is it sad                                                         
or grotesque                                                 
that i find              
your scars              
to be beautiful?                                                     

i hate that you have                         
so    m a n y of them                          
and if i could
i would go back
and love you more                                
before you hurt yourself                      
but i can't
and i'm not
the reason for them                                            
but i love your scars                                          
they're a part of you
and who you've become

and i love who you are                
scars and all                         
you're beautiful                      
-

there aren't many of them      
but                                                      
i think i can think of one at least              
it's winter here
summer there
yes, stating the obvious                  
but    
we'll never both be cold                                                                            
in your summer                              
you send me warmth to get me through winter                
in my summer                                
i'll send you warmth to get you through winter                

no, we'll never both be cold

the book that i write in
nothing special, simple lined paper
i randomly pick a page      
with nothing on it
and write                                          
somewhere completely silly
sometimes only containing a small
string of words              
and somehow i classify it as a poem
anyhow                                    
there are most likely a bunch of "poems"
that are and will be forever lost
  sometimes this saddens me                
lost "poems"      
maybe they're just free from eyes
maybe they shouldn't be found
flicking through my "poetry" book
on occasion i find them

i'm a happy person
i'm satisfied with my life
where it is
how its moving along

so what if i cry on occasion?

there's no need for you to jump
get upset and assume
think that i've fallen over the edge
the edge of sanity

why are you pushing me?
pushing me to get help
for something i don't need help for
there's nothing wrong with me

i'm an average teenager
with average problems

stop pushing me

in fall                                                                                                              
we joined                        
the                                                                                
fiery leaves                                                  
as they                              
tumbled
and flew                                                                                      
gracefully                                          
in a                      
type                                                                                                
of beautiful                              
dance                                                                      
to settle                                                                                              
on the                
ground                                                      
safe and                                                                                                          
sound                                                                              
*grab my hand
we'll fall together

hold me down
watch me struggle
and wait for me to die
you'll be the death of me
if i wasn't already dead enough

i want to scream now
i want the world to hear it    

but this -                                
words on a website
doesn't relay the noise  

i want to scream
until i've lost my voice      
or until you hear me

[SCREAMING]                                                                        
i'm screaming as loud as i can
my ears are throbbing  

can you hear me yet?
[SCREAMING]                                                            
i just want you to hear
how much i need you

shut down i'm dead
but i'm also here
to pick up the broken pieces          
of the heart you shattered
selfish                        
you loved me enough
to break my heart

i don't believe in it at all    
how is my soul
going to mystically travel            
into either the sky                                              
or the depths of earth?
only depending on how i do    
in life                                
well i'm not bad at it
but i'm definitely not good
i want to die                            
sometimes            
and i don't think                                          
there's anywhere worse                                          
or anywhere better                                          
than earth                                          
i'm just seeing the
worst side of it            
now

i also don't believe in heaven or hell
because              
and you know what?
hell; its in the ground                                                                  
where do we get buried?                                                            
hell; its a burning pit                                                                    
why do people get cremated?                                                    

burnt and buried in the ground                                                

i don't believe in heaven
or hell                                    
i believe
earth          
can be both of them

thankfully              
you found enough
for both of us        

i love you
x

a blade
sharp and still
cold.*
frost must have got it                              
so it crunches yet                                    
tickles when i stand on it                      
green and brittle                                      
the blade of grass                                    
reaches for sun                                        
no real meaning of life                          
but it doesn't know that                        
it only wants light,                                  
warmth                                                    
so it will grow                                        
to reach the light.                                    
cut it down                                              
it will heal                                                
and continue to grow                            
be *that type of blade
not the steal one you thought of
when you read the first line.

"she's just seeking attention"*
"well yeah... i guess..."                
"[aren't we all?]"

you cut a heart in your chest
did you do it because
     you felt heartless before?

or did you just have to
re-define your heart?

the lines were jagged
not at all soft or full of heart

i feel lost                                                                                              
like a piece of
d  r  i  f  t  w  o  o  d                                    

lost                                                                                
cut off          
cast away                                

no direction                                              
no place to be

soft hearts
melted into
shapes of
hate

why?! why do i care about people?!                    
why do i have a helping nature?!              
why do i want to be nice?!                                
when people are horrible?!            
why do people hurt me?!                  
why do i continue to be nice when they do?!
why do i shed tears when this happens?!      
why do i find people who hurt me?!      
why do i go back to people who hurt me?!              
why do i apologize when they hurt me?!    
WHY?!                                  
WHY?!                                                    
WHY?!                      

../../../.