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maybella snow Jul 2013
but i can't function
       i find myself
                               doing nothing
              all the time
          moving things
              putting them back
   shifting objects
                  myself
                  thoughts?
                                       i can't write much
                                          and that hurts a fair bit
                                  i think
              halfway through writing this nothing
                              tears began to fall
                                           but i can't recall why they did
         but all i want
                           is you to wipe them
                                                                                                away
      but please keep them safe
                        because i think
                                                         they're for
                                                         and because
                                                         of you
maybella snow Jun 2013
nothing        
is as it used to be                    
everything is
so different            


it's so much better              

~X~
maybella snow Sep 2013
clean                              cut
9 days ago
recently medicated                                                              
you laughed, told me i made you smile
you have no idea how important that was to me
                         that i could be helping you
and that day
was the 9th                                                          
so i understand why
                                    but 9 days ago
you havent done it                                          
since, you've talked to me                        
           more than usual
[improvements]
maybella snow Jul 2013
one                
two                
three              
four                
five                
six feet down
...10 words...
maybella snow Jan 2014
10 words


and its your choice
if you get lost in them
maybella snow Jul 2013
how you're able                                                                                    
to effect my vital internal organs                                                                      
you control my heart                                                        
you've made it speed      
you've made it slow        
you've made it fly            
you've made it sink        
you've made it stop        
you've made it start        

you've got control of my heart                                                                    
hijacked or stolen                                                                                                  
you have it now                                                                                    
i just hope                  
that you don't              
**** it                      

X                                                                                                                                  

marks the spot                                                                                                                      
i think you found it
maybella snow Aug 2013
as my brain fogs up
and my breath struggles              
throat closes                      
my hands clench air
as my muscles shake  
and a shudder rips through me      

i need you                                                                            
just to hold me                                                                            
rub my back,                                                                            
and hold my                                                                            
clenched hands,                                                                            
lay me down                                                                            
and hold me.                                                                            
kiss my cheeks                                                                            
nose, lips, eyelids                                                                            
and hold me.                                                                            
nothing needs to                                                                            
be said,                                                              
just hold me until
everything's okay
until the pain leaves  
until i can think again
until i notice you        
holding me
i'll return                      
all the kisses
hugs, hand holding
i'll return every minute
of you holding me
with me holding you
every time you need
to be held
i'll hold you
until you sleep
if you hold me
to sleep tonight
maybella snow Jul 2013
10 words
*when every time i wake up cold, alone and awake
maybella snow Jul 2013
when you reach the top of a ******
                     and there's nothing but the fall
but you're too high up to see the bottom
        you're falling before you know it
                            you just have to accept
this fall
    will be your last

                             there's no coming back from it
              enjoy falling
                      imagine you're flying
                                       its better that way
         - from experience -
maybella snow Jul 2013
10 words
i realized my poems don't have complex wording, and i don't usually write like that, i like using simple everyday words, that no one really looks twice at, because they might not sound intense enough for poetry, i try and fill my poems with emotion, not big words
maybella snow Sep 2013
10 words


*i can see my scars
they're not covered in new cuts
maybella snow Jul 2013
it's starting to get late
                                and the essay
        i have to hand in tomorrow
isn't getting done
i have too many words
                              irrelevant to the topic
                              to get out first
before i'll have a clear enough head
                                  to write about it
                                                                          instead
                                                          my head fills up
                                                 with irrelevant words
                                        needing to out spill before
new words,
on topic,
come to replace them
maybella snow Aug 2013
standing against the wind
shading people                  
creating air for the world  
growing leaves                  
small green sprouts          
blooming flowers              
dropping seeds                  
roots extended into the ground                  
as my leaves slowly change                  
to colours of red, orange                  
yellow, brown                  
to loose my luxurious leaves
as they dance
and fall around my trunk
swirling in the wind
until i'm bare
and i have time to            
sleep during winter            
waiting to blossom
and my leaves to grow
once again                      
and i can shade people
maybella snow May 2014
did you find me beautiful
after you broke me?
like shattered glass
did i glint in the light?
like rippled water
did i distort your image?

or was it the
process of breaking me
that made beautiful?
maybella snow Jul 2013
i want to upload
your sweet poems on here
the ones you gave me
because people only see
what you put up on your page
and yes thats you
but it's not the you i see
it's the harsh side of you
i would put your poems on            
the nicer, loving ones                      
but half of me                                    
is selfish and doesn't want anyone
to see this side                                  
to see my side of you                      

