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854 · Jan 2014
apologies my lord
maybella snow Jan 2014
hold yourself above
the scars of my heart
displayed on my wrist
stomach and thighs
hold yourself
higher than my
low life
existence
846 · Jul 2013
distracting the distracted
maybella snow Jul 2013
passed out at 3:42am
     woke up at 7:01
about three and a half
                          hours sleep
  and i'm still functioning
well, i'm moving around
                   and i'm distracted
            by thoughts
                 emotions
                 you
                                 and through all of this
all i want is to be held
     embraced by your warmth
                   enveloped by your smell
i'd cover myself in your fragrance
          if it made me feel warm
   like you were nearer
             like you were holding me
keeping me safe, watching me
       drift to sleep
                                       not pass out
maybella snow Sep 2013
that might be how you felt                                
and thats understandable                                
but that isn't how i would explain how i feel
i feel as through
the entire world                                                  
is crushing my skull
slowly                        
while weighing down                  
my back, shoulders                    
as a thick consistency
presses into my lungs
squeezing down my
wind pipe
my limbs are                              
tied to invisible                        
elastic bands                              
that hold me down                  
resistance                                  
maybe the world
isn't "against" me
but it weighs
way too much
in my                      
head            
heart            
body            
everywhere
it weighs me down
844 · Dec 2013
aloft ghosts unable to fly
maybella snow Dec 2013
emptiness doesn't cut it anymore
I'm tired and aimless
living an empty lonely life
wondering the walls of this house
not exactly a home with the coldness
I feel as though I'm already a ghost
people have forgotten
pale and still
unnoticeable
let me fly
maybella snow Oct 2013
for you to *******
i dont want your attention
i never was seeking it
so ******* and take your *******
"attention" with you
because you wont understand
and you wont help
so ****
off
no one comment i dont want any comments
838 · Nov 2013
i'll explain how tired i am
maybella snow Nov 2013
my bones weigh more than my heart
nothing can lift me
i'm not strong enough
getting out of bed in the morning
an adrenaline shot might help
cut the skin here
slash it there
you'll wake up
enough
to fake the light in your eyes
flick the switch
act baby girl
maybe if you believe
there's nothing wrong
they wont notice

i had a break down
i told mum
how i was tired
i wasn't strong enough
to fake it
other days i'm okay
i can pull myself together enough
but today
on that day
i wasn't able to.
she sent me to school
835 · Oct 2013
please continue
maybella snow Oct 2013
drag my thoughts trough a sifter
see which ones resolve
pound my heart with a hammer
see if it sticks or falls apart
stuff me down a drain
squish me in a cupboard
hit me with a rolling pin
crush me like a glass

i'll break eventually
maybella snow Jan 2014
crackle rumble boom*
power and strength
rolls through the sky
as water falls
either the gods are
angry or simply
having one hell
of a party
maybe heaven
is trying to dampen
hells flames

either way
I love storms
828 · Jul 2013
not lust filled
maybella snow Jul 2013
i don't know
       if it's just a show
of my innocence
                that my poems
   aren't filled with lust
intending words
          or anything of the kind
   my poetry
           seems to work more around love
  does that make me immature
or more mature
                              than lust filled teenagers?
maybella snow Feb 2014
I'm trying to find someone
who knows about the
cracks and defects
of my heart and mind
and want them to gather
the pieces of
broken glass
so they can heat it
and recreate it
as their own
maybella snow Feb 2014
I didn't get to school today
I woke up
usual time
and lay still
my arms felt like they were
strapped to the bed
my legs felt like the bones
had been replaced with lead
my shoulder sunk into the matress
and my head was stuffed with
cotton or water
I wasn't able to move
so I cried
and after a while
of crying I finally lifted a shoulder
nothing was wrong with me
but the weight
I just couldn't move


look what depression is doing to me
how am I meant to live through this?
818 · Sep 2013
happy birthday me
maybella snow Jul 2013
10 words
*calming effects, i'm replacing your steady breathing, with rain tonight
804 · Jul 2013
classifying my illness
maybella snow Jul 2013
it hurts there
                        no, higher than my rib bones
                          lower than my coller bone
        a little to the left of my breast bone
                there
right where my heart beats
  that's where the pain is
                        what pills can i take to help the pain?
maybella snow Jun 2013
i was brutally attacked      
                                    the other day
though people were unable to see my wounds                                                                      
           i was assaulted by                                  words            
strung together in careless sentences

