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490 · Dec 2013
"were you a happy child?"
maybella snow Dec 2013
I think so
but everything clouds
I remember happy things
and wish to be a child again
so I assume I was a happy child
490 · Jul 2013
"lets talk about feelings"
maybella snow Jul 2013
sad                        horrified                    hate     ­ 
angry                                                           ­                                     hurt            
               numb                             frustrated              
lonely                                     depressed                                            
scared     ­                                                                 ­         heartless             mean                        
frightened             broken                                                  lost     ­     
     scattered

the you this is directed at                                                                             
will never see this                                                             ­                             
but i need to get it out                                                              ­                    
*i hate you
488 · Oct 2013
cant even
maybella snow Oct 2013
i threw myself at my wall
over and over
kicks punches
hit it with my knees
elbows, shoulder, head
i wasnt trying to break through
not possible with
double brick walls
i guess it just
symbolized how
helpless i feel
when you say you dont eat
or sleep and can hardly move
i hid behind bruises and cuts
it hurts to move
i'm tired
but i'm still alive
and am willing to help
don't **** yourself
it'll **** me
so tired
488 · Oct 2013
nothings wrong with me
maybella snow Oct 2013
it doesnt faze me anymore
the cuts mean nothing
simply a way of coping
not eating, and vomiting everything
is just because im not hungry
the tears are simply water
it happens, just water
the bruises are just soft skin
not that i want it to bruise
suicidal thoughts are just me being pathetic
im really pathetic
487 · Nov 2013
im crying
maybella snow Nov 2013
i dont care to be home alone
all the time and know
you have a life
and im just forever
waiting for a time when you might
remember that you once cared
about me too
486 · Nov 2013
last day of spring today
maybella snow Nov 2013
skies are blue
blood bleeds red
i dont hate you
hearts get fed
forgotten knots
clouds float white
half filled shots
skin too tight
486 · Aug 2013
am i really that unloveable
maybella snow Aug 2013
that you died as a final get away
do i matter that much to you?

maybe you wanted to die
for other reasons                
but where am i on your importance list?
                                                     am i on it?

you're the first person who loved me
not family or friend
is it that hard to love me?
i love you with everything
but you knew that
486 · Aug 2013
yeah i'm getting better
maybella snow Aug 2013
i managed to face the world
without crying in public              
i held my food down                    
or the small amount                      
that was consumed                        
little blood was spilt                    
i shook some
and panicked
no one saw tears
i'm "getting better"

yeah sure, i'm getting better
suicidal thoughts were at a lower
number than before                                
still pressing my mind with possibilities
the urge to cut was there
i mostly held it in

i'm so much better
i cried at home    
in bed                alone
the cuts were smaller
i ate something    
and kept it down  
didn't say anything
to anyone
after all
i'm "getting better"

*i want to die
485 · Jun 2013
blood seeking plants
maybella snow Jun 2013
roses,
beautiful
yet
deadly

fragrant and thorny

blood red roses
are the most dangerous
they are blood red for a reason

if they ***** you
they absorb the blood
into the plant

it shows again
in the rose petals.
red.
blood red.

the next time you see a
blood red rose.
make sure to steal clear of it

they are out for blood

.   . .    .      .   . .
.   . .    .   . . .   . .
485 · Jun 2013
thoughts that dance
maybella snow Jun 2013
i was unable to sleep last night              
everything was too loud
clocks ticked                                                  
fans whirred                                    
these noises were
amplified
by the night      

though the noises were pounding
loud                                  
obnoxious          
they weren't loud enough                        
to quieten the thoughts in my head.


