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maybella snow Jul 2013
you're moving                        
yet it has no effect on me
because i'm on the other side    
of the world anyway              
i wish                                                          
you were moving        
to live                      
with me                                    
if only
maybella snow Jun 2013
i'm sorry mum, mom, mother, ma, mommy

                    that i'm not like you
i'm sorry
                    that i'm not perfect
i'm sorry
                    that i forget things sometimes
i'm sorry
                    that i have a different social life
i'm sorry    
                   that i'm not what you expected me to be
i'm sorry
                   that you want more than i can give
i'm sorry
                   that i'm creative in different ways
i'm sorry

i'm sorry

i'm sorry
                  that i say i'm sorry so much
i'm sorry



sorry
maybella snow Aug 2013
"she's just seeking attention"*
"well yeah... i guess..."                
"[aren't we all?]"
"[thinking]"
"me talking"
*"her talking"*
maybella snow Oct 2013
for you to *******
i dont want your attention
i never was seeking it
so ******* and take your *******
"attention" with you
because you wont understand
and you wont help
so ****
off
no one comment i dont want any comments
maybella snow Sep 2013
"its your fault that everything dies;
its because you don't love it enough."*
                                                                               so it was my fault
                                                                     that you killed yourself
                                                                   i mustn't have loved you
                                                                                                  enough
                                                                                           i'm so sorry
come back to me
and i'll love you
with even more
than my existence
i'll love you more
than anyone could
just come back to
me, i miss you
everything hurts
i'm sorry
it's my fault
i'm sorry
come back
please
i love you
maybella snow Jul 2013
no matter how loud
          i listen to my music
even if it       p o u n d s
    its never
       loud enough to smother
the volume of my thoughts
maybella snow Aug 2013
for being weak and needy
for needing you to hold me
for running because i'm scared
for never saying anything right
for always pestering you
for not trying hard enough
for not being good enough
for not believing your complements
for feeling down most of the time
for being effected by your moods
for letting your moods effect me
for not being impressive enough
for not being old or matured enough
for apologizing so many times
for writing a bad excuses for a poem
for living

forgive me
for living
please
                                       i don't want to live
                                           but i'm not dead
                                                     forgive me
for not dying
when i tried to
maybella snow Feb 2014
I wonder if you ever remember the nights
where all I did was listen to you breathe
and no nightmares came

I don't remember what it's like anymore
to feel at peace with a human, comfortable
because I want to cover myself in scars
so maybe I can finally toughen up
and get use to no one wanting
or loving me
maybella snow Oct 2013
before?
shaking
craving
hurting
during?    \    \\
bleeding  \\
needing         \\
hurting   \ \      \
after?*
guilt
relief
pain
not everyone will understand an thats okay
maybella snow Jun 2013
10 words


~
that's the amount of days until i'm 18 and can legally leave home without parental permission
maybella snow Jul 2013
:
- steady rain
- howling wind
- slight creaks of our bed
- taps of my keyboard
- your chuckle
- our cat's claws on the floorboards
- a boiling kettle
- swirling coffee in a mug
- toast popping up
- soft click of our bedroom door
- clinking dishes
- your heartbeat
- pattering feet
- running water
- your breathing
maybella snow Dec 2013
find yourself
    lost in me

  dig yourself
                   the hole
you dug me

drag yourself
away from the
flames
of my heart
maybella snow Aug 2013
not saying i'm weak
                                                but
i really need
someone to hold me
together
because
                                m
                 a
                                                           y
                                           b
                                                                      e
                          l
                                                     l
      a

                                                                                                s
                                                                                                                                        n
                                                                                          o
                                                                                                                       w


i s   n o   l o n g e r
w     h     o     l     e                                                      a t   a l l
maybella snow Aug 2013
i punched a wall, many times today

             i should apologise to it, it did nothing wrong
maybella snow Aug 2013
you stopped calling me baby
and started calling me love
i asked why                                      
you said, because it's fitting          
and baby is too common a name  
for me
maybella snow Aug 2013
the wall seems to be unaffected by my apologies
maybella snow Jun 2013
i'm tired
                   i'm sick
      i'm hurt
    
         and i don't care anymore

i'm still waiting
      for a response

               but don't expect
everything
     to be as it was

                ~~
maybella snow Jun 2013
floorboard creak as i walk through the house                    
                           i stop for a moment to listen for you
                                                                         and there you are
                              two steps behind me
                       you're not really there                                                          
but i feel your presence
you're a ghost in my mind                      
you return to me late at night                                          
                or when no one's home
                                                                         i hear your deep chuckle
                                                                                              and can't help but smile
you're two steps behind me                    
you're a ghost in my presence                                  
           but you're there
you're with me
you're reassuring me
                       constantly of your love for me
                                           and my love for you

let your ghost be here                                                      
when you cant                