                                                                           they made vicious weapons
                                                                         of various differences
these word solders lined up                              
ready and eager                                                  
when they attacked                                            
it was      graceful and ruthless                                                            

the solders              
                                                                                     burnt
my mind          
                                                                      slashed
my self-consciousness                                  
left my feelings                    
                                                                                     gasping for breath
pummeled my heart                                                                                

the      wielder     of these       word solders
     was        blind         to my        brimming tears
                                          and        hurt expressions

as my attackers continued      
                                  to rip my insides

i had to                                          
protect my fort
from      further damage              

i      ushered      my mind into a       cellar,
carried my                                          
self-consciousness and gasping feelings    
                                                              into the doors of my heart
here:                
it was total lockdown
windows   were                            shuttered
doors    were                          double locked

my     retreat     was    noticed
they now knew damage was done
but not the
                              spectrum it was on
they knew enough to see                       it hurt.

they strolled up to my heart in      lock-down
slowly     with a     white flag
      as they came closer i                                                             unlocked and looked    
through the peephole
there they were
asking    "what's wrong?"
saying     sorry    in a       roundabout way

i      opened   the door for them to       enter
we      embraced
i took a      closer look at the     flag
                                                                             it was           white
but around the edges
                                                                             it was               red

there would be  more attacks  where this came from

//... //
maybella snow Oct 2013
i sleep
i get perfectly enough sleep
i'm not lacking
but i'm tired
i have no energy
i just want to sleep
for a little while longer
until my bones
no longer conform
and i cant
wake anymore
maybella snow Jul 2013
yes
                    yes i'm young
                    yes i don't know much
                    yes i haven't seen much
                    yes i don't know many people
                    yes i love him
                    yes i do
no i don't care about what you think, it's love, go away if you don't think it is
                    yes i'm his
                    yes he loves me too
no i don't care about you
maybella snow Jan 2014
why can't I stop
thinking all these
harsh poems you
write are for me
I'm trying to
remember
what you
know
                                     are they about me?
                                     because I'm blaming
                                     myself for your unhappiness
                                     so I'm sorry
                                     please
just be happy
793 · Jul 2013
you look at me and sigh
maybella snow Jul 2013
you're disappointed with me
       i avoid your eyes
                      knowing you're seeing the flaws
  and you're disappointed
          an awkward hug is called for
"i love you"s muttered
                        i don't think we're lying
    it's just flawed truth
and disappointment
786 · Aug 2013
i forgot to care
maybella snow Aug 2013
i didn't hide the cuts on my legs
i thought you maybe saw them
i then hid them                            
i hid the bruises over my knuckles
i don't think you saw them              
i stopped hiding the bruises            
i'm not scared
of hitting you
in self defence
instead of a    
brick wall        
that won't fight back
maybella snow Aug 2013
crushing my head
between my hands
       to squish my thoughts
of you, i'm trying
to get you out, get out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
o u t
o u t
get out
get out
get out
of my head
get the **** out
get out
get out
get out **get out
get out
out out out ou tou tou tout out otu toutou tout tou otu tou get out GET OUT GET OUT
******* GET OUT OF MY FUCING HEAD
****
GET
OUT
I CANT
HANDLE THIS
GET
THE
****
OUT
OF
MY
HEAD
779 · Nov 2013
float me away
maybella snow Nov 2013
will there ever be a day                              
when people are just dust    
nothing more
where it doesnt matter          
how happy, sad, perfect, imperfect
you are              
where being gay, straight, bi
doesnt matter    
religion doesn't occur    
because thoughts are limited
only floating matters  
getting caught in                                    
different air flows                                  
rising and sinking                                  
will there be a day
where life is just                that.
life,                                                                 and death
is another way
of living
~**~
maybella snow Sep 2013
"its your fault that everything dies;
its because you don't love it enough."*
                                                                               so it was my fault
                                                                     that you killed yourself
                                                                   i mustn't have loved you
                                                                                                  enough
                                                                                           i'm so sorry
come back to me
and i'll love you
with even more
than my existence
i'll love you more
than anyone could
just come back to
me, i miss you
everything hurts
i'm sorry
it's my fault
i'm sorry
come back
please
i love you
771 · May 2013
homing pigeons
maybella snow May 2013
time*