they spun              
dancers are beautiful by themselves          
but together
with no obvious rhythm      
and with so many
they crash                  
bump              
and disturb
the dancers surrounding them      

they spun uncontrollably fast
chaos playing their part too            
only stopping      a short      time to catch their breath

hours later they begin to tire          
become stif and jerky in their movements                    

a wind begins to blow    
softly and swiftly moving past the dancers                
with a sudden serge of power  
it speeds up                              
whips around                  

the dancers get carried along with it
turning and swirling faster and faster        
their rough grace returns  

the dancers spin away faster with the wind on their back
whirring like little spin tops                
in and around each other

in no time                
a wind storm has been created    
powerful and ruthless
destroying everything            
but those dancing
thoughts
one of my older poems re-done, i hope you like C:
maybella snow Jul 2013
i cant help
            but love

bookstores
                             &
     libraries

                            random people writing
        about random things
               with meaning to them

                    and they're sharing it
with everyone
maybella snow Feb 2014
I want to scream at all the people
who pushed me down
I want to yell in their faces
for making me hate myself
I shouldn't want to
**** myself
my only pleasure shouldn't be
in the form of a metal blade
that's wrong it's ****** up
I want to scream at everyone
who said I was ugly
im not happy with myself no
but some girls want my curves
some guys stare at me
I want to yell in the faces of
those who call me fat ugly short
I don't need your crap
I want to want myself
I want to be loved
I want that so bad
                                                        sometimes
                                      I think maybe someone
                                          will ask me out
                                                      on valentines day
                                       sometimes I think
                                                it might happen
but it won't
and that's life
im me and I
do still think
of suicide
but I also
want to be
happy
481 · Jun 2013
lifeless living
maybella snow Jun 2013
without you
around
                  near               reachable

the world becomes nothing

a colorless place where life ceases to be happy
                      the sky goes mottled gray
     dark clouds clouds shift over
            all the colors of the world leak out
like when the plug is pulled
                          to let water out of the bath
it goes out
          and away from everything

the most beautiful flowers
               loose their brightest hues
                                       air grows thicker as it
        gets harder to breathe
                   almost like loosing a lung
though assured my body is whole

trees leaves look dead in spring
             brown and dry, lifeless

                 the sun beams down hotter than ever
the moon brings the coldest weather
      the stars dim in the sky
like they have lost their inner fire
        so the darkest clouds cover them
                               as a thick woolen blanket.

all beauty dies or despairs
hidden away for better times
when you are around
                        ....
another poem i have edited and re-formatted... i hope you enjoy C:
maybella snow Aug 2013
i might look right old average
                      brown hair
                      brown eyes
                      average build
                      average weight
but no
  i'm not average
                     i'll give your **** back
                     with a smile
i'll move on
with a laugh
                     i'll get over you
                     with whatever i can
              no, i'm not saying i'm a *****
i loved you
still do
                        but no, you took it
                        and left me for dead
     i gave you everything
     and only expected a smile
     or laugh
     simply you, happy
                                 i do have a heart
                                                         so i gave
                                and was happy to give
in the end
   yeah there's an end
                         you left
leaving behind one last package behind
filled with lies
complete with a ribbon and kiss
                                                  well you know what?
                i sent it back
        full; i kept none of your lies
             complete with a ribbon, a kiss
     a smile
                                  and no return address
            i sent it back
—keep the memories for both of us, i'm struggling enough—
480 · Jul 2013
one hundred words of war
maybella snow Jul 2013
men
jump,
swarming
away
from
the
safety
of
their
transportation.
heavy
packs
and
uniforms,
tension
fills
the
silence
like
an
overflowing
bucket.
squads
continue
to
pour
out,
onto
the
sand
and
up
the
bank.
there
is
still
silence;
people
hold
their
breaths,
waiting.
men
are
told
to
climb;
these
direct
orders
remain
quiet.
a
few
men
venture
out,
and
then
when
nothing
happens
more
follow.
they
scout
the
area,
believing
it’s
safe.
an
explosion
erupts
and
clumps
of
soil
fly
into
the
air,
men
collapse.
the
sounds
of
gunfire
are
close,
small
dots
blinking
out
from
grass
and
small
mounds.
exactly one hundred words, wrote this little piece in class, sorry if the way its set out makes it look too long
480 · Jun 2013
"normal love"
maybella snow Jun 2013
~love~
      a beautiful thing to have
when you can find it
                   or it finds you

why
          do people care
       if it is between
               two people
who love each other so much
          yet they're of the same ***
its still *love

