It's like there's a wall
between all who try to help me
and my broken self.
And each time they get closer
my wall gets thicker.

Will I ever be okay?

It becomes very hard to make decisions
when everything and everyone tells me
its not right.
But my heart just wont give up.

It has rained for the past few days. The clouds have hung low and water darkened my world. The cold seeped through my coats and the wind constantly attacked.

But today I saw the sun. The ground is drying up and the water is fading. The cold doesn't hurt as much and the wind is much softer.

As much as I love the rain, I feel like this is a new beginning for me. One where I get to see the light everyday. One where I am thankful to be alive.

I can't help but feel like
a little fish
in an enormous ocean
whenever I see you.

I've never felt so alone.

I don't know why I run after people
who will never run after me.

I can finally chase after my own dreams
without you plaguing me with doubt.

My favorite days
are the ones where
the sky is gray and
the clouds are dark and low.
Where the wind blows cold
and allows us to feel.
Where the rain pours upon us
and washes away our past.
My favorite days
are the messiest.
The ones that match my heart.

There are so many people in my life who care about me.
People who would take bullets for me.
Fight for me.
People who will always be there.

So why do I feel so alone?

You told me I taught you
what it means to love.

What I didn't know is that
the love I taught you
would be given to
someone else.

They say that sometimes
holding on hurts more
than letting go.

I let you go
in hopes of my heart
becoming as okay
as yours when I'm
not with you.

It feels like my
shoulders are lighter
my smile is brighter
and I'm finally whole
again.

Everyday I
break a little more,
and
fall a little harder.

But it all just teaches me how to
stand a little taller,
and
rise a little stronger.

The best things in life are often
the things hidden behind
disbelief
and
fear.

I miss out late night talks
where the only thing that
mattered was the echoes
of our laughter.

Sometimes
my only          comfort
is a mind

emptied






of it's thoughts.

I sit here
with a blank sheet of paper,
ready to tattoo it with the words of my heart.

My heart is filled with deadly shards.
And the more I feel,
The more it hurts.

Sometimes I find it hard to live. Whether it be at school, where stress and pressure hit just the right buttons to **** me off. Or at 2 am when everything seems so distant.

Sometimes I find it hard to smile. Whether it be with my friends on a weekend, where joked flutter in the air. Or at 11 pm when a face time call sparks joy.

Sometimes I find it hard to laugh. Whether it be in a parking lot witnessing a homeless man by himself crying. Or at 4 pm when the world gets cold and horrid.

Sometimes I find it hard to stay happy. Whether it be with my family at supper on a Friday afternoon.  Or at 1 am when I'm by myself and hatred consumes my sleep.

Sometimes I find it hard to be strong. Whether it be when everything hurts and I want to give up. Or at 7 pm when everything freezes and everything hurts.

Sometimes you have to persevere. And so I will.

I wish people could see the world the way I see it. It is filled with darkness and violence, as well as monsters and scary things. But very few people are the light in our world. Very few see the world as I do, a wonderful place filled with happiness even in the smallest things, filled with peace even in the smallest places. As well as good people and beautiful sights.

I wished we could all be filled with light, until I realized we all are born with light in us, but sometimes people let the darkness cover it up. And for a moment while viewing such beauty in the world, viewing happiness in children and families and friends, and in viewing the very own light within me.

I realized it wasn't people covering their own light. The broken and the lost are only people who have seen other people's darkness and decided to take it upon themselves.

No one truly looses their light, they just give it to others who's darkness outgrew the good.

Silence
is
the
space
between
what
is,
and
what
could
be.

Scarlet sun dancing on the horizon,
Amber leaves fluttering to the ground,
Golden rays shining through windows,
Lime carpets of grass, wet with morning dew,
Aqua skies hovering ever so high,
Violet flowers waving in the wind.

I have traveled far and wide,
and yet I still don't feel
Like
        I
          Belong.