                                                                                         haunt me
                                                            and never stop

*~**~
maybella snow Oct 2013
the wheels on the bus go round and round
- i drag myself to school to escape home.
round and round
- school is too much. home again.
round and round
- sleep comes at 2am
the wheels on the bus go round and round
- dreams or nightmares are distant fuzz
all the way to school

the baby on the bus goes wah wah wah
- hold emotions in, or people will know
wah wah wah
- don't want people to know they won't understand
wah wah wah
- they think their school crushes, gossip,
the baby on the bus goes wah wah wah
- school dances, will end them.
all the way to school
maybella snow Jun 2013
i personally believe in magic
but newtons 3 law...
i believe that also, more than anything          

............

a little pond
picturesque in tiny detail
  short cut grass surrounds it                          
the water reflects the flawless sky
the small cheeping of water birds                        
partly submerged water ferns

a duck                          
brightly colored
on the relatively small side
paddles free of worries                
joyfully, around the pond

the ripples it creates  
rebound, hitting the edge multiple times        
lapping up the embankment

i'm the pond
you're the duck
your actions hit me          
multiple times
a day
a week          
a month

...

"for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction"
maybella snow Dec 2013
good luck
I wish you all
the best
no
maybella snow Oct 2013
no
wake up in the morning
to light
that isnt as bright as it used to be
as a child age eight
light meant the start of a day
when the sun was only up for a few hours
it seemed
now
the light
is dull and drags me through the day
to the night
where everything slowly
cr    
    as
        he
             s
                          down
to smother
any inner light
i gained as a ten year old

i dont care anymore
i dont care for the light
no
maybella snow Oct 2013
no
funny these poems of "love"
when i dont love you
im stuck on him
i love him
not you
maybella snow Aug 2013
i might look right old average
                      brown hair
                      brown eyes
                      average build
                      average weight
but no
  i'm not average
                     i'll give your **** back
                     with a smile
i'll move on
with a laugh
                     i'll get over you
                     with whatever i can
              no, i'm not saying i'm a *****
i loved you
still do
                        but no, you took it
                        and left me for dead
     i gave you everything
     and only expected a smile
     or laugh
     simply you, happy
                                 i do have a heart
                                                         so i gave
                                and was happy to give
in the end
   yeah there's an end
                         you left
leaving behind one last package behind
filled with lies
complete with a ribbon and kiss
                                                  well you know what?
                i sent it back
        full; i kept none of your lies
             complete with a ribbon, a kiss
     a smile
                                  and no return address
            i sent it back
—keep the memories for both of us, i'm struggling enough—
maybella snow Aug 2013
no i'm not in denial either
    i just haven't felt the need to eat
and when i do
                   i feel sick
i promise
    i'm not anorexic
    or in denial
                                  just not eating well
maybella snow Jul 2013
but sometimes            
i cant help  
but think            

about what it                  
would be like                

to jump                                              
with a rope necklace
to jump                                              
onto rocks and water
to jump                                              
off our old family house

