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maybella snow Jul 2013
i wish i was there
when you're haveing a nightmare
so i could hold you
until you woke up, and knew it wasn't real

i wish i was there
when you're about to cut your skin
so i could still your hand,
look you in the eye, until you realised you don't need to

i wish i was there
when your parents are screaming at you
so i could stand behind you
support you, and make sure you know you're loved

i wish i was there
when tears are streaming down your cheeks in despair
so i could gently wipe them away
tell you i love you and everything's going to be okay

i wish you were here
when i need you to
hold me during a nightmare
still my shaking hands
stand behind me
wipe my tears away
and love me
maybella snow Sep 2013
your hand slides through mine
a pale figure unseen by eyes
         a cold warmth
         hold me tight
                                           you may be here
                                                  but not alive
handling lies
        after lies
                             don't leave me
                   your ghost is all i have
      though i know
                          its just me imagining it
                  but i cant let you go
                                                            i need you here
                                                        ghost or not
                                                            i need you
                                     even the thought of you
a ghost
lonely
holding my hand
supporting me
                                                   hold me love
                                                 give me a sign
                                                     help me live
                                                     because i'm struggling
maybella snow Jul 2013
words and numbers
                                                                      clash and
                                                           tumble
                   unsure of where
they're wanting to go
                              probably no where
                                              just wanting to get out
                       of here
                              - this brain
                                                               i don't want to be here
     i feel sorry for the letters
                                      numbers
                                      words
                                      poems

              stuck in this crazy place
  it's a maze
           i hope they find the exit
                              without too much harm
maybella snow Jun 2013
i've figured what
            i want to do with my
whole life
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~   live
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~
~ ~ ~ ~
until i die
       with you
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
maybella snow Jun 2013
<3
                           i                                                                ­                        

                                       ­                        miss  


                                                        ­                                                            you

so                                       much


                                                          ­                         it


                                                               ­                                                                 ­     hurts

                          i              love             ­ you


                                                          ­                x x
                                                               ­                                                                 ­                    x

                                          ­                      x
                                         ­                                                                 ­                 x x x
                   x
                                                               ­                   don't                                         ­                   

make
                                       ­                                      me

                                                             ­                                                             live­

                 without                                                          ­                              

                                                               ­                                                           you
  ­                                                   ever


                                                              ­                                       again
please
                                      x x
maybella snow Aug 2013
sitting uncomfortably in my skin
you tell me i'm not alone in how
i seem to be feeling, with every-
thing  thats going on. i don't   kn-
ow  about  that,  i  feel  alone, so
alone that all i want is him,  back
you tell me never to talk  to  him
because he hurt me,  but he  ma-
de me feel  so  special and loved
no  one  else  has  made  me  feel
that  way,  yet  you  tell  me you'
ll  forever  hate  me  if  i  start  a
conversation  with  him,     only
because  he  hurt  me,  but what
if  he  wants  me  back?  he loves
me,    he  never  stopped  loving
me,    why  wouldn't  i  want  to
talk  to  the  love  of  my life? it's
in  my  nature,  soul, heart, body
to  be  with  someone  who  just
so   happens   to   love  me   with
their everything, as i love   them,
with my  everything  its just  not
fair,    that    you're   allowed   to
complain  about  how  that   guy
you  like  has  ruined  your   life,
because    of   whatever   he  did,
yet i'm  not  allowed to cry once,
or  talk  to my  love   because  of
your views on our   relationship,
how  is  that  fair?  you're  upset-
ing me so much, i bet you didn't
know    that    though    did   you?
maybella snow Aug 2013
sitting uncomfortably in my skin
you tell me i'm not alone in how
i seem to be feeling, with every-
thing  thats going on. i don't   kn-
ow  about  that,  i  feel  alone, so
alone that all i want is him,  back
you tell me never to talk  to  him
because he hurt me,  but he  ma-
de me feel  so  special and loved
no  one  else  has  made  me  feel
that  way,  yet  you  tell  me you'
ll  forever  hate  me  if  i  start  a
conversation  with  him,     only
because  he  hurt  me,  but what
if  he  wants  me  back?  he loves
me,    he  never  stopped  loving
me,    why  wouldn't  i  want  to
talk  to  the  love  of  my life? it's
in  my  nature,  soul, heart, body
to  be  with  someone  who  just
so   happens   to   love  me   with
their everything, as i love   them,
with my  everything  its just  not
fair,    that    you're   allowed   to
complain  about  how  that   guy
you  like  has  ruined  your   life,
because    of   whatever   he  did,
yet i'm  not  allowed to cry once,
or  talk  to my  love   because  of
your views on our   relationship,
how  is  that  fair?  you're  upset-
ing me so much, i bet you didn't
know    that    though    did   you?
maybella snow Jul 2013
its hard
not to feel heavy                                      
   when its been
                                                                                                     so  l o n g
since                                                                                          
we                                                    
                                               last
spoke
maybella snow Aug 2013
i managed to face the world
without crying in public              
i held my food down                    
or the small amount                      
that was consumed                        
little blood was spilt                    
i shook some
and panicked
no one saw tears
i'm "getting better"

