maybella snow: Poems

i'm waiting
                                     for you to walk in the door
                           wrap your arm around my waist
                 kiss the skin below my ear on my neck
                     and whisper to me that you love me

its never going to happen
yet i still
                         wait and expect
                                  and then get too disappointed
                                            when you never walk in

355 · Jun 2013

i'd cry safely if you held me in your arms

maybella snow Jun 2013

i'd cry safely if you held me in your arms

10 words

355 · Sep 2013

bittersweet sixteen

maybella snow Sep 2013

bittersweet sixteen

i have to learn
that i can               be happy
with two
                         helium                     balloons
and                                     a cake
happy sweet sixteen
me

353 · Aug 2013

do windows understand their purpose?

maybella snow Aug 2013

do windows understand their purpose?

stared through
                        smudged
                          smeared
they're forever
not looked at
instead looked through
                                  do they understand
                                  they're needed?
they keep in warmth
they keep out wind
they keep in cold
they let in wind
                                                they have a purpose:
                                     to be not looked at
                                     instead looked
                                     through

353 · Jul 2013

you said your family would love me... i'm so happy

maybella snow Jul 2013

you said your family would love me... i'm so happy

10 words

353 · Sep 2013

Untitled

maybella snow Sep 2013

Untitled

my creative flow
is no longer a natural,
beautiful downhill stream
it's a mountain hike
where the water
gives up

352 · Sep 2013

for the falling leaves

maybella snow Sep 2013

for the falling leaves

small swirls
twists and
turns
spirals and
flips
all                                               leaves
fall
some    faster
than
others
just remember
that
we all
fall from that tree
(of life) eventually

352 · Jul 2013

i see all of you, past the mask

maybella snow Jul 2013

i see all of you, past the mask

i love how sweet you are to me
   i hate that the rest of the world doesn't see
                     the kind,
                           caring,
                           forgiving,
                           loving,
                           amazing person you are
you disguise yourself
         hide it behind insanity,
                                   hate,
                                   loathing,
but i love that the only thing
            you don't hide
        is how much you love me

351 · Aug 2013

ouch, i have no reason for being in pain

maybella snow Aug 2013

ouch, i have no reason for being in pain

why the hell
did seeing that
hurt so ******* much
i don't love you
but *******
that hurt
to see you loving someone else
ouch

i don't even know
why this would hurt
but the knife in my chest
at seeing that
******* killed me

and no,
you'll never know
that this poem
is for you
so
you won't know
how to stop
this pain
because you don't know
it's you causing it

351 · Jul 2013

is life fake?

maybella snow Jul 2013

is life fake?

it's hard to know
what's real
in a world so fake
it thinks it's real

fake seems to be the new "real"
if this makes sense to anyone I'd be surprised, it doesn't really make sense to me

351 · Jul 2013

i smile in old memories

maybella snow Jul 2013

i smile in old memories

5 words

350 · Jul 2013

i'm a klutz when you're here

maybella snow Jul 2013

i'm a klutz when you're here

i can't help but fall
                     for you again
every time i see you
   you make me clumsy
                   and i fall
  *e v e r y   t i m e

350 · Jul 2013

"how are you?" "i'm okay"

maybella snow Jul 2013

"how are you?" "i'm okay"

can't you see the tears in my eyes?
the dried blood on my legs?
how much i want to die?

i'm obviously not okay
but i'm too scared to tell *you

349 · Aug 2013

neither the bruising or swelling has gone down

maybella snow Aug 2013

neither the bruising or swelling has gone down

the wall seems to be unaffected by my apologies

348 · Oct 2013

a soft breeze with a hint of winter, love burns

maybella snow Oct 2013

a soft breeze with a hint of winter, love burns

10 words

348 · Aug 2013

you're a drug; i'm addicted

maybella snow Aug 2013

you're a drug; i'm addicted

5 words

*cant get enough of you

348 · Nov 2013

dont comment

maybella snow Nov 2013

dont comment

.          i was happy last night
until i remembered
           im not allowed to be happy
           i cried myself to sleep
why? i dont know
   but im not meant to be happy
          i dont deserve it

this morning i was happy
                        i smiled as i yawned
then they barged in,
the whole family
         and reminded me
    happiness isnt for me
                and i cut open my skin
    once again i bled
                                                            because
                          i dont deserve to be happy
ever

harsh

348 · Aug 2013

people will like you for who you are

maybella snow Aug 2013

people will like you for who you are

i hide me from myself
i don't like me for who i am

348 · Jun 2013

48 hours... longer?