and die                        

~ no thoughts
~ no pain        
~ no life          

no, i'm not suicidal
but sometimes    
i want to jump                

~ and die
maybella snow Aug 2013
"i know you hate this, but
      it's not hurting you"*
                                                      maybe not physically exactly
                                                      but the mental hurt
                                                      did cause physical hurt
                                                                                       in the end
                                                 you just don't know
maybella snow Jul 2013
thankyou so much                
for not giving me ****
about how its all gonna be okay  
because sometimes          
you just know  
it's not going to be okay                
it's not going to be a happy ending    
it's not going to be cherry blossoms in the wind
because ****                    
it's not gonna be okay
but                                            
power on soldier
**** the *******
because no                  
it's not all gonna
be "okay"
maybella snow Sep 2013
there's no hope of getting back together
i'm alive, he's not
                               last thing he said
                               was he loved me
                               and   apologized
its not the same
at all, its not;
                        "sorry i cant live with you anymore,
                  we're just not right for each other"
its;
           "i actually cant live anymore
                  we were perfect, but the world
                        is too much, it hurts too much,
                                 i'm sorry baby, i love you"
maybella snow Jun 2013
"if people were flowers i'd pick you"                                                             ­                                       
                         ­                  no, i wouldn't pick you
because if you were a flower            
you would be too fragile and beautiful
                              for me to pluck you from the ground
take you out of the soil that you're living in              
                                                ­because flowers, after a couple of days
                                                   wilt and slowly die
                                                             ­             while their colours fade

                            instead i would grasp the hardy weeds around you
making it a safer place for you to grow          
give water to you every day                                                        
send love to you every day                                                        

    ­                                       then if i was feeling really selfish
i would dig you up                
roots, dirt and all      
not leaving any of you behind              
and place you gently in a ***
before placing you on my window sill

letting you grow                                                             ­                                       
giving you water                                                            ­                                          
and loving you                                                              ­                                          
no, i wouldn't pick you

...
maybella snow Jul 2013
no, love?
two different meanings
maybella snow Jul 2013
it's simple
sometimes
               most times
no one cares
     and i know that now
maybella snow Jul 2013
there's really something
                            quite...
    refreshing
                         about being on a
                  balcony high enough
                                    up
                          that no one
            can see you
                considering
            the
      thought
                                                                       of flying
                                                                                                         far away
       with no
return ticket
maybella snow Jun 2013
~love~
      a beautiful thing to have
when you can find it
                   or it finds you

why
          do people care
       if it is between
               two people
who love each other so much
          yet they're of the same ***
its still *love

                             maybe even stronger

how many homosexuals
           do you see getting a divorce?
      because they've "fallen out of love"

why
          do people care
  if they're in love

            love is hard enough to find
   without governments
              and religions
                             disagreeing
               and fighting
                            about their love

its love
        people need to get over it
it's no different
      to "normal couples"
                               if anything
its only normal
     to be in a relationship
  with someone
          who you actually love

~love~ made for the real thing
maybella snow Jul 2013
i didn't eat enough today
      no, i'm not anorexic
  or starving myself
               i just forgot to eat enough
                        it didn't occur to me until now
    as my stomach clenches in pain
           but i didn't need food
   until you left
maybella snow Jul 2013
my friends;
they don't know what my poetry knows
my poetry is always with me
              stuck in the corners of my mind
                     wanting to escape my heart
my poetry
is a direct link
to my mind
           heart
         secrets
                               *"shhh no one knows"
                         "please don't tell"
maybella snow May 2013
lonely,
               people sit
forever
  not knowing,
maybe not
        wanting
to
know.

when they
know.
they feel
                a need
to
change
to
do something
        
to live
looking back at this... i wrote it when i had hope or thought i did
maybella snow Oct 2013
it doesnt faze me anymore
the cuts mean nothing
simply a way of coping
not eating, and vomiting everything
is just because im not hungry
the tears are simply water
it happens, just water
the bruises are just soft skin
not that i want it to bruise
suicidal thoughts are just me being pathetic
im really pathetic
maybella snow Jul 2013
i saw a boy and girl today
                           they were about our age
the boy looked nothing like you                                                                                            
the girl looked nothing like me                                                                                              
                                                                    yet something
                                                  about the way they were
                                                              around each other
                                        how they seemed to know the
                                                                  others thoughts
                                            without talking or anything
and it made me think                                                                      
if thats how we look to others too                                                                                            
like we're
connected
maybe
its just
love

maybella snow Jul 2013
i don't know
       if it's just a show
of my innocence
                that my poems
   aren't filled with lust
intending words
          or anything of the kind
   my poetry
           seems to work more around love
  does that make me immature
or more mature
                              than lust filled teenagers?
maybella snow Aug 2013
i'm not ready to face the world
no, help i'm not ready
no, i don't wanna face them
i'm not ready
no
no, i don't wanna
no, not ready
no, help
i never thought the world is too big
but it is without you
i'm not ready
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