or will there be
more                          
water works        
where this        
came from?

you showed me love        
and you gave me hurt

i gave you love
and i showed you hurt    

≈.=.≈

knowing you can die
at any time          
but continuing                
to live


i'm not                        
living

we talked about what our house                                                                                                
would be like                                                                                                
it was a while ago                                                                                                
but i remember                                              
how you described it to me                          
it sounded perfect                                          
and of course                                                  
it had you                                                                            

yes i still remember,
when you told me
it surprised me
to start with
but not
now

because                                                                          
i love you                                                                        

#

◊                                                       i've found that            
when i really get to know people            
i know them                                                  
so well                                                  
that i know what they're thinking    
before they can say it    
sometimes                      
its a little weird                      
but i just cant help it              
i get to know people too well              
◊

i                      
just                                    
don't    
want                                                  
to    
try                            
anymore        
for                                                  
anyone                                                                

i've got my poetry
and if you don't care about that
i don't care about you
i'm over trying to be who you want
i'm over it
i'm not smart
i'm not sporty
accept it
I'M NOT YOU

and i don't care                                                                      
i'm not trying for you                                                          
i'm living for me                                                                    
thankyou.

i know that sometimes          
i live in my head
/heart/soul                
because it's where we're together      
it's better than the cold                                  
real reality of how alone i feel now

hold me?
love me?
help me?
love me?
hug me?
love me?
hide me?
love me?
please                                  ?

i have to keep reminding myself        
that no, i haven't lost a friend
just lost contact with them                          
for a while

you're moving                        
yet it has no effect on me
because i'm on the other side    
of the world anyway              
i wish                                                          
you were moving        
to live                      
with me                                    
if only

i just don't have    
anything right now                
that i want to write about
well i do, i just can't put it to words
and i don't think i want to

it scares me                        
that i don't                                  
actually completely            
know what you want from me
.\
and i don't think                  
that you'll ever tell me                      
the complete truth        
i don't think you want to              
/ . /

nothing        
is as it used to be                    
everything is
so different            


it's so much better              

~X~

"help?"
"where are you?"
"please?"

watching people from      
a distance

as they perform everyday      
things                    

i wonder    
if someone, somewhere
envies my life                    

as they watch it      
from a distance

you're telling people        
you're going to hell
why?                                                
what did you do to think
that you're going to go to hell?
what happened?

i haven't felt the need to be perfect for you
because i know                                        
i'm perfect for the person i love
and they're perfect for me
so where's the need  
for me to change
only for you

wouldn't it be frightening
if dreams we our real life        
and our real life
was our dreams      

would it be much to scary?
or absolutely wonderful?