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maybella snow Aug 2013
i'm ready to
bash my head
against a wall

i'm about to
cut my wrists
with a blade

i just want
my death to be
sooner rather
than later
maybella snow Jun 2013
i found a recent picture of me
i look sad
broken                        
small        

i went back and looked at a picture
of me      
taken                      
  a couple of weeks ago

i was happy
full of life                        
cheerful      

i had no idea
that i had changed so much          
i thought i hid
everything                
tightly
under lock and key

but i guess                                                  
only photographic evidence
was able to      
convinced me                              
that i cant hide              
this strong of sadness                    
anywhere
within me                          

\//\//\/\//\//\//
maybella snow Jul 2013
your death
  will be
          the suicide
       of both
of us.
maybella snow Nov 2013
remember that time you told someone
you got lost in my eyes? and forgot
I could hear you?
I do
and I was half asleep at the time
some memories I'd **** to get rid of
that's one of them because you must
have lied, my eyes are shallow and dead
nothing special about me whatsoever
and you forgot me in a heartbeat
that's okay I'm glad your heart
still beats some kind of
rhythm
what ever
it's hard to stop pain
when its irrational
and emotional
maybella snow Jan 2014
im a week clean
mostly because
of the two lives
that i have to keep going
two kittens
a boy named cheshire
and a girl named dorathy (or dot)
their gently enquiring eyes
checking to make sure
the tears have finally stopped
tracking down my face
their life as they
know theyve done
something naughty
as they sprint around my room
how they fall asleep
heads  resting on my chest
because they need me
theyre keeping me going
more than people realise
maybella snow Jul 2013
5 words


*and here come more tears
maybella snow Jun 2013
i feel love
how do i know this?
it just feels right

i tell someone,
"you don't know love"
is their reply

how do they know?
have /they/ felt love?
it could be different for other people?
maybella snow Jul 2013
it hurts there
                        no, higher than my rib bones
                          lower than my coller bone
        a little to the left of my breast bone
                there
right where my heart beats
  that's where the pain is
                        what pills can i take to help the pain?
maybella snow Jun 2013
: ' ' ' ''. , .  ; ' ' ';
       ' ; ,                 ' ',' :
         : . , . ' ;  ..    :
                                           : ' ' ' ''. , .  ;                                             , ,   ; ' ' '; , .  ; ' ' ' ;                              
                ;  ''                    ',' :                                       ' ; . ,                    ; '        
                              ' :                , ,' :                                                 ; , , . , ; ' ' , ;                        
               ' ', .'   , .  ;'                                       : ' ' ' ''. , .  ;                      
                                               ; ',                 ',' :
                  ; '  '  ;                         ' : . , . ' ;  .. , :
   ' .     '. , .  ;                    
                ; ,                  ',' :                          
               : . , . ' ;  ..    :                      


clouds only look like things
when you have an imagination
10 words
maybella snow May 2014
when your skin stings in the shower, and get close to a bit of metal you name cat
when you become close friends with the toilet, and name her mia
when you know the depths of the darkness, and recignise deb
when you feel the emptiness known as ana
and when you know the temptation of sue

im sorry
maybella snow May 2013
small Colored blOcks
every hue of the raiNbow
all different shapes and sizes
staCked randomly Every which way
filling gAps with more varying blocks
more carfuL the sEcond time
filling Darkness with colour
built into a tiny mansion,

to complete, a moat
with it is a diFferent purpose
its to trap, keep things in, not out
filled with dArk murky water, Lots of it
evil creatureS liE under the surface
deep enough to remAin unseeN
hiDing and waiting out pray
until it’s close enough

plucking up courage
an unsuspecTing Escapee
in a last ditch effoRt to get out
swims despeRately wIth limbs Flailing
getting awaY from a place of vile hues
fake pIgment deceiviNg eyes
coverinG it’s true colours
tints of black, grey
maybella snow Jul 2013
sometimes i think                              
that we                                                      
                               really are
~connected~                                                
                                                because when you tell me
                                      you caused yourself harm

and if i think back            
i remember a                            
                       slashing pain
over my skin    
                                                                                where i hadn't
                                                                                                          done anything

so really                                                    

you're hurting
both of us.

                                                             please stop.

