maybella snow: Poems

maybella snow Jun 2013

i found your scars
you attempted to brush me away
i persisted
brought your wrist
up to my lips

and whispered
"i'm sorry, it'll be okay"
and continued to kiss them
all better

~X~

"lets talk about feelings"

maybella snow Jul 2013

"lets talk about feelings"

sad                        horrified                    hate
angry                                                                                                hurt
               numb                             frustrated
lonely                                     depressed
scared                                                                               heartless             mean
frightened             broken                                                  lost
     scattered

the you this is directed at
will never see this
but i need to get it out
*i hate you

lie to me sweetly

maybella snow Aug 2013

lie to me sweetly

hold me tightly
and dream about someone else
whisper sweet nothings to me
picturing another face
you can lie to me,
be unfaithful
but hold me at night
and make me feel alright
i'll fall for you
but its okay
if you never fall for me
i'm nothing to fall for anyway
but please
just make me feel
as though
maybe there's a reason
for me to live
tell me sweet lies
whisper fake affection
dream of another
but hold
*me

life is painful

maybella snow Oct 2014

life is painful

im better
not fixed
not perfect
but better

the medications cleared my head like wind off the sea
i cant remember the last time i had a clear thought
70ml prozac along with a mix of anti psychosis to sleep with
i wake up more often not hating my life
im not suicidal
i still want pain
but i want to live

lifeless living

maybella snow Jun 2013

lifeless living

without you
around
                  near               reachable

the world becomes nothing

a colorless place where life ceases to be happy
                      the sky goes mottled gray
     dark clouds clouds shift over
            all the colors of the world leak out
like when the plug is pulled
                          to let water out of the bath
it goes out
          and away from everything

the most beautiful flowers
               loose their brightest hues
                                       air grows thicker as it
        gets harder to breathe
                   almost like loosing a lung
though assured my body is whole

trees leaves look dead in spring
             brown and dry, lifeless

                 the sun beams down hotter than ever
the moon brings the coldest weather
      the stars dim in the sky
like they have lost their inner fire
        so the darkest clouds cover them
                               as a thick woolen blanket.

all beauty dies or despairs
hidden away for better times
when you are around
                        ....

another poem i have edited and re-formatted... i hope you enjoy C:

like a can of soda on a lean

maybella snow Sep 2013

like a can of soda on a lean

remember when you showed me how
if you drank the exact amount
       of liquid inside a can
               you could sit it
                       so it sat on the very ledge
                               and nothing spilt
                                     as gravity held it
                                           along with the liquid
yet if you drank too much or
too little, it tipped and
spilt everywhere
                                        please teach me
                                        how to do this
                                        with the thoughts
                                        in my head.           and
                                        with the emotions
                                        in my heart.

like a fork with the knives

maybella snow Jul 2013

like a fork with the knives

i don't belong here
too many sharp edges

like a monster you hide in me

maybella snow Jan 2014

like a monster you hide in me

you hang in the cut out
snowflakes above my bed
watching and waiting
for a wind to ruffle you

you hide in the hardness
under my bed
behind the objects that
dont get every day use

you sit in the closet
across from my window
where light is rare
unless left open

you wait in my mirror
for me to glance
upon my own eyes
holding your sadness

this is all you've left me with
how is this love fair

like that one time

maybella snow Jul 2013

like that one time

like the grey white hotel sheets
       you tell me you love me
i know it's true
   and i love you too

like light peeping around a
            block out blind
                               you're a constant
the brightest thing in the morning

like the humid summer air
    enclosed around us
                 you held me closer and
   tighter than you ever did

like the stains inside coffee mugs
   no scrubbing will remove
             the scars you engraved
  using pain to forget me

like the bleached white towels
    where they've removed the nasty colours
  breaking down what was
            to what it is now

us.

like the lights flicking on at night everything reminds me of you x

maybella snow Jul 2013

like the lights flicking on at night everything reminds me of you x

.          .        .         .      .      .          .              .            .
                           . .          .    .                . .               .                    .       . . .                 .
.       .        . .              .          .         .
.                  .           .            . . . .       .          .        .
.               .               .                    .    .  .                    .               .  .             .
.       .   .      .          .       .             . .                         .
.               .        .      .         . . .               .         .       .     . .

like the power flickering on and off in a storm

maybella snow Jul 2013

like the power flickering on and off in a storm

10 words
*my heart will stop beating, slow struggles, flickering eyes. dead.

