I ask.

Untangling the knot you've made with our fingers
in the dark.

Quietly,

I wait for a response
that will justify your behavior,
or condone my own.
(all the while)

Knowing that you don't have one
to give.

I’ve made it a routine now

to decide what I am willing

to free from my thoughts.

And I have told myself that

those things can no longer invade

my every days

because you see,

change happens

and change is good

especially when you decide to change

for the better

for yourself

so you can remember the dreams

you once had but lost

so you can find something else that

makes you feel alive in ways you’ve never felt

but I would like to make a point that

you should not forget the things or ones

who made you come to these conclusions.


Because you see,

they were your starting blocks

they helped shape you

they taught you about love

and creativity

and happiness

and peace

and acceptance

they helped to learn to enjoy the things that were in store for you

and you should never regret the experience, or wish it were back

or be mad at yourself or others for why they ended.

just be happy that you got those chances,

and that is something that you can never replace.


I’ve lived the past month

questioning my journey

and my choices

and wondering what would happen if I could just rewind

could I fix how I loved

or how I treated myself or others

how to not appreciate the opportunities I have

and the experiences I will remember forever?

And I became angry, and confused, and remorseful

because I am self-critical.

I believe myself to be the bearer of bad news

of pessimistic mentality

of the need to timestamp everything.


But today, I’ve had an epiphany.

I realized that I cannot regret the fact that

things fall apart

and things cannot be mended

and that you might never feel the way you used to

with someone or in someplace

but sometimes you shouldn’t want to

because you need to be open to new experiences

you need to be open to loving someone new

or to living a different kind of life

or to experience new people and places

and basically need to grow up

and realize that there is room for better

and you’ll experience many moments of better your whole life

and those moments in your past were that

they were good and better than what you’ve had before.

But it’s okay to move on. And be happy for what’s in store.

And that’s what I intend to do,

and currently I really am

trying.

You hold me tight,
Like I will be flying away.
I will.
Just not today.

I am not rejecting you
I just don't feel anything
Not for you
Not for anyone
I am alone on the inside
Empty
Shh..
Quiet.

You won't miss me.
I promise.

You don't even know what I smell like.
I won't love you
I don't love me.