day you wouldn't think loving me is a crime
Over you, I'm sick of being blue

You talk to me as if you're in love
You're around me as if you need my presence
But sometimes you fly away like a dove
Disregarding my feelings and our talk sessions

You tell me I'm pretty
And you tell me I could get anybody
But you make me feel so ******
When you can't even love me

Why are you so scared of your best friend
That makes no sense
I'm so sick of this trend
Back and forth, this is all so tense

I keep saying time will tell
But I've waited too long
Too bad I already fell
Too bad you think we are wrong

Pretty soon I'll be moving on
And you'll stay stagnant
You'll sit around and wonder where I've gone
My love for you will be absent

The past few months I’ve been living a life
Different from any life I’ve ever known
I go every day completely absorbed
In the wrong thing, the wrong person
How is it that I have been brought to here?
I wish I never would have done
What I did
Because then I wouldn’t be
Where I am
I’ve always been a lover
I’ve always known deep love
But this love, this is different
I don’t know if it is good or bad
But mostly, it brings me heartache
They say love ultimately brings happiness
Well not for me
I’ve broken people’s hearts
And I’ve had my heart broken
What about brokenness
Brings happiness?
Does anything ever last?
You don’t miss me
You miss the feelings I used to give you
No one ever showed you a love such as mine
Where did your love even go?
Mine stays sitting right here
Right in its chair
In the corner of my heart
And the crevices of my mind
Lingering and slowly fading away
I really want it to stay
But if it is just left there to be alone
It will eventually
Be gone
And I am afraid that that
Is what has already begun
To happen

Thank you,
Best Friend
For bringing me
Comfort
Security
Love
Generosity
You keep me sane
I love you

Numbness
It feels nice
In comparison
To the ****
You made me feel
On purpose

I'm starting to care
Less and less
Mainly because
I've been made numb
And looked dumb
Too many times

My cause of death won't be
A physical ailment
I won't have a heart attack
I won't get heart disease
I won't be plagued with cancer
I won't die of old age

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I give all of myself
I stop whatever it is I'm doing
To help those around me
I listen to and advise my friends
I assist my family
While no one does that for me
I am left alone 99% of the time

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I must internalize
Whatever emotions I feel
Because nobody understands
How deeply they go
They judge me and find me crazy
There is no one out there
Who is as equally emotionally strung
I am alone

The cause of my death will be
The fact that when I get sick
Or when I am hospitalized
Like I was earlier this month
No one seems to think it's a big deal
My mother doesn't pay much mind
Not even the one I'm in love with
Said one word to me
I was alone

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I don't see hope for the future
I see ignorance all around me
I see laziness and poverty
I don't see any opportunities
For me to get out of this place
I am wandering aimlessly
And alone

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I hate myself
For allowing my heart and my soul
To break as they both have
I am hypersensitive
I feel abandoned
I am weak and fragile
Even in a crowd of people
I always feel alone

No, I will not die from something physical
I will die from a broken heart

I'm not very attracted
To those who're easy
Those who go out
And act like they're so hot
Like what they do
Doesn't matter
As if there are
No consequences
I can get to know you
And love how you are
Love how you look
Walk and talk
But if you do that
With everyone
That crosses your path
You're no longer that special
Nor are you unique
You're not a person
Worth treasuring
It's a shame
People don't realize
Every choice
Makes a difference
When it comes to
Building one's character

We have a nice thing going
But then it gets boring
Because I am unable to give
What you want most in this
My insecurities block me
From giving you your plea
And I disappoint the both of us
Then we feel there is no trust
Truth is, I don't trust anyone
Because my body is no fun
No, we can't have *** like that
All you would see is my fat
You respect me and you're patient
And for that, I try to not relent
But I'll always be held back
It's just a cold hard *fact

Our relationship is so complicated
But it's anything but overrated
The love we share is concrete
No other feeling can compete

We make each other so happy
Together we form an army
That can withstand all adversity
We go about our love assertively

We don't want to hide
Or get over our pride
We want everyone to see
That our love sets us free

We've held back for so long
Always thinking our love was wrong
But now we're able to express
This beautiful relationship we possess

I truly feel like we're made for each other
I truly feel like you're my number one lover
Without you, I'd go crazy
You clear my mind when it gets all hazy

To have that peace and pleasure
Gives me contentment that I can't measure
Never stop giving your love, angel
Because to you, I'll always be faithful

I'm curled up and cold
No matter how I bundle up
I never get warm
My heart is frozen
My tears keep me company
From all the emptiness
I feel within me
My soul aches
From a hunger so strong
But there's nothing here to nourish me
This pain is so real
I feel myself bleeding
From the inside out
Curled up and cold
Starting to close my eyes
So that I can drift away
Into a dream
The only place I'm loved
The only place I'm wanted
Reality is just too hard
I don't want to go on
So I'm curled up and cold
In a few minutes I'll be asleep
And for the hours that I'm away
I'll be a little bit okay

I am plagued
With the curse
Of your sweet love

Dear Brother,
Today we partook in something
Mother wouldn't have been proud of
We tried to keep it a secret
But mothers know all
I wanted to wait for another time
I wanted to do it a different way
Be responsible
But I gave in to your rookie ways
Wanted to be the cool sister
And provide for you what my little bro wanted
Just to have a little fun
Now I'm in trouble
I take the blame for you
I won't let mom find out
But let this be a lesson for the both of us
Listen to your older, wiser sister
And the fun can still take place
But until then, I'll take this fall
And accept the consequences
Because I love you so
And don't want our mother
Looking at you the way she looks at me
Disappointed

Dearest you,
It's hard to put into words
The feelings I get
They make my stomach turn
Sometimes good, sometimes bad
At the end of the day
You're the best I'll ever have
We talk about forever
We both think
We'll end up leaving each other
But let's not get ahead of ourselves
Let's live for this moment
However,
When we think about our long lives ahead
There's only one image that comes to mind
Only one way in which we'll spend our time
Only one we can imagine marrying
Only one we can imagine loving
And that's us
You're my best friend
That'll never change
From here, we'll only grow
And we will continue to exchange
Love
Kisses
Laughs
Smiles
We have it all
Every day, I continue to fall
Thank you for being you
My dearest
I love you
That is all

I die inside
When I think of how much I want to love him
But I'm stuck loving you instead