"like Thumper on crack"

maybella snow Jul 2013

"like Thumper on crack"

you're in pain
you cried yourself to sleep
and woke up with tears
they covered your pillow
dampened your hair
knowing this
i'm like a hummingbird on steroids
or Thumper on crack
i'm buzzing that i can't hold you
or dry your tears
pent up energy
i can't get to you
my muscles shake
with the effort of not just
running to you
over the water
however i can
i need to get to you

little too much, little too late

maybella snow Jan 2014

little too much, little too late

I tripped over myself
looking for where
you hid my heart
rib cage empty
thoughts blaring
I drank little
too much
I noticed my words
slured and he looked
sideways at me when
I slowed down
yet he never stopped
to give me a hand
I guess that shows
how I mean nothing to him

I managed to text broken
letters to him at 12:30am
and he was still awake
hours away, in a bed
I messed up
told him I wanted to die
he told me to stop drinking
and find somewhere
off the streets to sleep
he didn't tell me to
go die or get help
because after all
I drank little
too much

live evil

maybella snow Jun 2013

live evil

l                                                                          l

li                                                                        il

liv                                                                   vil

live                                                               evil
                              live evil

   is it possible to live without being evil?

live in dreams

maybella snow Jun 2013

live in dreams

wouldn't it be frightening
if dreams we our real life
and our real life
was our dreams

would it be much to scary?
or absolutely wonderful?

living =

maybella snow Jul 2013

living =

knowing you can die
at any time
but continuing
to live

i'm not
living

living/dead/human

maybella snow Jul 2013

living/dead/human

it's difficult not to feel so empty
a glass of water less than half filled
when you know
there are so many girls/women
boys/men
who are bleeding
because they're over it
they don't care anymore
they're spilling blood
on rooftops
in bathrooms
behind locked doors
but yet
they all have reasons
you can't judge any one of them

this is one of the reasons
why i don't want to become
a mother
why would i hold
a dependent baby inside me
when i'm dependent also
and the world will corrupt them anyway
like it has to me
where my mother, wouldn't know if i stained tiles

it's called bubble wrapping
overprotecting your children
so they grow up and can't handle the world
but really
maybe their parents are just too
terrified
of what happened to them,
to let it happen to their dependent child

the thought of becoming a mother
is difficult to me
i wouldn't want to ruin a new life
i'd hate to know i didn't fix it
even if i never knew, guilt at the world
corrupting a child
my child
would be too
much
too bear.

living in insomniac city

maybella snow Jul 2013

living in insomniac city

i want to live in a city
          where street lights are a constant
     sound echos when people sleep
                   but for all the unfortunate souls
the insomniacs
            they're up and moving
     brains ticking over
                                           but it's not so bad
         there's the echo of the city
                 and the constant light
                                           maybe there are others
                    i'm not alone in
     insomniac city

                                            i am in the country
                       the crickets sleep
                                  clouds cover the moon
                                             it's too dark and quiet
                           my mind ticks over more
              i wish
              i lived in
              insomniac city

loneliness never felt so lonely

maybella snow Aug 2013

loneliness never felt so lonely

5 words

loneliness only effects you if your heart is truly alone

maybella snow Jul 2013

loneliness only effects you if your heart is truly alone

10 words
*my heart escapes my body to be with your heart

look at me like i might be something

maybella snow Aug 2013

look at me like i might be something

i'm sick of being the girl
who's invisible behind glass walls
                 you saw something in me
- or maybe you lied about that too -
               but the look
that i was something
that i had a worth to you
             - though that was a lie also -
made me feel like i did have something
that might be desirable
made me feel like it was okay
maybe someone could love me
even if i don't love myself
but then again
                                         it was all lies
                                         so i really am nothing

looking at me from out there

maybella snow Jul 2013

looking at me from out there

sometimes i wonder
     if people think i'm a "loner"
or lost
                when i'm by myself
        the truth is
i don't sit next to you
                                  because i don't want to
          i'm not going to change
                                   myself, to be
who you think i should be
          who you think i should be like
                      i'd rather sit alone
         and wait for people
                 who like me, the way
i am
           for me
     not who you want
who i want

loosen up

maybella snow Nov 2013

loosen up

i feel like im floating
                 im not in this body
     just watching it
slowly die
without being able
  to care because its too
far gone for help

