So many pencil sharpeners, all missing their blades.
So many possible was, but bleeding has become my escape.

I cut myself tonight.
5 new scars trail along my hip.
You're so lucky I'll be alive tomorrow
because if it were up to me the words I just spoke to you would be the last escaping my lips.

I'm sorry that this is how I think.
but with every word and action you throw my body forms a new line
filling up the tissue with a darker shade of pink.

One day I'll do it.
I'll take away all your pain.
I'll do it one day I promise you babe.
but that day won't be today

you ruined me again. you really did it this time. I can't believe you'd hurt me like that, but I should've known it'd happen again.

I don't know how to fix this and maybe I never will. I could smoke a million cigarettes and it wouldn't matter because I'm yours to ****.
you're doing a good job so far, you know just what to say. I've been bleeding since day one but that's perfectly okay.

you tear my down just to build me back up and you said it was just what you needed. you needed to break me yet again just so you could fix it all up

but what if I'm too broken this time. what if my shattered heart can't be fixed be your fragile lies. there's no way you love me if it was worth kissing her to watch this all go by.

you had her in your room which is the place that we finally fell in love. we'd spend hours there just laying together and planning our future. but you had to ruin it by bringing her to the place you watched me come undone.

it was in your bed when you finally seen my cry. it was in your bed where we made love for the first time. it was in your bed where we slept and woke up in each others arms. it was where I finally gave you my broken heart.

now that place it haunted by her kiss. who knows what else happened because I know how hard of a time you have with your urges, most you can't resist.

I hope she made you happy even if it was just for a second. I hope she was worth hurting me because you'll never know even the half of this pain, your words and actions being the only weapon

and even after falling asleep on your chest all those times it took me  seven months to realise your heart doesn't beat for me the way mine beats for you, maybe it never will. and I swear that there's a fragment of you stuck in every part of my body, but most importantly you're the artery in my heart that keeps my blood pumping through my hollow veins and the day you leave the part of you that keeps me alive will disappear and there will be nothing I can do but internally bleed through out my skin because I could never show you my pain.

I am an unhealthy person.
I have an unhealthy mind.
It searches for ways to cope with things,
Ways I know you wouldn't find.
It thinks of needles, lighters and blisters,
Of bite marks and bruises and hating my sister.
It thinks of benches and doorsteps and two **** soft beds,
It thinks of that kitchen, that grass hill and when the moon turned red.

I have an unhealthy person.
I am an unhealthy mind.
Together I make a combination
Of the likes you would never find.