maybella snow Jun 2013

48 hours... longer?

its been
              48 hours
         or longer?
since i last heard from you
   i'm worried
                 about
you
               only ever you

life has become
                 a monotone
                                    in comparison
you're a playlist
                    in my head
   forever on repeat

                                          o v e r    a n d    o v e r

i smile at our little jokes
                       said not too long ago
i'm joyful
      i am

                but i need to know
     where and how
                     you are

347 · Jul 2013

i think i've used up all my poetic words today

maybella snow Jul 2013

i think i've used up all my poetic words today

10 words

347 · Jul 2013

a little inside... joke?

maybella snow Jul 2013

a little inside... joke?

at home we have
i guess you could call it a joke
involving a plastic spider
about the size of my palm
this spider
a red-back i believe
is placed somewhere
on top of a door
so it'll fall on the next person
who opens it
and the whole thing
is a bit of a competition
of who can not be scared
when it falls unexpectedly
onto them, then put it somewhere
where it'll fall on someone else

right now
i believe its perched
on the shower head
i didn't put it there
i spotted it out of
the corner of my eye
i hope i don't
forget it's there
when it topples onto me

346 · Oct 2013

only one escape; death

maybella snow Oct 2013

only one escape; death

is it normal
to feel claustrophobic
inside my own skin?
                            skin that grew with me
as years passed
   burnt in summer sun
chilled in winter
               i think
                              the scar tissue
is making me
            claustrophobic
because i cant
breathe
               i'm stuck
here
inside this body
      and i want
to escape

346 · Jul 2013

aka now

maybella snow Jul 2013

aka now

i know, this saddens me
          but i know
that i will never know
everything you do
                  everywhere you go
everyone you're with
                                            i have
reason not to trust you
                   but
                                          i also have every reason to trust you

and so i do
i trust you with your life
i trust you with mine
                                          just as
                                             you trust me with your life
                                      you trust me with mine

in these ways
its hard not to think
              that we can't make it
through the roughest times

                                                                                                                                    aka now
*i trust you

346 · Jun 2013

unknown awakenings

maybella snow Jun 2013

unknown awakenings

i woke up at 4am
              it just happened
one minute sleeping
                            the next, my eyes opened
no matter how hard i tried
i never returned to the safety
                 of my dreams
where you held me closely
snug and warm
                                               instead i lay awake
                                         cold and lonely
until it was
time to rise
and prepare
                                  for the day
without you

345 · Aug 2013

everything stopped for a while today

maybella snow Aug 2013

everything stopped for a while today

all my aches left me
i stopped hurting
most bad thoughts
were gone,
to be replaced by
simplicity
and happiness
and i think
90% of it
was because
of you
thanks.
thank-you
so much
x

344 · Nov 2013

i have no future

maybella snow Nov 2013

i have no future

i hold onto the past
because he isnt in my future
and i cant see anything

hes dead

344 · Jun 2013

i'd rather die than be without you forever, please stay..

maybella snow Jun 2013

i'd rather die than be without you forever, please stay..

10 words

343 · Nov 2013

i have no trust for any of you

maybella snow Nov 2013

i have no trust for any of you

its becoming
easier
and easier
and easier
to hide everything

343 · Jul 2013

i made you laugh, you made my cheeks ache smiling

maybella snow Jul 2013

i made you laugh, you made my cheeks ache smiling

10 words
*i smiled because of your laugh, you laughed more then

343 · Jul 2013

i woke up next to you [i woke up alone]

maybella snow Jul 2013

i woke up next to you [i woke up alone]

10 words
*dreaming

343 · Sep 2013

i'm crying again

maybella snow Sep 2013

i'm crying again

im dying again

342 · Aug 2013

any ideas on how to get to sleep at night?

maybella snow Aug 2013

any ideas on how to get to sleep at night?