                                      small fact
i dont think im going anywhere in life
and if the teenage years are "the
                                                         best" well im not
gonna make it far

loosing contact with friends

maybella snow Jul 2013

loosing contact with friends

i have to keep reminding myself
that no, i haven't lost a friend
just lost contact with them
for a while

lost lifelines

maybella snow Oct 2013

lost lifelines

lay beside me in the illumination
                            of our alarm clock
set to go off in 4 hours
       no sleep was obtained
                but we feel rested
       lay your hand on my stomach
       and breathe in our scent
i want to feel
                                your soft breath
                                  on my neck
                                      as you sigh
         when realization
                kicks in that we
      cant stay this way forever;
                  my head on your chest
thoughts reduced to
         the slow thud of your heart
                                                 we're alive
                                           perfectly alive
                                                            and together
                                           perfectly    living

ignore this

love and hurt

maybella snow Jul 2013

love and hurt

you showed me love
and you gave me hurt

i gave you love
and i showed you hurt

≈.=.≈

love makes people whole, love breaks them to nothing... love

maybella snow Jul 2013

love makes people whole, love breaks them to nothing... love

10 words

"love, sleep"

maybella snow Jul 2013

"love, sleep"

you tell me
        my body is listening
        but my mind is a
stubborn child without what it wants
        and it's putting up a fair fight

loving bookstores & libraries

maybella snow Jul 2013

loving bookstores & libraries

i cant help
            but love

bookstores
                             &
     libraries

                            random people writing
        about random things
               with meaning to them

                    and they're sharing it
with everyone

loving identical twins????

maybella snow Sep 2013

loving identical twins????

i never knew you
but its funny/strange
how i know
so much
about who you are
what you like
favorite food
etc.
sometimes
it freaks me out
so much
i cant help
but cry
when i realize
how much
alike you are
to him
and i loved him
with everything
it scares/
makes me wonder
if as we're helping
each other, as much
as possible
will there be more?
and yeah
that scares me
so much
i feel so bad
so guilty

make it stop

maybella snow Oct 2013

make it stop

if i hung off a bridge
would you reel me in
give me kisses
and hugs
or are you just going to leave me
and wait for a bigger, better
fish to gobble me up

you dont know
you wont know
i love you
i dont want to

male/female poets

maybella snow Jul 2013

male/female poets

males (maybe just from my experience)
      seem to hide their pain in anger
females (maybe just my experience)
       seem to not try and show the wrong people

              male poets (maybe just my view)
   show their pain in creativeness that evokes hurt
              female poets (maybe just me)
   show their hurt in words that evoke understanding

      male poets (just what i've noticed)
           express love
       female poets (just what i think)
           express love

   maybe that's why i fell for a poet
                he expresses love, shows his pain
      maybe that's why he fell for a poet
                i express love, tell my pain right

we just understand eachother well
      ~love

apologies if this makes no sense

...maybe?

maybella snow Jul 2013

...maybe?

if i let enough blood out
     not enough to die
                   just to slow the blood to my head
         so i don't think as much?
maybe?

maybe everyone has a certain amount of poetic words and when they run out that's it, game over but it's okay. because they feel they can live without the poetry, recovered poets maybe that's all we are

maybella snow Nov 2013

maybe everyone has a certain amount of poetic words and when they run out that's it, game over but it's okay. because they feel they can live without the poetry, recovered poets maybe that's all we are

snow queen

maybe i'm just selfish and self destructive

maybella snow Jul 2013

maybe i'm just selfish and self destructive

on occasion
   i think i'm pretty
and i almost believe it too
then
all the comments flash
all the looks
all the unkindness
all the memories
of being called
fat, gross, ugly
it hurts to add on
it hurts to think
because
you were the first
random person
the only person,
who didn't know me
an almost stranger
to call me beautiful

i can't help but wonder
is it all a lie?