. .
maybella snow Dec 2013
it has been a few days
since I have felt the
pleasure of pain
and oh how I
miss that sting
rush of adrenaline
a wide awakening
and harsh coloring
but oh how I
miss that sting

blood bleeds red                    
just as my heart beats          
dead
maybella snow Aug 2013
i just don't think
that makeup            
is covering          
the bruises                        
or cuts                        
as i wish it
would
maybella snow Aug 2013
i think, that this addiction
has the worst withdrawals
ever
        they leave you  feeling
        completely empty and
alone
         until you get
          the  next  hit
pain
         is a mental hurdle
          thats  too  high  to
jump
         so, alone and
         empty, you'll
remain
maybella snow May 2013
craving something
                     i cant find it
         yet i know
i need it

please help me
   discover it                 recover it
                       locate it

withdrawals
                         **** people
         i'm not a smoker
      or                     drug addict
        
yet this ache
                burns            freezes
   numbs
i've forgotten

what its like
                        to not
        feel this way
                            hurting without pain
maybella snow Aug 2013
i love standing in the wind                        
letting the velocity of the storm                                
make me feel weak in a different way                                          
weak as in                                                                
not mentally
or physically
just that i know                              
it's bigger than me                              
and yet                
nor the rain
thunder
lightning
wind
make me feel scared                                                  
i like to enjoy the power                                            
it's not mine                                            
but i'm in the presence                                              
of a great power                                                          
that can create destruction
destroy lives                        
ruin everything                  
one day                                                                                              
i just want to                                                                                              
lay in a field                                                                                              
back down in                                                                                              
the grass                                                                                              
with rain pounding                                                                                              
down, lighting                                                                                              
breaking the sky                                                                                              
thunder blasting                                                                                              
wind howling                                                                                              
and simply                                                                          
feel like nothing                                                                  
to the wold,                                                                          
because i'm                                                                          
tiny                                                                                        
compared to it                                                                    
                                                                  
i want to die
in the presence
of a power
bigger than
anyone
can handle

—a storm—
nothing to do with religion in my opinion, i didn't write it about that. but if that's the way you intemperate it, okay
maybella snow Jul 2013
10 words
I've never had a nosebleed before, I got one tonight
maybella snow Jul 2013
5 words
*when did i become painless?
maybella snow Oct 2013
running through grass as high as your calf muscles
                        you gasp for breath,
it fogs out in front of you as you pant;
its a cold night,
one where smart sensible people are indoors and covered,
                                                        huddled before fireplaces,
                                                      or cuddling up to someone.
lost in a field,
you look around,
                                          its too dark to see far but the moon is out
             because the fog is illuminant and pale everywhere you look.
there's an imposing figure,
                            you feel it getting closer,
hot breath near your right shoulder,
                            you shudder and try and **** away.
only to feel something cold.
a freezing breath on the opposite side of you,
                                                           it hugs you as you struggle.
                                 too cold,
                                 too cold you think,
                   too bitterly cold.
pushing off it your hand reaches something that bites with cold,
you pull away quickly and turn. as you turn around there's black.
you wonder where the moon went because the fog was white before.
no, now there's only black, yet glancing up you definitely see stars.
                                                                                                                       what's going on?
                                                                                                            why is this happening?
                                    you trip,
but its not the grass you trip over its nothing,
                                                   there is nothing there.
                                                                 nothing imposing.
                                                                 nothing.
                    why did you trip you wonder.
then you realize you didn't just trip you fell.
you just reached the next level.
                               something hits you hard as hot and cold figures cover you.
                                       screaming and gasping you're being burnt and frozen.
         you can struggle all you want,
but below there's only blackness,
                                    and above,
hot and cold burn you slowly.
dirt shoved in your mouth,
               gaged and held.
  there is no escaping.
        whatever it is.
it will burn your skin then freeze your heart and mind.
sorry idk what this is but its depression i guess idk
maybella snow Nov 2013
.
.
.
.
maybe i'll come back
maybella snow Jul 2013
aim and
                  fire!
  my heart caught alight
you hit me
         dead on
maybella snow Aug 2013
i don't know you at all
yeah i've read your poetry
but i don't really know you
pretty girl, stay, please
death is harsh
i know it is
it kills others around you
not just the suicider
please pretty girl
stay
pretty girl i'll talk to you
but please stay
it's your choice pretty girl
but it'd be nice if you stayed
pretty girl please stay x
maybella snow Sep 2013
10 words


*when did it change from an ending,
to a freeing
maybella snow Jul 2013
after all the bent spoons          
broken fingernails
cave-ins                                  
i hope that      
this one last attempt
will work                                    
so now          
all I have to do              
is crawl through      
till the end

and i'll be free                                                

from              
this prison
maybella snow Jun 2013
.  _         .   -      x  
x   .         X      .      :  
       x    =     .    :      -   .       +    
~       .             x   .    
=      :   +       X    .    .     ~
.       ~    =        .      x      ~    
~      x      ~     .    =        
.    ~   X
x     ~   .        ~  

not possible                    
but that comes close          

because it makes                
no sense                                  
at all          

