You selfish boy!
How can you bear to tear my heart to pieces?
Now I can only ask myself,
my best friend,
what did I do wrong?
was there something I could have done to make you hold my heart in gentle hands?
I exclaim that I am stupid.
Stupid for falling for you.
Stupid.
Stupid for believing that someone could, just possibly, love me. Love me in a moment or love me eternally.
Tears stain the paper I write on.
My stomach turns with sickness, yet I want to inhale food.
I close my eyes and breathe in deep.
You did this.
Not me.
But that doesn't help because you did this to me.
Trails of tears stiffen on my cheeks.
I look at my marked skin.
love
Love yourself.
That's what I need to do.
I need to love myself.
The thought still floats in my mind.
Because all I can ask is what did I do? what did I do to deserve this?
All because you decide to be selfish.

Do you not see me sitting here
as you talk to my best friend about
how I'm such a piece of trash?
Sorry your political views are the opposite of mine.
That doesn't mean I am a total complete piece of trash.
And how dare you talk to my best friend about it.
I don't care if you've known her for a long time.
She's my best friend and you're putting her in an uncomfortable situation.
I would love to speak up and tell you to shut your mouth
but I can't.
Normally, I would.
But the last thing I want is to make my best friend uncomfortable. I don't want awkwardness to linger in the air.
I don't want to storm out *******.
But I know I will because holding it in and biting my tongue burns it's way down my throat because I'm a better person.
I'm not the piece of trash you speak of.

We're hardwired to remember fear the easiest.
Our brains are trained to fear from everyone's pain and suffering.
We're to fear fear itself.
We're hardwired.
Humans are just machines.
Hardwired.

We all want something beautiful.*
I wish I was beautiful

He says we all want something beautiful.
She says she wants to be beautiful.
She's telling him that she wants to be wanted.
She grew up being told fairytales.
She just wants to be apart of one.
She wants her own personal fairytale.

I wasn't worried about you and I walking down the halls together.
I knew it'd never be that way.
I knew there was no chance in hell you and I would ever be a thing.
I'll just go hide away.
I never knew finding someone attractive was a crime.
I can't wait til the end of the year.
I never knew that finding friendship with you was worth the death penalty.

What would your friends say if we were walking down the hall together? They'd laugh their ***** off, and you'd probably tell them you were doing it with me so they'd forgive you for being seen with me.
Don't you ever talk about my friends. As far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways of school you can forget it because it's never gonna happen. Just bury your head in the sand.



*Thanks T, for making my life in a Breakfast Club scene.