                             maybe even stronger

how many homosexuals
           do you see getting a divorce?
      because they've "fallen out of love"

why
          do people care
  if they're in love

            love is hard enough to find
   without governments
              and religions
                             disagreeing
               and fighting
                            about their love

its love
        people need to get over it
it's no different
      to "normal couples"
                               if anything
its only normal
     to be in a relationship
  with someone
          who you actually love

~love~ made for the real thing
maybella snow May 2014
did you find me beautiful
after you broke me?
like shattered glass
did i glint in the light?
like rippled water
did i distort your image?

or was it the
process of breaking me
that made beautiful?
480 · Jul 2013
no, i'm not suicidal...
maybella snow Jul 2013
but sometimes            
i cant help  
but think            

about what it                  
would be like                

to jump                                              
with a rope necklace
to jump                                              
onto rocks and water
to jump                                              
off our old family house

and die                        

~ no thoughts
~ no pain        
~ no life          

no, i'm not suicidal
but sometimes    
i want to jump                

~ and die
479 · Aug 2013
dear pretty girl
maybella snow Aug 2013
i don't know you at all
yeah i've read your poetry
but i don't really know you
pretty girl, stay, please
death is harsh
i know it is
it kills others around you
not just the suicider
please pretty girl
stay
pretty girl i'll talk to you
but please stay
it's your choice pretty girl
but it'd be nice if you stayed
pretty girl please stay x
maybella snow Jul 2013
locked away in a cell
    dark and lonely
  my heart yearns for escape
         but i remember why i locked it away
to keep myself safe
  i locked my heart
            away from my head
i saved myself from falling too far

lonely hearts are talkative
                             -well mine is-
i discovered that a new guard had
   been posted at the door
           peeking through
tentative and careful
       my weary heart aches to be held

making friends with the guard
          my heart entrusts it with everything
secrets spill out
    with my heart, locked away from my head
           there's nothing to stop it from spilling over
so over it goes, learning the guards secrets too

becoming closer friends, the guard
            late one night
as the heart cries from lost love
reaches into the cell
   gently picking up the hand
           and rubs the back of it with his thumb
the heart looks up
        eyes teary, broken to despair

the guard is torn apart from the hearts obvious pain
                    glancing around he reaches out to the lock
unlocking it his eyes meet the hearts
    opening the cell
            he walks inside it then
turns around and locks it behind him
i have a poem written down somewhere that i'll have to find for this next poem to completely make sense, my apologies for not already having it put up.
478 · Jul 2013
i'm the 'you' in your poems
477 · Aug 2013
lie to me sweetly
maybella snow Aug 2013
hold me tightly                                        
and dream about someone else                                                                            
whisper sweet nothings to me                                                  
picturing another face                                  
you can lie to me,                      
be unfaithful        
but hold me at night                                                                    
and make me feel alright                                                              
i'll fall for you
but its okay                    
if you never fall for me
i'm nothing to fall for anyway                          
but please                                                                                        
just make me feel                                                                    
as though                                                                              
maybe there's a reason                                                                                  
for me to live                                                                          
tell me sweet lies        
whisper fake affection
dream of another        
but hold                        
*me
477 · Sep 2013
torn directions
maybella snow Sep 2013
i'm copying your
imperfections
and scars
onto my skin
to recreate
the map
that found
my heart
477 · Jul 2013
i can't i just can't
maybella snow Jul 2013
my body has shut down
    i move and function
                    but my brain is nothing
         mush with no substance
   i can't hold together
                        the glue isn't strong enough
i'm not strong enough
         without you
                           you're the filling
   the once missing pieces
                      now you're gone
                              and i'm falling apart again
             please
i'll pick up your pieces
     if you put me together again
477 · May 2013
Thank-you
maybella snow May 2013
For calling me beautiful
When i felt ugly.
For being kind
When i couldn't.
For accepting me
When i was rejected.
For caring about me
When i'd given up.
For liking me
When i didn't.
For loving me
When i love you