yeah sure, i'm getting better
suicidal thoughts were at a lower
number than before                                
still pressing my mind with possibilities
the urge to cut was there
i mostly held it in

i'm so much better
i cried at home    
in bed                alone
the cuts were smaller
i ate something    
and kept it down  
didn't say anything
to anyone
after all
i'm "getting better"

*i want to die
maybella snow Jul 2013
15 words


*some people think it's a little weird...
maybella snow Jul 2013
yes
                    yes i'm young
                    yes i don't know much
                    yes i haven't seen much
                    yes i don't know many people
                    yes i love him
                    yes i do
no i don't care about what you think, it's love, go away if you don't think it is
                    yes i'm his
                    yes he loves me too
no i don't care about you
maybella snow Jul 2013
10 words
*are you asking because you really care? or just because?
maybella snow Jul 2013
the depressed
the hurt
the lonely
the one in pain
                                   when did i turn this way?
                                   why?
maybella snow Nov 2013
you don't need this                                                           are they just voices?
no you shouldn't eat that                                             because the personalities
you'll gain weight stupid                                                             are in the hues of my heart
don't break the chain of starving yourself
you were getting somewhere
don't eat that you fat pig
okay fine just a little
no, no more

                                care more, she's your friend
                          put her first she deserves more
                                  don't tell her it'll upset her                  what makes you think
           be nice, accepting and make her happy                            you could be worth anything?
        then you can attempt to be happy for her         everyone else left, maybe its time
                             fake it till you make it stupid

you didn't do that good enough
you stupid fat *****
why'd you even think he'd care
just go ******* stupid                                              my exterior disgusts me
you ****** up again                                         my mind revolts me
like you always do, you don't                                           im tired
get anything right
you'll never be
smart enough or pretty enough
just stop
maybella snow Jul 2013
i have a small list of everything that has made
    me smile, while thinking about you
~your orange blanket
~that half drunken bottle of coke
~your rock collection
~apple sauce in a container
~creaky floor boards
~the jacket you love
~you
~all of you
~your smile
~your frown
~you

those are some
        a small number
of things
that made me
                            smile
thinking about
         you

x
maybella snow Sep 2013
it's only fair
don't mess with me
i get nasty            
and protective
and you do
     not deserve
           to touch him
         you do
           nothing good
for him at all
maybella snow Jul 2013
maybe i don't
         but i know pain
    and it's not here when you are
love, no one really knows
      if it's ever real
i'll take what i've got
                         on the wing
      if it's not love
  well i love what we have
maybella snow Aug 2013
i doubt my reason for living
                    without my love
maybella snow Jul 2013
you hate when my eyes glaze over                      
when i wear my blank expression            
you hate when i'm about to cry                            
when i show my weakness                        
you hate when i yell back                                    
you hate when i don't respond                            

what do you want?              
to make my life hell?            

well congratulations
you've succeeded there
maybella snow Jul 2013
i read at the end of books
      acknowledgments
                           and in most of them
there's a thankyou
         directed at their "loving" "supportive" family
how they made their love for writing
    and helped them every way possible
                                                        ­                 i have a cat
                                                                ­         but he doesn't help
                                                            ­             support? i guess so
                but no, my parents and family
    they ridicule me for my writing
   it'll never be worth my effort and time