10 words

*i cry myself to exhaustion, but i don't sleep well

any ideas on how to get a good night sleep? tried mostly everything. sigh.

341 · Jul 2013

cats that don't run, fight

maybella snow Jul 2013

cats that don't run, fight

5 words

340 · Jul 2013

it's not that i'm lazy

maybella snow Jul 2013

it's not that i'm lazy

but i can't function
       i find myself
                               doing nothing
              all the time
          moving things
              putting them back
   shifting objects
                  myself
                  thoughts?
                                       i can't write much
                                          and that hurts a fair bit
                                  i think
              halfway through writing this nothing
                              tears began to fall
                                           but i can't recall why they did
         but all i want
                           is you to wipe them
                                                                                                away
      but please keep them safe
                        because i think
                                                         they're for
                                                         and because
                                                         of you

340 · Aug 2013

hold me love

maybella snow Aug 2013

hold me love

i'm cold
yet your skin
is freezing
hold me closer

340 · Aug 2013

noises are just noises

maybella snow Aug 2013

noises are just noises

"i know you hate this, but
      it's not hurting you"*
                                                      maybe not physically exactly
                                                      but the mental hurt
                                                      did cause physical hurt
                                                                                       in the end
                                                 you just don't know

338 · Sep 2013

sometimes i get lost in the moment

maybella snow Sep 2013

sometimes i get lost in the moment

and forget
i'm talking to you
not him

15 words all up

337 · Jul 2013

friendly darkness

maybella snow Jul 2013

friendly darkness

i'm not afraid of the dark as i used to be
     i welcome it as a friend
                                    lost lover
                                    only child
               baby,
      i miss you
it's killing me

337 · Aug 2013

you doubt my love?

maybella snow Aug 2013

you doubt my love?

i doubt my reason for living
without my love

337 · Oct 2013

it is an addiction

maybella snow Oct 2013

it is an addiction

when your body spasms
           you force back screams
the pain is inside
smashing your hand
          into your head
to make thoughts stop
to focus the pain
somewhere else
               clawing at skin
trying to stop that pain
                   internal pain
                       that echoes your head
          and radiates down your spine
     its an addiction
    to change internal pain
into external
                             so i can sleep at night
                                       dream (nightmare) free

337 · Jul 2013

i can't die yet, two years, i've gotta live first

maybella snow Jul 2013

i can't die yet, two years, i've gotta live first

10 words

336 · Jun 2013

the cold air got to me more than ever today

maybella snow Jun 2013

the cold air got to me more than ever today

10 words

336 · Jul 2013

two months, twenty days

maybella snow Jul 2013

two months, twenty days

i'd cope better
if i was
dead

335 · Jul 2013

i hate that i feel the need to explain things

maybella snow Jul 2013

i hate that i feel the need to explain things

10 words

i don't know why i'm feeling this way, but i feel like i need to explain everything to everyone
exactly what i'm doing right now sigh

335 · Aug 2013

how? how? how? how? how?

maybella snow Aug 2013

how? how? how? how? how?

i can't look at pictures of you
       not yet, it hurts too much
yesterday went well
i didn't shake, cry,
break down
                                       today?
all of the above;
i began shaking, crying
                      silent tears
and i broke down
                                                    all because
                                                    i saw you
                                                    all your videos
please, stop hurting me
please, stop please stop
i can't handle this

334 · Jul 2013

our two broken souls have mended and grown together scared

maybella snow Jul 2013

our two broken souls have mended and grown together scared

10 words

334 · Jul 2013

i still haven't written that freaken essay, i got nothing

maybella snow Jul 2013

i still haven't written that freaken essay, i got nothing

10 words
it's 11:49 and i've still got nothing
gah this isn't good