...it's mine..
and i'll protect you
like a dragon with its treasure
maybella snow Jul 2013
away                                                            

.
5 words
maybella snow Feb 2014
I want to scream at all the people
who pushed me down
I want to yell in their faces
for making me hate myself
I shouldn't want to
**** myself
my only pleasure shouldn't be
in the form of a metal blade
that's wrong it's ****** up
I want to scream at everyone
who said I was ugly
im not happy with myself no
but some girls want my curves
some guys stare at me
I want to yell in the faces of
those who call me fat ugly short
I don't need your crap
I want to want myself
I want to be loved
I want that so bad
                                                        sometimes
                                      I think maybe someone
                                          will ask me out
                                                      on valentines day
                                       sometimes I think
                                                it might happen
but it won't
and that's life
im me and I
do still think
of suicide
but I also
want to be
happy
maybella snow Jul 2013
the cuts on you          
    have no rhythm or rhyme
no certain flow
-like this poem-                          
but i want
to copy them      
onto my skin in the exact places
as you

i want to know          
the pain you went through
...hey the last part rhymes a little ooops
maybella snow Jul 2013
you screamed at me,
told me how i'm not good enough
                           how i could be better.
          why were you so surprised
     when i fell to the ground
                     crying and whimpering
                muttering
"go away
     go away
  nothings wrong
        go away
          go away
     i'm fine leave me alone
             go away
               go away"

                                       with my head held
                    knuckles white
                              rocking back and forth
   why didn't you
*go away?
maybella snow Aug 2013
but i don't think i deserve it
so i'll continue saying
"i'm sorry"
because i really am
but instead of forgiveness
i'd accept a knife in my back
because i am
so so so
sorry
don't forgive me
maybella snow Jun 2013
i want to, sit on a park bench                                  
at the beginning of autumn
sipping our take away coffee and watching
the singular fragments of leaves on fire          
falling from the trees
to whirl softly before landing on the ground

i want to, go fishing on a pier sitting over a lake
on a fresh spring morning
just to catch a fish with you                              
name it something ridiculous
and release it back into the wild, so i can say that we
officially domesticated a wild animal together    

i want to, go and see a kiddy movie in the theaters
so we can sit in the front row and watch  
while feeding each other popcorn                              
then wait till the end of the rolling credits, when everyone else is gone
before racing each other
up the stairs and pushing the doors open to outside                

i want to, stand in the supermarket                          
drawing little faces on the condensations and                                
light heartedly bickering with you in front of the freezers
about the right flavor ice-cream
for our movie night on your couch at home                            
before deciding on purchasing both of them

i want to, stand under a light pole                        
on a mild summer night
with crickets as our backing music                              
the moon our only audience, and dance slowly
like the world doesn't exist outside of the small                      
pool of light at our feet

some of the many innocent things i want to do with you...
maybella snow Aug 2013
is it warmer
or is it colder
1
2
3
4
5
6
                          feet
                                down?
maybella snow Dec 2013
and not see every sadness reflected in my eyes
to not see every mistake written on my skin
and not see every inch of fat and self hate
to not see every little mistake that I am

I wonder what it's like to look in a mirror
and not hate everything I see in the reflection
maybella snow Aug 2013
to be held until you fall asleep
and wake up with them still holding you

to know the noises they make before sleep
and wake to their morning noises

to mumble adoring words until you cant anymore
and wake knowing they're all true

to fall asleep with their scent embracing you
and wake covered in it and still smelling that way after showers

i wonder what that would be like
i wonder why i keep torturing myself with this
maybella snow Aug 2013
anyone care to make                                
                                                            a ****** suicide
plan with me?                                                                                            
i promise to die at the end
maybella snow Aug 2013
bogeymen are                                                         its hard to
no longer hiding                     where'd                        remember
in your cupboards                 all the                     that i'm alive
or under your beds                   beauty                           some days
they're hidden in                       go?                         because i feel
the depths of                                                         so dead
your dark mind                                                        on the                                i want to replace
ready to jump out                                                        inside                        the blood in my veins
and cause the                            a lonely poetess                                                with ink
self hate that ends                   sits in a pool of blood
in blood covered
blades
many different fragments, read by font, not line
maybella snow Aug 2013
love isn't
forever
death is -