it flies in your presence
like a homing pigeon
back to me, only
when you're here
filling time with me
talking like we've known
known what its like to live
with and without each other
the latter isn't as pleasant
i suffer, like not breathing
holding air under the water
looking out and around
it screams within me, burns

we've been waiting some
waiting for the perfect time
when the stars finally align
to be together for a while
then it becomes beautiful
the war inside me slows
then stops, calms, breaths
the guns stop battering me
the bombs cease to impale

the birds fly, unafraid
taking time under its wing
like my homing pigeon
back to me.
770 · Jul 2013
male/female poets
maybella snow Jul 2013
males (maybe just from my experience)
      seem to hide their pain in anger
females (maybe just my experience)
       seem to not try and show the wrong people

              male poets (maybe just my view)
   show their pain in creativeness that evokes hurt
              female poets (maybe just me)
   show their hurt in words that evoke understanding

      male poets (just what i've noticed)
           express love
       female poets (just what i think)
           express love

   maybe that's why i fell for a poet
                he expresses love, shows his pain
      maybe that's why he fell for a poet
                i express love, tell my pain right

we just understand eachother well
      ~love
apologies if this makes no sense
maybella snow Nov 2013
you don't need this                                                           are they just voices?
no you shouldn't eat that                                             because the personalities
you'll gain weight stupid                                                             are in the hues of my heart
don't break the chain of starving yourself
you were getting somewhere
don't eat that you fat pig
okay fine just a little
no, no more

                                care more, she's your friend
                          put her first she deserves more
                                  don't tell her it'll upset her                  what makes you think
           be nice, accepting and make her happy                            you could be worth anything?
        then you can attempt to be happy for her         everyone else left, maybe its time
                             fake it till you make it stupid

you didn't do that good enough
you stupid fat *****
why'd you even think he'd care
just go ******* stupid                                              my exterior disgusts me
you ****** up again                                         my mind revolts me
like you always do, you don't                                           im tired
get anything right
you'll never be
smart enough or pretty enough
just stop
755 · Jun 2013
fuck.this.shit
maybella snow Jun 2013
**** this **** **** this **** **** this **** **** this **** **** this **** **** this ****
**** this **** **** this **** **** this **** **** this **** **** this **** **** this **** **** this ****
**** this **** **** this **** **** this **** **** this **** **** this **** **** this ****
**** THIS **** **** THIS **** **** THIS **** **** THIS **** **** THIS ****
**** THIS **** **** THIS **** **** THIS **** **** THIS **** **** THIS ****
**** THIS **** **** THIS **** **** THIS **** **** THIS ****

.****.
.
.this.
.
.****.
.
this is not a poem, not an attempt at a poem either, it is completely ungraceful, but really..
maybella snow Mar 2014
more tears cried
less hours slept
more blood spilt
less food intake
more dark shadows
less bright eyes

is this all i am anymore?
a pathetic state of
depression?

