Trust is broken
Your words misspoken
But now my eyes are open
For you I feel no emotion
You're a liar
And a thief
I've lost desire
What a relief
You have no clue
Of what you've wasted
But I always knew
I wasn't appreciated
It's all my fault
Buying all of your crap
You're full of ****
And I hate that
I will not make
The same mistake
Don't even attempt
To make amends
I am finished
Giving myself freely
Go torture someone else
I'm done with you completely

I love the way you look
You're exactly my type
The way you are
Not even a top model
Or the most famous celebrity
Contains your authentic beauty
Your face is exquisite
Your porcelain skin
And dark eyes
You're like a doll
I'd never want one thing about you
To change
You take my breath away
You should know
Of the perfection you posses
Your desire to look
Like anything else
Hurts me a little
Because the thought of never
Knowing you as you are
Or having you as I've had you
Makes me sick
You're so beautiful
It's a wonder
How someone so gorgeous
Can still be around
In a world full of ugly
It'll always be a mystery
That's why you're so precious to me

I'm the insecure type
But to an extreme
I don't believe anybody loves me
I always feel like there is some motive behind it
I've never fully accepted any lovers or friends
I constantly think I am annoying
A nuisance
But it's really my insecurities
That cause all the problems
I'm so insecure that I won't even open myself up to my family
My family
Family doesn't judge and it loves unconditionally
Well not in my mind
I won't go on certain trips with them
I won't visit certain family members due to embarrassment
Where does this embarrassment even come from?
This insecurity
To where it corners me and limits me to nothing
It comes from within me
It can't come from outside
Because everyone around me tells me
That I'm loved and accepted
But I will never believe them
I can't have a lover
I can't have a confidant
I can't have many friends
I'm always afraid
Constantly living in fear of being rejected
Not only am I insecure
But I'm overly loving
I love everyone because I sometimes wonder if they're like me
In which case, I want them to feel love
Real love
So I pour my heart out to everybody in my path
This is a deadly combination, though
Because I give everyone everything
But I accept nothing
It's like I pour my heart down a drain
And feel nothing but pain
Emptiness
I hope I'm not like this forever

I have this thing, you see
I'm overweight
In this big body
It cripples me from doing the things I enjoy
Like swimming
Like fashion
Like running
Like the many things I imagine
Going to the beach
Having hot ***
Time just passes by
And I sit here with regret
I haven't spent my almost 22 years
Doing things I enjoy
Instead
I've been fearful
Scared of judgment
Scared of wandering eyes
Don't look at me
What you see are lies
I wish my body
Reflected how I am
On the inside
That's all that matters, right?
Not really
That's another lie
My weight cripples me
And I let it
I need someone to believe in me
So I can shed it
Is anybody out there?
Do you even care?
Perhaps I'll be fat forever

When the time comes to see you
My nerves run amuck
They throw me for a loop
And I feel like I'm stuck

Stuck in a state of confusion
I can't tell if it's good or bad
But all I know is
You're the best I ever had

It's humorous and comical
How I'm most comfortable around you
Yet at the same time
That really isn't true

My anxiety makes me weak
My insecurities take me back
I do us a disservice
That is when we get off track

I end up wishing to be more
To be perfect, charming, and beautiful
I just want to please you
But instead I'm just pitiful

However,
When you grab my hands
And touch my body
It is little by little
That you fix me

Dear Best Friend,
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
Not a day goes by that I'm not affected by the loss of you
You were everything to me
My confidant
My best friend
My rock
My right hand
My soul mate
My lover
Not a day goes by where I don't think "what if"
Not a day goes by where all of the memories and times we shared cross my mind
Not a day goes by where I wish those times we could multiply
Not a day goes by that I don't think of the possibilities our love once possessed
Not a day goes by where I'm not somewhat filled with regret
What if I could have saved you
From your evil addiction
The addiction which took your life
Away from me
Away from everyone
You were supposed to live long
We were supposed to do so many things together
Now I am left in the dark
Wondering if I'll ever recover
Losing you is the hardest thing I'll ever have to deal with
Losing you is something I'll never understand
You'll always have a special place in my heart
And I know you'd want me to be happy
But sometimes I get so angry
I just want you with me
I miss you