<3
476 · Sep 2013
loving identical twins????
maybella snow Sep 2013
i never knew you
but its funny/strange
how i know                                
so much                                
about who you are                                              
what you like                                            
favorite food                                      
etc.                                              
sometimes
it freaks me out
so much                
i cant help
but cry
when i realize
how much
alike you are
to him                
and i loved him
with everything
it scares/                              
makes me wonder
if as we're helping
each other, as much
as possible                                      
will there be more?                                      
and yeah
that scares me
so much
i feel so bad    
so guilty
475 · Aug 2013
i'm not dealing
maybella snow Aug 2013
i've started shaking
                                     hot and cold shivers
                                          control me
      a sinking feeling
                                                    in my torso
                     shortened breaths
      i cant breathe
                                         choking on nothing
  heart or stomach
         sink
                             the small amounts of food
    that i ate not long ago
                   i begin to feel ill
nothing is settled in me
                                      back aches
                        become headaches
                                                       ­  i'm still shaking
    hot and cold
                   shivering
                                                 combining into pain
        i'm not handling anything well
                    panic attacks
                            anxiety
    not eating
    not sleeping
                                  no i'm not handling this well
         i'm not dealing
               i cant cope
475 · Jul 2013
[hugs] [kisses] i love you
maybella snow Jul 2013
5 words
for my love, MountL...
475 · Jun 2013
beauty on wet nights
maybella snow Jun 2013
there are beautiful things to see on cold wet nights
                     you just have to open your eyes
           and consider it

                it was a cloudy night
hence the rain storm
       but it had stopped for a moment
and the clouds shifted to show the gentle spread
   of stars beneath the wispy clouds
                        to let the moon shine
                i noticed the leaves on the trees that night
after the heavy rain
        they glistened and sparkled in the pale
                light of the moon
twinkling as the wind lightly ruffled them

                             ...
475 · Feb 2014
tired, that's all
maybella snow Feb 2014
dull my eyes
as I slide into a room
glance for exists
windows and doors
my feet never fully
leave the ground anymore
I know I won't fly
that is until the light
is completely gone
if my hands shake
anxiety levels double
look down, hide face
it's okay no one cares anyway
tears fall none the less
I'm tired
474 · Jul 2013
i live here with them
maybella snow Jul 2013
i find it funny how
    most people
             who don't know me
assume that
  i live in a town, city
                 somewhere plush
     or maybe the back streets
where i do what i want

but no, i live
         twenty minutes drive
out of a small town
                    on a dairy farm
      two hundred cows

                   where i work
just as hard as my brothers
               we get paid for our work
  smaller amounts than others
          but still
                            we're made to work
  parents of course

then when i'm not working
       out on the farm
               either milking cows
    or fixing random problems
                collecting wood
  moving cattle
                              the list goes on

         i'm cooking
                    cleaning
   getting the jobs done
                      or our parents, again
become frustrated
      and take something away
                      from us
so i work
       as to not loose you

because i know
     one day i'll be out of here
and you're where i'll
                        be going
and i can't wait
471 · Aug 2013
my apologies:
maybella snow Aug 2013
for being weak and needy
for needing you to hold me
for running because i'm scared
for never saying anything right
for always pestering you
for not trying hard enough
for not being good enough
for not believing your complements
for feeling down most of the time
for being effected by your moods
for letting your moods effect me
for not being impressive enough
for not being old or matured enough
for apologizing so many times
for writing a bad excuses for a poem
for living

