A Tagging on my sleeve
a feeling
like
I cannot put my finger on it
crawls up my legs
into my chest
and rests

Progress
seems so hard to make out
at times I want to shout everyone down
and catch a glimpse of
horizon

Running wild wild he
now steps freely
own yellow eyes now in use of his own good
wild wild she is now
running freely
between pear trees under
yellow skies
wild wild they run freely
under gaze of Moon and Jupiter and Mars
wild spots in blue oceans
on a canvas of stars

All the words kept
inside for the sake of it for fear of not being
perfect enough of not fitting
the situation now they come
come up
up
up
blobbing like hot water in that volcano lake
they shoot out
like eager spring flowers
only harder
They gather only for split seconds before
they can really make sense they
drown
in that volcano lake but look
there's a whole lot of them coming out

You go inward trying to
listen
listen

but the child
does not speak to you
yet

From behind your head something
makes you feel like
a young child
afraid
and know not
what it is

From inside yourself
center
center

Still
a way to go
to where and how long you
simply cannot know it

Slowly, very slowly, the child stops fighting, starts to lay down shield and sword and crawls out of its dark corner, shifts towards the light [...]

You tell me you're
here
but I cannot find much peace and quiet and
confidence
I seem to be
unable
to settle into it
and sad impatient
restless

Today I feel like
maybe
everything's going to be
okay
again

So it seems you sit in your deepest wound
what to do, dear
what to do except
be extra kind to it
so that it
finally
may heal

Clench clench clench
Kid
I begin to feel again
It is
An empty fear

Out of the sand your
face emerges
eyes closed lids
flicker
here
here
...

A sea of white pearls
opens
in my chest
relaxing
and cool
and I can rest now

Two beds chairs
plastic floor sterile
clinic place this is
me too
in anxiety and sad
and playing
table football

Once you do love
your whole self
unconditionally
because you have set out to discover this
you'll
find
everyone who really
truly loves you
in your own heart
love does not know
seperation

Racing mind self left
behind and
momentarily blinded to your truth
let it be there share
if you like and my stomach
twists and clenches

A golden blanket wrapped
around you
Her words
I will always be with you
and you begin to accept
their feeling true

Coming through again for
what seems a very deep night
the voice
of your Heart
accepting fear and all of fear's
what ifs with a knowing conspiratorial smile

It's too much
of a stretch by now
to pretend to not see and not
be as powerful as you are and you'll
peacefully drop it

🌺

It's frightening so
so frightening to be
open and bare and the mask
fluttering in the
air beside me
a moment from
floating away

Like wet clay you lie
beside me I feel
your cool arms and shins
and I don't fear
your yellow eyes anymore

A skinny day peeks through
your window asks,
Could I come in,
you have already brewed
a second cup of coffee
your skin warm
and you listen

Old systems hanging by a thread stone walls massive built from deep fear and desire to protect what is not there yet
Deep walls cold walls already
a crack runs
through them until the edges a crack so long and thorough you know -
And you heart widens with that knowledge and great relief comes in -
that it is already inevitably on the way to
crumble now
crumble down and become
dust that flies
with the air
so that your people can see it
can believe it
I must see this through til the end you think
not knowing what exactly this means what exactly -
But it does not matter
And you have so much space
to breathe now
to breathe
And so you do just that you
fill your lungs
and

b
r
  e
a
t
  h
e

for what feels like
the first time
in ages

A bird in the night *****
its golden-blue wings
just do disturb your
ongoing thoughts of doom

You are not afraid of
a sharp blade
any longer
for you trust the purity
of your intentions
and the heart
that has never failed you

In the middle of the
grey path
amidst all the
dust and rubble and
noise there lies
a pink almond blossom
unharmed
because it followed you
and it always
does so
marking
the way

You watch
in silent amazement from
where you stand
in the middle
as time completely
rearranges itself
before your very eyes

The wind blows the grains of dry sand
away from the paper and
a question emerges
reading
Who are you
in clear letters
You remember
and hear
the earnest tone of this phrase
and no hint of your own
uncertainty
is mirrored
in this question

A breath-taking pattern on the lime stone ceiling
of flittering light square shapes
rounded
vibrating as the clear pool of water does underneath
you stand in awe -
meanwhile the words are still growing
in your heart and you know
you wait a little longer

Your hair
floating flapping
in the wind
you move
move
and you are able to
look back look forward
as far as you dare
tilt your head up
down
sideways but you
move
forward
and you need not
stop

If they were all my children I'd say
you have done well
til here
shake off the doubt
If they were all
my children
I'd say
I'm kind of proud
of you -
She
to all her children
never withholds
her trust
never does anything to truly harm
she sees you
rattling
and thus becomes
evermore calm
so as to maybe catch you
in mid-fall
soothing
the challenge
you imposed on yourself

Good to see you take it
with a laugh a smile a
teary eye from being so
connected
Good to see you are
relieved
Good
my dear
to see you hear the lightness

🌌

Are you awake says the night to the dark
weaving the light of the sparkling stars
into your warm dreaming heart
are you awake

✨

The smells the breeze the
glistening reflected
rays of sunlight
already reach you
though the sea itself
seems
out of sight

A little hut with
black
swirling about
a sign to stay
away come closer please
the door just slightly ajar and some
black strands of hair
almost visible -
This
you understand in a sudden impulse
is her way
to invite you maybe not
in
but closer

Hidden love
grown up still
children
a love too
much
for their now
hidden behind
loud
helpless shouting
and keeping
apart yet
deeply entangled
for that
was their way
of keeping
the love safe
what brave souls
taking
the pains
of loving

A blue forearm comes out of the void and tugs
at your chin blue skin on yours
Blue naked feet climb out of the void
into where you are
Your eyes fixed on
the incredible sight
and you ask
with all you are:
Are you that reckless

I see what
you want for yourself clearly and ache
for you put
so many stones
in the way

To turn
your Inside out
you learn
all this

To wrap the world
around you
not
to walk
towards it anymore

A quiet rebellion
every bit of it for your sake
eyes averted for fear and desperate wish
to reconnect
indicating
with every fibre every controlled breath
that open question
are you sure
now
are you
really sure
tentative
waiting
wishing
asking
so that you can answer
yes, I am

She's never impatient but always
playing she can be everywhere
unworried
even in this cell she'll play
with the bricks pull them from the wall and make
a jumping game out of it
It's not her who has hurt or hurt you
but you do not bring yourself
to believe it yet
But you sit in red and black
your back turned
towards her
and she doesn't mind because she has no
concept of waiting
And you look out of the little window through the wooden bars
out where there is the wide indifferent sea
but you do not look at it
You -
because you do have that concept -
are waiting

Amidst it all the girl
slips her small hand into
the lion's mouth
between
his teeth
and has the head
calm down

I always feel
the magnetic pull
before I look up
eyes wide
seeing you soar through the air
then I wonder

Ay! and the giant seagull snaps
the piece of ciabatta from your hand and you smile, half in secret,
though simultaneously highly pleased, and it is so obvious to me cause the beaming expression is so hard to hide, so contagious,
and I know that was what you had planed all along.
For the bird to have it. What a kid you are.

[…] And a huge shadow moves through the core and climbs out of the sea, dripping, two eyes in the middle of the face because he did not know how to make eyes. He climbs out, looking for you. So that you adjust those eyes, and cover them with your palms if need be. A shadow that would vanish in an instant if you’d give the signal.
And will you give it.
Will you.
And do you hear me… you hear me.

This is the infant biting
a juicy lemon slice for the first time
life and all
its scandalous craziness rushing
into a hilarious expression
that seems to say,
this is life I'll
buy it