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maybella snow Aug 2013
nothing i do
is calming me down
like every time
i talk to you
you have an effect on me                                      
where i immediately feel so                  
much better                                                    
a ball of                                    
nervous energy                        
buzzing and shaking          
i'm waiting
waiting
waiting
always waiting
for you to be here
to simply talk to me
just that                                                
talking to me                                                
well you mostly singing
and me sitting
we don't exactly talk
we exist                    
together

i think, that                                      
is what calms me                                      
a sense that
maybe i'll be
whole again
maybe
*???
maybella snow Jul 2013
too bad our love story
          isn't

                                            it's not over yet
                                 there's more to tell
                        but that's for
                                                                             another day

until then my love x
maybella snow Jun 2013
................................
          /                                  \        
/                  †                    \
    |                 R.I.P                  |    
|                                   ­         |
|                                             |
|                a sad                   |
|                      lonely            |
|                 person                |
-----------------------------------------­--------
maybella snow Aug 2013
there was no chalk outline
there was no accident
                  no wheels screeching before impact
     but i think
there would have been tears
                          in your eyes
                    under the water
or you held them
so tight
to block out light
                    i'd think
the water wasn't too cold
it was summer over there
                                        this wasn't an accident
          a suicide
           planed
and executed
by you
                        at least
                 there's no one hurting you
                      and no more pain
                              no life
i love you baby
rest in peace
forever
with my love x
r.i.p MountL
baby i love you
forever x
maybella snow Sep 2013
rippled water
  sunlit stones
                         your figure outlined
                         reflected in the hues
like a memory
     you stand here
edging my sanity
                                                    please, someone distract me tomorrow
                                                    i'm scared
               someone hold me to sleep
                          wipe away the tears
                                                                   voices haunt
                                                    i'm scared
          someone hold insanity away
                      distract me from tears
                                                    i'm sorry
*hold me safe?
maybella snow Jul 2013
you asked if that was what i wanted
i said                                                             ­                   
"never"                                    ­                                          
i've got that;
my own
tragic
romantic
love story
i don't want it
to be even worse
maybella snow Jun 2013
i've become like a rubix cube
i am placed in the cupboard        
to be taken out on occasion
and put in a disarray  
twisted                                    
turned    ­          
confused                          
  
   just to be put back    
only after being caused more            
damage

after once again being
re-accommodated                
to the lonely cupboard

someone else                                
with obvious time to pass
clasps their hands on me              
only to expenditure
their fancied time on me

but once again                  
being returned into the loneliness
of the cupboard

waiting for the day
when someone else finds me        
dusts me off                                  
and returns me
to my initial state of orderliness

colour co-ordinated      
and whole

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
maybella snow Nov 2013
I locked myself away again
hid in a form of a closet
bunched between the jackets
and moth eaten dresses
I closed myself in a drawer
between the trinkets
and stale kerchiefs
and oneday
maybe someone
a tresure hunter of sorts
will sift through the junk
to find the broken
stained little girl
who was once able to look in a mirror
and not see every inch of fat
every layer of skin
as disgusting
polish up the jewel to my heart
don't sell it though sweetie
this ruby gets cracked with
the slightest pressure
maybella snow Jun 2013
my resolve resembles a little like                  
a stray hair                                                                
escaped from a bun, plait, braid, pony tail      

i know i belong somewhere
but the wind is pushing me away from it      

and no one can                                          
catch me                                    
to return me there                        

though i know that's
where i belong
maybella snow May 2013
our lives have been written
in soft, wet sand
done in a delicate hand
careful not to mess up

      y
          e
              t

how can it be certain?
how wont it mess up?
the sea will wash it away
new beginnings again

over and over

again, it will be constantly
re-written, re-drafted
until you get where you finish
at the end of your story
maybella snow Jul 2013
is it sad                                                         
or grotesque                                                 
that i find              
your scars              
to be beautiful?                                                     

i hate that you have                         
so    m a n y of them                          
and if i could
i would go back
and love you more                                
before you hurt yourself                      
but i can't
and i'm not
the reason for them                                            
but i love your scars                                          
they're a part of you
and who you've become

and i love who you are                
scars and all                         
you're beautiful                      
-
about my friends and boyfriend, you're beautiful, and i love you all
maybella snow Aug 2013
i haven't eaten anything
at school in a week
and the one day
i bring something
                                            it's gone
taken by a "friend"
who just wanted food
and happened to notice
i had some in my hand
                                 i bet
          they didn't notice
               i haven't eaten
                         anything
                        in a week
today
the sea gulls
stole my food
maybella snow Aug 2013
[screaming]                         [screaming]                       [screaming]      [screaming]        
[scream]               [scream]     [scream]  [scream]           [scream]                           [scream]            
[screams]   [screams]                            [screams]     [screams]                       [screams]                              
[screamed]                  [screamed]             [screamed]           [screamed]  [screamed] [screamed]