- sometimes
i want to
die -
maybella snow Jun 2013
you cut a heart in your chest
did you do it because
     you felt heartless before?

or did you just have to
re-define your heart?

the lines were jagged
not at all soft or full of heart
maybella snow Aug 2013
i'm stressing
just a lil bit            
i think thats why my stomach is
                                                                          doing flips
because i'm stressing                
even a lil nervous          
                               okay a lot
but this stressing                                          
might be the cause  
of my flipping stomach            
and squeezing heart      
                                                                                    i don't think its overly
                                                                                      healthy for my body to
                                                                 be flipping
                                                                    or squeezing
it hurts
just a lil bit
maybella snow Oct 2013
does anyone read my "poetry"
anymore?
i dont think its poetry at all
maybella snow Aug 2013
neither yes
nor no        
a hope              
it could be either
or nothing.
maybe,        
maybe
this word
only means
something              
to my
hopeless mind
maybe i'll be okay
maybe i'll finally give in
maybe you love me
enough to comment
a "maybe yes"
...maybe not
in response to Kestrel, Poetic Challenge
maybella snow Jul 2013
hold me as i cry                                  
let my tears soak into your silken skin                  
bear my weight as i collapse into your arms
let me feel your heartbeat                                                  
the gentle rhythm of your existence
hold me as i empty my fears                    
let your heart absorb my love                                    
but make sure to give some back    
be my backbone                                                
hold me safe            
i need you                      
x my love
maybella snow Aug 2013
no one holds me at night
no one hugs me in the street
no one hangs onto my hand
no one wants me
no one
maybella snow Jun 2013
you                                                              ­            


                                                     hurt



                        me


STOP                    


                       IT!

you always do!                                                             ­       

                                   I  
                                                     DIDN'T

DO                                  


                    ­                                                                 ­                  ANYTHING

I                                                      ­            
DIDN'T                                                

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no                                  

                 I DIDN'T



                                                      ­    I DIDN'T

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
                                             no no no no no nononononononononnon no no no no no no


I DIDN'T!!!                                                     ­                                                               

­
STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!




! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !



just stop


its not me                                                               ­   
its you                      
and i know this                                                             ­                   
so please                                                          
stop hurting me                                                               ­                   
                                             ­              because i didn't do anything

just stop

*s   t   o   p
maybella snow Jul 2013
you were too nice today
            i'm just waiting
    for a knife
                             to be
                   embeded in my back
   the next time
         we hug
maybella snow Nov 2013
skies are blue
blood bleeds red
i dont hate you
hearts get fed
forgotten knots
clouds float white
half filled shots
skin too tight
maybella snow Aug 2013
i told you i was

sitting on the floor in the kitchen
with my laptop
and empty coffee cup
and a spoon

then continued to say

i am so broken
the definition of broken

you replied with:

i'm sorry, but that was adorable

*how is my being broken
sitting on the floor in the kitchen
with a spoon
empty coffee cup
and laptop
"adorable"?
maybella snow Jul 2013
i'm feeling more alone
          than ever
  i'm scared that your love
                       went down the sink
with the blood
         that once flowed in
thin delicate veins
                                      not
       obtuse pipe work
maybella snow Jul 2013
woke up early
     went to bed late
                i know
    i wont sleep tonight

            i knew that
when i woke up early

           i know now
i'm never going to sleep

~ not without you
maybella snow Oct 2013
can everyone just stop
asking me if im okay  
im not okay  
okay?
and im not going to tell you
because you didnt help                
when i needed it
you told me to grow up
"get over it"
well no
you* stop asking me      
you lost my                    
trust a while ago okay
maybella snow Aug 2013
thunder encompasses my body
lightning shows my deformed being
                          broken and cold
the storm holds me
cold as it may be
                   it continues to hold me safe
                                                                                   while some people are frightened
                                                                               the power of the storm
                                                                                                has no meaning to me
                                                                                        it can't lie to anything
                                                                                        it can't break me more than i am
                                                                       so i let it overwhelm me
                                                                                                           and i finally feel okay
maybella snow Oct 2013
i wish to burrow into your velvet skin

deep down past the harsh coldness

into the veins leading a clear pathway

past the protecting ribs

around your sturdy collarbone

directing me to your heart

where warmth resides

as a permanent member
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