*~love~
maybella snow Nov 2013
perscripted after
mother found me
bleeding from
my wrist
more than a
week ago going
"strong" she has
my blades but it's hard
to take the harshest weapon
when it's your head
and it's sharpened in the night
maybella snow Jul 2013
feeling depressed
     doesn't mean, nessisarily that i am
             depressed
i want people
            cuddles
            hugs
            kisses
                           but i don't want
                     my depressed mood
                                 to rub off on anyone
                i hold dear
                          it's simply not fair
maybella snow Jun 2013
it disappoints me
       that my poems
aren't really
                                "poems"
                   any more
they were originally
      on the edge of not poems
                                   but now
they're not poems at all
                  and yes
that disappoints me
maybella snow Jul 2013
a fancy way
of saying;
without power
deprived of something
and i just noticed, 10 words
maybella snow Sep 2013
i was the last
to know about
your death
i had died
millions
of times
before i
knew
for
certain

i've died more times
and am dead on the
inside
maybella snow Jul 2013
passed out at 3:42am
     woke up at 7:01
about three and a half
                          hours sleep
  and i'm still functioning
well, i'm moving around
                   and i'm distracted
            by thoughts
                 emotions
                 you
                                 and through all of this
all i want is to be held
     embraced by your warmth
                   enveloped by your smell
i'd cover myself in your fragrance
          if it made me feel warm
   like you were nearer
             like you were holding me
keeping me safe, watching me
       drift to sleep
                                       not pass out
maybella snow Aug 2013
\/                       \/  
/      \                   /      \  
|/             \             /            \|  
/|                  \ _ /                 |\  
|                    /  \                 |  
\|                                            |/  
|\                                        /|  
\                              /  
\                   /  
\          /  
\ /  
/\  

maybe this symbol means
nothing to you now
but it meant enough
for you to carve it
into your skin
with my initials
without my knowing
maybella snow Dec 2013
i trust you to
lay me down softly
and not ruffle up
any bad thoughts
let your breath
linger on my skin
and watch my ribs
slowly rise and fall
gently kiss my head
I know I can sleep
safely in your arms
climb into bed with me
adjust the sheets
find yourself comfortable
and hug me to you
let me rest my head
on your chest
and feel your heartbeat
i love you and
I trust you
with more than
my life
maybella snow Nov 2013
.          i was happy last night
until i remembered
           im not allowed to be happy
           i cried myself to sleep
why? i dont know
   but im not meant to be happy
          i dont deserve it

this morning i was happy
                        i smiled as i yawned
then they barged in,
the whole family
         and reminded me
    happiness isnt for me
                and i cut open my skin
    once again i bled
                                                            because
                          i dont deserve to be happy
ever
harsh
maybella snow Dec 2013
hold your skeletal hand in mine
and lets venture into the world
darkness aside, encompass love
forgive and give, forget to get
what a strange adoration i hold for you
in the depths of darkness
yet find the light
lost in my soul
discover the height and weight
that made the tower of love
reserved for you
light it up, skeleton hands
hold me close, dark heart
maybe if you lost yourself in me
i'd find myself wondering
the maze of your mind.
razor-blade walls, sharp, deadly
don't lean on the walls baby
it'll cut your skin
i'd hate for that to happen
i don't want to hurt you
no matter how you've hurt me
i'd hate myself more if i hurt you
lost in years
you've hurt yourself more
don't make me something
that causes you pain baby

i may not be
the baby dolly
lifeless eyes
cold ceramic skin
but i am lifeless
in another way
and my skin is cold
holding together
our skeleton hands
i like this poem
maybella snow Aug 2013
don't read my poems
just to keep tabs on me  
that's not fair                                
don't lie when you comment on them
don't                                      
don't                          
you              
*dare
maybella snow Dec 2013
dying alone isn't as scary as I thought it would be
bye x

I'm sorry
maybella snow Oct 2013
hugs legs to chest
wraps arms around oneself
silent tears fall
stop breathing
rock back and forth
head back in agony
screams
i give up

(i'm tired)
maybella snow Aug 2013
these are all just
my unedited thoughts
maybella snow Nov 2013
dear panic attack at 1:14am
please don't make a return
maybella snow Oct 2013
feather-like
soft movements
brushing your
fingers
across scared
skin, will you
kiss them
in acceptance?
love me
with broken
flaws?
dunno
maybella snow Aug 2013
stared through
                        smudged
                          smeared
they're forever
not looked at
instead looked through
                                  do they understand
                                  they're needed?
they keep in warmth
they keep out wind
they keep in cold
they let in wind
                                                they have a purpose:
                                     to be not looked at
                                     instead looked
                                     through
maybella snow Aug 2013
i had a dream
that you were here
holding me safe
in this dream
i wanted to talk to you
so i was simply going to open
my eyes, and talk to you
i woke                                                             ­                         
i opened my eyes                                                             ­      
and instead of you holding me                                            
the reality of your absence                                                     
weig­hed down                                                             ­           
because i was awake                                                            ­  
and you slept                                                            ­              
six feet down                                                             ­             
never to wake again                                                            ­  
this is why i don't sleep
because i'll wake up alone
the nightmares of your death
used to keep me awake
now the dreams of your life
makes me not want to sleep
because i want to sleep forever
six feet down
held safe in your arms
never to wake again
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