*[screaming]                         [screaming]                       [screaming]      [screaming]        
[scream]               [scream]     [scream]  [scream]           [scream]                           [scream]            
[screams]   [screams]                            [screams]     [screams]                       [screams]                              
[screamed]                  [screamed]             [screamed]           [screamed]  [screamed] [screamed]
maybella snow Jul 2013
wind whips around a body
      standing high upon a cliff
  they're not scared
                    and if they are
         other emotions are hiding it
conflicting thoughts
    all revolving around
                the jump, or fall
looking over the edge
   water tumbles
           crashes, water sprays
  rocks are pummelled by salt water
picked on, shoved, drowned
                the person glances to the sky
  the sun is setting
       they smile
a pretty last sight to see
                               clouds aren't very thick
  it'll be a cold night
            they remove their shoes
  the ones they hurriedly shoved on
      before fleeing the door
looking up again
           smiling
    they take a slight run
extending their arms
          like a bird
       or plane, ready for take-off
  they fly
                for a split second they're free
    no one can control them now
they're away, never returning
          smiling as they fly into the sun set

-------

i want to fly
maybella snow Jul 2013
run in the rain with me
dance in the leaves with me
    play in the snow with me
      lay in the grass with me*

  we'd be cute
in all seasons
                                ^_^
maybella snow Aug 2013
queue wrecking ball
              [building falls]
queue clean up crew
                    [swept up]
                 [taken away]
nothing remains
                                               *(i wish)
maybella snow Oct 2013
i'm in the mood
to throw around my heart
anyone want it?
hot potato, pass it on
its okay if you just want
to mess around
i'm not right for an
actual relationship
but **** me over
as others have done
and leave me lost
its okay
i asked
for it
maybella snow Jul 2013
i watched your internet videos
    i cried
  at the sound of your voice
         tears tumbled out
         i need you to hold me
                  love, please hold me tightly
  i think we both need it
maybella snow Jul 2013
i really wish that                                
we shared the same night sky                            
                                               no
instead I see the                                    
southern cross                                    
while you see                                    
the big dipper                                    

*   .    .  *  * .     *     .  .
. *  . *   .   * .   * *.    . .   *    .   *  .   .  *  . *
.   . . * . *    . *      . . *    * .       .
maybella snow Nov 2013
blue eyes are said to be beautiful
but why would I want to get lost in them
when I can hardly find my own
***** green brown eyes
I've lost too much
to the skies
I refuse
to loose myself in any mans blue eyes

but then again
your eyes aren't blue
and I've lost myself in you
maybella snow Jun 2013
life. . . . .                                                                                


s            i            g            h
maybella snow Aug 2013
i'm fighting an internal war
and it seems          
love                                 is winning
though i don't want it to
hate its forcing its way without progress
let me hate you please
you hurt me                            
please
let me hate you
it'll be easier
for both of us
please                                
please                                
please                                
i just
want
to
hate
you
maybella snow Jul 2013
mouth wide open    
eyes squeezed shut                
i feel i'm in pain
but i can't scream  
i can't utter a noise            
there's nothing            
im silent screaming                
my hands are ******
to stop them shaking      
but it's not really working
because my arms are tensed        
if someone touches me i'll lash out  
so don't touch me
while i'm silent screaming  

my shaking hands reach up    
to grab a fist full of my hair
yanking at it i continue to scream
but again nothing comes out              
not a peep, nothing
maybella snow Aug 2013
5 words



sorry poetry isn't a result of this
maybella snow Dec 2013
i was in one of my horrible ******
suicidal moods, that I seem to
have more often than not
and although I took all my anger
and pain, out on him, he wasn't
angry or upset. he simply said
"I love you, it's all okay,
I need to sleep, I'm not upset,
I'll talk to you in the
morning love."

and I wonder
how he can
love me
and how I
don't deserve it
maybella snow Oct 2013
i'm tired, not simply
physically tired
mentally,
wholeheartedly
i'm exhausted
and sadly enough
i'm just waiting
for someone
to rock me
to sleep
maybella snow Nov 2013
i want to be pretty          
people always told me
i'm a beautiful person
i'm wonderful              
on the inside

excuse my messed up head
but i wanted to be beautiful
on the outside                                      
so with a blade
slashed across skin
i got my insides
to be outside me
and only then
****** and tired
did i feel pretty
sorry its gruesome but i never said i like my thoughts
maybella snow Aug 2013
everyone
let        
me  
be
maybella snow Jul 2013
sigh          
i think
i'm going to                      
cry myself        
to sleep tonight                            
yeah                    
i think so
maybella snow Jul 2013
i want to go to sleep
     but you're just waking up
  so now i don't want to

timezones = ruining lives
maybella snow Jan 2014
is it worth it?
falling apart
and blaming
myself? I mean
I'm the one
who has mental
issues, I shouldnt
take to heart
when no one
wants me.
except the dark