maybe it's a bad thing

maybella snow Aug 2013

maybe it's a bad thing

that it has been so long
and i've refused to look
at all the pictures
cute messages
                  that you gave me
     complete with an "x"
and "i love you"
                but it just hurts
                way too much
                to think about
                your life                or more importantly
                your death
not ready
i'm just
not ready
to see or
remember
your life
not yet

maybe it's easier

maybella snow Aug 2013

maybe it's easier

to be pushed down the steps to hell
than climb your way up to heaven

maybe love is just a memorable vivid dream -or nightmare-

maybella snow Jul 2013

maybe love is just a memorable vivid dream -or nightmare-

10 words

maybe no more poems for today

maybella snow Jul 2013

maybe no more poems for today

i don't know
     if i have
the effort
               or inspiration
to write
anything today
   i'm too tired
and my brain
is completely
focused
on you
but you're too perfect
and art
will not amount
to you
even if i try

so i don't know
if i'll write any more
poems
today

maybe not so much

maybella snow Nov 2013

maybe not so much

its beginning to work
these locks are holding emotions in
no one knows my thoughts
               its working
              im glad
maybe i can save people now
maybe i can care
stop being selfish
*****

maybe our love story is cliché, but they all are if they're containing true love

maybella snow Jul 2013

maybe our love story is cliché, but they all are if they're containing true love

15 words

maybe this shouldn't be shared, maybe it should

maybella snow Sep 2013

maybe this shouldn't be shared, maybe it should

i stood
                   right on the railing
               of our bridge
                         that crosses the river
             this is
where i stood
                                for twenty minutes
                                considering the idea
                                of jumping
i thought
everything through
how (if) people would miss me
what their reactions would be
how they'd blame themselves
                and i knew
things weren't bad enough
(not yet) for me to die
                    people might not depend on me, as such
                            but people would blame themselves
and the exact same thing
would happen to them
as what happened to me
when he ended his life
                                                          how could i do this
                                                          when i know
                                                          first hand
                                                          how it felt
                                                          knowing he died
                                                          and i wasn't able
                                                          to do anything
        no, i can't
i'm not desperate enough
not yet
                    i'm trying
                    to get better
                    before i'm too sad
                    to live

mehhhhhh idk

maybella snow Nov 2013

mehhhhhh idk

every snowflake is different
as snow queen
maybe I just got lost
finding the one that best suited me

memory pain

maybella snow Jul 2013

memory pain

its hard to know
if you're actually in pain
or just in the memory of pain

•º•

messages & replies

maybella snow Jul 2013

messages & replies

i got the messages you sent                                                                      i replied to all of them
                                                     now i'm just waiting for your reply

                                                                                                                               will you actually send one?
                                                                                                                                              i hope so
because the last thing i sent was
                             *"i love you"

midnight thoughts midday

maybella snow Jan 2014

midnight thoughts midday

leave me in awe
at the soft skin
inside your elbow
let me rest my cheek
against your chest
in surrender
be brave enough
to let me hear
your heart beat
delicately kiss
the scars I hide
because I trust
you

mind is in control, no escaping now

maybella snow Jun 2013

mind is in control, no escaping now

i'm freaking out
shaking
     crying
not breathing
                                    no one sees this
                                                             they cant see me
dying
                                                          they don't know
                           i'm struggling

that i'm on the
                                                                        edge
                                                                               :
                                                                             :
                                                                           :
                                                                         :
                                                                       :
                                                                                                                    of insanity
and am about to
        f
a
l
l

f
a
s
    t
                                                                hold me up
                                                                       grab me
                                                                i'm about to
                                                                           jump

involuntarily
no
my mind is  p . u . s . h . i . n . g  me                               over that edge

no one can see it
through my fake smile and laugh

                                                                but i can't stop myself
                                  from hiding this
i can't

mind control at work
i can't escape
i ' m
f a l l i n g
. . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . .
        . . . . . .
            . . . .
                . .
                 .
      d o w n

c    a    t    c    h        m    e

missing you is the bane of my existence

maybella snow Sep 2013

missing you is the bane of my existence

just hold me
tonight when
blades come out
from their special
hiding places
to let loose
the pain
hold me in the
light of morning
when scabs have formed
tears have dried
and the emptiness
has leaked into
my mind
this isn't killing me
slowly,
half of my issues
are self provoked
by my twisted mind
as it fights
the light of others
don't let me burn you out
with my empty darkness

please
it's okay
if you
leave

mistletoe heart

maybella snow Dec 2013

mistletoe heart

shy
warm
scared
confidend
heated
soft

your heart
kissed mine
under the
mistletoe
today

and you
got lost in it.
I found you
under my
covers

morning darkness

maybella snow Jul 2013

morning darkness

i don't look forward to
        the morning sun
              it only reminds me
     that it's now
                                                   d a r k
               where you are