I'm completely hollow
From giving my all
There's nothing left
But me feeling small
I couldn't give more
Even if I tried
You ruined me
With all those lies
I'm sitting here
Getting over you
Can't ******* wait
Until this is through
With you out of my life
I'm a lot less stressed
And that's how I know
This is for the best

It hurts me so much
I've never known a pain such as this
You don't care about me
Meanwhile
You're the only thing I care about
Do you know how hard it is to stay away
To let you be
The hardest thing I've ever had to do
Why are we this way
I just want to go back
Back to when you were mine
And then just freeze time

**** people
Who tell you they're in love with you
When they aren't
**** people
Who like to lie to others
Just to make themselves
Feel better
*******
For doing that
To me

i've heard you talk
a whole bunch of ****
i always questioned you
didn't want to believe it
but now i do
because you used me all along
i was suspicious
of your selfish ways
you tried to get me
to stop loving someone
not because you wanted my heart
and not because you cared about me
but because you didn't want
her to be happy
you played so many games
and made me feel guilty
time after time
you played with my heart
and ****** with my mind
you attempt to apologize
but don't even try
i was foolish to ever think
that this could have been real
i'm glad i always told you
the way that i truly feel
i'm not in love with you
and never will be
i'm grateful i never truly bought
all of your plots and schemes
you lied to me
and i was honest with you
you used it against me
that's something i wouldn't do
if you can't handle the truth
then get out of my way
i don't deal with fakes
that's the price you have to pay

Every day, we grow closer
We make the perfect pair, her and I
Of the music in my ears, she's the composer
She gives me wings and I can fly

I fly to see her every night in our dreams
We make love each time like it's the last
I can't get enough of her, it seems
Don't know how I lived without her in my past

She's the most beautiful creature on this planet
I have never encountered someone so ethereal
Her lips are red like pomegranate
Her heart is not made of muscle material

Rather, it is made from gold
Gold that breeds love and care
Seeping into my system, to her I always fold
At her, I can't help but stare

I am in love, certainly
Just to breathe the air she breathes
Is my biggest blessing, surely
And if she were to ever leave
There would never be another
Because if I'm speaking honestly
She is my greatest lover

I mean nothing to you
And that's what hurts the most
I'm something you're not afraid to lose
Now my stomach just feels gross
All the time

I hate myself sometimes
The way I think
The way I act
The way I look
The way I wish
My life was a book

I hate my body
And the lack of will power
I have to make it better
I just sit around
Drawing pictures on a letter
Hoping one day
I wake up different
But that'll never happen
Since my laziness is deliberate

I sit around and act a fool
Wishing I could change things
But I'm not even proactive
I guess this is what nothing brings

I'm full of self loathing
It really holds me back
No one will ever want me
So what's the point in that

Maybe if I loved myself
I could find the determination
To fix all my flaws
And make real my imagination

Being a girl *****
There's so much pressure
Put on us
To act a certain way
And walk as if to sway
We're normal ******* people
Wanting to be treated equal

I hate myself
And I know
Happiness depends on me
But what if I just want to flee
Away from here
Rid my mind of fear
And only focus on nature
Rather than on failure

universe
hear my plea
let me die
i don't want to live
because all i can seem to do
is destroy
all that is good

My heart feels on fire
I lay in bed and think of you
Tears slowly roll out of my eyes
One by one
Just like it does right before
A thunder storm is about to take place
My tear droplets analogous with rain drops
My thoughts replacing the sound of thunder
How you reeled me in so perfectly
With the way you'd tell me things
The way you'd lie
I always still wonder why
What was the point of making me weak
So weak I'd do anything for you
Making it impossible for me to give you up
You lifted me up so high
Only to throw me back down
So far down that an indention
Formed in my soul
I loved you so sweetly
So genuinely
Isn't that what you want?
I'll never have you
My heart is truly on fire
Burning for the one
I can't have