i found myself
                            reading over my poems
   recently
               (i got bored with no inspiration)
            and i noticed something
they've changed
             i don't know if its for the better
or for the worse
                  because
                                     they've become
more jumbled
    and
                scattered
                                    than ever
and my poems
            are my thoughts
                     and emotions
but
     i suppose that makes sense
  
considering
              i feel lost
                      confused
           lonely

so i guess
       thats why my poems
have changed

            because
                        my thoughts
                       and emotions
have changed

sometimes i wonder
     if people think i'm a "loner"
or lost
                when i'm by myself
        the truth is
i don't sit next to you
                                  because i don't want to
          i'm not going to change
                                   myself, to be
who you think i should be
          who you think i should be like
                      i'd rather sit alone
         and wait for people
                 who like me, the way
i am
           for me
     not who you want
who i want

[hugs] [kisses]
    o            x

if only you get them
                   if not        well
i love you always

[hugs] [kisses]
    o           x

…

bare of leaves
i wonder
if they
     get cold in winter
          so cold
that they
       forget who/what
                   they once were
how do they
          remember
  to grow
            in spring?

"god only gives you
    the struggles he
       believes you
        can handle"

someone obviously got that wrong
         or "God" is becoming
  lazy
                        there are far too
                               many
             suicides
young suicides

                                          than anyone
                                       can
                                                   handle
.

i felt something today
     i felt a small tickle of
                                                    contempt
    or
                  hope?

it was only tiny
    it didn't last long, but it was
                                  something
and
                                                       it shocked me
i'm not broken

        not quite yet
                                it gave me    the slightest feeling

of happiness
                                       it wasn't complete
               i'm not complete

i cant be
                 not for a little while longer

but i was okay today
        only okay

space
                 why is there so much of it
      between us
                                               when all i want
is to be
         ascloseaspossible
                            to you
                                            fingers entwined
               palms pressed against each other
                                                 arms touching
                                           i'd say shoulders,
                       but you're way taller than me
i know
                 it'll be a couple of years
    from now
                                       until the time when
we can be touching
in simple and small ways
simply because we can
and no one's here,  to
stop us

i love coffee
i also love the way
you make your coffee
it's not the way i drink it
but it still makes me laugh
        step one: make coffee
        step two: put in a little sugar
        step three: realize you need more sugar and dump more in
oh i love you

can you tell me
                     write it down
                     dream it out
of a happy place
             so we can escape
   and be
                                     together

           and please make sure
                      no matter what happens
              we'll be able to go there
   any time we need

                           i'd dream it out
                           and write it down
     if i could
              but it seems
my imagination
       is faltering
    
                                     so could you please help me out?

i think about you
     more than i'd like
to think about

~~


...

i don't need sleep
        i need you
i don't need food
       i need love
i don't want sleep
        i need you
i don't want food
        i need love

i need your love
i need you love

nothing like reflecting what you feel on the inside

it's simple
sometimes
               most times
no one cares
     and i know that now

words and numbers
                                                                      clash and
                                                           tumble
                   unsure of where
they're wanting to go
                              probably no where
                                              just wanting to get out
                       of here
                              - this brain
                                                               i don't want to be here
     i feel sorry for the letters
                                      numbers
                                      words
                                      poems

              stuck in this crazy place
  it's a maze
           i hope they find the exit
                              without too much harm

i'd like to think
     that when it's raining here
'  '' ,   . ' . ; ,  :  ' ' , '    : ,   ' '  ,   ; ' ´    , ''', '
'  ,' ;  ' ,   : ' '  ; , : ';    ,'    ' ', ;   , . "  ' ´
' '   ,   '  '  , ' .' ,  ,  ' '  ', '' , ';  ,    ; '
' . , ' ' :   p    ;  '  ' , , ' . , ; : ' ,'
;  .  ' ' , ;  o , ; '', '  , ; ; ' ' ,
 ' . ; ''´d ,; " 'u . ;   ' ' ; : , '' . ;'
   ','     o ; '', ",r .' ; :' '' ' ; '' : ´,
' ;     ,   w    ,    ing
;     .  ,    n   ;  ' '   , ' ' 
   .         '    '  ;      . 
                                               ­                     the sun's out where you are

are dedicated to you
                              you caused them
          i just wish you kept them
                       but you wouldn't know
    the cause was you
                      and you won't be sorry
    i'm not asking you to be
                              you don't know what's wrong
  and i won't tell you either

it's amazing how
we're not related
we haven't even met
                            you're a guy on the internet
                            you know more about my life
                            than some of my friends
we're not in a relationship, hah no way
you're more like..
                                 an older brother
                                 and in weird ways
      i think you actually care about me
      and yeah i care about you
                                      in a weird way
                                                                         we have our jokes
                                                            and our kind of fights

and i'll miss you...

i don't have any less blood  
i don't have any less thoughts
i don't have any less movements
i don't have any less love
                                                            but it's all for you
all of it

broken empty alive
wanting to die

the same as wanting to die?