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I got to find me a drink.
It’s been fighting my gut for quite some time now.
I got to find me a drink.
I can feel it clawing up my throat.
I got to find me a drink.
It’s too soon, but it’s rattling my voice box.
I got to find me a drink.
It’s begging to be released.
Shouted.
Absorbed.
I got to find me a drink.
I can feel it creeping along my tongue.
I got to find me a drink.
Every day, it crashes against the back of my teeth.
I got to find me a drink.
I’m not thirsty.
I’m choking.
& Lord knows, love never goes down easy.
I'm searching the dictionary
Trying to find some kind of definition
Some kind of meaning
Turning pages frantically, searching
The answer must be there
I just has to be
For I am blinded
I can not see
The precious world that is presented to me
This is so unreal
That I can not feel
Is this an illusion?
All this confusion
Please I beg someone take my hand
Show me the way
Because I have no idea which way to go
Which page to look on
I'm just ready to hang up these shoes
I'm simply done looking for the clues
I have lost sight of the things in front of me
My pen has stopped working
I can not write what I see
I can not write of what I hear
I have lost all love of all that was dear and near

I can't understand
The workings at hand
I'm so far gone
Is there any amount of reaching
That could pull me back

I want to see colors again!!
To be bright to be bold!!
I don't want to be cold
This is so wrong here
I don't want to put my future on hold

Bring back the memories of childhood love and laughter
Bring back the happiness of a world once known
I want my heart to tingle
I want to be able to mingle
To have meaning
To be beaming
I don't want to hide
I don't want to just go along for the ride
I want to feel pride
If only I could put these useless feelings aside
Rest assured I don't want to die
But that's how I feel inside
I woke up this morning
Needing to get out
I heard the day cry for my company
And my heart longing to reply
So I got up and grabbed my coat
The night was hardly dawning
When I heard somebody shout
Or was it some thing taunting hungrily
From the woods or my head know not I
But my mind was quite afloat

He sat there waiting patiently
For me to walk the path
I tucked my coat around me
In the chilling morning air
But I walked along so eagerly
As if I strode from wrath
And like a flame so easy to see
Around my head flowed my crimson hair

Not far had I come into the wild
Before I felt something near
A pair of eyes watching my every move And his hot predator's breath
I had heard the warnings as a child
Yet I did not encounter fear
As he his cover did remove
And promised me virtual death

He grabbed me by my pounding wrist
And dragged me into his lair
So damp, dangerous and dark
And there he let me laid me down
He tied me so I could not resist
And numbed me with his stare
His weapon all ****** made a mark
On my coat and my morning gown

He ate me until there was nothing left
And I saw myself from up high
I went to the woods to find my truth
And so I found the beast
I went without worries of **** or theft
And I welcomed him with a sigh
The potency of his violent youth
I invited him to feast.
Ones quality of life is not determined by a tangible, measurable, comparable, product of worth
But what we are can be determined by what we accomplish
Not by a certificate, title or position, but by the triumph over reservation and mastery of ourselves
Our minds naturally welcome doubt, embrace it like an old friend
Lingering on what we want but can’t have, while the disbelief in ourselves further saturates our core
Staying here, comfortably covered by a blanket of indifference, we wither into only the shell of something real
Our worth defined by a certificate, title and position, averaged out because of our passive influence on this perpetual world
We must petrify the thoughts, take away their voice, keep them still
For each moment of disbelief is a stolen moment of action
All we need is a miracle, some inspirational idea, word, event, to spark, shock and jumble our thoughts to recover that passion within us and activate our true strength
We can fight, you and I, send that permeating doubt into a fleeting panic back into the dark site it bread from
As we triumph over our own reservations and master each intricate part of ourselves.
Where
Do
I
Turn
Now?
Will
You
Ever
Trust me?........
Will
You
Ever
Stop
Using
Our
Relationship
As a joke?
Where
Do
I
Turn?
'Cause my skin writes just a little more raw than
rough fingertips.
Spending intangible dollars at the mercy of my ever growing appetite,
Instead of buying my ticket out of this perfectly advantageous country,
Which focuses solely on my beauty and money.
I neglect my inner advice telling me to drop it all and run,
To where I can breathe and focus on God,
Promoting a healthier way of living and improving humanity.
Momentary hope that unrealistically characterizes perfection
As a quality that I can mentally download and miraculously make the above, true,
Never seems to linger long enough to actually induce action,
Which leads to disappointment draining the motivation essential to recover my missing pieces,
Which pushes me to crave cash I don’t have, to pick up that dose,
That hushes the unwarranted guilt that seduces me into thinking that I’m not incredibly blessed,
And that I can’t handle what I’ve been dealt,
Blurs the doubts I have about my abilities, my self- worth,
Forcing me into a state of content that awakens my creativity,
While vaguely being able to make out memories of let down led by myself and my mother,
Who was a part of what was never good enough for my idea of a perfect family.
I’ve wrongly accepted that a mediocre life-performance is to be had while following the crowd,
While obsessing over flaws that are negligible to my true purpose in life,
And with that I’ve become stifled by the decision to remain effortlessly stuck.
Head to the body
Swallow hot toddy

A dash of narcissism

To make the throat burn
Make my insides churn

A dollop of ego

And I'm getting drunk
On your self-absorbed funk

All mixed in hot

I do it recreationally
Unconnected emotionally

We pretend we care for one another
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