if I was a fish
would you catch me;
reel me in
then realise
you had a
fish that had been
partly nibbled
and return me
to the sea
to die?

don't read my poems
just to keep tabs on me  
that's not fair                                
don't lie when you comment on them
don't                                      
don't                          
you              
*dare

body                    
mind      
soul  
skin                  
heart                        
bones    

the list could go on
but you already know
all of what you own
because i own that
about you

you hate when my eyes glaze over                      
when i wear my blank expression            
you hate when i'm about to cry                            
when i show my weakness                        
you hate when i yell back                                    
you hate when i don't respond                            

what do you want?              
to make my life hell?            

well congratulations
you've succeeded there

i made a wish                                                      
late last year
or early this year?      

it was set highly upon a                                                            
f                                                                
a                                                            
l                                 ?                        
l                           g                          
i                      n                            
n                i                              
g          y                                
or   l                                  
f                      star        
but i wished                                                              
(sorry cant say the exact wish, it might not come completely true then)
i wished                                                              
for someone to make me happy                                      
the happiest person                    
i got it
or part of it

i got to be happy, i'm happy now              
but without you                                                                
i'm not happy                                      
and neither are you            

all wishes come with a price....                                                                        
is that my price?                                                                          
or is it going to be more expansive?            

i don't know if i am willing to pay                                        
for the expenses of a wish set upon a star

you doubt his love for me?                                                                
you didn't read the poems
you didn't hear the pain in his voice
you didn't see his tears because he had to go
you didn't know about the amount of times he threatened people
(because they had made me cry)                              you didn't see the change in him
you didn't see how he was to begin, how he improved impressively
you didn't count the times he told me he loved me
you didn't hear the happiness in his laughter
you didn't see the adoring smiles
you didn't see/know/hear
any of this
you doubt my love for him?                                                                
you have no idea
how much i love him
you have no right
to pose this opinion on me

i'm so jumpy
every creak makes me
flinch away            
a comforting
hand?                          
on my back
i've gone insane
but baby
hold me tight
i know you're here          
yes                                
i am                          
insane                  
but i don't      
even care  
anymore

i need you
right now
here
cradled in my arms
or you holding me
i don't know
i don't care
but i know
i need you
you understand
mostly