no one knew
about the sobbing,
shaking mess i was
last night

i'm ready to
bash my head
against a wall

i'm about to
cut my wrists
with a blade

i just want
my death to be
sooner rather
than later

i found a recent picture of me
i look sad
broken                        
small        

i went back and looked at a picture
of me      
taken                      
  a couple of weeks ago

i was happy
full of life                        
cheerful      

i had no idea
that i had changed so much          
i thought i hid
everything                
tightly
under lock and key

but i guess                                                  
only photographic evidence
was able to      
convinced me                              
that i cant hide              
this strong of sadness                    
anywhere
within me                          

\//\//\/\//\//\//

here: living with you          
here: living at all                  
here: in this body                 
here: in this head                  
here:                                       
alive

the other night              
i woke up                            
and realised that
the pillow that belongs                    
on your side of my bed                          
was gone

early morning tears    
isn't the best way to
start a day                        

but i couldn't help it                

your pillow                    
wasn't there                          
for you        
it wasn't there                                
for the time when                                   you
lay down next to me            

it was gone      
and i cried

i love how                
our flaws      
don't clash                  
instead they      
seem to work  
well at finding the problem
and fixing it

meeting you                                  
a boy with nothing to live for
anymore, despair, loathing          
i fell for a broken boy
not broken in the way of crushed
but shattered                      
i found your heart
yes, there is one there      
you just seemed to have forgotten
how to use it
but don't worry          
because i think
you've remembered now

i was the last
to know about
your death
i had died
millions
of times
before i
knew
for
certain

i've died more times
and am dead on the
inside

a girl in my year
commented "i'd hate to be a poet
they always live sad, and die
tragic."                  
i smiled at the truth
and cried on the inside

don't                  please            
don't                      
do anything                              
to get my            
attention                
chance is    
you already had it                          
,',',',',

:)                                |h|e|l|p|                                                                           why  cant  some  people
|h|e|l|p|                          read between  the lines?
|h|e|l|p|                                                              isn't it obnoxiously        
|h|e|l|p|                                                                                                          obvious  to you?
|h|e|l|p|                            some people ask
|h|e|l|p|                                                                                                                                in plain sight
|h|e|l|p|                                                     |h|e|l|p|                  
and  they don't receive  it
|h|e|l|p|                         maybe they are asking in
|h|e|l|p|                                                                                           the wrong place    
|h|e|l|p|                                                            but they're asking
|h|e|l|p|                                                                       some people just cant                                  
|h|e|l|p|                                                       read between
|h|e|l|p|                                                                                             the lines
|h|e|l|p|                                                
:)

i remember a time
when "i love you"      
was the strongest,
most potent thing                
you could say to anyone        

yet now                        
when i tell you  
"i love you"              
it doesnt seem to quite      
send the message                    
as strong,              
and potent    
as it used to be                            
or i want it to be

my face is pale                
my eyes red and puffy  
my smile's gone              
the colour i had
in the happiness of you
is gone

i saw your name (----)
in a book i was reading                
i stared at it for a while        
then longer                                            
and longer                                            
until i burst into fresh tears

the sight of your name brought me
to tears, how pathetic can i be?
(----) i love you x