i saw your name (----)
in a book i was reading                
i stared at it for a while        
then longer                                            
and longer                                            
until i burst into fresh tears

the sight of your name brought me
to tears, how pathetic can i be?
(----) i love you x

i'm ready to
bash my head
against a wall

i'm about to
cut my wrists
with a blade

i just want
my death to be
sooner rather
than later

i love how                
our flaws      
don't clash                  
instead they      
seem to work  
well at finding the problem
and fixing it

here: living with you          
here: living at all                  
here: in this body                 
here: in this head                  
here:                                       
alive

i found a recent picture of me
i look sad
broken                        
small        

i went back and looked at a picture
of me      
taken                      
  a couple of weeks ago

i was happy
full of life                        
cheerful      

i had no idea
that i had changed so much          
i thought i hid
everything                
tightly
under lock and key

but i guess                                                  
only photographic evidence
was able to      
convinced me                              
that i cant hide              
this strong of sadness                    
anywhere
within me                          

\//\//\/\//\//\//

i was the last
to know about
your death
i had died
millions
of times
before i
knew
for
certain

i've died more times
and am dead on the
inside

:)                                |h|e|l|p|                                                                           why  cant  some  people
|h|e|l|p|                          read between  the lines?
|h|e|l|p|                                                              isn't it obnoxiously        
|h|e|l|p|                                                                                                          obvious  to you?
|h|e|l|p|                            some people ask
|h|e|l|p|                                                                                                                                in plain sight
|h|e|l|p|                                                     |h|e|l|p|                  
and  they don't receive  it
|h|e|l|p|                         maybe they are asking in
|h|e|l|p|                                                                                           the wrong place    
|h|e|l|p|                                                            but they're asking
|h|e|l|p|                                                                       some people just cant                                  
|h|e|l|p|                                                       read between
|h|e|l|p|                                                                                             the lines
|h|e|l|p|                                                
:)

the other night              
i woke up                            
and realised that
the pillow that belongs                    
on your side of my bed                          
was gone

early morning tears    
isn't the best way to
start a day                        

but i couldn't help it                

your pillow                    
wasn't there                          
for you        
it wasn't there                                
for the time when                                   you
lay down next to me            

it was gone      
and i cried

the book that i write in
nothing special, simple lined paper
i randomly pick a page      
with nothing on it
and write                                          
somewhere completely silly
sometimes only containing a small
string of words              
and somehow i classify it as a poem
anyhow                                    
there are most likely a bunch of "poems"
that are and will be forever lost
  sometimes this saddens me                
lost "poems"      
maybe they're just free from eyes
maybe they shouldn't be found
flicking through my "poetry" book
on occasion i find them

i'm a happy person
i'm satisfied with my life
where it is
how its moving along

so what if i cry on occasion?

there's no need for you to jump
get upset and assume
think that i've fallen over the edge
the edge of sanity

why are you pushing me?
pushing me to get help
for something i don't need help for
there's nothing wrong with me

i'm an average teenager
with average problems

stop pushing me

i remember a time
when "i love you"      
was the strongest,
most potent thing                
you could say to anyone        

yet now                        
when i tell you  
"i love you"              
it doesnt seem to quite      
send the message                    
as strong,              
and potent    
as it used to be                            
or i want it to be