I know I get judged
for the way I wear
my eyeliner
I look "goth"
sometimes
but I only do it
as a secret promise
to myself that
i am not permitted
to cry that day
because it would
smudge.
name call all you want
but I'm the one who's
forcing myself not to
cry
maybella snow Sep 2013
catch me in a whirl wind
swirl me through life
chuck me in a washer
let me tumble dry
maybella snow Oct 2013
lay beside me
breath into my hair
let your thoughts wonder
                    smell my heart
                    touch my love
                      hear my pain
and accept all of me
for better, for
worse
                 love me
maybella snow Jan 2014
if my name really were
maybella snow
id wish to live
in the simple form
of poetry
shaped words
if only
maybella snow Jul 2013
there are so many sides of you
                                                       and im still discovering them
                                          i already know
                                               i love you
          and all of your sides

••••
~ actually about my best friend x ~
maybella snow Jul 2013
you traversed this unchartered land
you have the only map                      
                                       ­                                                            you found the sinkholes
and   a v i o d e d   them                                            
                ­                                                                 ­         you noticed the catching vines
that   e n t a n g l e   and   t r i p                                  
                             ­                                                        you discovered the deepest rivers
and   s w a m   a c r o s s   them                                  
                          ­                                                                 ­      you climbed the mountains
w i t h o u t   any   a s s i s t a n c e                            
                                                                ­                 you were confronted by the monsters
which you   f a u g h t   and   w o n                            
                                   ­                                                                 ­       you found the treasure
you   r e c o v e r e d   my   h e a r t                            

guard the map
engraved into your heart
and keep the treasure
close also
maybella snow Aug 2013
i want someone to love me back  
i want to be the only one they see
in a massive crowed                      
but                                                    
you're the only person
who saw me                  
and as sweet as it was
        as happy as i was
you're gone  
       forever
   ..love x
i still love you
maybella snow Jul 2013
i don't know if it has anything to do with
     what i do
                           but all my friends seem to be
             in different stages of brokenness
from shattered
     to splintered
     to destructed
     to cracked
                                          is it something i do?
                                 i love them all, and i'll forever be there for them
                                   but even, when i first meet them, and think
"hey you're an alright person"
              by the time i'm really close to them
            they're broken or beginning to break
                   and i'll always help them
but sometimes
i wonder if it might be me
who forces them to break
maybella snow Jul 2013
you
well with the poem following this one, you'd assume I'm talking about one person, I'm really not, it's one of those slightly annoying 'you're important' 'everyone's important' kinda things :\
maybella snow Jul 2013
my eyes turn from a greeny brown
         to bright emerald
when i'm sad or angry
                                          you laughed
true my eyes change colour...
maybella snow Sep 2013
and forget
i'm talking to you
not him
15 words all up
maybella snow Jan 2014
i love that gentle touch you have left for me
                             after 11 at night
when we're lost in breathing
and holding onto
                                         future struggles
i love the slight pitch change of your voice
when you laugh at my jokes
               and chuckle when my voice breaks
after 1am as it always does
                                                  when im tired
i love that you ask if im feeling well
inquiring about the last mental
                                                  breakdow­n i had
simply needing to know
that im okay
                          not what why when
i love how you call me
               sweetie
                     dear
                        love
to catch my attention
to ask what time it is
and whether i need sleep
by which its 2am
and im in love with you
maybella snow Jul 2013
need*
you to hold me
maybella snow Aug 2013
yeah i know i seem like a mean person sometimes
  but i swear, thats only when/
                                                     if someone hurts me
and i don't really know you
   yet i'm worried about you
                                  sometimes this is my downfall
           because i care about people
that will leave and not care about me
                            but i just cant help it
                                   i try to keep a                                                                  distance
but it never really works
        i.get.too.close.anyway
                                                              please don't hurt me
                                                                            i get hurt too easily
                                          through my fake thick skin
                                                                                  i hurt more often than not
maybella snow Jul 2013
i want to scream now
i want the world to hear it    

but this -                                
words on a website
doesn't relay the noise  

i want to scream
until i've lost my voice      
or until you hear me

[SCREAMING]                                                                        
i'm screaming as loud as i can
my ears are throbbing  

can you hear me yet?
[SCREAMING]                                                            
i just want you to hear
how much i need you
maybella snow Jul 2013
i want to be
                                                                                                                                                    on the other side
                                                                                                                                                    of the world
                                                                      is there somewhere                                            with you
you want to be                                                 we can meet?
on this side                                                    
of the world
with me
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