i don't know what
was worse, a
broken heart i was able
to blame on my love.
or a broken soul
that was deformed
to begin with.
751 · Sep 2013
i just remembered
maybella snow Sep 2013
you told me
our daughter
(because you always wanted
kids) would be
named after me
and she would
be beautiful
"just like her mother"
and i imagined
you grinning
like the proudest man
as you held her
before kissing me
and reminding me
you loved me
with all your heart
forever
i imagined the
pregnancy
(i never was the dolly type
and was never clucky before)
but you'd hold me
and kiss my belly
each night
and tell me
you'd love me
forever

instead
sadness caught you
in it's clutches
soon followed
by suicide
and you told me
you'd love me
forever
I noticed tears
were falling
half way through
writing this
I miss him
so much
750 · Nov 2013
im a selfish bitch
maybella snow Nov 2013
why does it still hurt so ******* much
when you mention other women in
your poetry i know i meant
nothing to you but it still hits hard
the way you adore someone else
748 · Nov 2013
dot dot dot
maybella snow Nov 2013
dear panic attack at 1:14am
please don't make a return
maybella snow Jul 2013
10 words
*are you asking because you really care? or just because?
maybella snow Jun 2013
not all things are beautiful                
but i've tried to discover something          
along those lines, everyday
hidden things that are beautiful                
i sat on the floor
cross legged              
and stared into space
people looked at me funny, but i don't care about them

while sitting
cross legged      
on the floor

the sun shone through the window
and tiny little lights sparkled                              
we don't have fireflies where we are
unfortunately

they were beautiful
gold specks                      
floating through the air        
lazily
with no thoughts
no reason to be        
yet
it was beautiful    

and no one noticed it
except me        
    
sitting on the floor
cross legged
maybella snow Sep 2013
10 words


*i can see my scars
they're not covered in new cuts
738 · Oct 2013
angry oge8abdinzlkx
maybella snow Oct 2013
everyone's poems are of love
beauty, how happy they are
and mine are of my reality
darkness, lost, sad, real
i want to die
and you are all saying
how you love your life
im glad im the only one
maybella snow Jul 2013
5 words


*and here come more tears
maybella snow Jul 2013
10 words
i wont stop writing any time soon, i still need it.
730 · Jul 2013
tears not blood
maybella snow Jul 2013
tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood tears not blood*

a mantra?
730 · Dec 2013
don't bubble wrap me
maybella snow Dec 2013
i trust you to
lay me down softly
and not ruffle up
any bad thoughts
let your breath
linger on my skin
and watch my ribs
slowly rise and fall
gently kiss my head
I know I can sleep
safely in your arms
climb into bed with me
adjust the sheets
find yourself comfortable
and hug me to you
let me rest my head
on your chest
and feel your heartbeat
i love you and
I trust you
with more than
my life
723 · Aug 2013
sorry
720 · Oct 2013
is it like playing piano
maybella snow Oct 2013
remembering something
you learn an age ago
do you just
     have to close your eyes
and wait
        wait for your fingers
              to hit the right keys
in perfect synchrony
   and let the music flow
                    do you just wait
and the chords animate
            is this how love works?
       the long forgotten keys
are hidden in depths
                                  just waiting
for you to close your eyes
                  and let it fly
713 · Aug 2013
3 weeks you've been gone
maybella snow Aug 2013
in three weeks
i've lost 10kg
= 22 pounds
and i didn't even notice
                i wasn't eating
                      no one did
704 · Sep 2013
ripp(l)ing water
maybella snow Sep 2013
rippled water
  sunlit stones
                         your figure outlined
                         reflected in the hues
like a memory
     you stand here
edging my sanity
                                                    please, someone distract me tomorrow
                                                    i'm scared
               someone hold me to sleep
                          wipe away the tears
                                                                   voices haunt
                                                    i'm scared
          someone hold insanity away
                      distract me from tears
                                                    i'm sorry
*hold me safe?
maybella snow Jul 2013
10 words
*my heart will stop beating, slow struggles, flickering eyes. dead.
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