                            i'm scared that one day
        what their trying to say
             will finally get through to me
                                      i'll realize that my writing isn't worth anything
                                                        ­               it's not worth effort
i don't want that day to come
and no you're not going to be
in my acknowledgments,
my cat might
you wont
maybella snow Jul 2013
i love you so much          
i know that  
if anything happened              
if you told me, you no longer loved me
or you couldnt be with me                              
it would **** me                                    
i know that is pathetic
and now that i know        
if you hurt me, it'll **** me                    
and i think you know that too

is this just a                
elongated form
of suicide?            
is it enevitable that you'll fall out of love    
and **** me?
yet i don't want to do anything
about it                      
i know you could            
**** me        

but you haven't yet      
you're my suicide
maybella snow Mar 2014
i know i have
to save myself
but will anyone ever
be willing to be
the band aid
that holds
the slashed up
skin on my
wrists
together?
maybella snow Aug 2013
i literally just had a break down
i cried and                            
begged you not to go                      
                           you heard it all
                         - mindless blabbering at 4:57 am -
            runninng on no sleep
and i think it broke you to pieces                
that you were the reason
   why i was falling apart
               simply because you had to go
maybella snow Jul 2013
its so amazing how
        you just seem to know
  without me saying anything  
                that i'm slightly doubting your love for me
and you remind me of it
   of how strong it is    
           how true it is
how much you need me

you seem to know when i need you
to tell me of this
                             i dont know how you do
but this is just
           another reason
why i love you
maybella snow Jun 2013
everyone has a shadow
                                                       perpetuity connected to them
following them everywhere
a not so hidden part of them                      

          is it possible to get rid of it    
                        that darkest part of you that follows you everywhere

i've found someone
who slaughtered my shadow                    
      eradicated the darkness of me
                                             they shone a light
not because i asked them      
           they did it, unintentionally
and killed my shadow                            
                         in turn
                             i noticed how                  
when we stand    
hands intertwined              
in full sunlight                            
                                               your shadow's gone

we eliminate the darkness in each other



~      ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼      ~
maybella snow Aug 2013
i hope you know
that i've finally realized
how much of a liar you are
and i feel sorry
for all the girls
who fall for you
like i did
you liar
maybella snow Jun 2013
i was brutally attacked      
                                    the other day
though people were unable to see my wounds                                                                      
           i was assaulted by                                  words            
strung together in careless sentences

                                                                           they made vicious weapons
                                                                         of various differences
these word solders lined up                              
ready and eager                                                  
when they attacked                                            
it was      graceful and ruthless                                                            

the solders              
                                                                                     burnt
my mind          
                                                                      slashed
my self-consciousness                                  
left my feelings                    
                                                                                     gasping for breath
pummeled my heart                                                                                

the      wielder     of these       word solders
     was        blind         to my        brimming tears
                                          and        hurt expressions

as my attackers continued      
                                  to rip my insides

i had to                                          
protect my fort
from      further damage              

i      ushered      my mind into a       cellar,
carried my                                          
self-consciousness and gasping feelings    
                                                              into the doors of my heart
here:                
it was total lockdown
windows   were                            shuttered
doors    were                          double locked

my     retreat     was    noticed
they now knew damage was done
but not the
                              spectrum it was on
they knew enough to see                       it hurt.

they strolled up to my heart in      lock-down
slowly     with a     white flag
      as they came closer i                                                             unlocked and looked    
through the peephole
there they were
asking    "what's wrong?"
saying     sorry    in a       roundabout way

i      opened   the door for them to       enter
we      embraced
i took a      closer look at the     flag
                                                                             it was           white
but around the edges
                                                                             it was               red