forgive me
for living
please
                                       i don't want to live
                                           but i'm not dead
                                                     forgive me
for not dying
when i tried to
maybella snow Jun 2013
how it possible that                                                             ­                                   
something so utterly wonderful:                                                       ­  you                    
can make everything dull,                                                            ­               are                  
you trying to ruin my, not                                                              ­perfect
          hopeless little existence of a life                                                             and        
      now all normal everyday things aren't the same                                                       i                  
never would have guessed that this feeling:                                                     love
     would come at such a horrible dark time, thank                                                you
took forever to get this to work, might not have the best english and grammar skills but idc, was made to be two poems in the one poem.
469 · Aug 2013
an attack of panic
maybella snow Aug 2013
in panic attacks
  my brain sings
la la la la
                i'll be okay
  la la la la la
remember to breathe
       la la la la
what's breathing?
  la la la la
          who're you?
do do do
   what'd you want?
  do de do la
help help help
            lalalala
it'll be fine
lalaladodododa
                           help
468 · Aug 2013
you heard my crying
maybella snow Aug 2013
i literally just had a break down
i cried and                            
begged you not to go                      
                           you heard it all
                         - mindless blabbering at 4:57 am -
            runninng on no sleep
and i think it broke you to pieces                
that you were the reason
   why i was falling apart
               simply because you had to go
468 · Jun 2013
i don't care about you
maybella snow Jun 2013
people don't understand
                   when i say
                                 "i don't care about you"
i mean
             you mean nothing to me
   i have enough issues
              i have enough people who care
                    about me, and i for them

so understand
            when i say
                                " i don't care about you"
i don't
                    but you exist
          and you have people who do care about you
so don't be offended when i say that

                  but to be honest
i don't care about you

                                             back off
                                             go away
                                             leave me alone

             because i don't care about you
and i don't want you to care about me
        because i wont return the feeling

*" i don't care about you"
467 · Jul 2013
i'm your cure
maybella snow Jul 2013
i somehow,                          
without knowing                          
became your
momentary cure
for your insanity
and madness

because i never see it                      
you're never mad, crazy,                
insane                                                
when i'm with you
and i don't think
you're just hiding it
i think it disappears
when you're with me

i've heard your laugh                      
i see your smiles                              
i invoke both of these                      
without knowing                              
but i think
i'm your cure love
467 · Aug 2013
sorry
466 · Jul 2013
fire - love
maybella snow Jul 2013
/fire/*
- one that keeps you going
- one that warms you in winter
- inner fire (heart, soul)
- candle (lighting the way)
- we're burning (lust)

- burn down forests
- killed (my heart)
- put out my fire
- utter destruction
- nothing but cinders
- smoke (inhalation, can't breathe)


fire - metaphorical for love
466 · Jul 2013
improvements
maybella snow Jul 2013
i have so many poems
       and i bet the people
                  whom follow me now
               i bet they haven't seen the first poem i uploaded
                                                   or the second
i understand that my "skills"
      have improved
                     from the first dodgy poems i wrote
  but i'd like to know
             if they were no good
             or if it's just that no one looked at them
i'm not telling people to look through my dodgy older poems, i'm just saying that, i bet no one thought to look at them that far back. i know i don't always look at a persons poems all the way back to when they joined. but on occasion i do. its just that, how many poems are there that are "old", written a while ago, that'll never be looked at? it saddens me a little
maybella snow Jun 2013
the sun            
a burning ball of gas
heating the universe                        
     warming earthlings
sun rays bringing light and warmth
like they always have
when                                                                                  
                                  did the ******* thing
               decide to be choosy                
                                  with who it properly warms?
             or brings light onto?                          

because lately                                                                  
i haven't felt warm
it hasn't been giving me light    

                            when did this happen?
       why is the sun picky?                    
is it something i've done?                                                          
                                               is it possible to offend the sun?
or is it simply protesting against me?
465 · Jun 2013
inexperienced pain
maybella snow Jun 2013
like an exited puppy
you jump excitedly around
           with not a care for the world
other than finding it all
              you're inexperienced  
   and don't realize it hurts
           when you bite me
464 · Oct 2013
small tinkering
maybella snow Oct 2013
lay beside me
breath into my hair
let your thoughts wonder
                    smell my heart
                    touch my love
                      hear my pain
and accept all of me
for better, for
worse
                 love me
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