there would be  more attacks  where this came from

//... //
maybella snow Jul 2013
you're disappointed with me
       i avoid your eyes
                      knowing you're seeing the flaws
  and you're disappointed
          an awkward hug is called for
"i love you"s muttered
                        i don't think we're lying
    it's just flawed truth
and disappointment
maybella snow Jul 2013
truthfully?
completely?
5 words
maybella snow Jun 2013
i gave you a gift                                                    
of love and affection                                                                  
of consideration and caring                                            
                                                            my heart
                                                                        its nothing special to anyone
                                                                                          had its fair share of beatings
                                                  maybe a little more
but i gave it to you                            
it's in your care                                                
if you nourish or neglect is your
choice and responsibility                          
thankyou
maybella snow Jun 2013
5 words
im not sure if there is such thing as a 5 word poem, but that is my 5 word poem C:
maybella snow Jul 2013
i love coffee
i also love the way
you make your coffee
it's not the way i drink it
but it still makes me laugh
        step one: make coffee
        step two: put in a little sugar
        step three: realize you need more sugar and dump more in
oh i love you
this really isn't a poem, a memory. a happy memory C:
maybella snow Aug 2013
shut down i'm dead
but i'm also here
to pick up the broken pieces          
of the heart you shattered
selfish                        
you loved me enough
to break my heart
maybella snow Aug 2013
5 words


*cant get enough of you
maybella snow Aug 2013
how do you continue
to           muddle
                                mess
            combine
the thoughts
       emotions
                                             everything
in my head
so it has
everything
to do with you
                          always
maybella snow Jun 2013
wanting you is:                                                                        

                                                            like I’m missing a lung
                                          yet still trying to breathe
                                no taste on my tongue
                                        taste-buds, are on leave

needing you is:          

stomach quartered in size                                              
requiring even less intake                                                        
voice-box only utters lies                                            
solely what it can make                                                        

seeing you is:                

my eyes no longer itch                                                                    
you are their soothing balm                                                                                  
feeling my wind pipe hitch                                                        
before i begin to calm                                                                                

                     having you is:

                                         giving me heart attacks
though it beats even stronger
                     my brain, thoughts it lacks
                                           everyday things take longer

hating you is:                  

my mind towered with bricks                          
all walls have gaps and holes                                        
my soul punches and kicks
till my fire is reduced to coals                                            

                                                                                                                  loving you is:

                                                                                                                  never ending ache to my being
                                                                                                                 i require you to live day-to-day
                                                                                                                  you near me is my soul freeing
                                                                                                                      so please, let me live, stay

.≈.~.≈.~.≈.
me attempting rhyme and rhythm, not something i normally do, but a change, its different
maybella snow Jun 2013
10 words
decided to make a 10 word poem, thats what happened, never done it before, idk if its good
maybella snow Jul 2013
gently placing two dainty daffodils
into a cracked vase                                              
holding it under a cold running tap          
and half filling it with water
the daffodils sway slightly                    
caught in the ripples and eddies                                              
made by the small space and flowing water            
their fragrance is thrown upon the place
as if wanting everyone to smell                          
their powdery yellow fragrance        
setting it onto the middle of the table                    
they live comfortably                              
until the water slowly seeps out the faint cracks
water staining mahogany wood
the flowers wilt long before they should have                
with life saving water spilt everywhere                      
they loose their brightness  
and forget their sweet smell    
to become lifeless nothings                          
settled into a waterless vase
title relating to something someone said to me once.
maybella snow Jul 2013
i'm so happy when you're here                  
giddy with love                    
                               but i know you'll only have to go
sooner rather than later
i beg you                                                                
every time                                                                        
to stay                                                  
forever this time                                                              
                                             pleasepleaseplease
                              don't leave me this time
                                       it hurts more
                                                                    every time
pleasepleaseplease              
i beg you                    
                           just stay
don't leave me
maybella snow Jul 2013
10 words
*******, you're hurting me, and you make it
my fault, always my fault
****
you

i'm done
maybella snow Jul 2013
you're the best person ever              
i love you
not in that romantic way, not exactly                      
i love you like more than family            
no, you are my family, my chosen family                            
a family of one                                                
lets keep it that way    

thankyou
family of one
for always being
the best
i love you
x
maybella snow Jul 2013
for every time
i've been tempted to            
                    grab a blade
and pierce my
skin                                  
            instead
i pick up a pen        
and draw or write            
                 a word or two
                 on my
skin                                  

                                                                i know you don't know the exact
                                                                 reason for me writing on my skin
                                                            yet i feel like you should know
                                                              that every time you growl at me
                                                                   for writing or drawing on my skin
                                                     and you tell me not to do it
                                    you're hurting me
you're telling me not to help myself                              
which is what i was doing                                              

i'm trying to help myself
maybella snow Sep 2013
10 words


*a weight lifted,
everything is going
to be okay
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